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Wives and the Stupid Shit They Say/Do

Spur08

By Spur08
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mulletpelini

mulletpelini 5211

Posted
Posted (edited)
On 6/8/2018 at 4:54 PM, TrashMaster G said:

You shoulda tried this:  "That ice cream looks good.  I really admire how hard you're going to work to eat that and keep within your diet.  And you're looking especially thin today.  You must be doing something right!"

there's another option as well:  "Honey, you look great no matter what.  In fact, I'd like to help you gain a little weight by pumping you full of jizz tonight."

women love that kind of romantic shit.

Edited by mulletpelini
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tbone_

tbone_ 14118

Posted
Posted
Daughters birthday party sleepover. Nothing unusual. Only backstory I can plausibly come up with is that she's a miserable feminist man hater, which is true as well but likely only a tangent to the ridiculous accusation. She decided I was the enemy that day after we got married.

Yikes.
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Brew

Brew 3049

Posted
Posted
2 hours ago, Thetexashammer said:

Daughters birthday party sleepover. Nothing unusual. Only backstory I can plausibly come up with is that she's a miserable feminist man hater, which is true as well but likely only a tangent to the ridiculous accusation. She decided I was the enemy that day after we got married.

I’m assuming you meant to post in the stupid shit my ex-wife says thread because there’s no way you’ve been dealing with the for 12+ years and you’re still married, right?

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Upgrayedd

Upgrayedd 5810

Posted
Posted
3 hours ago, Thetexashammer said:

Daughters birthday party sleepover. Nothing unusual. Only backstory I can plausibly come up with is that she's a miserable feminist man hater, which is true as well but likely only a tangent to the ridiculous accusation. She decided I was the enemy that day after we got married.

That's on you then.

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BamaSucks

BamaSucks 12

Posted
Posted
14 hours ago, Scheiss Meister said:

From my experience, having shit for brains is a requirement for running most HR departments.

Not all HR departments are run by people with shit for brains. Mostly it's the ones run by women in Service industries. Manufacturing tends to be different. IMHO. Now back to the regular scheduled programming......

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SHOOTER12

SHOOTER12 8805

Posted
Posted
On 6/8/2018 at 9:51 AM, Chrispy said:

I haven’t read this thread in it’s entirety, but I’m sure this has been covered at some point. My wife has decided that it’s time she goes on a diet and would love my support. 

So, last night after we get the kids down for bed, she decides she wants to eat a bowl of ice cream as we watch a show. I decided it was a perfect opportunity to mention that we ought to not buy ice cream anymore. She looked at me like I was a knife wielding maniac and said she couldn’t believe I “shamed her.” 

I’m still trying to understand what she means when she says she wants support. 

 

If you ever figure it out, please let the rest of us know.

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SquishMitten

SquishMitten 10403

Posted
Posted

Come home yesterday and the wife is upset because she left a frozen casserole in the sink to thaw for too long. She’d pulled it out the night before, but apparently stacked dirty dishes on top so it was hidden. It was in Tupperware, but seriously? Anyway, I told her it needed to be trashed (not even remotely cold anymore), and she got upset because she’d spent a lot of time making it. But good news! There’s one more smaller container left. Anybody want to guess where she put it, and where I found it this morning? If you guessed the sink, you’d be correct.

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huge

huge 3793

Posted
Posted
On 6/10/2018 at 8:38 AM, BamaSucks said:

Not all HR departments are run by people with shit for brains. Mostly it's the ones run by women in Service industries. Manufacturing tends to be different. IMHO. Now back to the regular scheduled programming......

oh come on...

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tejas60

tejas60 3533

Posted
Posted
On 6/10/2018 at 8:38 AM, BamaSucks said:

Not all HR departments are run by people with shit for brains. Mostly it's the ones run by women in Service industries. Manufacturing tends to be different. IMHO. Now back to the regular scheduled programming......

congrats on running an HR department.

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miguelito

miguelito 11263

Posted
Posted
1 hour ago, FriendofaFriend said:

Our neighbors have maids come clean their house more frequently than most.

Wife: The Maid Bridge is over at the neighbors again

Me: Maid Bridge? (looks out window) You mean the Maid Brigade?

Wife: Whatever, I only saw B-r-i

Me: and that made you think Maid Bridge?

The look ensues

Charlie: Ohhhhhhh shit. Look at that door, dude. You see that door right there? The one marked “Pirate”. You think a pirate lives in there?
Dennis: I see a door marked “Private”. Is that the door you were talking about?
Charlie: No I was talking–
Dennis: Yep.
Charlie: I didn’t say… what did you hear?
Dennis: I heard you say you saw a door marked “Pirate.” And “is there a pirate living in there.”
Charlie: No..
Dennis: Why would there be a pirate living in a Korean restaurant?
Charlie: Look are we gonna talk about pirates all day or are we gonna go find out what lives in there!?

 

 

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Pato del Muerto

Pato del Muerto 52490

Posted
Posted (edited)
34 minutes ago, EE2B said:

ae52f189c569fc5d85a055657dfd64b3.jpg

Finishing something implies gluttony. They will leave the most minute amount of food or drink so they can not have finished it. 

Meanwhile, I once ate one of those giant boxes of goldfish crackers for dinner, and I regret nothing. 

Edited by Pato del Muerto
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markstanco

markstanco 12575

Posted
Posted

My wife's exaggerations are maddening.

Going to the lake in a few weeks with friends(65 miles away) and she says "we aren't going on Friday are we? I cant leave from work until around 4 and that will put us there at 8. I have to pack the kids clothes and grocery shop when we get there.

"How fast are you planning on driving on the interstate, 20 mph? Also, 2 hours at the grocery store for a 36-42 hour weekend and what all clothes are you going to need to coordinate for the kids at a LAKE HOUSE for those 36 hours? "

No answer.

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WhatTheBuck

WhatTheBuck 28777

Posted
Posted
2 hours ago, skipperj said:

Is it just me, or does that seem like plenty for a small bowl of cereal? Especially if you are putting fruit in it.

Looks like a good cup. That's a serving. I judge my cereal pour on how full my bowl is, not by how much is left in the box. When my bowl is full, I stop pouring (within reason).

Some of you may not believe this but it's actually possible to mix cereals. 

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Brew

Brew 3049

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Posted
4 hours ago, WhatTheBuck said:

Looks like a good cup. That's a serving. I judge my cereal pour on how full my bowl is, not by how much is left in the box. When my bowl is full, I stop pouring (within reason).

Some of you may not believe this but it's actually possible to mix cereals. 

First part is correct. However, if the bag is close to empty then you top off the bowl after a few spoonfuls. 

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HouTex

HouTex 1867

Posted
Posted
Wife can't understand why I can't take out additional taxes so she can get 'her' money back.  I've explained thoroughly that I'm 1099, she doesn't get it.  Whole night worth of arguing about this and that and why.  Dammit man

Her money is hers and your money is hers. What's hard to understand about that?
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Modessit

Modessit 5600

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Posted
Wife can't understand why I can't take out additional taxes so she can get 'her' money back.  I've explained thoroughly that I'm 1099, she doesn't get it.  Whole night worth of arguing about this and that and why.  Dammit man
"Don't worry, honey. You won't have to worry about it once the divorce gets finalized."
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