Wives and the Stupid Shit They Say/Do

[CycleTex87 2,980]

3 hours ago, tbone_ said:

No.

And guess what I learned today? That in a time where social gatherings may never happen again we needed a new set of fancy dishes for 12 because the ones we have now suck for dinner parties.

Was it on sale?

[luke duke 6,413]

I’ve got like 100 pounds of flour and rice on my front porch. Maybe more. 

That’s a lot more than 100 lbs.

[tbone_ 14,140]

Was it on sale?

You know the answer to that.

[CycleTex87 2,980]

Just think about all the money she saved by finding a smoking deal. You could go buy a new guitar string. 

[Sam Lin 3,560]

2 minutes ago, CycleTex87 said:

Just think about all the money she saved by finding a smoking deal. You could go buy a new guitar string. 

g-string, for short.

[Chewbacca 7,781]

Best believe I would have gloved and masked up and gone to Walgreens. They can probably hand you a test at the drive through.

Versus a bj? Fuck that.

[markstanco 12,586]

I’ve got like 100 pounds of flour and rice on my front porch. Maybe more. 

Good job on bragging on being part of the problem.

Unless of course yall will go through all of that by next Friday, then I apologize.

[shakahorn 1,645]

5 hours ago, Pato del Muerto said:

Just told me she found a restaurant wholesaler who found himself with a lot of extra inventory. 
 

hopefully we can sell/give some away to neighbors. 

Check with Vic, I'm sure he's always in need.

[hullabelew 3,724]

13 hours ago, tbone_ said:

No.

And guess what I learned today? That in a time where social gatherings may never happen again we needed a new set of fancy dishes for 12 because the ones we have now suck for dinner parties.

You know those little coffee cups you get with the dish sets that are too small for anything, that we have NEVER FUCKING used in the past 20 years?  These aren't the fancy dishes...just the everyday ones. Yea...and we have a cabinet FULL of gimme coffee cups that are big enough to function properly....  At least some of those get used.  

Some time ago, I suggested we get rid of the tiny ones since they take up space and have never been used. that suggestion was met with great resistance. 

So, since I've been home during the day the last 3 weeks, I've been throwing one away, every other day.   M-W-F...I toss a cup.  I take the weekends off.  18 down to 9 of those useless motherfuckers.  

Question for the long-suffering assholes on this thread.  Should I chunk them all or leave two, and just blame breakage for the missing ones.  I'm not sure which will draw the least attention.  What say you!!!!

[CycleTex87 2,980]

You should only confess to breaking one. 

[tbone_ 14,140]

I’d just say idk. I never use them.

[TrashMaster G 17,583]

13 hours ago, tbone_ said:

No.

And guess what I learned today? That in a time where social gatherings may never happen again we needed a new set of fancy dishes for 12 because the ones we have now suck for dinner parties.

Huh?

[Cheeseweasel 26,438]

38 minutes ago, hullabelew said:

we have a cabinet FULL of gimme coffee cups

We all do bro. We ALL do. Every birthday, Christmas, fathers day, mothers day, arbor day is an excuse to get a coffee cup with a cute saying on it. 

FWIW, I'm the Worlds Best Dad 18 years running, so back the fuck off.

[elfenix 34,331]

Huh?

Have you been living under a rock for the past month?

[Biff Tannen 45,697]

38 minutes ago, Cheeseweasel said:

We all do bro. We ALL do. Every birthday, Christmas, fathers day, mothers day, arbor day is an excuse to get a coffee cup with a cute saying on it. 

FWIW, I'm the Worlds Best Dad 18 years running, so back the fuck off.

[Cheeseweasel 26,438]

[TrashMaster G 17,583]

1 hour ago, elfenix said:

2 hours ago, TrashMaster G said:

Huh?

Have you been living under a rock for the past month?

Yes, just like everybody else.  But does anybody think this will last forever?  Life will go back to normal when we have a vaccine, if not sooner.  Why would it not?

[Mitch Cumsteen 18,550]

2 hours ago, hullabelew said:

Question for the long-suffering assholes on this thread.  Should I chunk them all or leave two, and just blame breakage for the missing ones.  I'm not sure which will draw the least attention.  What say you!!!!

Your first mistake was ever discussing them with her. You should have just started your remediation project on the down low. I promise she would have never noticed and then you could have thrown them all away without ever drawing suspicion. It would have never been brought up again.

Depending on the time lag between talking about it with her and you chucking them, I think you need to go with the breakage excuse and save a couple. Otherwise it's just too suspicious.

[Jameslaw121 4,448]

My collection of coffee cups from my daughter

Sent from my Pixel 2 XL using Tapatalk

[tbone_ 14,140]

Yes, just like everybody else.  But does anybody think this will last forever?  Life will go back to normal when we have a vaccine, if not sooner.  Why would it not?

I was just being sarcastic. But surely you got my point, Shirley.

[TrashMaster G 17,583]

13 minutes ago, tbone_ said:

I was just being sarcastic. But surely you got my point, Shirley.

[burntorangebongos 10,751]

3 hours ago, hullabelew said:

You know those little coffee cups you get with the dish sets that are too small for anything, that we have NEVER FUCKING used in the past 20 years?  These aren't the fancy dishes...just the everyday ones. Yea...and we have a cabinet FULL of gimme coffee cups that are big enough to function properly....  At least some of those get used.  

Some time ago, I suggested we get rid of the tiny ones since they take up space and have never been used. that suggestion was met with great resistance. 

So, since I've been home during the day the last 3 weeks, I've been throwing one away, every other day.   M-W-F...I toss a cup.  I take the weekends off.  18 down to 9 of those useless motherfuckers.  

Question for the long-suffering assholes on this thread.  Should I chunk them all or leave two, and just blame breakage for the missing ones.  I'm not sure which will draw the least attention.  What say you!!!!

Wait, do these little demitasse cups come with a saucer plate or are they extra to use with the saucer in case you don't want to use the proper sized cup that comes with it? If they come with a saucer, isn't she going to notice the saucer doesn't have a corresponding cup? Maybe you have to throw away the saucer too. 

[Dennis Taylor 18,850]

4 hours ago, hullabelew said:

You know those little coffee cups you get with the dish sets that are too small for anything, that we have NEVER FUCKING used in the past 20 years?  These aren't the fancy dishes...just the everyday ones. Yea...and we have a cabinet FULL of gimme coffee cups that are big enough to function properly....  At least some of those get used.  

Some time ago, I suggested we get rid of the tiny ones since they take up space and have never been used. that suggestion was met with great resistance. 

So, since I've been home during the day the last 3 weeks, I've been throwing one away, every other day.   M-W-F...I toss a cup.  I take the weekends off.  18 down to 9 of those useless motherfuckers.  

Question for the long-suffering assholes on this thread.  Should I chunk them all or leave two, and just blame breakage for the missing ones.  I'm not sure which will draw the least attention.  What say you!!!!

is there any chance this little charade does not end with an Amazon box full of a replacement set of upgraded "useless motherfuckers"  on your front porch?  

[Grade of D as in David 13,253]

Just now, Dennis Taylor said:

is there any chance this little charade does not end with an Amazon box full of a replacement set of upgraded "useless motherfuckers"  on your front porch?  

Which will immediately be put on the kitchen island food prep area, unpacked, and the box thrown into the backyard without the island ever being wiped down.

[SHOOTER12 8,819]

5 hours ago, tbone_ said:

I’d just say idk. I never use them.

Winner winner chicken dinner

[NorthLoop 14,222]

You're throwing them away? Dude.....

 

[Jameslaw121 4,448]

3 hours ago, Dennis Taylor said:

is there any chance this little charade does not end with an Amazon box full of a replacement set of upgraded "useless motherfuckers"  on your front porch?  

But they won't quite match, so you'll be getting new plates and bowls too.....

[NeverMarryAStripper 21,919]

And the old flatware doesn’t quite go with the new plates

You can’t put new plates and flatware in an old dishwasher

What’s the point of putting anew dishwasher in if you don’t remodel the kitchen

Congratulations throwing those cups away just cost you forty grand

[SHOOTER12 8,819]

5 minutes ago, NeverMarryAStripper said:

And the old flatware doesn’t quite go with the new plates

You can’t put new plates and flatware in an old dishwasher

What’s the point of putting anew dishwasher in if you don’t remodel the kitchen

Congratulations throwing those cups away just cost you forty grand

NMAS, you took the words right out of my mouth.

Edit: Years ago I spent about a grand on very nice new flatware.  Well of course Mrs Shooter only wanted to use it for special occasions.  What the fuckever, I don't care. Fast forward to about a year ago, "it's such a waste just leaving them in the drawer and only using them once or twice a year, let's use them all the time".  Again, what the fuckever, I don't care.

Last weekend I noticed all the spoons are gone except one.  Facepalm

Edited April 10, 2020 by SHOOTER12

[Pato del Muerto 52,553]

If we’re going to spend 40 grand on a kitchen, why not use it to get into a whole new house?  That way the kitchen doesn’t look done while the rest of the house does not. 

[Incredulity 11,681]

17 minutes ago, Pato del Muerto said:

If we’re going to spend 40 grand on a kitchen, why not use it to get into a whole new house?  That way the kitchen doesn’t look done while the rest of the house does not. 

Can’t park a 4 year old Mercedes in a new garage either.

 

[burntorangebongos 10,751]

Dude the demitasse cups tied the whole house together, man!

[nnm 36,524]

[davidg 4,038]

I’ve got like 100 pounds of flour and rice on my front porch. Maybe more. 

That’s a lot of flour. Looks like someone is getting ready for some sexy time with Ursula

[davidg 4,038]

is there any chance this little charade does not end with an Amazon box full of a replacement set of upgraded "useless motherfuckers"  on your front porch?  

Replacements.com

[Nivek 16,956]

28 minutes ago, davidg said:

 

 

That’s a lot of flour. Looks like someone is getting ready for some sexy time with Ursula

 

 

Isn't that vic's house?

[workswithseed 2,109]

4 hours ago, Pato del Muerto said:

If we’re going to spend 40 grand on a kitchen, why not use it to get into a whole new house?  That way the kitchen doesn’t look done while the rest of the house does not. 

Humbrag 

[Nivek 16,956]

My wife pointed out that our water bill seemed high.  Less than 10 minutes later she is opening windows to the house to let in fresh air then she goes outside with the kids for a bit.   I walk under a vent and notice the AC is on.     The night before we had a discussion about the kids schedule and she offered to take over completely the morning routine and I would prepare their lessons.   I thought this seemed like a great idea.  I typically start lesson time by 9 AM.  10:15 the first kid was ready to start.  10:30 the second kid joins us and the littlest comes over to color as well.    I am glad I received such a demonstrations on efficiency, organization, and frugality.   

[Trey3216 15,350]

8 hours ago, Dennis Taylor said:

is there any chance this little charade does not end with an Amazon box full of a replacement set of upgraded "useless motherfuckers"  on your front porch?  

Amazon?  Lulz.  It’ll be a BOGO deal from Neimann Marcus, and she’ll order 36 since 18 of them will be free 

[wd40 1,976]

11 minutes ago, Nivek said:

My wife pointed out that our water bill seemed high.  Less than 10 minutes later she is opening windows to the house to let in fresh air then she goes outside with the kids for a bit.   I walk under a vent and notice the AC is on.     The night before we had a discussion about the kids schedule and she offered to take over completely the morning routine and I would prepare their lessons.   I thought this seemed like a great idea.  I typically start lesson time by 9 AM.  10:15 the first kid was ready to start.  10:30 the second kid joins us and the littlest comes over to color as well.    I am glad I received such a demonstrations on efficiency, organization, and frugality.   

you're just Randall Flagging her Mother Abigail, you insensitive bastard (or, as my wife says, 'turd').

[BearSchlong 8,107]

Looks like I'm reading the same book during this pandemic.

[tbone_ 14,140]

Fucked up book

[mulletpelini 5,215]

 

On 4/10/2020 at 7:49 AM, hullabelew said:

Question for the long-suffering assholes on this thread.  Should I chunk them all or leave two, and just blame breakage for the missing ones.  I'm not sure which will draw the least attention.  What say you!!!!

been there, done that.  when she started to ask questions, I told her I'd give her all the answers after she blew me.

[NeverMarryAStripper 21,919]

So she’s still waiting for the answers?

[mulletpelini 5,215]

Either way, I win.

 

Edited April 11, 2020 by mulletpelini
but yes.

[WhatTheBuck 28,795]

On April 10, 2020 at 11:56 AM, Jameslaw121 said:

My collection of coffee cups from my daughter

Sent from my Pixel 2 XL using Tapatalk
 

Not your daughter's cups I was hoping to see. 

[Js1 85,483]

On 4/10/2020 at 1:44 PM, NorthLoop said:

You're throwing them away? Dude.....

 

Underrated movie! 

[Beau Vine 54,342]

On 4/10/2020 at 8:30 AM, Cheeseweasel said:

We all do bro. We ALL do. Every birthday, Christmas, fathers day, mothers day, arbor day is an excuse to get a coffee cup with a cute saying on it. 

FWIW, I'm the Worlds Best Dad 18 years running, so back the fuck off.

[luke duke 6,413]

You're throwing them away? Dude.....
 

The dishes are done

[Reagan1k 3,024]

Wife is cooking.......

Her:  Alexa, how many cups in a quart?

Alexa: A quart contains four cups.

Me: Babe- it’s really easy- quart, quarter gallon- 4 quarts to a gallon and then a cup is also one quarter so 4 cups to a quart. 

Wife: Don’t try and fill up my brain. I don’t want anything else in here (pointing to temple). That’s what Alexa is for.

 

Edited April 12, 2020 by Reagan1k