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Wives and the Stupid Shit They Say/Do

Spur08

By Spur08
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McCroskey
McCroskey

Buddy sent a text today...said his wife decided to shop vac their fireplace and clean up all the ash. When she finished, she turned around and didn’t realize the shop vac lid wasn’t really seated, so

BearCountry11
BearCountry11

From earlier this evening...   My father in law lost his cell phone on the golf course this afternoon.  It was raining so we didn’t have much hope it would still be working but he shares the

RamjetFDO
RamjetFDO

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blacklab

blacklab 11928

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3 hours ago, Nivek said:

I am also getting ready for my future son-in-law to post on here.  On a recent bike ride with my daughter (6) she managed to scrape her handle bars against my car for about 2 feet.   My 3 yr old son manages the same gap without colliding.   She also ran into a parked car and earned a black eye the day after.  

Little harsh to punch a 3yo in the face and give her a black eye just for running into a parked car don't you think?

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luke duke

luke duke 6413

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So the wife tells me I am too hard on our oldest boy. Son does what I tell him to do. Later on, the wife complains that the boy wont listen to her and asks for help.

Next day, wife complains how my methods are jut not right even if they are effective. Today she complains that the boy wont listen to her again and asks for help.


Sounds like you’re not being hard enough on the wife.
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ShaggyBevo RIP

ShaggyBevo RIP 3868

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I don’t know anything about cars marketed to the poors, but I like to learn things about how the other part of society lives.

Consumer Reports ditched the luxury class this past year and stated there wasn’t enough difference between fully loaded trim lines and luxury anymore.

 

Take the Subaru Ascent, the upper trims have extra sound deadening, acoustic glass, second row captain chairs, plus cooled as heated leather seats. The Subaru likely has superior safety engineering than many ‘luxury’ brands.

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blacklab

blacklab 11928

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Speaking of Mrs BL

Her: I'm going to the Honda dealer to get my oil changed

Me: How much is it?

Her: $79

Me: I'll get it done in the shop down the street, it's $59 there

Her: But they wash my car

Me: I'll go get it washed at the place down the street for $12.

Her: But that will cost more

Me: Um, $59+$12<$79

Her: Yeah, but at the place down the street they don't change your filter, they only change the oil

Me: Yes, they change the filter, every time they do an oil change they change the filter

Her: not that place, you have to pay extra to get a new filter

Me: Just go to the honda dealer

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Pato del Muerto

Pato del Muerto 52490

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I’m probably putting myself up for ridicule here but...

since I’m not a fan of a garden hose spinner or wall mounted hanger, the hoses get coiled on the ground. 
but the mrs insists on coiling from the nozzle back, instead of from the spigot. Which creates knots every time you drag the hose out.  
Just like the tp over/under, she sees no difference and insists I’m silly when I tell her there is a right way to do it. 

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deadshank

deadshank 24652

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15 minutes ago, BearSchlong said:

Our dogs are way too clingy.

Today, post-coitus, my wife lectured the dogs. "Stop cockblocking daddy. Can't he and I just fuck without you two trying to be involved?"
 

You were awake to hear all that?  What’s wrong with you?

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TheStoicPaisano

TheStoicPaisano 9922

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On 5/15/2020 at 1:33 PM, Nivek said:

I am also getting ready for my future son-in-law to post on here.  On a recent bike ride with my daughter (6) she managed to scrape her handle bars against my car for about 2 feet.   My 3 yr old son manages the same gap without colliding.   She also ran into a parked car and earned a black eye the day after.  

She and @Prepuce of Doom let sound like they’d get along.

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cactusflinthead

cactusflinthead 27598

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2 hours ago, Pato del Muerto said:

I’m probably putting myself up for ridicule here but...

since I’m not a fan of a garden hose spinner or wall mounted hanger, the hoses get coiled on the ground. 
but the mrs insists on coiling from the nozzle back, instead of from the spigot. Which creates knots every time you drag the hose out.  
Just like the tp over/under, she sees no difference and insists I’m silly when I tell her there is a right way to do it. 

Do not give me a hose with a bunch of kinks or you are going to hear a lesson in how to properly roll up a hose. Or a string of curse words. Probably both.

My condolences 

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Upgrayedd

Upgrayedd 5810

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1 hour ago, BearSchlong said:

Our dogs are way too clingy.

Today, post-coitus, my wife lectured the dogs. "Stop cockblocking daddy. Can't he and I just fuck without you two trying to be involved?"
 

She doesn’t know about the peanut butter does she?

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wd40

wd40 1976

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8 hours ago, Pato del Muerto said:

I’m probably putting myself up for ridicule here but...

since I’m not a fan of a garden hose spinner or wall mounted hanger, the hoses get coiled on the ground. 
but the mrs insists on coiling from the nozzle back, instead of from the spigot. Which creates knots every time you drag the hose out.  
Just like the tp over/under, she sees no difference and insists I’m silly when I tell her there is a right way to do it. 

ha.  your wife even attempts to coil a hose.  that's rich.  

for my wife, that simple task is just one of the many things under the heading of Not Her Job.  those seconds that could otherwise be spent surfing houzz or facebook are too valuable.

I taught my daughters how to properly coil a hose on the ground, and they do it.  my hope is they won't suddenly lose the ability when they get married.  'course then it'll be someone else's problem.

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Trey3216

Trey3216 15346

Posted
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3 hours ago, wd40 said:

ha.  your wife even attempts to coil a hose.  that's rich.  

for my wife, that simple task is just one of the many things under the heading of Not Her Job.  those seconds that could otherwise be spent surfing houzz or facebook are too valuable.

I taught my daughters how to properly coil a hose on the ground, and they do it.  my hope is they won't suddenly lose the ability when they get married.  'course then it'll be someone else's problem.

They’ll be learning to straighten the hose by then. 

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mulletpelini

mulletpelini 5211

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On 5/16/2020 at 8:01 PM, blacklab said:

Speaking of Mrs BL

Her: I'm going to the Honda dealer to get my oil changed

Me: How much is it?

Her: $79

Me: I'll get it done in the shop down the street, it's $59 there

Her: But they wash my car

Me: I'll go get it washed at the place down the street for $12.

Her: But that will cost more

Me: Um, $59+$12<$79

Her: Yeah, but at the place down the street they don't change your filter, they only change the oil

Me: Yes, they change the filter, every time they do an oil change they change the filter

Her: not that place, you have to pay extra to get a new filter

Me: Just go to the honda dealer

Sounds like she's already getting work done at the Honda dealer

 

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AUS-97HORN

AUS-97HORN 11758

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50 minutes ago, blacklab said:

Are you working?

Yes

Spends the next 10 minutes telling me vacation ideas and other stupid shit

well lets be honest Bob, you are at home, which by definition means you really arent working.  if you were working you would be at work... covid or not.

 

so in her mind, you arent really working.  you are just answering emails which in her mind she knows she can do herself while watching home renovation shows.

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52-80

52-80 19151

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Her workplace has an incidence reporting system, which everyone knows is as good as toilet paper.  It is a brainless compliance tool.  No more, no less. 

 

But my wife reveres it as a weapon of mass administration.  She thinks people care, and that it effects change.  (Unless you're reporting financial crimes or sexual misconduct, it doesn't). 

 

If she thinks the company website is ugly, she'll report it.  If she thinks procurement as an entire organization works too slow, she'll report it.  If she has a suggestion for increasing client retention, she'll report it.  She thinks people actually reads these damn things and gives a fuck.

 

I'm not claiming to be like a corporate puppet master.....but the naivete of her understanding of workplace politics, dynamics, incentives, and motivation....it just floors me. 

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Dennis Taylor

Dennis Taylor 18815

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Posted (edited)

 I work from home/travel to customers but they are not in because of the rona. so... no reason to leave home office right now. wife also worked from home but got laid off about a month ago . The gym has reopened so I'm getting back to my prior routine of being at the gym early and jumping on phone/email when I get back. Yesterday I get back and wife had left for a walk and said she was going to again today. I get back from gym today and she is still in pajamas and says she's about to get on the treadmill because it's too humid. Puts cinnamon rolls in oven (not for me). 

Four and a half hours later and i have heard no treadmill activity       

Edited by Dennis Taylor
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RamjetFDO

RamjetFDO 10575

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5 minutes ago, Dennis Taylor said:

Four and a half hours later and i have heard no treadmill activity       

Have the smoke alarms quit blaring because she was on Facebook and didn't pay attention to the cinnamon rolls while they became cinnamon briquettes in the oven?

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Grade of D as in David

Grade of D as in David 13253

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15 minutes ago, Dennis Taylor said:

 I work from home/travel to customers but they are not in because of the rona. so... no reason to leave home office right now. wife also worked from home but got laid off about a month ago . The gym has reopened so I'm getting back to my prior routine of being at the gym early and jumping on phone/email when I get back. Yesterday I get back and wife had left for a walk and said she was going to again today. I get back from gym today and she is still in pajamas and says she's about to get on the treadmill because it's too humid. Puts cinnamon rolls in oven (not for me). 

Four and a half hours later and i have heard no treadmill activity       

At this rate she will flip over the treadmill and ride it back and forth from the kitchen to the couch by the end of the month.

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