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Wives and the Stupid Shit They Say/Do

Spur08

By Spur08
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Dennis Taylor

Dennis Taylor 18,812

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6 minutes ago, Grade of D as in David said:

At this rate she will flip over the treadmill and ride it back and forth from the kitchen to the couch by the end of the month.

 

4 minutes ago, Pato del Muerto said:

You can do that?

 

2 minutes ago, Grade of D as in David said:

It's a secondary use case after being used as a clothes rack.

the stairs are probably a deal-breaker

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Buddy sent a text today...said his wife decided to shop vac their fireplace and clean up all the ash. When she finished, she turned around and didn’t realize the shop vac lid wasn’t really seated, so

BearCountry11
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From earlier this evening...   My father in law lost his cell phone on the golf course this afternoon.  It was raining so we didn’t have much hope it would still be working but he shares the

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Jameslaw121

Jameslaw121 4,448

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If your wife is going to the store and you need coffee. And you specify which three brands of coffee you like. Just get the cheapest of these three. Which one do you think she will purchase.

 

The answer is none. You will none of those three

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HenryJames

HenryJames 66,041

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4 hours ago, Jameslaw121 said:

If your wife is going to the store and you need coffee. And you specify which three brands of coffee you like. Just get the cheapest of these three. Which one do you think she will purchase.

 

The answer is none. You will none of those three

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ROFL BOX

ROFL BOX 6,649

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Mrs. ROFL via text:  "This red topped plastic [HEB el cheapo storage] in the fridge; is that the leftover spaghetti from last night?"

Me, not hearing / seeing the message for 30+ minutes... was running a chainsaw.

Eventually:  "Did you actually look?"

 

 It would have taken a shitload less time to actually look from the side (the tubs are somewhat visible from the side) or simply pop the top & look in vs. sending a text.

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Cheeseweasel

Cheeseweasel 26,438

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Just now, HoffaJimmy said:

Daily "you need to get your hearing checked", "you aren't listening to me", etc. 

Maybe just maybe you wait until I am not in the shower, the garage, downstairs, in another room, etc. before you ask me a question.....................

This is my fucking pet peeve. Don't yell at me down the stairs. If something is important, tell me to come to you or come to me. If it's not important, wait until I'm in front of you.

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You don't know me

You don't know me 1,161

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15 minutes ago, HoffaJimmy said:

Daily "you need to get your hearing checked", "you aren't listening to me", etc. 

Maybe just maybe you wait until I am not in the shower, the garage, downstairs, in another room, etc. before you ask me a question.....................

My hearing is pretty much shot.  No fucking way am I getting hearing aids.  I have a built in excuse to ignore anything that is said to me from another room.

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Dennis Taylor

Dennis Taylor 18,812

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34 minutes ago, You don't know me said:

My hearing is pretty much shot.  No fucking way am I getting hearing aids.  I have a built in excuse to ignore anything that is said to me from another room.

cross posting from the commercials thread...this is fantastic. watch til the end

 

 

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Dennis Taylor

Dennis Taylor 18,812

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watching Hacksaw Ridge last night

Wife- if we ever go to Hawaii I want to go see all that stuff

Me- you want to go another 5000 miles away to a sparsely inhabited volcanic rock island that was the site of one of the bloodiest battles of all time? 

Wife- No to the museum thing

Me- ??

Wife- Where the ship sank

Me- Pearl Harbor?

Wife- Yeah where the planes flew in and bombed everything

Me- 

spacer.png 

 

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Grade of D as in David

Grade of D as in David 13,253

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1 hour ago, Cheeseweasel said:

This is my fucking pet peeve. Don't yell at me down the stairs. If something is important, tell me to come to you or come to me. If it's not important, wait until I'm in front of you.

How else are they going to be able to plausibly lie about "telling you last week".

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Armybrat

Armybrat 40,832

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1 hour ago, HoffaJimmy said:

Daily "you need to get your hearing checked", "you aren't listening to me", etc. 

Maybe just maybe you wait until I am not in the shower, the garage, downstairs, in another room, etc. before you ask me a question.....................

Mrs. Brat knows that i’ve been half deaf for several years, yet she always starts talking when I walk into another room.

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Pato del Muerto

Pato del Muerto 52,489

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I could draw a decision tree on the things I do when she calls to me from another room. Usually I ignore her but if it’s something that I heard and do want to answer, I answer at the same volume because if I can hear her then she can hear me, right?  But if i get “what” back, I will project/yell to be sure she hears me the second time so that there is no third time. Which always leads to “stop yelling at me.”  Hey honey, you’re the one that wants to talk  50 feet and 2 walls away. And you heard me that time, didn’t you?

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wd40

wd40 1,976

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the other night, I was digging the grill pan out from under a stack of other cast iron gear, so some noise, but not a lot.  as I'm doing this, wife comes breezing through the kitchen and tells me to make sure and do some obvious task I can't remember, now.  she was out of the room by the time she finished her thought, so I said nothing and continued about my business.  she returns and repeats it at elevated volume and intensity.  

I'm like, 'yup, got it'.

her:  why didn't you acknowledge me before?

because you left the room and I didn't figure you'd hear me.

her:  tone

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markstanco

markstanco 12,574

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Consumer Reports ditched the luxury class this past year and stated there wasn’t enough difference between fully loaded trim lines and luxury anymore.
 
Take the Subaru Ascent, the upper trims have extra sound deadening, acoustic glass, second row captain chairs, plus cooled as heated leather seats. The Subaru likely has superior safety engineering than many ‘luxury’ brands.
Maybe. But I still wouldn't puck up a customer at the airport in a Subaru.
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ROFL BOX

ROFL BOX 6,649

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I have tinnitus & while I have been professionally tested by an audiology doc, I'm not deef even if the wife says I am.  Too many years of working in clubs with no hearing protection.

That said, there are plenty of occasions where her inability to understand how sound waves travel & I can't hear her because maybe she's speaking too rapidly is the problem.

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NorthLoop

NorthLoop 14,190

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On 5/21/2020 at 3:47 PM, wd40 said:

the other night, I was digging the grill pan out from under a stack of other cast iron gear, so some noise, but not a lot.  as I'm doing this, wife comes breezing through the kitchen and tells me to make sure and do some obvious task I can't remember, now.  she was out of the room by the time she finished her thought, so I said nothing and continued about my business.  she returns and repeats it at elevated volume and intensity.  

I'm like, 'yup, got it'.

her:  why didn't you acknowledge me before?

because you left the room and I didn't figure you'd hear me.

her:  tone

This is my life, day after day. 

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Party_Taco

Party_Taco 3,724

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Me - Half asleep in the bed as my wife fucks around upstairs

Wife - “Is it OK if I read a little bit?”

Me - “Sure, what’s a little bit?”

Wife - “I dunno, half an hour?”

Me - “I suppose”

Wife - Turns on the light, plays with the dog, “washes her face” for 30 minutes then returns to bed to read “for a little bit”

Fuck me... I should start taking Valium so I can violently snore through this nonsense.

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Js1

Js1 85,311

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Posted
6 hours ago, blacklab said:

Wife: What kind of whysky should I get Erika for her birthday?

Me: Liquor stores are closed today

Wife: No they aren't, what should I get her

Me: How long have you lived here?

Wow you know what day it is. We’re so impressed. For the rest of it, it’s Sutsday the 67th of Marchtober 

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luke duke

luke duke 6,412

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Daily "you need to get your hearing checked", "you aren't listening to me", etc. 
Maybe just maybe you wait until I am not in the shower, the garage, downstairs, in another room, etc. before you ask me a question.....................


I purposely ignore anything my wife says to me from another room.
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Grade of D as in David

Grade of D as in David 13,253

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17 hours ago, blacklab said:

Wife: What kind of whysky should I get Erika for her birthday?

Me: Liquor stores are closed today

Wife: No they aren't, what should I get her

Me: How long have you lived here?

 

1 hour ago, NotActuallyALonghorn said:

You should just made a a brand and sent her looking for it. 

Missed a golden opportunity

 

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PhillyD

PhillyD 1,257

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On 5/24/2020 at 8:24 PM, blacklab said:

Wife: What kind of whysky should I get Erika for her birthday?

Me: Liquor stores are closed today

Wife: No they aren't, what should I get her

Me: How long have you lived here?

You should check in with Angry Gorilla.   His wife could offer some fantastic suggestions. 

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Sandman

Sandman 3,403

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We had a contractor at the house tonight, we had agreed on the price a couple of weeks ago. As he was finishing up, my wife and I went inside and she asked "Should I ask him how much I should write the check for?". I said WTF, don't ask him, you practically asking him to raise the price. Write the check for the amount we agreed upon. She goes out and asks him "So how much was it?" To his credit he looked at me and said "uhhh, whatever we said the other day". Fucking hell.

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Guest Lobo

Guest Lobo

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Well, there was that front blowing through earlier.  

"Getting down to 63 tonight...should we turn the Air off?" /her

"Well, if the 78 degree air magically gets sucked out of our home tonight, then sure...yeah."  /me 

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Grade of D as in David

Grade of D as in David 13,253

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1 hour ago, Lobo said:

Well, there was that front blowing through earlier.  

"Getting down to 63 tonight...should we turn the Air off?" /her

"Well, if the 78 degree air magically gets sucked out of our home tonight, then sure...yeah."  /me 

Nothing is getting sucked in your home tonight

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Guest Lobo

Guest Lobo

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9 hours ago, Grade of D as in David said:

Nothing is getting sucked in your home tonight

Aw snap.  actually it was my birthday at midnight so she let me do that one thing even your wife gave me push-back on.  ;)

I digress.  This weather has been crazy and is certainly testing relationships.  

 

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