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Wives and the Stupid Shit They Say/Do

Spur08

By Spur08
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Buddy sent a text today...said his wife decided to shop vac their fireplace and clean up all the ash. When she finished, she turned around and didn’t realize the shop vac lid wasn’t really seated, so

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Dennis Taylor

Dennis Taylor 18828

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Wife was upstairs doing lord knows what, I'm in my office.  

I go into the kitchen which has been empty for at least 2 hours.  Both light switches on, light on the stove hood is on, and lamp on the bar is on. I go into laundry room -which has not been used at all today-to get something from other fridge and you guessed it- lights are on. 

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hullabelew

hullabelew 3724

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I grab an HVAC filter and head towards the attic pulldown to change the filter.   Wife follows me.  

Her:  I wish we had stairs to get into the attic.
Me:  We do.  You pull this string and the stairs come down.
Her:  not like that.  We just need stairs. 
Me:  Why.  I got up there once a month to change a filter.
Her:  It would be easier with stairs.  I'm looking for a place to put them.
Me:  So, you want to take up hall space or space out of one of the spare bedrooms, to use 12 times a year.  
(not even mentioning the lost heating and AC cost)
Her:  We could put them where the linen closet is.
Me:  Where are you going to put all of these towels.
Her:  In the attic!
Me:  (walking away with my head down, muttering to myself.....WHY, WHY did you fall into that fucking trap.  WHY!!!!!!)

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CycleTex87

CycleTex87 2970

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27 minutes ago, hullabelew said:

I grab an HVAC filter and head towards the attic pulldown to change the filter.   Wife follows me.  

Her:  I wish we had stairs to get into the attic.
Me:  We do.  You pull this string and the stairs come down.
Her:  not like that.  We just need stairs. 
Me:  Why.  I got up there once a month to change a filter.
Her:  It would be easier with stairs.  I'm looking for a place to put them.
Me:  So, you want to take up hall space or space out of one of the spare bedrooms, to use 12 times a year.  
(not even mentioning the lost heating and AC cost)
Her:  We could put them where the linen closet is.
Me:  Where are you going to put all of these towels.
Her:  In the attic!
Me:  (walking away with my head down, muttering to myself.....WHY, WHY did you fall into that fucking trap.  WHY!!!!!!)

Thanks for the reminder, need to order some new filters for my AC.

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HoffaJimmy

HoffaJimmy 316

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My parents live about 20 minutes from us-

 

The female mind- 

Pre COVID- We see your parents ALL THE TIME can't we just have some family time ourselves?

During COVID- We never see your parents anymore, I am surprised they haven't asked to come over (yes, don't even mentioned the obvious reason why they haven't)

And coming soon- 

Post COVID- We see your parents ALL THE TIME can't we just have some family time ourselves?

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deadshank

deadshank 24653

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3 hours ago, hullabelew said:

I grab an HVAC filter and head towards the attic pulldown to change the filter.   Wife follows me.  

Her:  I wish we had stairs to get into the attic.
Me:  We do.  You pull this string and the stairs come down.
Her:  not like that.  We just need stairs. 
Me:  Why.  I got up there once a month to change a filter.
Her:  It would be easier with stairs.  I'm looking for a place to put them.
Me:  So, you want to take up hall space or space out of one of the spare bedrooms, to use 12 times a year.  
(not even mentioning the lost heating and AC cost)
Her:  We could put them where the linen closet is.
Me:  Where are you going to put all of these towels.
Her:  In the attic!
Me:  (walking away with my head down, muttering to myself.....WHY, WHY did you fall into that fucking trap.  WHY!!!!!!)

She's a stinking genius!

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Kennythetiger

Kennythetiger 9386

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4 hours ago, hullabelew said:

I grab an HVAC filter and head towards the attic pulldown to change the filter.   Wife follows me.  

Her:  I wish we had stairs to get into the attic.
Me:  We do.  You pull this string and the stairs come down.
Her:  not like that.  We just need stairs. 
Me:  Why.  I got up there once a month to change a filter.
Her:  It would be easier with stairs.  I'm looking for a place to put them.
Me:  So, you want to take up hall space or space out of one of the spare bedrooms, to use 12 times a year.  
(not even mentioning the lost heating and AC cost)
Her:  We could put them where the linen closet is.
Me:  Where are you going to put all of these towels.
Her:  In the attic!
Me:  (walking away with my head down, muttering to myself.....WHY, WHY did you fall into that fucking trap.  WHY!!!!!!)

 

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Nivek

Nivek 16933

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Background:
Wife and I have a discussion about the kids and she expresses a desire to spend more time with the oldest. I agree. Their relationship isn’t the best and she doesn’t put in enough time IMO to seek out activities to do with him.

Today: I take the big kids out for a bike ride. My daughter gets tired and the sun is bothering her so we head home. Our oldest wants to ride a little more. The wife pipes in: “I wan’t to go riding with him”.

I get off the bike. She goes in the house to get some shoes. 10 minutes later she comes out. Talking about this and that. Starts to engage our daughter about potting some little seedlings. Oldest son gives up, and goes inside.

Later tonight I will likely hear about how she doesn’t have opportunities to spend with the boy.

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TrashMaster G

TrashMaster G 17557

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6 hours ago, hullabelew said:

I grab an HVAC filter and head towards the attic pulldown to change the filter.   Wife follows me.  

Her:  I wish we had stairs to get into the attic.
Me:  We do.  You pull this string and the stairs come down.
Her:  not like that.  We just need stairs. 
Me:  Why.  I got up there once a month to change a filter.
Her:  It would be easier with stairs.  I'm looking for a place to put them.
Me:  So, you want to take up hall space or space out of one of the spare bedrooms, to use 12 times a year.  
(not even mentioning the lost heating and AC cost)
Her:  We could put them where the linen closet is.
Me:  Where are you going to put all of these towels.
Her:  In the attic!
Me:  (walking away with my head down, muttering to myself.....WHY, WHY did you fall into that fucking trap.  WHY!!!!!!)

She sounds hot.

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Mo Horn

Mo Horn 8843

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16 hours ago, hullabelew said:

Yep.  That is why, if the HQ of whoever is behind HGTV blows up....I know NOTHING.  Those motherfuckers can suck my ass.  

The new Magnolia Channel (yes that Magnolia, Chip and Joanna) is going to replace DIY channel so it's going to get worse. 

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hullabelew

hullabelew 3724

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10 hours ago, Dennis Taylor said:

I haven't seen anyone mention this but I'm interested to see how many of your wives leave the water running the entire freaking time they are brushing their teeth.  Drives me fucking crazy 

Not sure I've told this one from years ago.  Has a bit of an extenuating circumstance in that my wife is deaf and before her Cochlear implant.  But fuck me.

 I'm at work.   I get a call that the house is flooding.  Drive the hour to get home, she is standing on the main floor of the house, with water from up stairs, still dripping through the ceiling, light fixture, down the walls.. The carpet and furniture are soaked. "Obviously" a pipe had burst in the bathroom directly above.  So I run down to the basement to shut off the water....more water there.  Up to the master bath and the fucking sink is full of water, floor flooded,  water soaked into the carpet in the bedroom and down the hall.

She is washing some nylons in the bathroom sink, and she left the water running.  Rather than wait the 90 seconds it would take to fill the sink, I guess she decided she would multitask, and got sidetrack multitasking 15 other things...for over an hour.  She couldn't hear shit like running water from the next room, before her implants and the fucking sink didn't have an overflow.  

I wish I could say this was the only time that happened.  

 

 

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Jerry Callo

Jerry Callo 8703

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17 hours ago, hullabelew said:

Yep.  That is why, if the HQ of whoever is behind HGTV blows up....I know NOTHING.  Those motherfuckers can suck my ass.  

That's not a bad plan.  My wife insists that we need to remove the half wall between the kitchen and living room to open it up more.  That half wall includes half of the available kitchen counter space and, for what its worth, the fucking sink.

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mulletpelini

mulletpelini 5211

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1 hour ago, hullabelew said:

Not sure I've told this one from years ago.  Has a bit of an extenuating circumstance in that my wife is deaf and before her Cochlear implant.  But fuck me.

 I'm at work.   I get a call that the house is flooding.  Drive the hour to get home, she is standing on the main floor of the house, with water from up stairs, still dripping through the ceiling, light fixture, down the walls.. The carpet and furniture are soaked. "Obviously" a pipe had burst in the bathroom directly above.  So I run down to the basement to shut off the water....more water there.  Up to the master bath and the fucking sink is full of water, floor flooded,  water soaked into the carpet in the bedroom and down the hall.

She is washing some nylons in the bathroom sink, and she left the water running.  Rather than wait the 90 seconds it would take to fill the sink, I guess she decided she would multitask, and got sidetrack multitasking 15 other things...for over an hour.  She couldn't hear shit like running water from the next room, before her implants and the fucking sink didn't have an overflow.  

I wish I could say this was the only time that happened.  

 

 

Do you need to be able to hear to remember you left the water running when things start flooding and your brain is trying to figure out why?

 

Shit, forgot where I was...neg

Edit:

As I finished writing that, her alarm started going off.

That was 3 minutes ago.   Guess what's still happening.

Edited by mulletpelini
F&$#CK
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HoffaJimmy

HoffaJimmy 316

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16 hours ago, Dennis Taylor said:

I haven't seen anyone mention this but I'm interested to see how many of your wives leave the water running the entire freaking time they are brushing their teeth.  Drives me fucking crazy 

 

If that is one of your main annoyances with the wife congrats, you've won the lottery. 

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Kennythetiger

Kennythetiger 9386

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5 hours ago, luke duke said:

My wife gets an elbow and/or a knee in her back after her alarm goes off for 3 seconds. Don’t put up with that shit.

The one that sends me over the edge is setting an alarm and then hitting snooze three or four times, until she actually gets up.  Half an hour after the alarm first went off.  Rage-inducing.  

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luke duke

luke duke 6413

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The one that sends me over the edge is setting an alarm and then hitting snooze three or four times, until she actually gets up.  Half an hour after the alarm first went off.  Rage-inducing.  


My wife tried to do that too and then finally got out of bed when my alarm went off and I got out of bed.
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Judge Roybeanbag

Judge Roybeanbag 11819

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On 4/24/2020 at 7:20 AM, hullabelew said:

Not sure I've told this one from years ago.  Has a bit of an extenuating circumstance in that my wife is deaf and before her Cochlear implant.  But fuck me.

 I'm at work.   I get a call that the house is flooding.  Drive the hour to get home, she is standing on the main floor of the house, with water from up stairs, still dripping through the ceiling, light fixture, down the walls.. The carpet and furniture are soaked. "Obviously" a pipe had burst in the bathroom directly above.  So I run down to the basement to shut off the water....more water there.  Up to the master bath and the fucking sink is full of water, floor flooded,  water soaked into the carpet in the bedroom and down the hall.

She is washing some nylons in the bathroom sink, and she left the water running.  Rather than wait the 90 seconds it would take to fill the sink, I guess she decided she would multitask, and got sidetrack multitasking 15 other things...for over an hour.  She couldn't hear shit like running water from the next room, before her implants and the fucking sink didn't have an overflow.  

I wish I could say this was the only time that happened.  

 

 

Back when we lived in the country my wife and kids had to go somewhere and decided it would be a good idea to lock the new kitten in the guest bathroom.  I’m not sure who put he stopper in the sink drain or why, but the cat managed to turn the water on.  It didn’t flood the house, because the ductwork was in the floor and most of it ran into the floor registers.  It takes a long time to shop vac out a couple inches of water from a hundred or so feet of ductwork.  

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Sandman

Sandman 3403

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We have a contractor coming over at noon to talk about our shower remodel, the time is 9:30 and I'm brushing my teeth.

Her: Did you go to the bathroom already?

Me: ....Yeah. Why?

H: Well, I closed the lid to the toilet, just so it looks better for when he comes over.

M: You know, I might have to use the toilet again in the next 2 and a half hours.

H: Haha, yeah I guess.

M: Also, I know how to raise and lower the lid without any help.

H: Laughing stops. Tone intensifies.

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Jameslaw121

Jameslaw121 4448

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On 4/23/2020 at 8:23 PM, Dennis Taylor said:

I haven't seen anyone mention this but I'm interested to see how many of your wives leave the water running the entire freaking time they are brushing their teeth.  Drives me fucking crazy 

Mine brushes her teeth in the shower. I don't get it, but whatever. 

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Judge Roybeanbag

Judge Roybeanbag 11819

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Posted (edited)
2 minutes ago, Upgrayedd said:

You can’t hear and tell the difference between a successful flush and one that needs the break-stick?

Generally I can, but that doesn’t necessarily apply to the female members of my household. You know, the ones who somehow consistently manage to get a wad of toilet paper stuck to the one spot under the rim where the flush doesn’t reach it.

Edited by Judge Roybeanbag
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Upgrayedd

Upgrayedd 5812

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9 minutes ago, Judge Roybeanbag said:

Generally I can, but that doesn’t necessarily apply to the female members of my household. You know, the ones who somehow consistently manage to get a wad of toilet paper stuck to the one spot under the rim where the flush doesn’t reach it.

Ugh.  I gotta stop using your toothbrush then.

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