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Wives and the Stupid Shit They Say/Do

Spur08

By Spur08
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McCroskey
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Buddy sent a text today...said his wife decided to shop vac their fireplace and clean up all the ash. When she finished, she turned around and didn’t realize the shop vac lid wasn’t really seated, so

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Nuge

Nuge 1970

Posted
Posted

I go to bed at 11pm on weeknights.  She typically stays up a bit later than I do.  Without fail, at 11:03 she asks for a backrub.  "You know I don't sleep well.  Please?!?!?!?"

Fuck!  My fucking eye mask is on and my shoes are off.  I'm sleeping over here.  Grumble, grumble, god damnit!

And then I rub her back.

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TrashMaster G

TrashMaster G 17558

Posted
Posted
34 minutes ago, Nuge said:

I go to bed at 11pm on weeknights.  She typically stays up a bit later than I do.  Without fail, at 11:03 she asks for a backrub.  "You know I don't sleep well.  Please?!?!?!?"

Fuck!  My fucking eye mask is on and my shoes are off.  I'm sleeping over here.  Grumble, grumble, god damnit!

And then I rub her back.

You need to answer back with a request that will help YOU sleep.

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Angry Gorilla

Angry Gorilla 1768

Posted
Posted

My wife has some automated response of "What" to any question I ask, even though she clearly heard.

Me:  What time is dinner tomorrow??
Her:  Whaaat??????
......
Her:  My friend said 7pm, but maybe we should get there early and have a drink at the bar, or we could try that new place across the street, I heard they have great appetizers, but maybe we shouldn't spoil our appetites, I have been craving some nachos though, let's go to that new place by the theater on Sat, have you seen the trailer for that new movie coming out, it looks really good, even though I'm not a huge fan of that actor, but that theater has the best popcorn (blah blah blah)

Me:  
giphy.gif

 

 

Also, on the topic of being inconsiderate when going to bed, I also go to bed ~30 min before my wife.  She will come in and very quietly brush her teeth, turn off light, turn off tv, get in bed in a very considerate effort to not wake me.

Then she starts baby talking our two dogs and proceeds to get them all fired up to where they are playing with her and each other and jumping all over the bed and without fail one will land on my nuts and I am up for the next 30 mins trying to go back to sleep.

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tejas60

tejas60 3533

Posted
Posted
45 minutes ago, Angry Gorilla said:

My wife has some automated response of "What" to any question I ask, even though she clearly heard.

Me:  What time is dinner tomorrow??
Her:  Whaaat??????
......
Her:  My friend said 7pm, but maybe we should get there early and have a drink at the bar, or we could try that new place across the street, I heard they have great appetizers, but maybe we shouldn't spoil our appetites, I have been craving some nachos though, let's go to that new place by the theater on Sat, have you seen the trailer for that new movie coming out, it looks really good, even though I'm not a huge fan of that actor, but that theater has the best popcorn (blah blah blah)

Me:  
giphy.gif

 

 

Also, on the topic of being inconsiderate when going to bed, I also go to bed ~30 min before my wife.  She will come in and very quietly brush her teeth, turn off light, turn off tv, get in bed in a very considerate effort to not wake me.

Then she starts baby talking our two dogs and proceeds to get them all fired up to where they are playing with her and each other and jumping all over the bed and without fail one will land on my nuts and I am up for the next 30 mins trying to go back to sleep.

Damn glad I’m not married anymore. Perfect .gif

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BlueGreySky

BlueGreySky 1012

Posted
Posted
7 hours ago, JSB said:

She has also perfected the art of beginning to speak to me just as I'm far enough away to still hear that she is saying something, but not close enough to make out what it is.  Drives me insane

I learned years ago to just stop listening in instances like this and continue whatever I am doing as normal.

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Modessit

Modessit 5603

Posted
Posted
My wife has some automated response of "What" to any question I ask, even though she clearly heard.
Me:  What time is dinner tomorrow??
Her:  Whaaat??????
......
Her:  My friend said 7pm, but maybe we should get there early and have a drink at the bar, or we could try that new place across the street, I heard they have great appetizers, but maybe we shouldn't spoil our appetites, I have been craving some nachos though, let's go to that new place by the theater on Sat, have you seen the trailer for that new movie coming out, it looks really good, even though I'm not a huge fan of that actor, but that theater has the best popcorn (blah blah blah)
Me:  
giphy.gif
 
 
Also, on the topic of being inconsiderate when going to bed, I also go to bed ~30 min before my wife.  She will come in and very quietly brush her teeth, turn off light, turn off tv, get in bed in a very considerate effort to not wake me.
Then she starts baby talking our two dogs and proceeds to get them all fired up to where they are playing with her and each other and jumping all over the bed and without fail one will land on my nuts and I am up for the next 30 mins trying to go back to sleep.
That's what you get for going to sleep and leaving the TV and lights on.
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HenryJames

HenryJames 66081

Posted
Posted
1 hour ago, Angry Gorilla said:

Yeah, she suggests getting places early all the time.  I think I remember it actually happening once.

Have baseball season tickets and live theee blocks from the Disch. We literally walk to the games. This past weekend was the first time in recent memory that we were in our seats before the first pitch.

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Jameslaw121

Jameslaw121 4448

Posted
Posted
Just now, HenryJames said:

Have baseball season tickets and live theee blocks from the Disch. We literally walk to the games. This past weekend was the first time in recent memory that we were in our seats before the first pitch.

Absolutely fuck that. Her ass would be walking by herself!

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PvilleStang

PvilleStang 2911

Posted
Posted
13 hours ago, HenryJames said:

Have baseball season tickets and live theee blocks from the Disch. We literally walk to the games. This past weekend was the first time in recent memory that we were in our seats before the first pitch.

And that's only because you were there for the game before it, amirite?

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Brothahorn

Brothahorn 10087

Posted
Posted

I made sure to tell her how nice her hair looked this morning. Come home from work and it's all chopped off. Now she's mad because I told her she looks like a little boy.

Seriously, you can't force me to like something I don't like. Especially when you are complaining about it.

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Cheeseweasel

Cheeseweasel 26438

Posted
Posted

My birthday was yesterday. Wife asks me what I want to do. Long week of work, so I said, "let's just order takeout and watch a movie or two. Let me know what sounds good and I'll pick it up."

She's cool with that.

Calls me yesterday as I'm getting ready to head home and says "Don't worry about picking anything up. I've made dinner reservations for us at 8:00pm."

Happy fucking birthday to me.

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txhorns

txhorns 2409

Posted
Posted

My neighbor comes over yesterday with a bag full of groceries yesterday.  Had fruit, milk, eggs, etc.  He gives it all to me.  Apparently his wife went to the store and stocked up yesterday morning but they left town today for 10 days.

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DaysOff

DaysOff 7951

Posted
Posted
I made sure to tell her how nice her hair looked this morning. Come home from work and it's all chopped off. Now she's mad because I told her she looks like a little boy.

Seriously, you can't force me to like something I don't like. Especially when you are complaining about it.
The good news is you're about to get a bunch of free shit when she asks to speak to the manager.
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Chrispy

Chrispy 132

Posted
Posted

I haven’t read this thread in it’s entirety, but I’m sure this has been covered at some point. My wife has decided that it’s time she goes on a diet and would love my support. 

So, last night after we get the kids down for bed, she decides she wants to eat a bowl of ice cream as we watch a show. I decided it was a perfect opportunity to mention that we ought to not buy ice cream anymore. She looked at me like I was a knife wielding maniac and said she couldn’t believe I “shamed her.” 

I’m still trying to understand what she means when she says she wants support. 

 

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Chrispy

Chrispy 132

Posted
Posted
5 minutes ago, skipperj said:

Well, she certainly doesn't want you telling her what she should or should not eat.

I certainly picked up on that. It’s a bit more nuanced that, however; I just didn’t feel some of the other details were necessary. In retrospect, I should’ve mentioned that I sometimes eat the ice cream and I phrased the comment in a manner that could apply to the both of us. Still, I believe your point remains valid. 

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Jameslaw121

Jameslaw121 4448

Posted
Posted
3 hours ago, Cheeseweasel said:

My birthday was yesterday. Wife asks me what I want to do. Long week of work, so I said, "let's just order takeout and watch a movie or two. Let me know what sounds good and I'll pick it up."

She's cool with that.

Calls me yesterday as I'm getting ready to head home and says "Don't worry about picking anything up. I've made dinner reservations for us at 8:00pm."

Happy fucking birthday to me.

wait, you're wife decided on a restaurant??? nice fucking humble-brag....

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Pato del Muerto

Pato del Muerto 52507

Posted
Posted
3 hours ago, Cheeseweasel said:

My birthday was yesterday. Wife asks me what I want to do. Long week of work, so I said, "let's just order takeout and watch a movie or two. Let me know what sounds good and I'll pick it up."

She's cool with that.

Calls me yesterday as I'm getting ready to head home and says "Don't worry about picking anything up. I've made dinner reservations for us at 8:00pm."

Happy fucking birthday to me.

 

20 minutes ago, Cheeseweasel said:

Valid point. Not one I would have chosen, nor one I wanted to go to, but point taken.

It’s almost as if your birthday was the earliest excuse for her to go to a restaurant that she wants to go to. 

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