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Wives and the Stupid Shit They Say/Do

Spur08

By Spur08
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McCroskey
McCroskey

Buddy sent a text today...said his wife decided to shop vac their fireplace and clean up all the ash. When she finished, she turned around and didn’t realize the shop vac lid wasn’t really seated, so

BearCountry11
BearCountry11

From earlier this evening...   My father in law lost his cell phone on the golf course this afternoon.  It was raining so we didn’t have much hope it would still be working but he shares the

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RamjetFDO

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Cheeseweasel

Cheeseweasel 26438

Posted
Posted
9 minutes ago, HornOnTheBayou said:

Seriously, quit talking about grocery bagging on the thread about hat size.

And for the record, some of you have some huge noggins. They're virtual planetoids. They're like an orange on a toothpick. Go cry yourself to sleep tonight, on your huge pillow.

mike myers film GIF

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wd40

wd40 1976

Posted
Posted

on a family road trip.  lots of micro stupid.

wife:  where's the hand sanitizer

me:  check the floorboard between your feet 

wife:  ah.  thanks.

later

w:  where's the sunscreen?

m:  check the floorboard between your feet (I actually found it wedged between her seat and the center console)

wife:  ah.  thanks.

later

w:  has anyone seen my water bottle?

m:  check the floorboard between your feet

wife:  ah.  thanks.

etc.

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AUS-97HORN

AUS-97HORN 11758

Posted
Posted
39 minutes ago, wd40 said:

on a family road trip.  lots of micro stupid.

wife:  where's the hand sanitizer

me:  check the floorboard between your feet 

wife:  ah.  thanks.

later

w:  where's the sunscreen?

m:  check the floorboard between your feet (I actually found it wedged between her seat and the center console)

wife:  ah.  thanks.

later

w:  has anyone seen my water bottle?

m:  check the floorboard between your feet

wife:  ah.  thanks.

etc.

 

later

W: wheres my dildo?

OP: check the floorboard between your feet

W: ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

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ROFL BOX

ROFL BOX 6649

Posted
Posted
3 hours ago, wd40 said:

if you're at HEB and not barcode labeling your produce when you pick it, you're slowing things down for the checker and everyone behind you.  fuck metrics.

 

I do the "weigh & print your barcode" thing, yeah, but the HEB @ 71 & 290 doesn't have any of those printers, only old school spring type scales.  Even then, the checker still has an improved IPM if veggies go first.

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TrashMaster G

TrashMaster G 17554

Posted
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9 minutes ago, ROFL BOX said:

I do the "weigh & print your barcode" thing, yeah, but the HEB @ 71 & 290 doesn't have any of those printers, only old school spring type scales.  Even then, the checker still has an improved IPM if veggies go first.

What am I missing?  Whether the veggies are first, middle or last, the time from the start of scanning to the end of scanning should be the same(ish).

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SilasCoade

SilasCoade 2622

Posted
Posted

I haven't been to a store with a bagger in 4 years. I use the self checkout 99% of the time. The other 1% always pisses me off because they get my shit all out of order. I group it on the belt the way I want to bag it. They decide to grab shit randomly and hold some things back. I much prefer to just do it myself.

Which is also what my wife says.

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TrashMaster G

TrashMaster G 17554

Posted
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24 minutes ago, Llogg said:

I haven't been to a store with a bagger in 4 years. I use the self checkout 99% of the time. The other 1% always pisses me off because they get my shit all out of order. I group it on the belt the way I want to bag it. They decide to grab shit randomly and hold some things back. I much prefer to just do it myself.

Which is also what my wife says.

You either never do any real grocery shopping or you ignore the signs re: max number of items in self-checkout.

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ROFL BOX

ROFL BOX 6649

Posted
Posted
56 minutes ago, TrashMaster G said:

What am I missing?  Whether the veggies are first, middle or last, the time from the start of scanning to the end of scanning should be the same(ish).

Again, an H.E.B. thing... I don't know what's the what with Randall's or (gawd forbid) Wal Mart.

Because the veggies need a bit more care than a can of whatever, if the veggies come up first to scan then they don't count against the metric of "items per minute".  A register worker is going to face a metric of how many IPM's they can scan.  Faster = better & there are various spiffs or bonuses or whatevers if they keep up with that.

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SilasCoade

SilasCoade 2622

Posted
Posted
1 hour ago, TrashMaster G said:

You either never do any real grocery shopping or you ignore the signs re: max number of items in self-checkout.

It's the latter but also we are not a family of great big fat persons so my weekly trips are around 20-25 items at the most.

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WhatTheBuck

WhatTheBuck 28780

Posted
Posted
6 minutes ago, TrashMaster G said:

They do at HEB, which is where I shop for groceries.  'Cuz I'm a Texan.

So what you're saying is not everything is bigger in Texas?

Most of the self-checkout lanes I use are no-limit and the same size as a normal checkout line just with the conveyer belt placed after the scanner instead of before. 

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ABSR

ABSR 5311

Posted
Posted
1 hour ago, tbone_ said:

Fuck the self check out and fuck bagging my own shit. Much prefer the regular line and letting someone else do that shit.

Yeah!  It let's those slow, weird looking kids have jobs...so I support that!   I'm a giver!

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nnm

nnm 36396

Posted
Posted

What the hell happened to this thread? Guys arguing about the proper order of produce and groceries on a conveyor?  What the hell kind of twilight zone did I wander into?  Metrosexual thread is over on another board somewhere. 
 

Thanks to @wd40 for trying to get it back on track. It sounds like your wife has a lot of things between her legs. Are her and south Austin’s mom related?

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Jameslaw121

Jameslaw121 4448

Posted
Posted
On 7/30/2020 at 9:03 PM, ABSR said:

The real question is why are you grocery shopping together?  Are you newly weds?  Cut that shit out.

Until covid, I used to enjoy shopping with my wife. But we have small children. So now we split it up. I go and buy meats and veggies. Then she gets pretty much every thing else while I watch baseball with the kids

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chikin23

chikin23 384

Posted
Posted
If it's the only way your wife will allow your kid's crap from when they were 3 years old to actually leave the house, then... yes, yes I do.
Once every few weeks when I'm home alone I fill a trash bag with randomness found around the house. Nobody has ever asked about any of it disappearing.
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Jameslaw121

Jameslaw121 4448

Posted
Posted
13 minutes ago, Dennis Taylor said:

Baseball started a week ago 

Yeah, since the Super Bowl, I've watched the Ken Burn's Doc. And about 100 replays on the MLB network. Nothing else much on a Sunday. Did try NASCAR a couple of times, but it didn't hold the boys interest much after about 30 laps.

 

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High Plains Drifter

High Plains Drifter 11049

Posted
Posted

 

Wife's car burns oil, so I have to occasionally top it off. But since she's been working from home due to covid, and I do all the grocery shopping, her car hardly ever gets driven, so its been awhile since I've bothered to check it. I keep a quart in the cargo area along with a funnel and paper towels.

The other day she asked me if the oil was "still good". I asked her why it wouldn't be. She said "well, its been getting really hot lately..." (talking about the weather and it getting hot inside the car).

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ztejas

ztejas 43425

Posted
Posted
10 minutes ago, High Plains Drifter said:

 

Wife's car burns oil, so I have to occasionally top it off. But since she's been working from home due to covid, and I do all the grocery shopping, her car hardly ever gets driven, so its been awhile since I've bothered to check it. I keep a quart in the cargo area along with a funnel and paper towels.

The other day she asked me if the oil was "still good". I asked her why it wouldn't be. She said "well, its been getting really hot lately..." (talking about the weather and it getting hot inside the car).

I mean you need to be careful. If it gets up past 500 degrees outside the oil could start to evaporate. I know we haven't seen those temps yet this summer but it's just now August.

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dingleberryswitzer

dingleberryswitzer 2724

Posted
Posted
2 hours ago, High Plains Drifter said:

 

Wife's car burns oil, so I have to occasionally top it off. But since she's been working from home due to covid, and I do all the grocery shopping, her car hardly ever gets driven, so its been awhile since I've bothered to check it. I keep a quart in the cargo area along with a funnel and paper towels.

The other day she asked me if the oil was "still good". I asked her why it wouldn't be. She said "well, its been getting really hot lately..." (talking about the weather and it getting hot inside the car).

Dude, just be glad she actually is aware the car uses oil.  

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