Wives and the Stupid Shit They Say/Do

[Nuge 1966]

1 hour ago, Chrispy said:

I certainly picked up on that. It’s a bit more nuanced that, however; I just didn’t feel some of the other details were necessary. In retrospect, I should’ve mentioned that I sometimes eat the ice cream and I phrased the comment in a manner that could apply to the both of us. Still, I believe your point remains valid. 

She wants to eat the ice cream and then you are supposed to tell her how good she looks.  Rookie.

[Chrispy 132]

9 minutes ago, Nuge said:

She wants to eat the ice cream and then you are supposed to tell her how good she looks.  Rookie.

You’re probably correct. Three years of marriage and I’m still learning things the hard way. 

[Nuge 1966]

Just now, Chrispy said:

You’re probably correct. Three years of marriage and I’m still learning things the hard way. 

We all did.  Some of us are just further down the road.

[Apep 645]

1 hour ago, Chrispy said:

I certainly picked up on that. It’s a bit more nuanced that, however; I just didn’t feel some of the other details were necessary. In retrospect, I should’ve mentioned that I sometimes eat the ice cream and I phrased the comment in a manner that could apply to the both of us. Still, I believe your point remains valid. 

You should have offered to eat all of the ice cream so she's not tempted.

[MNLonghornFUKM 8817]

Valid point. Not one I would have chosen, nor one I wanted to go to, but point taken.

So she took you to chuckecheese

[Cheeseweasel 26438]

57 minutes ago, Pato del Muerto said:

 

It’s almost as if your birthday was the earliest excuse for her to go to a restaurant that she wants to go to. 

This guy gets it.

[BurntOrangeCrush 1011]

2 hours ago, Chrispy said:

I haven’t read this thread in it’s entirety, but I’m sure this has been covered at some point. My wife has decided that it’s time she goes on a diet and would love my support. 

So, last night after we get the kids down for bed, she decides she wants to eat a bowl of ice cream as we watch a show. I decided it was a perfect opportunity to mention that we ought to not buy ice cream anymore. She looked at me like I was a knife wielding maniac and said she couldn’t believe I “shamed her.” 

I’m still trying to understand what she means when she says she wants support. 

 

I have been thru this myself, being married for 14 years. I can help. By "support", she wants you to make her feel good about herself. Try this - when watching TV, and you see a hot actress, tell her "She reminds me of you when we met and you were skinnier. Now, there is just a lot more of you to love and looks don't really matter to me anyway".

[AM Wood 335]

you're pretty fat, but i'll get used to it.

[NeverMarryAStripper 21903]

8 minutes ago, BurntOrangeCrush said:

I have been thru this myself, being married for 14 years. I can help. By "support", she wants you to make her feel good about herself. Try this - when watching TV, and you see a hot actress, tell her "She reminds me of you when we met and you were skinnier. Now, there is just a lot more of you to love and looks don't really matter to me anyway".

I've been through that too, not long before I lost most of my stuff.

Edited June 8, 2018 by NeverMarryAStripper

[baboso 6054]

1 hour ago, Chrispy said:

You’re probably correct. Three years of marriage and I’m still learning things the hard way. 

Christ almighty.  It's like we're sittin' here playing cards with my brother's kids.

[Chrispy 132]

55 minutes ago, BurntOrangeCrush said:

I have been thru this myself, being married for 14 years. I can help. By "support", she wants you to make her feel good about herself. Try this - when watching TV, and you see a hot actress, tell her "She reminds me of you when we met and you were skinnier. Now, there is just a lot more of you to love and looks don't really matter to me anyway".

Hmm, sounds risky. I’ll try this strategy in a few years, once I’ve had a chance to raise my children at least to the age of five or so. You know, when they can fend for themselves. 

[Chrispy 132]

59 minutes ago, baboso said:

Christ almighty.  It's like we're sittin' here playing cards with my brother's kids.

Well, for a man that don’t go heels, you run your mouth kinda reckless, don’t you?

[4th and 5 4914]

15 hours ago, Brothahorn said:

I made sure to tell her how nice her hair looked this morning. Come home from work and it's all chopped off. Now she's mad because I told her she looks like a little boy.

Seriously, you can't force me to like something I don't like. Especially when you are complaining about it.

That was her way of showing you that you were wrong. That your opinion sucks.

I'm sure the other person who cut it said it looked great, and she wholeheartedly agreed.

[Reagan1k 3024]

Couple of weeks ago we left town on a Friday and went to Atlanta.  She wanted to go to some shoe shop before it closed on the way to the hotel.

I had to get on a conference call just as we got close, so I told her to open up her phone and help me navigate the last mile or two - just tap me and show me where to turn.

Well, evidently she opened Waze and some other navigation tool at the same time and was trying to use them simultaneously.  I had no fucking clue where I was, but after a few turns and a couple of minutes I could tell I was going in a circle.  

I muted the phone and asked WTF?- well it turns out that Waze was directing her down back roads to avoid some congestion and the other app was auto-correcting to the standard path and she was following each alternating between the two.

We got there just in time for my money to be spent.  I should have kept my mouth shut.

Edited June 8, 2018 by Reagan1k

[Jameslaw121 4448]

Wait - what the fucking fuck?

 

[markstanco 12574]

8 hours ago, PilotsError said:

Yeah that needs some backstory.

so does your avatar

[Reagan1k 3024]

Yup - If one app works well then taking advice from two must be better, right?

Edit - actually her logic (lulz) was that Waze is more accurate on arrival times so she kept checking it to make sure we'd get to the shop before 5:00 and then it would show her a turn. She'd tell me that and then go back to the other one for the "real directions" and then take a turn from that.  Back and forth.

Made perfect sense to her at the time - She's the same one what can't tell her left from her right.  Literally holds up both hands and make an "L" with her fingers every time she needs to know left from right to see which hand has the "L" facing the correct way to know that's left.

She's no Magellan for sure.

Edited June 8, 2018 by Reagan1k

[miguelito 11263]

Of course the 2 apps giving you bad directions is totally not her fault.  Don't give her that look.  You should've looked at a map before you left. 

[NeverMarryAStripper 21903]

You shouldn't have said anything and just kept following her directions

[Biff Tannen 45677]

17 hours ago, Thetexashammer said:

It's literally been months since she accused me of wanting to diddle my 12 year old daughters friends. 

[Jameslaw121 4448]

44 minutes ago, Reagan1k said:

Yup - If one app works well then taking advice from two must be better, right?

Edit - actually her logic (lulz) was that Waze is more accurate on arrival times so she kept checking it to make sure we'd get to the shop before 5:00 and then it would show her a turn. She'd tell me that and then go back to the other one for the "real directions" and then take a turn from that.  Back and forth.

Made perfect sense to her at the time - She's the same one what can't tell her left from her right.  Literally holds up both hands and make an "L" with her fingers every time she needs to know left from right to see which hand has the "L" facing the correct way to know that's left.

She's no Magellan for sure.

Wait... to be clear, she also decided to go into a retail shop to browse and possible buy somethings a couple of minutes before they closed??????????? On a Friday????

[TrashMaster G 17552]

7 hours ago, Chrispy said:

I haven’t read this thread in it’s entirety, but I’m sure this has been covered at some point. My wife has decided that it’s time she goes on a diet and would love my support. 

So, last night after we get the kids down for bed, she decides she wants to eat a bowl of ice cream as we watch a show. I decided it was a perfect opportunity to mention that we ought to not buy ice cream anymore. She looked at me like I was a knife wielding maniac and said she couldn’t believe I “shamed her.” 

I’m still trying to understand what she means when she says she wants support. 

 

You shoulda tried this:  "That ice cream looks good.  I really admire how hard you're going to work to eat that and keep within your diet.  And you're looking especially thin today.  You must be doing something right!"

[Reagan1k 3024]

6 minutes ago, NeverMarryAStripper said:

You shouldn't have said anything and just kept following her directions

I’d be like the old MTA song by the Kingston Trio....he may ride forever “on the streets of ATL”, hes the man who never returns. 

[Reagan1k 3024]

4 minutes ago, Jameslaw121 said:

Wait... to be clear, she also decided to go into a retail shop to browse and possible buy somethings a couple of minutes before they closed??????????? On a Friday????

Possibly???? that fate was sealed before we ever got there.  Who shops for but doesn’t buy shoes? 

[SilasCoade 2622]

4 minutes ago, TrashMaster G said:

You shoulda tried this:  "That ice cream looks good.  I really admire how hard you're going to work to eat that and keep within your diet.  And you're looking especially thin today.  You must be doing something right!"

Fuck that. Don't say shit. She a grown woman. She know when she's getting thick and when she's getting fat. Keep your mouth shut unless you feel compelled to tell her that her weight is a problem for your relationship. 

[Buffsoldier 1895]

1 hour ago, Reagan1k said:

I told her to open up her phone and help me navigate the last mile or two

Here is the precise moment where you fucked up.

[Buffsoldier 1895]

17 hours ago, Thetexashammer said:

It's literally been months since she accused me of wanting to diddle my 12 year old daughters friends. 

Wow.  That's literally the type of statement where one person then has to pack their bags and leave the house.  Permanently.

[Pato del Muerto 52490]

4 hours ago, Cheeseweasel said:

This guy gets it.

The only question is, did she want to go there because she heard it’s the new place and wanted to be able to tell her friends she got there, or her friend went first and posted about it so she can’t fall behind. 

[TrashMaster G 17552]

9 minutes ago, Pato del Muerto said:

The only question is, did she want to go there because she heard it’s the new place and wanted to be able to tell her friends she got there, or her friend went first and posted about it so she can’t fall behind. 

Option 3:  Her boyfriend owns the place.

[Scheiss Meister 8407]

7 hours ago, Chrispy said:

I haven’t read this thread in it’s entirety, but I’m sure this has been covered at some point. My wife has decided that it’s time she goes on a diet and would love my support. 

So, last night after we get the kids down for bed, she decides she wants to eat a bowl of ice cream as we watch a show. I decided it was a perfect opportunity to mention that we ought to not buy ice cream anymore. She looked at me like I was a knife wielding maniac and said she couldn’t believe I “shamed her.” 

I’m still trying to understand what she means when she says she wants support. 

 

What she meant was, "You are getting a bit chubby there, Bub.  I'm going to pretend to put us both on a diet, it's really about you.  Put that brisket down and have a plate of sun dried organic kale."  She's just saving you from that evil ice cream.

[Chrispy 132]

1 hour ago, TrashMaster G said:

You shoulda tried this:  "That ice cream looks good.  I really admire how hard you're going to work to eat that and keep within your diet.  And you're looking especially thin today.  You must be doing something right!"

Damn, you sound like a seasoned pro. I’m going to steal this line. 

[Chrispy 132]

49 minutes ago, Scheiss Meister said:

What she meant was, "You are getting a bit chubby there, Bub.  I'm going to pretend to put us both on a diet, it's really about you.  Put that brisket down and have a plate of sun dried organic kale."  She's just saving you from that evil ice cream.

Oh, I wish it was that easy. Unfortunately, I’m not particularly chubby. 

[T’Boo Ted Marshall 2732]

Made perfect sense to her at the time - She's the same one what can't tell her left from her right.  Literally holds up both hands and make an "L" with her fingers every time she needs to know left from right to see which hand has the "L" facing the correct way to know that's left.

She also wear corrective shoes? NTTIAWWT.

[ChickenSandwich 9834]

14 hours ago, Llogg said:

Fuck that. Don't say shit. She a grown woman. She know when she's getting thick and when she's getting fat. Keep your mouth shut unless you feel compelled to tell her that her weight is a problem for your relationship. 

Give her a really cute and sweet pet name for encouragement. 

Like ThunderChunky

[Nivek 16923]

22 hours ago, Jameslaw121 said:

wait, you're wife decided on a restaurant??? nice fucking humble-brag....

You are missing a key factor here.  When asking where SHE wants to go for dinner she cannot make a decision.  When asking where YOU should go for dinner it is easy for her to decide.  Only problem is it cannot really be all about you, you selfish bastard.    

[Modessit 5600]

Bacongate - part 2.

This time she used foil, but said she "watched a video that said to cook it that way for 20 minutes".

[Buffsoldier 1895]

Seriously, that looks like bad jerky strips.

Edited June 9, 2018 by Buffsoldier

[miguelito 11263]

is that both crispy AND raw?

[Modessit 5600]

is that both crispy AND raw?

Nope. Burnt thru and thru.

[miguelito 11263]

Ah.  I mistook the glowing red lava hot parts for raw bacon.

[El Diablo 4232]

20 hours ago, Buffsoldier said:

Wow.  That's literally the type of statement where one person then has to pack their bags and leave the house.  Permanently.

Yeah, unless the 12 year old is somehow friends with the Kardashians, a Swedish Bikini Team or the like, that's pretty much a deal breaker accusation.

[Fudge Nuggets 19190]

On 6/9/2018 at 1:08 AM, Reagan1k said:

She's the same one what can't tell her left from her right.  Literally holds up both hands and make an "L" with her fingers every time she needs to know left from right to see which hand has the "L" facing the correct way to know that's left.

You had to know she was a complete moron before you got married.  There is no way anyone can hide this much stupidity. 

[Reagan1k 3024]

She runs an HR department.  A career in transportation and logistics was never an option.  I knew there was no dowry of common sense coming my way with the wedding, for sure.  

[AM Wood 335]

11 minutes ago, Reagan1k said:

She runs an HR department.  A career in transportation and logistics was never an option.  I knew there was no dowry of common sense coming my way with the wedding, for sure.  

Makes sense. You can have shit for brains and run an HR department.

[Scheiss Meister 8407]

21 minutes ago, AM Wood said:

Makes sense. You can have shit for brains and run an HR department.

From my experience, having shit for brains is a requirement for running most HR departments.

[ernest_t_bass 1196]

On 6/8/2018 at 12:26 AM, Thetexashammer said:

It's literally been months since she accused me of wanting to diddle my 12 year old daughters friends. 

Still waiting on the WTF backstory on this one.

[Thetexashammer 1062]

5 minutes ago, ernest_t_bass said:

Still waiting on the WTF backstory on this one.

Daughters birthday party sleepover. Nothing unusual. Only backstory I can plausibly come up with is that she's a miserable feminist man hater, which is true as well but likely only a tangent to the ridiculous accusation. She decided I was the enemy that day after we got married.

Edited June 10, 2018 by Thetexashammer

[Coyote 269]

Bacongate - part 2.

This time she used foil, but said she "watched a video that said to cook it that way for 20 minutes".

A good start would be to buy real bacon.

[ernest_t_bass 1196]

21 minutes ago, Thetexashammer said:

Daughters birthday party sleepover. Nothing unusual. Only backstory I can plausibly come up with is that she's a miserable feminist man hater, which is true as well but likely only a tangent to the ridiculous accusation. She decided I was the enemy that day after we got married.

Damn.  Sorry to hear that.  

[skipperj 377]

Were they like cheerleader 12yo’s or math club 12yo’s?