Wives and the Stupid Shit They Say/Do

[Angry Gorilla 1768]

You have enough TP for the peanut butter shits?

I’ll report back

[Trey3216 15350]

5 minutes ago, Fudge Nuggets said:

Holy shit, these live updates are great.

The fluidity and speed is something else.  I think we might witness a diabetic stroke online.  

[WhatTheBuck 28794]

Sucks that I'm out of rep. What's the limit, anyway? It seems low. 

[eljinca 279]

6 hours ago, MNLonghornFUKM said:

I hope it’s lays salt and vinegar at least

Sadly, no. They were some Whole Foods brand. When I put them away I opened the cabinet to find 3 unopened bags of the same brand.

[Angry Gorilla 1768]

Serving #8: as a shot with a lime chaser



People use limes to cover up tequila shots right? And you might think the sourness would counteract the sweetness. Well you would be fucking wrong. I could barely taste the lime, and it somehow made a chemical reaction that made a peanut butter whiskey tasted paste that’s stuck in my mouth and I can’t wash out. My dog won’t come to me when I call her anymore.

[Trey3216 15350]

2 minutes ago, Angry Gorilla said:

Serving #8: as a shot with a lime chaser



People use limes to cover up tequila shots right? And you might think the sourness would counteract the sweetness. Well you would be fucking wrong. I could barely taste the lime, and it somehow made a chemical reaction that made a peanut butter whiskey tasted paste that’s stuck in my mouth and I can’t wash out. My dog won’t come to me when I call her anymore.

[Angry Gorilla 1768]

The fluidity and speed is something else.  I think we might witness a diabetic stroke online.  

Tell my daughter I love her. Tell my wife this is her fault for buying this shit.

[Angry Gorilla 1768]

Serving #9: Infused with actual peanuts



You know that face a baby makes when you give it a lemon? That’s what I’m doing with each drink. I’m craving the inevitable blackout, but not only does this bottle taste like asshole, it’s only fucking 60 proof. Maybe I should start mixing it with real whiskey. Or bleach.

[Trey3216 15350]

4 minutes ago, Angry Gorilla said:

Serving #9: Infused with actual peanuts



You know that face a baby makes when you give it a lemon? That’s what I’m doing with each drink. I’m craving the inevitable blackout, but not only does this bottle taste like asshole, it’s only fucking 60 proof. Maybe I should start mixing it with real whiskey. Or bleach.

I would highly recommend going to the back yard and forcing the oncoming vomit fest.  Tomorrow will be ugly otherwise 

[ernest_t_bass 1196]

5 minutes ago, Angry Gorilla said:

 Or bleach.

Serving #10... 

[Angry Gorilla 1768]

Serving #10: Pickleback!



This has been the most palatable so far, or maybe I’m finally starting to get drunk.

[Angry Gorilla 1768]

I would highly recommend going to the back yard and forcing the oncoming vomit fest.  Tomorrow will be ugly otherwise 

Not sure I’ll have to force anything. It seems inevitable now.

[Chewbacca 7780]

Screwball Peanut Butter Whisky is really good. Drink it neat. I agree, though, that you don't want to drink it all night. 

Oh, Good Lord it is fucking awful. So damn sweet.

[HornOnTheBayou 8942]

I feel like someone should intervene and stop this before it gets out of control.

 

 

 

 

 

 

Nah, he'll finish soon I'm sure.

[Angry Gorilla 1768]

Sad to say I had to throw in the towel. Just puked all over the toilet. Had to switch to tasty beer and some online poker.

I wonder if Nicole ever bought OJ peanut butter whiskey. Would explain a lot.

[blacklab 11941]

You are a true american hero.

[Incredulity 11679]

Please do pickle moonshine tomorrow.

[Incredulity 11679]

Cheeseburger chaser?

[markstanco 12586]

Screwball Peanut Butter Whisky is really good. Drink it neat. I agree, though, that you don't want to drink it all night. 

You are dead to me.

[markstanco 12586]

I. Cant. Breathe. Well done AG!

[Pato del Muerto 52535]

I very much regret that I did not get to follow this live.  
 

angry gorilla, you are a madman. When you stole that cow, and your friend tried to make it with the cow?  I wanna party with you, cowboy. 

Edited March 20, 2020 by Pato del Muerto

[Modessit 5603]

I've lived with my wife for almost 6 years now. We have never not had butternut squash in our house. We have also yet to eat butternut squash.
 
It's literally been something I've thrown away every month for 72 straight months only to be replaced again. It's my Sisyphus.

You assume she's been buying it for it's edible properties.

[_triplesix_ 3]

On 2/2/2020 at 11:19 PM, MNLonghornFUKM said:

She came home from target tonight with about 7 boxes of noodles and 7 jars of ragu. My mother in law is a saint... but she also is one of those internet/conspiracy freak out type so she got in my wife’s head about the dangers of corona virus in case we need to stay home for x amount of days.

 

15 days, to be exact.

[MNLonghornFUKM 8817]

15 days, to be exact.

[Hate 20128]

Angry Gorilla may have inadvertently discovered the cure to the coronas!  Also, Angry Gorilla needs to become party of the Surly lexicon like Angry Dolphin. When a wife does something stupid you could be like "after that shit I went full Angry Gorilla on her" or "I got Angry Gorillad by my wife" when she buys something totally useless.  Maybe Mitch Cumsteen's wife and Angry Gorilla's wives need to meet?

Edited March 20, 2020 by Hate

[Trey3216 15350]

42 minutes ago, Modessit said:

12 hours ago, Jameslaw121 said:

I've lived with my wife for almost 6 years now. We have never not had butternut squash in our house. We have also yet to eat butternut squash.
 
It's literally been something I've thrown away every month for 72 straight months only to be replaced again. It's my Sisyphus.

You assume she's been buying it for it's edible properties.

I mean, hopefully on South Austin’s mom’s ass can take that girth 

[Buzzrock 14935]

AG that was amazing. Banana luge killed me.

[General Specific 3262]

Dude. Cut in half, hollow a little out, put in half stick of butter and brown sugar and roast.

Or, you could use it as a dildo, if you’re brave enough!

[NeverMarryAStripper 21912]

After you use it as a dildo you could cut it in half, hollow a little out, put in a half a stick of butter and brown sugar and roast.  Half a stick of butter seems a little excessive though.

Edited March 20, 2020 by NeverMarryAStripper

[markstanco 12586]

Maybe Mitch Cumsteen's wife and Angry Gorilla's wives need to meet?

[deadshank 24653]

8 hours ago, Angry Gorilla said:

Sad to say I had to throw in the towel. Just puked all over the toilet. Had to switch to tasty beer and some online poker.

I wonder if Nicole ever bought OJ peanut butter whiskey. Would explain a lot.

You didn't get any puke on the new checkered Van's did you?  

Thanks for the play by play on the PB moonshine.  You're our kind of idiot.  

[Angry Gorilla 1768]

You have enough TP for the peanut butter shits?

Turns out I have plenty. When there is an explosion and your bowels empty out in
I’ve brushed my teeth ~10 times and still have a faint taste in my mouth.

The good news is I think my dog has forgiven me.

I’m going to go sit in the sauna later and try to sweat out this nastiness.

[Cheeseweasel 26438]

All my rep to @Angry Gorilla today. This is how you Surl, guys

[markstanco 12586]

Yes it most certainly is. That was fantastic.

[smoothlonghorn 83]

I think that play-by-play reminded me that I haven't laughed in a week, and not like that in a long time--many thanks and kudos, AG. Times like this remind me the need to be more active so I can give out more rep...

[hullabelew 3724]

We need to adopt a flag.  Pronto.  That way, when AG dies, we can drape his casket in the flag, have 7 guys do a 21 shot salute, then present his wife with the flag. 

Well Done @Angry Gorilla.  As mentioned above, another true patriot.  

[RamjetFDO 10577]

@Angry Gorilla is a national treasure, and yes ... I haven't laughed that hard in a LONG time.

[Fudge Nuggets 19209]

1 hour ago, Cheeseweasel said:

All my rep to @Angry Gorilla today. This is how you Surl, guys

Same here.  I was cashed out on rep by 7:30 this morning.

[lateshow 1304]

10 hours ago, markstanco said:

On 3/18/2020 at 4:22 PM, lateshow said:

Screwball Peanut Butter Whisky is really good. Drink it neat. I agree, though, that you don't want to drink it all night. 

You are dead to me.

[OCSpur 0]

Holy shit that was funny.

 

thanks Blacklab for the heads up...

[MNLonghornFUKM 8817]

2 hours ago, Angry Gorilla said:

Turns out I have plenty. When there is an explosion and your bowels empty out in
I’ve brushed my teeth ~10 times and still have a faint taste in my mouth.

The good news is I think my dog has forgiven me.

I’m going to go sit in the sauna later and try to sweat out this nastiness.

that had to be the most rank smelling puke ever.

[Angry Gorilla 1768]

3 hours ago, deadshank said:

You didn't get any puke on the new checkered Van's did you?  

Thanks for the play by play on the PB moonshine.  You're our kind of idiot.  

The Vans are safe because they never left the box

[cactusflinthead 27601]

That was amazing. All out of rep.

[You don't know me 1161]

I'm a little late to the party, but I think I would have tried something a little salty with the abomination of peanut butter "moonshine".  Maybe that would have countered the sweet taste?

[Angry Gorilla 1768]

I tried real peanuts.  Not sure there was anything salty enough to counteract that level of sweetness.  Maybe I should have salted the rim.

[deadshank 24653]

Just now, Angry Gorilla said:

 Maybe I should have salted the rim.

That's gonna burn her a little bit.

[SilasCoade 2622]

my face hurt from laughing while reading that. AngryGorilla, you are a gentleman and a scholar.

[lateshow 1304]

31 minutes ago, Llogg said:

my face hurt from laughing while reading that. AngryGorilla, you are a gentleman and a scholar.

Most I've laughed on here since the NowThis debacle. 

[Pato del Muerto 52535]

So the moonshines today?

[PantsTent 2002]

Brilliant!  I love how the bottle level kept going down with each picture.  Things got weird at the protein shake.  Banana luge was creative.  I was crying by the time the shot glass full of peanuts hit.  Well done...