Wives and the Stupid Shit They Say/Do

[baboso 6102]

You fool, hulla.  Matt has no creative instinct or artistic flair.  He just does what we tell him we want done.  We need an artiste!

[Cheeseweasel 26439]

37 minutes ago, hullabelew said:

Women just aren't meant to be happy or content unless they are stressing the fuck out about something.

If this thread had a motto, you just nailed it.

[hullabelew 3730]

They brought in these 4 prints to hang in the bathroom.  The Bosnian handyman didn't want to hang them so they brought in some 'professional picture hanger' to do the job.  I purposely stayed the fuck out of everything associated with the entire project in the bathroom.  So when shit went wrong and more money was spent, I could plead plausible deniability.  

Oh....only thing I did do was have my  drinking buddy, who works for a large plumbing supply company price out all of the fixtures.  I got them all at cost...pissed off the designer since she wasn't getting her cut from her guy.  Bosnian got confused by the depth of the counter and threw up his hands....designer into a tizzy.....wife crying.   I had the adapter delivered to the house (actually the bar) withing an hour.  I grinned, gleefully.  

[Js1 86974]

3 hours ago, baboso said:

You fool, hulla.  Matt has no creative instinct or artistic flair.  He just does what we tell him we want done.  We need an artiste!

Careful with those Bosnians.  Your master bath will look like the Texas A&M campus circa...  right now, actually. 

[ROFL BOX 6654]

Father in law is apparently lactose intolerant.

Wife has determined that she is also lactose intolerant as well because she is now fairly close to the age where he became L.I.

My 15 year old daughter has decided that she is also lactose intolerant.

Sent from my SM-G950U1 using Tapatalk

[deadshank 24654]

2 minutes ago, ROFL BOX said:

Father in law is apparently lactose intolerant.

Wife has determined that she is also lactose intolerant as well because she is now fairly close to the age where he became L.I.

My 15 year old daughter has decided that she is also lactose intolerant.

Sent from my SM-G950U1 using Tapatalk
 

I think they are really roofing contractor intolerant. 

 

[Kennythetiger 9585]

10 hours ago, ROFL BOX said:

Or, between the 1950's & 70's you always had someone around to change the TV channel.

Sent from my SM-G950U1 using Tapatalk
 

My dad used us well into the 90s. 

[ztejas 44114]

1 hour ago, ROFL BOX said:

Father in law is apparently lactose intolerant.

Wife has determined that she is also lactose intolerant as well because she is now fairly close to the age where he became L.I.

My 15 year old daughter has decided that she is also lactose intolerant.

Sent from my SM-G950U1 using Tapatalk
 

I had a buddy in my fraternity who was deathly allergic to gluten. Like epi-pen go to the ER allergic. The rants he would go on about girls claiming to be allergic as part of some misguided attempt to set themselves out from the crowd were epic. 

[Cheeseweasel 26439]

54 minutes ago, ztejas said:

I had a buddy in my fraternity who was deathly allergic to gluten. Like epi-pen go to the ER allergic. The rants he would go on about girls claiming to be allergic as part of some misguided attempt to set themselves out from the crowd were epic. 

Women: How can I be a victim if I'm not really a victim? 

[NeverMarryAStripper 22247]

2 hours ago, deadshank said:

I think they are really roofing contractor intolerant. 

 

I just assumed that ROFL's real name was lactose

[Guest Lobo]

1 hour ago, ztejas said:

I had a buddy in my fraternity who was deathly allergic to gluten. Like epi-pen go to the ER allergic. The rants he would go on about girls claiming to be allergic as part of some misguided attempt to set themselves out from the crowd were epic. 

so that's how Rex Kramer setup his date rapes?  makes sens now.

[deadshank 24654]

1 hour ago, NeverMarryAStripper said:

I just assumed that ROFL's real name was lactose

His real name is Rufus Leakin.

[Trey3216 15450]

5 hours ago, ROFL BOX said:

Father in law is apparently lactose intolerant.

Wife has determined that she is also lactose intolerant as well because she is now fairly close to the age where he became L.I.

My 15 year old daughter has decided that she is also lactose intolerant.

Sent from my SM-G950U1 using Tapatalk
 

Don’t let their fellow countrymen help with the kitchen either, Hurts-a-Cocina. 

[luke duke 6447]

Father in law is apparently lactose intolerant.

Wife has determined that she is also lactose intolerant as well because she is now fairly close to the age where he became L.I.

My 15 year old daughter has decided that she is also lactose intolerant.

Sent from my SM-G950U1 using Tapatalk

Keep a bunch of ice cream in the freezer. Their lactose intolerance will be cured in no time.

[Brothahorn 10097]

On 6/8/2020 at 8:59 AM, NeverMarryAStripper said:

I've got kids 37, 34, 17, and 16.

[SHOOTER12 8883]

57 minutes ago, luke duke said:

 

Keep a bunch of ice cream in the freezer. Their lactose intolerance will be cured in no time.

 

Listen to this man, he's pre-med.

[ROFL BOX 6654]

1 hour ago, SHOOTER12 said:

Listen to this man, he's pre-med.

He has met her. so... yeah, that might be a workaround.

[Nolacycling 893]

Home Depot delivered wood for fence. It rained. "Aren't you worried about it getting wet?"

[TrashMaster G 18036]

1 hour ago, Nolacycling said:

Home Depot delivered wood for fence. It rained. "Aren't you worried about it getting wet?"

Coulda been for an indoor fence.

[Cheeseweasel 26439]

11 hours ago, Nolacycling said:

Home Depot delivered wood for fence. It rained. "Aren't you worried about it getting wet?"

Yo, dog, you're gonna need a fence for that fence

[ztejas 44114]

13 hours ago, Nolacycling said:

Home Depot delivered wood for fence. It rained. "Aren't you worried about it getting wet?"

You don't wrap your fence in garbage bags before it rains?

[ztejas 44114]

13 hours ago, Nolacycling said:

Home Depot delivered wood for fence. It rained. "Aren't you worried about it getting wet?"

You don't wrap your fence in garbage bags before it rains?

[ROFL BOX 6654]

"What's the deal with a leather jacket & getting it wet - I mean, aren't cows made of leather?  Do they have to come in out of the rain?"

~Jerry Seinfeld

[Judge Roybeanbag 11856]

On 6/9/2020 at 11:40 AM, ROFL BOX said:

Father in law is apparently lactose intolerant.

Wife has determined that she is also lactose intolerant as well because she is now fairly close to the age where he became L.I.

My 15 year old daughter has decided that she is also lactose intolerant.

Sent from my SM-G950U1 using Tapatalk
 

Just as an experiment you should get some practice refilling almond and soy milk containers with real milk.  

[UT_OB1 2262]

On 6/8/2020 at 8:59 AM, NeverMarryAStripper said:

I've got kids 37, 34, 17, and 16.

Dad?

 

I’m the oldest of my dads kids at 37. Have a set of siblings at...26, 24 and 23ish from second wife. Have another set at 18 and 16 from third wife. She is just a few years older than me. 

[ROFL BOX 6654]

On 6/10/2020 at 11:52 AM, Judge Roybeanbag said:

Just as an experiment you should get some practice refilling almond and soy milk containers with real milk.  

I did that with some kind of bullshit sub-lingual diet drops that she spent way too much $$ on.  Swapped it out around 25% or so with water.  She never noticed & swore it was working, that she had dropped 8 lbs. or something like that.  She's CONSTANTLY after some magic pill / potion for weight loss & I'm constantly reminding her that the only real way is food as energy, consume properly, get exercise & burn more calories than you take in... etc.

So, yeah.

[HenryJames 67129]

6 hours ago, UT_OB1 said:

She is just a few years older than me. 

Pics?

[Dennis Taylor 19294]

2 hours ago, HenryJames said:

Pics?

Yeah @UT_OB1

[UT_OB1 2262]

6 hours ago, ROFL BOX said:

I did that with some kind of bullshit sub-lingual diet drops that she spent way too much $$ on.  Swapped it out around 25% or so with water.  She never noticed & swore it was working, that she had dropped 8 lbs. or something like that.  She's CONSTANTLY after some magic pill / potion for weight loss & I'm constantly reminding her that the only real way is food as energy, consume properly, get exercise & burn more calories than you take in... etc.

So, yeah.

But you don't understand.  See there are conditions where even if you never eat any food your body just can't lose weight.  That condition effects approximately 1 in a billion, and she has a mild form of it.  So it doesn't matter how much she 'diets.'  She needs cobalt powder from the acupuncturist, fecal injections from someone who is sort of a licensed doctor in Dallas, and sublingual vitamin D.  

@HenryJames and @Dennis Taylor for your own sake, no.  Ironically, she was the oldest woman (at the time) that my dad married.  Both my mom and step mom were 18 when my dad married them.  Mom and dad went to high school together.  Step mom 1...was dad's student...

[TrashMaster G 18036]

13 minutes ago, UT_OB1 said:

But you don't understand.  See there are conditions where even if you never eat any food your body just can't lose weight.  That condition effects approximately 1 in a billion, and she has a mild form of it.  So it doesn't matter how much she 'diets.'  She needs cobalt powder from the acupuncturist, fecal injections from someone who is sort of a licensed doctor in Dallas, and sublingual vitamin D.  

@HenryJames and @Dennis Taylor for your own sake, no.  Ironically, she was the oldest woman (at the time) that my dad married.  Both my mom and step mom were 18 when my dad married them.  Mom and dad went to high school together.  Step mom 1...was dad's student...

*affects

[Armybrat 41330]

1 hour ago, UT_OB1 said:

 

@HenryJames and @Dennis TaylorStep mom 1...was dad's student...

there’s a separate thread somewhere around here for that.

[Jameslaw121 4485]

Anyone else have to go to two different Targets for pick up orders that your wife placed today?? Asking for a friend.

[nnm 37758]

18 minutes ago, Jameslaw121 said:

Anyone else have to go to two different Targets for pick up orders that your wife placed today?? Asking for a friend.

 

[The Ace of Aces 5366]

37 minutes ago, Jameslaw121 said:

Anyone else have to go to two different Targets for pick up orders that your wife placed today?? Asking for a friend.

Not Target, but last Sunday we went to a local grocery store, about 2 miles away, to get our groceries she orders for curbside pickup. 

We then drove 25 miles to the store she actually ordered them through.

[DCA_HORN 725]

The wife has ordered food to the office instead of home as intended at least 3 times.

[markstanco 12773]

Mrs stanco getting ready to cook kids some food, our over has a time started stamp on it. I just turned it off at 8:22p from 425F, she turned it on at 746p.

And just got in the shower 10 minutes ago. She takes no less than 30 minutes showering and drying off, hair, etc.

[Upgrayedd 5861]

1 hour ago, markstanco said:

Mrs stanco getting ready to cook kids some food, our over has a time started stamp on it. I just turned it off at 8:22p from 425F, she turned it on at 746p.

And just got in the shower 10 minutes ago. She takes no less than 30 minutes showering and drying off, hair, etc.
 

So your kids are going hungry?

[markstanco 12773]

So your kids are going hungry?

With a swift push of a button, it will come on again and heat to the proper temp in about 10 minutes.

[Chewbacca 7827]

So your kids are going hungry?

They are clearly used to it.

[HenryJames 67129]

2 hours ago, markstanco said:

Mrs stanco getting ready to cook kids some food, our over has a time started stamp on it. I just turned it off at 8:22p from 425F, she turned it on at 746p.

And just got in the shower 10 minutes ago. She takes no less than 30 minutes showering and drying off, hair, etc.
 

Is this an SAT question?

[markstanco 12773]

Is this an SAT question?

No east and west trains.

 

On edit: I was a HS grad of 90 when the ACT was getting popular. Did well. A buddy of mine and me took the SAT for fun to see the difference. Dorky, I know, but even 30 years later I recall the format being very similar. Not sure why the new act came out and was liked over the sat.

[Upgrayedd 5861]

1 hour ago, markstanco said:

1 hour ago, Upgrayedd said:

So your kids are going hungry?

With a swift push of a button, it will come on again and heat to the proper temp in about 10 minutes.

So instead of throwing the food in the oven, you opt to post.  Got it.

1 hour ago, Chewbacca said:

1 hour ago, Upgrayedd said:

So your kids are going hungry?

They are clearly used to it.

Bootstraps yo

[markstanco 12773]

So instead of throwing the food in the oven, you opt to post.  Got it.[/Quote]

I cook for them all the time but tonight wasn't my night it was hers. No food on the counter so no idea what she was throwing in. I was at the grocery store getting stuff for this week she requested and when I got home I turned it off.

Are you cool with that?

[Pato del Muerto 53345]

Which takes more energy, keeping the oven at 425 for 30 minutes or turning it off and heating it back up from whatever temp it had cooled down to?

[TrashMaster G 18036]

5 hours ago, DCA_HORN said:

The wife has ordered food to the office instead of home as intended at least 3 times.

So she's a slow learner.  That probably worked in your favor at some point. 

[ROFL BOX 6654]

55 minutes ago, Pato del Muerto said:

Which takes more energy, keeping the oven at 425 for 30 minutes or turning it off and heating it back up from whatever temp it had cooled down to?

This is a direct correlation to keeping your wife pissed @ you for a consistent 30 minutes or letting her get over "it" & then bringing the subject up again (because obviously she was WRONG, but you sure as hell can't let her think she was right) 30 minutes later.

[TKthunder2 5058]

Watching Moana with the kids reminded of this today so figured I’d share. A little long so sorry in advance.

Years ago we were in Mexico and I pointed out some coconut trees near our room.  Later that night the wife told me that she didn’t think they were coconuts because they were green and not brown.  I told her that I was pretty sure they were (knowing I was right) but dropped it since we were on vacation.

The only problem was that she was sure I was wrong and mentioned it every time we passed the trees (which was multiple times a day).  I basically was just giving noncommittal responses and it really started to irritate her, so she started asking random staff/guests who all agreed that it was indeed a coconut tree.

After a few days she blew up at me and showed me a picture of a ‘brown coconut’ she found online, so I finally pulled up a video of people husking coconuts and explained how the ‘brown’ is inside the green husk.

She was very upset by this turn of events and went from being mad at me for not telling her this before she made a fool of herself asking everyone about the tree, and jumping back into denial stating that we still didn’t know that it was a coconut tree because we hadn’t seen proof that a ‘brown coconut’ was inside.

On our last day she found a ‘green coconut’ that fell out of a tree and spent nearly 20 minutes trying to open it before telling me I needed to open it for her.  I told her no, that it was a big pain in the ass and that I was done with all of this.  She pouted but eventually relented because we had a nice dinner planned that night and still had to pack up for the trip home.

Going through customs on the way back guess what was in one of our bags that she conveniently forgot to declare causing us to miss our connecting flight home?

[AUS-97HORN 11991]

@TKthunder2     bet you wished you had just husked the green one to shut her up.... 

[Upgrayedd 5861]

21 minutes ago, TKthunder2 said:

Going through customs on the way back guess what was in one of our bags that she conveniently forgot to declare causing us to miss our connecting flight home?

Cuban cigars?

[TKthunder2 5058]

12 minutes ago, AUS-97HORN said:

@TKthunder2     bet you wished you had just husked the green one to shut her up.... 

Yep, if you ask her, it was all my fault.