Wives and the Stupid Shit They Say/Do

[NoName 16352]

On 4/29/2020 at 8:10 AM, SuperSport said:

Hey did y'all know that "Geronimo!" is just something you yell when jumping into the pool?..it doesn't have any historical origins or context or anything.  Wife told me.

this is brilliant.

[MNLonghornFUKM 8817]

Hopefully you soaked the other half the next day

[Guest Lobo]

23 hours ago, chikin23 said:

I'm always reminded of this when I hear people talk about living healthy.
 

Huge fan of Hicks, but I had never heard that bit before.  And once again, I find another bit that Denis Leary stole from another comedian and passed off as his own.  I mean Leary does the Jim Fixx thing almost word for word, now I see where it came from.  Fucking guy.  

Anyway, back to cast iron skillet discussions.  

[davidg 4038]

On 4/29/2020 at 1:37 PM, Cheeseweasel said:

Only if you had this bumper sticker. The law is the law:

Older cousin had this on the passenger door window of his van in the late-70s.  Van was tricked out with brushed al mag wheels, mural on the side and the requisite bed in the back.  Mom would't let us go riding around with him, guess she was afraid he was going to corrupt us.

[eljinca 279]

Last night I was in another room walking into our living room when I had this exchange:

Me: Can you flip the channel over to ESPN?

Wife: What channel is that?

Me: 560.

Wife: Is that up or down?

Me: What?

Wife: Is that up or down from what I'm watching.

Me: I can't see what you are watching and have no idea what channel you are watching. Go to 560.

Wife: I'm going through the guide, I'm almost there.

Me: ------

Wife: Found it! For next time, ESPN was down.

Me: Sure thing.

 

My wife is a doctor.

[NeverMarryAStripper 21907]

I hope she has a lot of malpractice insurance

[Cheeseweasel 26438]

17 minutes ago, eljinca said:

My wife is a doctor.

No one is immune. 

[Grade of D as in David 13253]

I mean someone has to graduate last in their class.

[WhatTheBuck 28783]

She's definitely not a rocket surgeon. 

[mulletpelini 5211]

On 5/2/2020 at 11:06 PM, The Ace of Aces said:

The wife doesn’t eat dessert. Or meat. Or dressings on her salad. She is incredibly healthy and willl outlive me, which is fine. 
 

Tonight she said if someone paid her $1,000 to eat an oatmeal raisin cookie she would, but she’d need $10,000 to eat a chocolate chip cookie.

 

Any new wife suggestions?

I think it's something beyond what you're comprehending.....oatmeal would be a white asshole, therefore

[Hate 20108]

Older cousin had this on the passenger door window of his van in the late-70s.  Van was tricked out with brushed al mag wheels, mural on the side and the requisite bed in the back.  Mom would't let us go riding around with him, guess she was afraid he was going to corrupt us.

Or she knew you didn’t have grass or gas.

[davidg 4038]

4 hours ago, eljinca said:

Last night I was in another room walking into our living room when I had this exchange:

Me: Can you flip the channel over to ESPN?

Wife: What channel is that?

Me: 560.

Wife: Is that up or down?

Me: What?

Wife: Is that up or down from what I'm watching.

Me: I can't see what you are watching and have no idea what channel you are watching. Go to 560.

Wife: I'm going through the guide, I'm almost there.

Me: ------

Wife: Found it! For next time, ESPN was down.

Me: Sure thing.

 

My wife is a doctor.

 

 

[hullabelew 3724]

4 hours ago, eljinca said:

Last night I was in another room walking into our living room when I had this exchange:

Me: Can you flip the channel over to ESPN?

Wife: What channel is that?

Me: 560.

Wife: Is that up or down?

Me: What?

Wife: Is that up or down from what I'm watching.

Me: I can't see what you are watching and have no idea what channel you are watching. Go to 560.

Wife: I'm going through the guide, I'm almost there.

Me: ------

Wife: Found it! For next time, ESPN was down.

Me: Sure thing.

 

My wife is a doctor.

Perfect.  Juuuuuust perfect.  

[Flg8rfan 201]

With everything going on lately, we’ve been trying to support our local farmers by buying direct from them.

Over the weekend we decided we’d look into buying half a cow since we have the freezer space and there’s some concern over the supply line over the next couple of months.

She blasts her local redneck friends for recommendations yesterday morning and by noon, we’re all set. Awesome.

She comes home from work yesterday and says a couple of her co-workers want in on it. Then she says her mom only wants a couple of pounds of ground beef and to see if my family wants anything.

I told her to stop, we had decided to do this to stock up the freezer, not to sell a couple of pounds of meat to everyone she knows.

I told her I know how things would end up, I’ll pay for the beef and she’d end up selling all the good stuff to her coworkers for cash and I’ll have paid 1200 for 60 lbs of ground beef.

Think once it comes in, I’ll make use of the lock on the deep freezer for the first time.

[PilotsError 2287]

Seinfeld's got a good bit about tone on his new special.

[ShaggyBevo RIP 3868]

On 5/3/2020 at 12:48 AM, DCA_HORN said:

On 5/3/2020 at 12:06 AM, The Ace of Aces said:

 

What difference does she see between the two cookies?

One includes whole grains and dehydrated fruit to justify the sugar. 

Edited May 5, 2020 by ShaggyBevo RIP

[MNLonghornFUKM 8817]

With everything going on lately, we’ve been trying to support our local farmers by buying direct from them.

Over the weekend we decided we’d look into buying half a cow since we have the freezer space and there’s some concern over the supply line over the next couple of months.

She blasts her local redneck friends for recommendations yesterday morning and by noon, we’re all set. Awesome.

She comes home from work yesterday and says a couple of her co-workers want in on it. Then she says her mom only wants a couple of pounds of ground beef and to see if my family wants anything.

I told her to stop, we had decided to do this to stock up the freezer, not to sell a couple of pounds of meat to everyone she knows.

I told her I know how things would end up, I’ll pay for the beef and she’d end up selling all the good stuff to her coworkers for cash and I’ll have paid 1200 for 60 lbs of ground beef.

Think once it comes in, I’ll make use of the lock on the deep freezer for the first time.

Hopefully there’ll be another stimulus check in your account to do it the right way

[Sandman 3403]

Wife woke me up at 0545 with her tossing and turning. When I stirred, she said "Oh, are you up too?".  I said I am now. She told me she'd been awake for an hour and she'd "Never get back to sleep now!". Ten mintues later, she's sawing logs. After staring at the ceiling for an hour, I said fuck it and got up. 

[tbone_ 14123]

Missed opportunity

[Pato del Muerto 52499]

56 minutes ago, tbone_ said:

Missed opportunity

Lol for what

[WhatTheBuck 28783]

1 hour ago, Pato del Muerto said:

Lol for what

Apparently he got up for nothing. 

[1000 Miles to Austin 21]

Went to put the 1 year old down for a nap. I generally just sing him 1 song and then put him in the crib. I couldn’t find his snuggle blanket so I said screw it.

Wife commented as I walked out of his room “wow that was quick” in a judging tone. I replied that there wasn’t any reason to delay the process. She looked at him on the monitor already laying down and quiet. She then noticed that he didn’t have his snuggle blanket, proceeded to get irritated with me and walked in to his room to find it for him.

This of course disturbed his sleep process which already started and now he is crying but don’t worry folks he has his snuggle blanket. Somehow this is now all my fault...

[1000 Miles to Austin 21]

One more...wife discussing when to put our 2.5 year old back in preschool. I commented that I didn’t feel like paying extra money to put him in school and have him get sick all the time. We are already paying for a nanny to watch him and the 1 year old.

She thinks about it for a little and says “well we did put him in school during the flu season this past year”. I had to remind her that he caught the flu and it was miserable. I don’t feel like paying for him to potentially catch the Coronavirus and make our entire family miserable when we are already paying for a nanny that will be coming to the house no matter what to watch the 1 year old.

My tone and logic were not appreciated whatsoever. Apparently his social skills are just going to disappear without this preschool experience. I told her don’t worry he can be just as anti-social as his Dad. It has been working for me thus far...

[tejas60 3533]

My advice to you is to find a good divorce lawyer asap

[Sbbruin 21854]

Not really stupid wives stuff, but a good place to leave this. Those of you looking for a last minute gift for the wife/mom, my kids and I just spent a couple hours thoroughly detailing the wife's car. She really appreciated the communal effort and the car is shining like new

[66BUFF 2563]

15 minutes ago, Sbbruin said:

Not really stupid wives stuff, but a good place to leave this. Those of you looking for a last minute gift for the wife/mom, my kids and I just spent a couple hours thoroughly detailing the wife's car. She really appreciated the communal effort and the car is shining like new

Arcadia area of LA?

[Pescado_Rojo 19416]

28 minutes ago, Sbbruin said:

Not really stupid wives stuff, but a good place to leave this. Those of you looking for a last minute gift for the wife/mom, my kids and I just spent a couple hours thoroughly detailing the wife's car. She really appreciated the communal effort and the car is shining like new

Buick? I didn't know you were 80. 

[Sbbruin 21854]

33 minutes ago, 66BUFF said:

Arcadia area of LA?

Altadena (one of the hidden gems IMO)

21 minutes ago, Pescado_Rojo said:

Buick? I didn't know you were 80. 

That’s what I used to think.  The Enclave is a really sweet ride.  I challenge you to find a nicer ride for the price.

Edited May 9, 2020 by Sbbruin

[tejas60 3533]

california has some really fucked up license plates.

[Pato del Muerto 52499]

7 minutes ago, Sbbruin said:

Altadena (one of the hidden gems IMO)

That’s what I used to think.  The Enclave is a really sweet ride.  I challenge you to find a nicer ride for the price.

I don’t think there’s much difference between your enclave and my Acadia ride wise, maybe some extra noise insulation and a gaudier interior in yours. I guess they may soften the suspension. 

[Sbbruin 21854]

1 hour ago, Pato del Muerto said:

I don’t think there’s much difference between your enclave and my Acadia ride wise, maybe some extra noise insulation and a gaudier interior in yours. I guess they may soften the suspension. 

So in other words they made the Enclave nicer.  Check.

[Modessit 5601]

Wife: (local lawn guy) came and mowed. I didn't have any cash. Can you pick some up after work?

 

Me: It'll be late. Just go to the atm.

 

Wife: I don't want to take the kids into the gas station and I'm not leaving them in the car alone.

 

Me: Just run to the bank down the street and use the drive-thru atm.

 

Wife: Oh yeah.... What time does the bank close?

 

Me: Why would that matter?

 

Wife: I don't want to drive over to use the atm and find out they're closed!

 

 

 

 

[Knoxtnhorn 5976]

Nothing to add.  Just wanted to be a part of the humblebrag page. 

[Brothahorn 10087]

Went to put the 1 year old down for a nap. I generally just sing him 1 song and then put him in the crib. I couldn’t find his snuggle blanket so I said screw it.

Wife commented as I walked out of his room “wow that was quick” in a judging tone. I replied that there wasn’t any reason to delay the process. She looked at him on the monitor already laying down and quiet. She then noticed that he didn’t have his snuggle blanket, proceeded to get irritated with me and walked in to his room to find it for him.

This of course disturbed his sleep process which already started and now he is crying but don’t worry folks he has his snuggle blanket. Somehow this is now all my fault...

Your wife will be on me of your biggest haters in life..get used to it.

[NateHitch 1282]

This is from a while ago but just came to mind catching up on this thread. We took the kids to go see the Dallas/Houston XFL game and had a good time. Then all this stuff hits and Vince McMahon cancels the XFL again.

Me: They just ended the XFL, they're not going to finish this season or start again next year.

Wife: So Dak doesn't get his contract either way now?

[NeverMarryAStripper 21907]

10 hours ago, 1000 Miles to Austin said:One more...wife discussing when to put our 2.5 year old back in preschool. I commented that I didn’t feel like paying extra money to put him in school and have him get sick all the time. We are already paying for a nanny to watch him and the 1 year old.

She thinks about it for a little and says “well we did put him in school during the flu season this past year”. I had to remind her that he caught the flu and it was miserable. I don’t feel like paying for him to potentially catch the Coronavirus and make our entire family miserable when we are already paying for a nanny that will be coming to the house no matter what to watch the 1 year old.

My tone and logic were not appreciated whatsoever. Apparently his social skills are just going to disappear without this preschool experience. I told her don’t worry he can be just as anti-social as his Dad. It has been working for me thus far...

So the nanny will just sit around the house doing nothing while the kids are in preschool?

[Grade of D as in David 13253]

2 minutes ago, NeverMarryAStripper said:

So the nanny will just sit around the house doing nothing while the kids are in preschool?

Oh she'll be doing something

[NeverMarryAStripper 21907]

If you’re going to put the kids in pre school and have a nanny, just go ahead and hire a maid and hooker to complete the set.

[Dennis Taylor 18828]

30 minutes ago, NateHitch said:

This is from a while ago but just came to mind catching up on this thread. We took the kids to go see the Dallas/Houston XFL game and had a good time. Then all this stuff hits and Vince McMahon cancels the XFL again.

Me: They just ended the XFL, they're not going to finish this season or start again next year.

Wife: So Dak doesn't get his contract either way now?

Lol that's awesome.  When Astros had Tucson as their AAA affiliate,  I used to say they should send so and so to Tucson when they were not playing well. . A couple years after they changed affiliation to New Orleans, we were at a game and Derek Bell did something stupid and the wife yelled "Send him to Tucson!" 

The thought of Bell getting shipped off to Tucson when they nothing to do with the Astros always made me laugh 

[workswithseed 2109]

4 hours ago, Knoxtnhorn said:

Nothing to add.  Just wanted to be a part of the humblebrag page. 

Who's your pic? Your wife?

[Modessit 5601]

Who's your pic? Your wife?

He wishes.

And for some other views from that night:

[mulletpelini 5211]

 

11 hours ago, Sbbruin said:

That’s what I used to think.  The Enclave is a really sweet ride.  I challenge you to find a nicer ride for the price.

challenge not accepted.

[HenryJames 66057]

14 hours ago, Sbbruin said:

Altadena (one of the hidden gems IMO)

That’s what I used to think.  The Enclave is a really sweet ride.  I challenge you to find a nicer ride for the price.

[ROFL BOX 6649]

On 5/4/2020 at 10:21 AM, Grade of D as in David said:

I mean someone has to graduate last in their class.

@ West Point, that's known as the "Goat".

FYI, Custer was the Goat.

[Sbbruin 21854]

On 5/1/2020 at 10:57 PM, luke duke said:

Ha, I have had this “discussion “ soooo many times and it just does not compute with her.  I have had to de-rust and re-season ours about 5 times.

[Gatorubet 30239]

Ha, I have had this “discussion “ soooo many times and it just does not compute with her.  I have had to de-rust and re-season ours about 5 times.

5 times? The Mrs must be great in the sack.

[Sbbruin 21854]

Made a nice frittata in it this morning

[Sbbruin 21854]

And in the same day prime filets (sous vide first).

[Upgrayedd 5812]

13 hours ago, Gatorubet said:

5 times? The Mrs must be great in the sack.

You have no idea

[thunderlounge 7836]

23 hours ago, Gatorubet said:

5 times? The Mrs must be great in the sack.

 

I've had better.