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Wives and the Stupid Shit They Say/Do

Spur08

By Spur08
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McCroskey
McCroskey

Buddy sent a text today...said his wife decided to shop vac their fireplace and clean up all the ash. When she finished, she turned around and didn’t realize the shop vac lid wasn’t really seated, so

BearCountry11
BearCountry11

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RamjetFDO
RamjetFDO

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Grade of D as in David

Grade of D as in David 13253

Posted
Posted
4 hours ago, ROFL BOX said:

Contrail?  Or are you one-a those "the gov't is poisoning us, man!" types?

 

3 hours ago, Jerry Callo said:

I think he is using "chemtrail" around strangers to elicit reactions.  He should have explained the hilarity that ensues.

Irregardless I would like to know what their reactions are.

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nnm

nnm 36418

Posted
Posted

@Grade of D as in David, @ROFL BOX, @Pato del Muerto

'Irregardless' is a real word – you're just using it wrong

Jun 5, 2017, 9:36 AM

Kory Stamper, a lexicographer for Merriam-Webster and author of "Word by Word: The Secret Life of Dictionaries," told us that "irregardless" is a word in the dictionary, and how to use it correctly. Following is a transcript of the video.

"Irregardless" is a word and we're duty-bound to enter it.

My name is Kory Stamper and I am a lexicographer for Merriam-Webster. That means I am a writer and editor of dictionaries.

One word that gets a lot of vitriol is the word "irregardless." There is a dictionary entry for "irregardless." "Irregardless" is a word. This inspires specific vehement hatred in people. "Irregardless" is a word and we're duty-bound to enter it. 

"Irregardless" is a word. It is related to "regardless." It is actually a blend of two words. It's a blend of "irrespective" and "regardless." People hate it because they say that it has no use — why not just use "regardless"? 

But actually in the dialect that "irregardless" comes from, it has a specific use that doesn't translate well in print. It's basically an emphatic use of "regardless." So if you’re a native speaker of certain dialects that use "irregardless" you use "irregardless" to shut down further conversation on a topic. I might say, “Dad, let me borrow the car. I'm a really good driver.” And he'll say, “Regardless, I'm not comfortable.” I'll say, “Oh but come on. I'll get it detailed, and I'll put gas in it.” He’ll say, “Irregardless, no.” 

The point of the "irregardless" is to shut down conversation. So "irregardless" is a word. It has a specific use, in particular dialects. That said, it’s not part of standard English and so — especially if you’re writing or if you’re speaking in formal places — you want to use "regardless" instead. Because if you use "irregardless," people will think you’re uneducated.
https://www.businessinsider.com/irregardless-real-word-regardless-kory-stamper-education-dictionary-mean-girls-lexicon-merriam-webster-2017-6?op=1

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Pato del Muerto

Pato del Muerto 52507

Posted
Posted
42 minutes ago, NeverMarryAStripper said:

So irregardless wasn't a word, but so many dumb asses thought it was and used it that it became one.  We are being conquered by morons one small act at a time.

Yes. Same general deal with ginormous. Became so ubiquitous that they added it to the dictionary.  Language is an evolving thing. 

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Dennis Taylor

Dennis Taylor 18829

Posted
Posted (edited)

Latest trend is getting pissed when i don't pay attention to a movie or show that I told her I had no interest in watching and go ride the bike,  diddle around on my phone or fall asleep (depending the time of day.) Sweet Home Alabama,  you're next.  

-zzzzzzzzzzz

Edited by Dennis Taylor
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OrangEngr

OrangEngr 1035

Posted
Posted
On 7/2/2020 at 8:27 PM, MIkeHoncho said:

why does she feel the need to read Facebook to me?  we follow 90% of the same people.  drives me up a wall. 

I wanted to like your post, but:

a. Your first sentence caused me to stroke out from all the triggering, and

b. What grown-ass man is still on Facebook?

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Dnaguy

Dnaguy 11990

Posted
Posted

Set the scene:

  • Girls are down for their nap (one is also set 4, the other almost 2)
  • I’m in computer room which is next to the almost 4 year old
  • I have to take a Wonderlic test as part of a job interview process
  • Almost 4 year old starts crying while I’m taking the test
  • I’ve already finished w/ the 12 minute timed portion and am on the BS personality questions which aren’t timed

[Wife opens door]

Wife: Hey are you still taking that timed portion of the test

Me: No. 

Wife: Ok, good because I thought her crying was distracting while you were taking this test and I wanted to know if I needed to take her out of her room to help you concentrate because I didn’t want that to hurt you or slow you down.

Me: Seriously? How is what you’re doing any less distracting. Let’s think about this whole scenario for a second. What if I was in the timed part? By you coming in here, you’ve made the situation 10X worse if I was indeed being timed.

Wife: You don’t have to be an asshole. I was trying to help.

Me: Well.

Wife: You don’t have to be mean all the time.

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mulletpelini

mulletpelini 5211

Posted
Posted (edited)
7 hours ago, MaybeACoordinator said:

Isn't that a good thing?

Not when they still leave 2 hours late because she hasn't packed yet.  

DNAguy, you completely missed a golden opp for a blowjob.

"Gee honey, that's so nice of you to be thinking of me.  I'm out of the timed portion, which means I can take a break while you're blowing me."

Edited by mulletpelini
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nnm

nnm 36418

Posted
Posted
2 hours ago, Dnaguy said:

Set the scene:

  • Girls are down for their nap (one is also set 4, the other almost 2)
  • I’m in computer room which is next to the almost 4 year old
  • I have to take a Wonderlic test as part of a job interview process
  • Almost 4 year old starts crying while I’m taking the test
  • I’ve already finished w/ the 12 minute timed portion and am on the BS personality questions which aren’t timed

[Wife opens door]

Wife: Hey are you still taking that timed portion of the test

Me: No. 

Wife: Ok, good because I thought her crying was distracting while you were taking this test and I wanted to know if I needed to take her out of her room to help you concentrate because I didn’t want that to hurt you or slow you down.

Me: Seriously? How is what you’re doing any less distracting. Let’s think about this whole scenario for a second. What if I was in the timed part? By you coming in here, you’ve made the situation 10X worse if I was indeed being timed.

Wife: You don’t have to be an asshole. I was trying to help.

Me: Well.

Wife: You don’t have to be mean all the time.

tenor.gif?itemid=5124246

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Dnaguy

Dnaguy 11990

Posted
Posted
3 hours ago, DDD Dad said:

Well you don’t.

True.

i am an asshole. 

2 hours ago, mulletpelini said:

Not when they still leave 2 hours late because she hasn't packed yet.  

DNAguy, you completely missed a golden opp for a blowjob.

"Gee honey, that's so nice of you to be thinking of me.  I'm out of the timed portion, which means I can take a break while you're blowing me."

What’s a blowjob. I vaguely remember this sex act ... I’m married though. So whatever exotic act this is, I don’t get it.

1 hour ago, nnm said:

tenor.gif?itemid=5124246

Phil Hartman yes GIF

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Paper_jam

Paper_jam 831

Posted
Posted (edited)
5 hours ago, Dnaguy said:

Wife: Hey are you still taking that timed portion of the test

Me: No. 

Wife: Ok, good because I thought her crying was distracting while you were taking this test and I wanted to know if I needed to take her out of her room to help you concentrate because I didn’t want that to hurt you or slow you down.

Me: Seriously? How is what you’re doing any less distracting. Let’s think about this whole scenario for a second. What if I was in the timed part? By you coming in here, you’ve made the situation 10X worse if I was indeed being timed.

 

Frs3.gif

Edited by Paper_jam
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ABSR

ABSR 5315

Posted
Posted
On 7/4/2020 at 8:08 AM, mulletpelini said:

Not when they still leave 2 hours late because she hasn't packed yet.  

DNAguy, you completely missed a golden opp for a blowjob.

"Gee honey, that's so nice of you to be thinking of me.  I'm out of the timed portion, which means I can take a break while you're blowing me."

If she gave blow jobs they wouldn’t have two kids.

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CycleTex87

CycleTex87 2970

Posted
Posted

Sometime last week my wife decided to become a vegan.  Right before the 4th of July when I was planning a brisket. I’m talking about no eggs, no milk or cheese, no oils, any kind of nuts, honey, and forget about cookies or ice cream or any of the other fun summer stuff we normally do.  No guacamole or avocado (fat), hummus (oils), etc. just beans, brown rice, fruits and vegetables.  She made me watch a movie about it.  Sure let’s eat healthier, but c’mon.  FML. 

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