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Wives and the Stupid Shit They Say/Do

Spur08

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Grade of D as in David

Grade of D as in David 13253

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Posted
26 minutes ago, CycleTex87 said:

Sometime last week my wife decided to become a vegan.  Right before the 4th of July when I was planning a brisket. I’m talking about no eggs, no milk or cheese, no oils, any kind of nuts, honey, and forget about cookies or ice cream or any of the other fun summer stuff we normally do.  No guacamole or avocado (fat), hummus (oils), etc. just beans, brown rice, fruits and vegetables.  She made me watch a movie about it.  Sure let’s eat healthier, but c’mon.  FML. 

Seems like pretty extreme measures just to get out of giving you a beej

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CycleTex87

CycleTex87 2970

Posted
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37 minutes ago, Anastasis said:

I was out in the garage doing an oil change with the boy. Wife in the kitchen cooking up a whole chicken for dinner.  Boy and I go for a ride to shake the oil down and come home to this.  

I have no words...

4-D678221-91-EC-4-C4-B-BB23-5-B7041-CC06

Tastes like chicken!

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Dennis Taylor

Dennis Taylor 18828

Posted
Posted
59 minutes ago, CycleTex87 said:

Sometime last week my wife decided to become a vegan.  Right before the 4th of July when I was planning a brisket. I’m talking about no eggs, no milk or cheese, no oils, any kind of nuts, honey, and forget about cookies or ice cream or any of the other fun summer stuff we normally do.  No guacamole or avocado (fat), hummus (oils), etc. just beans, brown rice, fruits and vegetables.  She made me watch a movie about it.  Sure let’s eat healthier, but c’mon.  FML. 

Did she decide she's a vegan,  or yall are vegan?

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TrashMaster G

TrashMaster G 17557

Posted
Posted
1 hour ago, CycleTex87 said:

Sometime last week my wife decided to become a vegan.  Right before the 4th of July when I was planning a brisket. I’m talking about no eggs, no milk or cheese, no oils, any kind of nuts, honey, and forget about cookies or ice cream or any of the other fun summer stuff we normally do.  No guacamole or avocado (fat), hummus (oils), etc. just beans, brown rice, fruits and vegetables.  She made me watch a movie about it.  Sure let’s eat healthier, but c’mon.  FML. 

No way the pussy is worth that.

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UT_OB1

UT_OB1 2223

Posted
Posted
1 hour ago, CycleTex87 said:

Sometime last week my wife decided to become a vegan.  Right before the 4th of July when I was planning a brisket. I’m talking about no eggs, no milk or cheese, no oils, any kind of nuts, honey, and forget about cookies or ice cream or any of the other fun summer stuff we normally do.  No guacamole or avocado (fat), hummus (oils), etc. just beans, brown rice, fruits and vegetables.  She made me watch a movie about it.  Sure let’s eat healthier, but c’mon.  FML. 

1) WTF does avacado have to do with the vegan diet?  Shit those are about the only good thing about being a vegan

2) hummus is just beans with, what, 10-20% olive oil. She is cutting out olive oil on a vegan diet?  So then the only other good tasting thing?

Shes doing some ultra low fat vegan diet, not your normal run of the mill crazy vegan wife. Good luck man, you’re doing to need it about 7 days in. 
 

 

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HenryJames

HenryJames 66065

Posted
Posted
1 hour ago, Anastasis said:

I was out in the garage doing an oil change with the boy. Wife in the kitchen cooking up a whole chicken for dinner.  Boy and I go for a ride to shake the oil down and come home to this.  

I have no words...

4-D678221-91-EC-4-C4-B-BB23-5-B7041-CC06

Maybe she’s becoming a vegan.

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Reagan1k

Reagan1k 3024

Posted
Posted
1 hour ago, Anastasis said:

I was out in the garage doing an oil change with the boy. Wife in the kitchen cooking up a whole chicken for dinner.  Boy and I go for a ride to shake the oil down and come home to this.  

I have no words...

4-D678221-91-EC-4-C4-B-BB23-5-B7041-CC06

Did she run over a neighbor’s yard bird and decide to cook it to hide the evidence? 

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CycleTex87

CycleTex87 2970

Posted
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56 minutes ago, Dennis Taylor said:

Did she decide she's a vegan,  or yall are vegan?

I don’t know, but I’m having 5- Guys burger tomorrow and I’ve got a couple more days of eating on this brisket.  The kids totally won’t do it so she’ll be on her own. 

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nnm

nnm 36415

Posted
Posted
1 hour ago, Dennis Taylor said:

Did she decide she's a vegan,  or yall are vegan?

Yes, I’m not seeing how her becoming a vegan is going to affect you smoking or eating brisket or anything else. That’s her choice, not yours. 

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ABSR

ABSR 5315

Posted
Posted
1 hour ago, nnm said:

Yes, I’m not seeing how her becoming a vegan is going to affect you smoking or eating brisket or anything else. That’s her choice, not yours. 

She will cook ultra vegan food and expect them to eat it.  If he makes normal food she will ask what he made for her and complain about not having anything, or about whatever he made.

Want to go out to dinner...well start listing places that she can tell you do to have anything for her to eat and how could you even bring up such places.  Need to pick a place that has her food, and that list is short and terrible.  

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Grade of D as in David

Grade of D as in David 13253

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7 minutes ago, ABSR said:

She will cook ultra vegan food and expect them to eat it.  If he makes normal food she will ask what he made for her and complain about not having anything, or about whatever he made.

Want to go out to dinner...well start listing places that she can tell you do to have anything for her to eat and how could you even bring up such places.  Need to pick a place that has her food, and that list is short and terrible.  

I don't even think it gets that far. I predict she spends about $300 at the grocery store and about four days in decides to quit the diet.

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former alkie

former alkie 72

Posted
Posted
4 hours ago, Anastasis said:

I was out in the garage doing an oil change with the boy. Wife in the kitchen cooking up a whole chicken for dinner.  Boy and I go for a ride to shake the oil down and come home to this.  

I have no words...

4-D678221-91-EC-4-C4-B-BB23-5-B7041-CC06

Man, I hope she fucked that up on purpose

Goddamn

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Pato del Muerto

Pato del Muerto 52500

Posted
Posted
13 hours ago, Anastasis said:

I was out in the garage doing an oil change with the boy. Wife in the kitchen cooking up a whole chicken for dinner.  Boy and I go for a ride to shake the oil down and come home to this.  

I have no words...

4-D678221-91-EC-4-C4-B-BB23-5-B7041-CC06

This is the kind of thing that precedes her deciding that the family is now vegan. Navigate carefully. 

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Tylerocks

Tylerocks 2553

Posted
Posted

Whole roasted chicken last night.  She usually does a great job with it..

Breaking down the remaining bird after we were finished.

Sure enough...giblet bag in the cavity. SMH

She said she pulled out a bag...which I suppose is a possibility?  Or she pulled the neck out and left the bag.

anyway, we didn't die and the bag didn't seem to melt.

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SHOOTER12

SHOOTER12 8810

Posted
Posted
1 hour ago, Tylerocks said:

Whole roasted chicken last night.  She usually does a great job with it..

Breaking down the remaining bird after we were finished.

Sure enough...giblet bag in the cavity. SMH

She said she pulled out a bag...which I suppose is a possibility?  Or she pulled the neck out and left the bag.

anyway, we didn't die and the bag didn't seem to melt.

That wasn't a giblet bag.  That neck?  Someone left a dick and condom in your chicken.

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OrangEngr

OrangEngr 1035

Posted
Posted
On 7/6/2020 at 7:14 PM, CycleTex87 said:

Sometime last week my wife decided to become a vegan.  Right before the 4th of July when I was planning a brisket. I’m talking about no eggs, no milk or cheese, no oils, any kind of nuts, honey, and forget about cookies or ice cream or any of the other fun summer stuff we normally do.  No guacamole or avocado (fat), hummus (oils), etc. just beans, brown rice, fruits and vegetables.  She made me watch a movie about it.  Sure let’s eat healthier, but c’mon.  FML. 

I thought your brain needed fats to function properly...oh, wait. Nevermind.

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Flg8rfan

Flg8rfan 201

Posted
Posted

We have two dogs that are pretty old, so they’re slowing down. Twice my wife has decided we needed to change their dry food and bought a 30+ pound bag of the new food. Both times the dogs refused to eat it.

Guess what got delivered today from Chewy.........

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Reagan1k

Reagan1k 3024

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Wife:  How long should I bake this?

Me: 45 minutes should be about right.

Wife:  It takes an hour.  I always bake it for an hour.

Me: ..........................................................................................................

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Cheeseweasel

Cheeseweasel 26438

Posted
Posted
22 minutes ago, Reagan1k said:

Wife:  How long should I bake this?

Me: 45 minutes should be about right.

Wife:  It takes an hour.  I always bake it for an hour.

Me: ..........................................................................................................

I sweater god that 99% of the questions they ask are rhetorical. 

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ROFL BOX

ROFL BOX 6649

Posted
Posted

Shower head broke right @ the end of the plastic parts, so we've been doing a solid stream of water for the past 3 days until I had time to stop by Homer Despot & get a new one.

...Because she obviously can't go on her own while on the way home so she could get exactly what she wanted, nope.

I found one that was on the "discount" end cap near plumbing, $ 24.00, has multiple functions, spray patterns, detachable head, etc. + got a small roll of tef tape.

Bring home:

Her:  "Nope, don't like it."

Me:  "Why?"

Her:  "Just don't.  Get a basic one.'

Me:  "Tell me why you don't like it.  This one was on closeout or clearance or whatever... great price."

Her: "I simply don't."

Me:  "You're sounding like a 3 year old who sees some new food they haven't ever come across & are refusing to even sniff it."

Her:  Glaring eyeball lasers.  "Do NOT install that."

Me:  "Don't give 2 shits, it's going up.  There's not a damn thing wrong with it & you can't tell me why other than a generic pout."

 

I'll be installing it in around 1 hour.

 

 

 

d15cbc2155b48c6f96c6f419507f1376.jpg

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TrashMaster G

TrashMaster G 17557

Posted
Posted
6 minutes ago, ROFL BOX said:

Shower head broke right @ the end of the plastic parts, so we've been doing a solid stream of water for the past 3 days until I had time to stop by Homer Despot & get a new one.

...Because she obviously can't go on her own while on the way home so she could get exactly what she wanted, nope.

I found one that was on the "discount" end cap near plumbing, $ 24.00, has multiple functions, spray patterns, detachable head, etc. + got a small roll of tef tape.

Bring home:

Her:  "Nope, don't like it."

Me:  "Why?"

Her:  "Just don't.  Get a basic one.'

Me:  "Tell me why you don't like it.  This one was on closeout or clearance or whatever... great price."

Her: "I simply don't."

Me:  "You're sounding like a 3 year old who sees some new food they haven't ever come across & are refusing to even sniff it."

Her:  Glaring eyeball lasers.  "Do NOT install that."

Me:  "Don't give 2 shits, it's going up.  There's not a damn thing wrong with it & you can't tell me why other than a generic pout."

 

I'll be installing it in around 1 hour.

 

 

 

d15cbc2155b48c6f96c6f419507f1376.jpg

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Trey3216

Trey3216 15346

Posted
Posted
29 minutes ago, ROFL BOX said:

Didn't even read the instructions.

Not a single written word. Barely glanced @ the pamphlet other than to get it TFO of my way.10ac1b4765bbe68fa92a97473a30978a.jpg

Sent from my SM-G950U1 using Tapatalk
 

You should go ahead and caulk that shower while you’re at it.   

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ROFL BOX

ROFL BOX 6649

Posted
Posted
1 minute ago, Trey3216 said:

You should go ahead and caulk that shower while you’re at it.   

That's not a lack of caulk @ the top of the tile, it's the 1980's era wallpaper peeling up.  The wife is into Victorian & I married into this bathroom.

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