Wives and the Stupid Shit They Say/Do

[UT_OB1 2223]

6 minutes ago, Droopy said:

Let me begin this with the fact that I should have asked more questions prior to purchasing. I know this, but we are both working from home due to virus. Still, I should have asked more questions. For your consideration.

 

Wife (Teacher): Hey, we need to make sure that the printer in the office is working. (Third request) Does it still work? Can I print to it

Are you still talking about the printer?

[Buzzrock 14920]

I'm with you [mention=90]Buzzrock[/mention].  My wife goes completely overboard in one area with this shit....Gotta stay safe....don't bring that in the house, leave your shoes in the garage, leave your clothes in the garage...take a shower every time you go out..../
Just now...she goes outside to pick up the mail.  Brings a box in.....sets in on the cutting board on the center island, opens it with a fucking kitchen knife, puts the knife back on the wall, unpacks the box of batteries that came from China, and sites is all on the fucking cutting board.  
Me:  "How many people do you think have handled that box since it left China?"
Her:  "The mailman was wearing gloves"
Me:  "Me...ok.  Nevermind."  
And don't get me started on believing every thing she reads...no matter the source.  "Have you look at the CDC site?"   Meh....you can't trust what they say.
Yesterday, she was on some Zoom meeting with her Sunday school class.  I quit long ago because I can't stand the people in there.  I heard one lady actually say, "The pour high school kids don't get to have prom.   That just isn't right."    Fuck Me.  
 

My brotha.

I ordered her a bunch of gelato from a local shop that needs the sales, so she’s talking to me again. Not sure if that’s an improvement tbh.

[Buzzrock 14920]

Let me begin this with the fact that I should have asked more questions prior to purchasing. I know this, but we are both working from home due to virus. Still, I should have asked more questions. For your consideration.
 
Wife (Teacher): Hey, we need to make sure that the printer in the office is working. (Third request) Does it still work? Can I print to it?
Me: I believe it's out of ink and not really sure that the computer it was tied to is even serviceable. 
Wife: Well we need a printer, so I can print stuff out.
Me: Ok. I'll look around and see what's available and get us one we can you for work and home.
Cut to...
Me: Hey, I ordered a printer for us and it will be delivered tomorrow. So, you should be able to print whatever you need out by tomorrow. Cool?
Wife: Ok, I don't need to print anything.
Me: (Confused look on my face) I thought you said you needed to print something out. That's why I got a printer shipped to us tomorrow.
Wife: I just meant that it would be a good idea to have a printer in case we wanted to print something out. I like to print things out from work and write on them. Notes and stuff.
Me: You talking about the PDF you're looking at? It has an edit feature and will allow you to comment and add notes to it.
Wife: I like to print it out. Like this note pad I have here, i like to take notes on it. (show legal size note pad with notes)
Me: Why did I just purchase a printer then if you are just taking notes on a note pad? Can't you just use that?!?
Wife: Yeah, but I like to print out the page so I have it. (Looking confused) Can't you use it too? 
Me: ...yes, I guess I can. SMDH

This is fucking TEXTBOOK.

[Cheeseweasel 26438]

18 minutes ago, UT_OB1 said:

Are you still talking about the printer?

It's not about the nail.

[Dennis Taylor 18828]

2 hours ago, hullabelew said:

I'm with you @Buzzrock.  My wife goes completely overboard in one area with this shit....Gotta stay safe....don't bring that in the house, leave your shoes in the garage, leave your clothes in the garage...take a shower every time you go out..../

Just now...she goes outside to pick up the mail.  Brings a box in.....sets in on the cutting board on the center island, opens it with a fucking kitchen knife, puts the knife back on the wall, unpacks the box of batteries that came from China, and sites is all on the fucking cutting board.  

Me:  "How many people do you think have handled that box since it left China?"
Her:  "The mailman was wearing gloves"
Me:  "Me...ok.  Nevermind."  

And don't get me started on believing every thing she reads...no matter the source.  "Have you look at the CDC site?"   Meh....you can't trust what they say.

Yesterday, she was on some Zoom meeting with her Sunday school class.  I quit long ago because I can't stand the people in there.  I heard one lady actually say, "The pour high school kids don't get to have prom.   That just isn't right."    Fuck Me.  

 

[SHOOTER12 8810]

7 hours ago, Grade of D as in David said:

I'm willing to travel around and sexually disappoint the seniors that have turned 18 so that they don't miss out on that part of prom.

 

6 hours ago, luke duke said:

 

Great. I’ll call the football coach and tell him to send the o-line over to your place.

 

Well he definitely isn't discriminating towards either gender...NTTAWWT.

An equal opportunity disappointer.

[markstanco 12577]

I'm willing to travel around and sexually disappoint the seniors that have turned 18 so that they don't miss out on that part of prom.

Ironically I kept it on school grounds. WITH a junior in HS behind the jr high building.

[NeverMarryAStripper 21907]

You’re a teacher?

[mulletpelini 5211]

15 hours ago, Grade of D as in David said:

I'm willing to travel around and sexually disappoint the seniors that have turned 18 so that they don't miss out on that part of prom.

My wife said she heard the seniors are the ones most likely to kill you

[52-80 19159]

21 hours ago, luke duke said:

 

Great. I’ll call the football coach and tell him to send the o-line over to your place.

more like the oh- oh- oh- OH- OH- line, amirite?

 

 

[52-80 19159]

now that everyone is dialing in during WFH, we have all sorts of people -- ceos, evps, directors, whatever -- inadvertently broadcasting the occasional background "family noise".  audio and video.

 

but when wife is having her weekly, 4-member, team updates.... she thinks its akin to giving the presidential state of the union address, and i have to scramble to maintain the sanctity of the Skype meeting:

  dog must be removed from the room. 

  window must be closed - mustnt let people hear a fucking bird chirp!!! 

  dont use the microwave or run the dish washer. 

  flush only the toilet on the other floor.  etc.  

 

even though 90% of the call is listening to cindy and mindy describe the status of their excel spreadsheet or whatever trivial boring shit her team talks about.

[NeverMarryAStripper 21907]

Next time she's on walk up to her with her dildo and tell her you found it under the bed and want to know what it is.

[TrashMaster G 17557]

14 minutes ago, NeverMarryAStripper said:

Next time she's on walk up to her with her dildo and tell her you found it under the bed and want to know what it is.

Or just yell from offscreen, "Honey, do you still need me to replace the batteries in your vibrator?"

[tbone_ 14124]

Just walk by full monty

[workswithseed 2109]

On 4/6/2020 at 8:10 AM, hullabelew said:

,"The pour high school kids don't get to have prom.   That just isn't right."    Fuck Me.  

 

How pour are they? 

[TrashMaster G 17557]

20 minutes ago, workswithseed said:

How pour are they? 

Not very, since they would have been poored into their limos on a regular prom night.

[luke duke 6413]

An hour ago my wife was too busy to throw some stuff in the microwave for the kids to eat.
A half hour ago she got a call that a coworker got hit by a car. She’s been on the phone ever since gossiping and speculating on what may have happened.

[TrashMaster G 17557]

17 minutes ago, luke duke said:

An hour ago my wife was too busy to throw some stuff in the microwave for the kids to eat.
A half hour ago she got a call that a coworker got hit by a car. She’s been on the phone ever since gossiping and speculating on what may have happened.

You insensitive bastard!

[MNLonghornFUKM 8817]

An hour ago my wife was too busy to throw some stuff in the microwave for the kids to eat.
A half hour ago she got a call that a coworker got hit by a car. She’s been on the phone ever since gossiping and speculating on what may have happened.

I hope the persons ok but damn that’s funny

[Cheeseweasel 26438]

40 minutes ago, luke duke said:

speculating on what may have happened.

I'm guessing they were talking on their cellphone about meaningless shit and walked into traffic.

Sorry/not sorry

[EE2B 1565]

Is this the place where we post pictures of the shit our wives have hoarded during the pandemic?

[Kennythetiger 9385]

Yes, it is. 

[Pokoloco 1281]

My daughter was talking about dying her hair black during the quarantine, just to see what she'd look like.

Wife: With your light skin, you'll wind up looking nemo.

Daughter: NEMO?! Are you serious?!!

(we're both laughing loudly)

Wife: Yes. You're too fair skinned.

Daughter:  I'm going to look like a little orange fish??

Wife: Why would you say that?

 

[Js1 85342]

Clown fish question, bro 

[workswithseed 2109]

2 hours ago, Pokoloco said:

My daughter was talking about dying her hair black during the quarantine, just to see what she'd look like.

Wife: With your light skin, you'll wind up looking nemo.

Daughter: NEMO?! Are you serious?!!

(we're both laughing loudly)

Wife: Yes. You're too fair skinned.

Daughter:  I'm going to look like a little orange fish??

Wife: Why would you say that?

 

What was she trying to say? Emo?

[CycleTex87 2970]

Goth?

[deadshank 24653]

Captain Nemo

[NorthLoop 14205]

I inadvertently walked across my wife's zoom meeting with the other 18 school nurses in our district with just a towel on fresh out of the shower. You're welcome, ladies. 

[TrashMaster G 17557]

2 minutes ago, NorthLoop said:

I inadvertently walked across my wife's zoom meeting with the other 18 school nurses in our district with just a towel on fresh out of the shower. You're welcome, ladies. 

Did you get a round of applause?  If not, you may need to up your workout regimen.

[ztejas 43454]

3 hours ago, Pokoloco said:

My daughter was talking about dying her hair black during the quarantine, just to see what she'd look like.

Wife: With your light skin, you'll wind up looking nemo.

Daughter: NEMO?! Are you serious?!!

(we're both laughing loudly)

Wife: Yes. You're too fair skinned.

Daughter:  I'm going to look like a little orange fish??

Wife: Why would you say that?

 

I have a feeling this isn't the last we're going to see from quarantine Trixie. If she's anything like the rest of us (which I hope to Jesus she isn't) her brain will accumulate a nice layer of covid fog. 

[NorthLoop 14205]

It's called a dad bod. The ladies dig it.

[MissingInAction 25080]

1 minute ago, NorthLoop said:

It's called a dad bod. The ladies dig it.

This guy fucks.

[elfenix 34243]

1 hour ago, MissingInAction said:

This guy fucks.

 

1 hour ago, NorthLoop said:

I inadvertently walked across my wife's zoom meeting with the other 18 school nurses in our district with just a towel on fresh out of the shower. You're welcome, ladies. 

nah

[EE2B 1565]

Currently there is more than 260 bottles of water plus another gallon and a half in 3.5 QT bottles in our garage.

 

5 boxes of microwave bacon. I love bacon, but this should last a while.

 

[AUS-97HORN 11765]

so to be clear, you are mad that your wife loves getting pork.....d?

Edited April 8, 2020 by AUS-97HORN

[ABSR 5314]

31 minutes ago, AUS-97HORN said:

so to be clear, you are mad that your wife loves getting pork.....d?

Getting Wet and pork...d.

[Chewbacca 7780]

My daughter was talking about dying her hair black during the quarantine, just to see what she'd look like.
Wife: With your light skin, you'll wind up looking nemo.
Daughter: NEMO?! Are you serious?!!
(we're both laughing loudly)
Wife: Yes. You're too fair skinned.
Daughter:  I'm going to look like a little orange fish??
Wife: Why would you say that?
 

Oh, Trixie!

[Trey3216 15346]

1 hour ago, EE2B said:

Currently there is more than 260 bottles of water plus another gallon and a half in 3.5 QT bottles in our garage.

 

5 boxes of microwave bacon. I love bacon, but this should last a while.

 

Good thing the water is sitting next to that window so it gets all fucked up from constant sunlight interaction 

[Pato del Muerto 52499]

Don’t those fully cooked bacon packages have like 6 strips in them, separated with a plastic insert that spaces them out?  If so that’s a lot of freezer space for a half pound of bacon. 

[NorthLoop 14205]

16 minutes ago, Trey3216 said:

Good thing the water is sitting next to that window so it gets all fucked up from constant sunlight interaction 

Wait.. water goes bad?

[nnm 36414]

 

[mulletpelini 5211]

the fucking entitlement is what gets me.  I blame the dads.  You put them up on a gotdamn pedestal and now we get to deal with this shit the rest of our ragey lives.

I'm telling my sons to find women from 3rd world countries fuck this shit.

[Nuge 1970]

No but there used to be a girl at palazio back when it was all nude that would pour candle wax on her clit and sell you the hardened mold for $20. 

Allegedly.

 

 

 

I seen it.

[Jhawkmvp 1489]

15 minutes ago, mulletpelini said:

the fucking entitlement is what gets me.  I blame the dads.  You put them up on a gotdamn pedestal and now we get to deal with this shit the rest of our ragey lives.

I'm telling my sons to find women from 3rd world countries fuck this shit.

 

As someone with a wife from a 3rd world country, Eddie Murphy was right. With Facebook and social media they will talk to other women from their country that have foreign husbands that let them get and do everything they want and then they will start asking for the same.  Not to mention American women getting hold of them if you live in the USA. There is no safe wife pool.

 

 

[Jhawkmvp 1489]

42 minutes ago, NorthLoop said:

Wait.. water goes bad?

Many disposable plastic water and soda bottles contain the chemicals antimony and bisphenol A (BPA). They are leeched into the water/soda from the bottle when left in direct sunlight or a high heat environment (like a car in summer) for too long. They have been linked to reduced sperm/hormone levels, cancer, heart problems, and stomach ulcers and a host of less long term illnesses/problems. 

 

[NorthLoop 14205]

8 minutes ago, Jhawkmvp said:

Many disposable plastic water and soda bottles contain the chemicals antimony and bisphenol A (BPA). They are leeched into the water/soda from the bottle when left in direct sunlight or a high heat environment (like a car in summer) for too long. They have been linked to reduced sperm/hormone levels, cancer, heart problems, and stomach ulcers and a host of less long term illnesses/problems. 

 

Well shit.. I was wrong.  Wife was right.  Burn this document. 

[davidg 4038]

Single use water bottles are Polyethylene (#1) which is not made with BPA, polycarbonate (#7) is made with BPA.

[NorthLoop 14205]

Wait... who's right? I need to know before she wakes up.

[Pato del Muerto 52499]

16 minutes ago, NorthLoop said:

Wait... who's right? I need to know before she wakes up.

Did some research. Water bottles are plastic 1 like he said, and that’s PE and there’s no BPA to leach. But there is antimony, which is carcinogenic at certain levels. And heat and sunlight will degrade the plastic and leach antimony at some level. To what level, and how much is too much doesn’t seem to be consensus. 

[Sam Lin 3559]

5 hours ago, NorthLoop said:

I inadvertently walked across my wife's zoom meeting with the other 18 school nurses in our district with just a towel on fresh out of the shower. You're welcome, ladies. 

Found the footage: