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Wives and the Stupid Shit They Say/Do

Spur08

By Spur08
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McCroskey
McCroskey

Buddy sent a text today...said his wife decided to shop vac their fireplace and clean up all the ash. When she finished, she turned around and didn’t realize the shop vac lid wasn’t really seated, so

BearCountry11
BearCountry11

From earlier this evening...   My father in law lost his cell phone on the golf course this afternoon.  It was raining so we didn’t have much hope it would still be working but he shares the

RamjetFDO
RamjetFDO

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Beau Vine

Beau Vine 54223

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I went to check the mail and there was nothing there.

Me: Did you get the mail already?

No: No, do you want me to?

Me: No, I just wanted to know if you had already gotten it.

Her: Why, were you expecting something in the mail today?

Me: NO, I JUST WANTED TO KNOW IF YOU HAD ALREADY GOTTEN IT.

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Armybrat

Armybrat 40842

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On 7/13/2020 at 9:49 AM, thunderlounge said:

You know, some folks in the psychiatric world subscribe to the train of thought that there are no “accidents”, and that deep down in the subconscious the actions were intentional.  

Well, you ex apparently indicated she wanted to be remote.

 

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Armybrat

Armybrat 40842

Posted
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On 7/13/2020 at 10:05 PM, NateHitch said:

Been a while since I visited this thread but just had something so ridiculous happen that I was instantly reminded of it. Wife and I are sitting down watching a documentary about Yellowstone as winter approaches. We're both really into it. I'm tired, long day at work and 2 drinks in but really enjoying the show. They get to a part about foxes hunting in the snow, jumping and nosediving to catch mice or whatever they can find. Wife is talking and commenting and saying something about how they seem so cat-like and I'm neither listening nor not listening, not offering any opinions of my own, I just want to watch the show.

So the segment ends and they move on and the wife says something like "Wait, no, they're not in the cat family, they're in the dog family"

I return to reality and look at her and say "The fox?? You thought that was a cat?!"

Her "Well it seemed like a cat, it was stalking and jumping"

Me "Look at the snout, ears and body, it looked nothing like a cat!"

Her "Well I was trying to have a conversation about it but you just kept nodding your head"

Me "I was watching the show, I thought you just meant it seemed cat-like while it was hunting. I didn't realize a conversation was required to ascertain that a fox is not a cat."

I love her to death, she's an executive at her company and one of the smartest humans I know but good god I was at a loss for words tonight.

Pussy defeated itself

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harpercollins

harpercollins 394

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Just buy the 2pack next time you are at H-E-B and give them a try. The texture is so smooth when you chew it. I’ve never had a better burger. Be careful if you grill them though. Keep them off of direct flame as the generate a lot of grease and can burn very easily.

I tried them tonight on the egg and they stuck horribly even on an clean oiled grate. Have never had that happen with 80/20 burgers before. I guess theyre almost pate like. Did not like.
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Pokoloco

Pokoloco 1281

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Her: Remember when we used to play badminton over at my moms?

Me: No. We never played badminton.

Her: Yes, we used to play all the time, my mom had a set.

Me: Never happened.

Her: Yes it did, we played all the time!

Me: It wasn't me. Who the hell are you thinking about?

Her: Stop. We did! 

Me: (realizing who I'm talking to) Wait, what do you think badminton is?

Her: It's the game with chips it comes in a little case.

Me: That's BACKGAMMON!!!

Her: Remember when we used to play backgammon?

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Dennis Taylor

Dennis Taylor 18819

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16 minutes ago, Pokoloco said:

Her: Remember when we used to play badminton over at my moms?

Me: No. We never played badminton.

Her: Yes, we used to play all the time, my mom had a set.

Me: Never happened.

Her: Yes it did, we played all the time!

Me: It wasn't me. Who the hell are you thinking about?

Her: Stop. We did! 

Me: (realizing who I'm talking to) Wait, what do you think badminton is?

Her: It's the game with chips it comes in a little case.

Me: That's BACKGAMMON!!!

Her: Remember when we used to play 

She must have been thinking about her old boyfriend 's shuttlecock

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Pokoloco

Pokoloco 1281

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3 hours ago, BurntEyes said:

Germans, for whatever reason, love badminton. Seems like when I lived there nearly every party at someone's home, at some point, involved badminton.

Some also played backgammon, but it wasn't really a party game.

Trix is of German descent. So this all makes sense.

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Droopy

Droopy 2626

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22 hours ago, Beau Vine said:

I went to check the mail and there was nothing there.

Me: Did you get the mail already?

No: No, do you want me to?

Me: No, I just wanted to know if you had already gotten it.

Her: Why, were you expecting something in the mail today?

Me: NO, I JUST WANTED TO KNOW IF YOU HAD ALREADY GOTTEN IT.

Her: What are you hiding from me?!?!

        Why don't you just tell me what you were expecting to be in the mail?

        I don't appreciate secrets...

You: I just asked a question. smh...

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Not a cat

Not a cat 5655

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My first thought was there was an annual fee of 99 and she was trying to figure out the monthly cost.  But then I realized this would require budgeting and financial planning skills.  Unless it was a way to justify the cost to hubby- it's only 8.25 per month, we can afford that!

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Pokoloco

Pokoloco 1281

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She's on this healthy eating trend is having a hard time pronouncing foods she's never heard of.  

She's reading out of one of the healthy eating books I just got her looks up at me and asks: What's a shit-cake mushroom?

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Sam Lin

Sam Lin 3556

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4 hours ago, ROFL BOX said:

Me, trying to remember the combo for this trigger lock. Is obviously not opening.

Those locks are built with shitty tolerances and you can always figure out the combo for them by pressing hard on the release and turning each number dial. You'll feel when the tumbler is correct and one dial "drops" into place slightly (it'll then be harder to turn if you try to go to the next number), then move to the remaining dials and repeat.

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ROFL BOX

ROFL BOX 6649

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Those locks are built with shitty tolerances and you can always figure out the combo for them by pressing hard on the release and turning each number dial. You'll feel when the tumbler is correct and one dial "drops" into place slightly (it'll then be harder to turn if you try to go to the next number), then move to the remaining dials and repeat.
I will give that a try later today.

Sent from my SM-G950U1 using Tapatalk

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deadshank

deadshank 24652

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On 7/17/2020 at 4:19 PM, ROFL BOX said:

Me, trying to remember the combo for this trigger lock. Is obviously not opening.

Wife: "Can't you just reset it? Those codes can be changed, right?"

Me: "I have to unlock it 1st."

Her: "But why not just reset it?"2f6d1b9e7b39b426d1f705dfa87abfd7.jpg

Sent from my SM-G950U1 using Tapatalk
 

Maybe by the time you remember and get it unlocked you won’t be mad at her anymore and not shoot her.   We want you free and not in prison so we can get more posts about your truck breaking down. 

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Dbeasy

Dbeasy 15049

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This weekend we were discussing the fuel efficiency of our cars to figure out which vehicle to take in a road trip. I knew mine off the top of my head for
My car, but my wife had no idea for hers. No problem, I said. Just let me know what it is when you get a chance.

She sent me a text saying it was pretty good, 31 MPH. Yup, she mixed up ave speed and fuel efficiency.

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nnm

nnm 36396

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4 minutes ago, Dbeasy said:

This weekend we were discussing the fuel efficiency of our cars to figure out which vehicle to take in a road trip. I knew mine off the top of my head for
My car, but my wife had no idea for hers. No problem, I said. Just let me know what it is when you get a chance.

She sent me a text saying it was pretty good, 31 MPH. Yup, she mixed up ave speed and fuel efficiency.

That’s gonna be a slow, albeit fuel-efficient, road trip. Have fun. 

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ROFL BOX

ROFL BOX 6649

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On 7/18/2020 at 6:20 PM, deadshank said:

Maybe by the time you remember and get it unlocked you won’t be mad at her anymore and not shoot her.   We want you free and not in prison so we can get more posts about your truck breaking down. 

Somehow you're confusing a red piece of cloth (as the background) with a weapon?

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tbone_

tbone_ 14123

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Got the wife a new vehicle recently.  Her old one was 8 years old and 100,000 miles.  She managed for 8 years not to lose the gate opener or the garage door opener.  Lost both the first week in new vehicle.

Fail on you for not programming the buttons in her car.
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