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Wives and the Stupid Shit They Say/Do

Spur08

By Spur08
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McCroskey
McCroskey

Buddy sent a text today...said his wife decided to shop vac their fireplace and clean up all the ash. When she finished, she turned around and didn’t realize the shop vac lid wasn’t really seated, so

BearCountry11
BearCountry11

From earlier this evening...   My father in law lost his cell phone on the golf course this afternoon.  It was raining so we didn’t have much hope it would still be working but he shares the

RamjetFDO
RamjetFDO

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TrashMaster G

TrashMaster G 17,551

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Posted
8 hours ago, Modessit said:

6yo son was excited about space program we're going to see soon and was telling mom (my wife) some space facts, when this one came out:

 

Son: The Earth goes around the Sun every 62 hours.

 

Wife: No, the Earth goes around the Sun every 24 hours.

 

Me: You sure about that?

 

Wife: Huh?

 

Me: Say it again.

 

Wife: The Earth goes around the Sun every 24 hours.

 

Me: Think about it.

 

Wife: I don't get it.

 

Me: The Earth goes around the Sun every 365 days. It revolves once every 24 hours.

 

Wife: Whatever.

 

My wife is an elementary school teacher (special education).

 

 

"Whatever" = Wife code for I done f'd up but am not going to admit it and the longer you press the issue, the longer you are going without sex.

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BHMCruiser

BHMCruiser 1,813

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12 hours ago, Modessit said:

 

 

My wife is an elementary school teacher (special education).

 

 

Then it doesn't matter what she knows or doesn't know. She just has to be more knowledgeable than Special Edna and Freddie Forehead. Frankly, it's probably a good job for a dumdum. Kill two birds with one stone.

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Not a cat

Not a cat 5,652

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On 8/3/2020 at 3:17 PM, ROFL BOX said:

Hasn't that been established it's a "Ken" or "Chad"?

I've heard both Ken and Kevin as the male version of Karen.  It's definitely not Chad, which is the term for the good looking guy who gives zero shits and has sex with all the women.

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Not a cat

Not a cat 5,652

Posted
Posted
On 8/3/2020 at 3:17 PM, ROFL BOX said:

Hasn't that been established it's a "Ken" or "Chad"?

I've heard both Ken and Kevin as the male version of Karen.  It's definitely not Chad, which is the term for the good looking guy who gives zero shits and has sex with all the women.

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ABSR

ABSR 5,309

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10 hours ago, Not a cat said:

I've heard both Ken and Kevin as the male version of Karen.  It's definitely not Chad, which is the term for the good looking guy who gives zero shits and has sex with all the women.

Well I guess we now know that "Not a cat's" first name is Chad.

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Modessit

Modessit 5,599

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We're on our way out of Houston. Ate breakfast at a restaurant near the Space Center* a few days ago that had some space-related stuff out front. Decided to stop at a different location to try dinner and they had football-themed stuff out front. Mentioned to the wife that there must be a high school or college nearby.

 

Wife: Maybe it's because of the Houston Rockets.

 

 

 

* The Saturn rocket was badass.

 

 

 

 

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hullabelew

hullabelew 3,723

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Posted

Daughter and friends take kayaks out.  I tell her to just leave them on the back on the pickup because I needed to reseal them.  

Wife comes in yelling. 

Her:  IT'S RAINING OUTSIDE!
Me:  Great..we need it.
Her:  YOU LEFT THE KAYAKS ON YOUR PICKUP!
Me:  Yep.  
Her:  They are going to get wet.
Me:  Kind of like when we go kayaking?  Yep.  They will get wet.
Her:  But they are face up...not upside down.  They are going to get the seats wet.
Me:  Yep.  Trust me.  They will be fine.

Baboso brought up the point that when she fucked around and got sucked under a log and the kayak got swamped the seat might have gotten a little damp.  My mind was just too bottled to think that fast during this interaction.    I was going to put them back that day, but as a bit of defiance, they are still loaded on the pickup.  It is driving her nuts but she has yet to say anything about it.  

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hullabelew

hullabelew 3,723

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Oh...and before I erase this bit of fun from this morning while walking the dog.

Me:  (Wave at a pickup)
Her:  Who was that?
Me:  The girl who works for Frank and Maureen.  She was driving his old pickup
Her:  I thought he got a new one.
Me:  He did.  She was driving the old one
Her:  Do you know her?
Me:  Yes. 
Her:  How?
Me:  She works for Frank and Maureen.

 

15 minutes later, girl drives back by, in same fucking pickup.
Her:  Look.  There goes Frank
Me:  (WHY didn't I just say YEP) That is the girl who works for him.  Driving his old pickup.  I waved at her earlier
Her:  But that pickup had an Army Vet tag.  That was Frank.
Me:  That is Frank’s old pickup.  The girl who works for him, who drove by earlier, that I waved at….she was driving Frank’s old truck.
Her:  I thought he got a new one.
Me:  He did.
Her:  OK.

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Trey3216

Trey3216 15,346

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Posted
6 minutes ago, hullabelew said:

Oh...and before I erase this bit of fun from this morning while walking the dog.

Me:  (Wave at a pickup)
Her:  Who was that?
Me:  The girl who works for Frank and Maureen.  She was driving his old pickup
Her:  I thought he got a new one.
Me:  He did.  She was driving the old one
Her:  Do you know her?
Me:  Yes. 
Her:  How?
Me:  She works for Frank and Maureen.

 

15 minutes later, girl drives back by, in same fucking pickup.
Her:  Look.  There goes Frank
Me:  (WHY didn't I just say YEP) That is the girl who works for him.  Driving his old pickup.  I waved at her earlier
Her:  But that pickup had an Army Vet tag.  That was Frank.
Me:  That is Frank’s old pickup.  The girl who works for him, who drove by earlier, that I waved at….she was driving Frank’s old truck.
Her:  I thought he got a new one.
Me:  He did.
Her:  OK.

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TrashMaster G

TrashMaster G 17,551

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33 minutes ago, hullabelew said:

Oh...and before I erase this bit of fun from this morning while walking the dog.

Me:  (Wave at a pickup)
Her:  Who was that?
Me:  The girl who works for Frank and Maureen.  She was driving his old pickup
Her:  I thought he got a new one.
Me:  He did.  She was driving the old one
Her:  Do you know her?
Me:  Yes. 
Her:  How?
Me:  She works for Frank and Maureen.

 

15 minutes later, girl drives back by, in same fucking pickup.
Her:  Look.  There goes Frank
Me:  (WHY didn't I just say YEP) That is the girl who works for him.  Driving his old pickup.  I waved at her earlier
Her:  But that pickup had an Army Vet tag.  That was Frank.
Me:  That is Frank’s old pickup.  The girl who works for him, who drove by earlier, that I waved at….she was driving Frank’s old truck.
Her:  I thought he got a new one.
Me:  He did.
Her:  OK.

That really needs to go in your back pocket for the next time she accuses you of not listening to her.

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burns_312

burns_312 353

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Once every few weeks when I'm home alone I fill a trash bag with randomness found around the house. Nobody has ever asked about any of it disappearing.

I do the same. Got an additional trash container for my shop that goes out every week and it’s been loaded with shit no one will notice missing almost every week for the past 3 months.


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TrashMaster G

TrashMaster G 17,551

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4 hours ago, burns_312 said:


I do the same. Got an additional trash container for my shop that goes out every week and it’s been loaded with shit no one will notice missing almost every week for the past 3 months.


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

This will get to be a lot of fun that one time that your throw away something (worthless) she swears she needed.  Then you get to hear about it for the next 10 years.

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Nivek

Nivek 16,923

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Background: Kids and I are watching some kid movie.  Wife was in the bedroom.

Wife enters tv room: "Hey do you smell something burning?  I smell something burning.   

Me: no.  

Wife:well were you cooking?

Then I get up and notice the burning smell.  Wife heads back to the bedroom.

I follow the scent back to the bedroom and the wife is now standing in front of a candle on one of the dressers which has about a 6 inch flame shooting from the top.  She tried to touch it and burned her hand.   I grab another candle, turn it upside down and smother the flame.  Then move it (with the glass candle) and toss it in the sink instead of my bare hands. 

I can say nothing.  

 

 

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UT_OB1

UT_OB1 2,218

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3 hours ago, TrashMaster G said:

This will get to be a lot of fun that one time that your throw away something (worthless) she swears she needed.  Then you get to hear about it for the next 10 years.

Yeah, I went years without anything being noticed.  I did get caught once a few years ago.  Now everything she can't find - i must have tossed it in the trash.  

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Reagan1k

Reagan1k 3,024

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"Did you throw away my ........." is how numerous conversations start each month at my house.

I'm not sure if she really believes I did, or if it is a coping mechanism she's adopted to ease her mind so she doesn't have to blame herself for not putting shit back where it goes or organizing her things.

Much easier to blame me and then coast emotionally.

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You don't know me

You don't know me 1,161

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14 minutes ago, Reagan1k said:

"Did you throw away my ........." is how numerous conversations start each month at my house.

I'm not sure if she really believes I did, or if it is a coping mechanism she's adopted to ease her mind so she doesn't have to blame herself for not putting shit back where it goes or organizing her things.

Much easier to blame me and then coast emotionally.

I get asked "Do you have my keys" a few times a week.  I must put off the vibe of "one who steals keys for which I have no use".

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Dennis Taylor

Dennis Taylor 18,812

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3 hours ago, Reagan1k said:

"Did you throw away my ........." is how numerous conversations start each month at my house.

I'm not sure if she really believes I did, or if it is a coping mechanism she's adopted to ease her mind so she doesn't have to blame herself for not putting shit back where it goes or organizing her things.

Much easier to blame me and then coast emotionally.

Not exactly a denial...

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BearCountry11

BearCountry11 1,234

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My wife must be trying to collect on my life insurance.  
 

I was installing a couple of dimmer switches earlier today and also needed to put in a new fan.  I had the corresponding breaker switches off for the dimmers and was just wrapping up.  I asked my wife to go flip off the breaker switch for the fan since she was heading to the garage.
 

I guess I wasn’t specific enough....and this is partially my fault for still working on the dimmers while she was flipping a breaker.  But she didn’t turn the fan off....she, instead, turned the breakers back to “on” and gave me a nice little jolt.  Nothing serious but a good pop.  She told me she thought I wanted them all “on”.   

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leaf

leaf 684

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1 hour ago, BearCountry11 said:

My wife must be trying to collect on my life insurance.  
 

I was installing a couple of dimmer switches earlier today and also needed to put in a new fan.  I had the corresponding breaker switches off for the dimmers and was just wrapping up.  I asked my wife to go flip off the breaker switch for the fan since she was heading to the garage.
 

I guess I wasn’t specific enough....and this is partially my fault for still working on the dimmers while she was flipping a breaker.  But she didn’t turn the fan off....she, instead, turned the breakers back to “on” and gave me a nice little jolt.  Nothing serious but a good pop.  She told me she thought I wanted them all “on”.   

That's sounds more like suicide by wife.  You know damn well you shouldn't trust her with things like that.

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