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Wives and the Stupid Shit They Say/Do

Spur08

By Spur08
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McCroskey
McCroskey

Buddy sent a text today...said his wife decided to shop vac their fireplace and clean up all the ash. When she finished, she turned around and didn’t realize the shop vac lid wasn’t really seated, so

BearCountry11
BearCountry11

From earlier this evening...   My father in law lost his cell phone on the golf course this afternoon.  It was raining so we didn’t have much hope it would still be working but he shares the

RamjetFDO
RamjetFDO

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DigglerontheHoof

DigglerontheHoof 21198

Posted
Posted
6 hours ago, Penelope said:

Picture if you will, 6 Karens, stuck at home due to COVID-19. One Karen decides we should have a card night. So we’re playing spades, except I’m the only one who knows how to play spades. And somehow(amazingly) we get off topic and don’t actually play more than one hand. But, are able to have a 30 minute discussion about why you should or should not shove an egg up your crotch. It turns out, I’m in the minority, in thinking this is gross, disgusting, completely unhygienic,  and ridiculously stupid. I literally just kept repeating” That’s so gross why would you shove something up your crotch“ they kept repeating something something about building muscles. I said Keagle’s and don’t shove shit up your crotch. There was an actual nurse in our group, who explained how an egg up your crotch could help build muscles. And I tapped out. Submitted  For your amusement

Can't believe I'm asking this but I'm assuming...hard boiled?  Or is the goal to break the she....never fucking mind. 

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davidg

davidg 4037

Posted
Posted
10 hours ago, Penelope said:

Picture if you will, 6 Karens, stuck at home due to COVID-19. One Karen decides we should have a card night. So we’re playing spades, except I’m the only one who knows how to play spades. And somehow(amazingly) we get off topic and don’t actually play more than one hand. But, are able to have a 30 minute discussion about why you should or should not shove an egg up your crotch. It turns out, I’m in the minority, in thinking this is gross, disgusting, completely unhygienic,  and ridiculously stupid. I literally just kept repeating” That’s so gross why would you shove something up your crotch“ they kept repeating something something about building muscles. I said Keagle’s and don’t shove shit up your crotch. There was an actual nurse in our group, who explained how an egg up your crotch could help build muscles. And I tapped out. Submitted  For your amusement

If only there was a type of sexual health device specifically designed to strengthen the pelvic floor available by just making a few clicks on the internet.

 

Also, the bold part, what part of stuck at home mean go to someone else's house and play cards, until I remembered Karens.  

Also, Also,  RIP your bar.

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ABSR

ABSR 5311

Posted
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47 minutes ago, Mrs Whiggins said:

You're not wrong. I always thought the Karens I hang with were a little cray for trying to get me to join the Essential Oil Dark Side, but poultry products have never entered the conversation unless someone shares a fried chicken recipe.

Then I guess it is up to you!

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G650

G650 14256

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19 hours ago, blacklab said:

A few minutes later I go into the bathroom and I count 4 pairs of shoes spread out across the floor, including in the path you'd walk on.

Wat part 2.

 

Who are these aliens y'all live with that leave shoes in active areas of the house? This is baffling even as a married guy.

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Beau Vine

Beau Vine 54223

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Posted

I found out why we still have plenty of TP at the house, and it's due to one of her famously annoying stupid habits paying off.  

About a week before the lockdown, wife went grocery shopping.  Like she usually does, she didn't take the actual grocery list; she took a picture of it.  And of course, left the list there, didn't cross anything out.  So of course, the next week when I went shopping, I bought everything on the list.  Again.  I call this double-shopping.

And that's how the Vine family became the first toilet paper hoarders, with 2 24-packs for a household of 2.

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NorthLoop

NorthLoop 14196

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Posted
8 minutes ago, Beau Vine said:

I found out why we still have plenty of TP at the house, and it's due to one of her famously annoying stupid habits paying off.  

About a week before the lockdown, wife went grocery shopping.  Like she usually does, she didn't take the actual grocery list; she took a picture of it.  And of course, left the list there, didn't cross anything out.  So of course, the next week when I went shopping, I bought everything on the list.  Again.  I call this double-shopping.

And that's how the Vine family became the first toilet paper hoarders, with 2 24-packs for a household of 2.

There are several of us here that know where you live. 

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Mrs Whiggins

Mrs Whiggins 13050

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2 hours ago, ABSR said:

Then I guess it is up to you!

Are you insane? I'm barely hanging on with the group as it is. I obviously need to up my shoe game. I've got one pair of spiky heels (black), two pair of running shoes (the ones for exercise and the ones retired from that to wear as kick arounds), one pair of flats, and a pair of Crocs for gardening. That would be all of my shoes (five pair) in the kitchen at once since I've probably got the running shoes on my feet.

Now, I'll quietly excuse myself so y'all can go back to talking about your spouses.

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Hate

Hate 20108

Posted
Posted
You're not wrong. I always thought the Karens I hang with were a little cray for trying to get me to join the Essential Oil Dark Side, but poultry products have never entered the conversation unless someone shares a fried chicken recipe.

Anything is an egg if you’re brave enough.
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Modessit

Modessit 5600

Posted
Posted
Are you insane? I'm barely hanging on with the group as it is. I obviously need to up my shoe game. I've got one pair of spiky heels (black), two pair of running shoes (the ones for exercise and the ones retired from that to wear as kick arounds), one pair of flats, and a pair of Crocs for gardening. That would be all of my shoes (five pair) in the kitchen at once since I've probably got the running shoes on my feet.
Now, I'll quietly excuse myself so y'all can go back to talking about your spouses.
We're going to need pics of you wearing the spiky heels. And only the spiky heels. Unless there are some nice stockings that match well.
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SHOOTER12

SHOOTER12 8808

Posted
Posted
17 hours ago, Penelope said:

Picture if you will, 6 Karens, stuck at home due to COVID-19. One Karen decides we should have a card night. So we’re playing spades, except I’m the only one who knows how to play spades. And somehow(amazingly) we get off topic and don’t actually play more than one hand. But, are able to have a 30 minute discussion about why you should or should not shove an egg up your crotch. It turns out, I’m in the minority, in thinking this is gross, disgusting, completely unhygienic,  and ridiculously stupid. I literally just kept repeating” That’s so gross why would you shove something up your crotch“ they kept repeating something something about building muscles. I said Keagle’s and don’t shove shit up your crotch. There was an actual nurse in our group, who explained how an egg up your crotch could help build muscles. And I tapped out. Submitted  For your amusement

I'll be in my bunk.....

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wd40

wd40 1976

Posted
Posted
5 hours ago, hullabelew said:

It is actually preferred.  

yeah.  'crotch' makes it sound....infected.

--------

so my hearing sucks, ok.  one of the ways I cope with it is to ask yes or no questions.  easy to tell the audible difference, gets right to the point of what  I need to know.  in 15 years of marital bliss, I have yet to receive a 'yes' or 'no' as a first response.

ex, just now.

me:  did you get the mail?

her:  [50-word inaudible reply from the other room]

me:  was that a yes or no?

her:  no

 

rinse, repeat.

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General Specific

General Specific 3261

Posted
Posted
Also regarding the egg in (or actually coming out of) the cooch, anyone ever go to bachelor party in Houston when the Salad Sisters were doing their thing?

Eggs, stack of quarters, flashlight, basically anything not nailed down... no pun intended!

I like to blame them for my obsessions. But, truth be told, I was long gone way before I saw them in action.

Confirmation bias? /s
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Grade of D as in David

Grade of D as in David 13253

Posted
Posted
3 hours ago, Modessit said:
4 hours ago, Mrs Whiggins said:
Are you insane? I'm barely hanging on with the group as it is. I obviously need to up my shoe game. I've got one pair of spiky heels (black), two pair of running shoes (the ones for exercise and the ones retired from that to wear as kick arounds), one pair of flats, and a pair of Crocs for gardening. That would be all of my shoes (five pair) in the kitchen at once since I've probably got the running shoes on my feet.
Now, I'll quietly excuse myself so y'all can go back to talking about your spouses.

Read more  

We're going to need pics of you wearing the spiky heels. And only the spiky heels. Unless there are some nice stockings that match well.

 

3 hours ago, NeverMarryAStripper said:

with garters

denzel washington GIF

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Mrs Whiggins

Mrs Whiggins 13050

Posted
Posted
2 hours ago, SHOOTER12 said:

Ah, a Herb Albert fan, Whipped Cream and Other Delights

And the Tijuana Brass; my parents had that album. They kept all the albums from when they were young for nostalgia's sake. I think my older brother has them now.

Y'all are a hoot, lucky are your wives and girlfriends.

Can't speak for the other wives, but spiky black heels and a *LBD are a wardrobe must. Works for a lot of occasions. Husband is a big fan.

 

 

 

*Little black dress, tastefully low cut front and back.

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SHOOTER12

SHOOTER12 8808

Posted
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3 minutes ago, Mrs Whiggins said:

And the Tijuana Brass; my parents had that album. They kept all the albums from when they were young for nostalgia's sake. I think my older brother has them now.

Y'all are a hoot, lucky are your wives and girlfriends.

Can't speak for the other wives, but spiky black heels and a *LBD are a wardrobe must. Works for a lot of occasions. Husband is a big fan.

 

 

 

*Little black dress, tastefully low cut front and back.

I've still got that album.  I ripped it off from my sister when I was 9.

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SHOOTER12

SHOOTER12 8808

Posted
Posted
19 minutes ago, DCA_HORN said:

I know this has been covered but I'm watching the rose bowl, wide is cleaning before the maid comes tomorrow. I just don't get it.

 

2 minutes ago, NeverMarryAStripper said:

I bet your wife isn’t that fat

No probably not, but if she catches one of Vics' gals cleaning there will be hell to pay.

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