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Posted
8 hours ago, Modessit said:

6yo son was excited about space program we're going to see soon and was telling mom (my wife) some space facts, when this one came out:

 

Son: The Earth goes around the Sun every 62 hours.

 

Wife: No, the Earth goes around the Sun every 24 hours.

 

Me: You sure about that?

 

Wife: Huh?

 

Me: Say it again.

 

Wife: The Earth goes around the Sun every 24 hours.

 

Me: Think about it.

 

Wife: I don't get it.

 

Me: The Earth goes around the Sun every 365 days. It revolves once every 24 hours.

 

Wife: Whatever.

 

My wife is an elementary school teacher (special education).

 

 

"Whatever" = Wife code for I done f'd up but am not going to admit it and the longer you press the issue, the longer you are going without sex.

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Posted
Just now, TrashMaster G said:

"Whatever" = Wife code for I done f'd up but am not going to admit it and the longer you press the issue, the longer you are going without sex.

It's a game of chicken that you will lose every time.

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Posted
12 hours ago, Modessit said:

 

 

My wife is an elementary school teacher (special education).

 

 

Then it doesn't matter what she knows or doesn't know. She just has to be more knowledgeable than Special Edna and Freddie Forehead. Frankly, it's probably a good job for a dumdum. Kill two birds with one stone.

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Posted
11 minutes ago, NeverMarryAStripper said:

Giving the finger to every post that makes fun of mentally impaired people is going to be my social crusade

Co-signed 

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Posted
10 hours ago, Cheeseweasel said:

It's a game of chicken that you will lose every time.

Unless it is choke the chicken.  Then you win every time.  

Posted
On 8/3/2020 at 3:17 PM, ROFL BOX said:

Hasn't that been established it's a "Ken" or "Chad"?

I've heard both Ken and Kevin as the male version of Karen.  It's definitely not Chad, which is the term for the good looking guy who gives zero shits and has sex with all the women.

Posted
On 8/3/2020 at 3:17 PM, ROFL BOX said:

Hasn't that been established it's a "Ken" or "Chad"?

I've heard both Ken and Kevin as the male version of Karen.  It's definitely not Chad, which is the term for the good looking guy who gives zero shits and has sex with all the women.

Posted
10 hours ago, Not a cat said:

I've heard both Ken and Kevin as the male version of Karen.  It's definitely not Chad, which is the term for the good looking guy who gives zero shits and has sex with all the women.

Well I guess we now know that "Not a cat's" first name is Chad.

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Posted

We're on our way out of Houston. Ate breakfast at a restaurant near the Space Center* a few days ago that had some space-related stuff out front. Decided to stop at a different location to try dinner and they had football-themed stuff out front. Mentioned to the wife that there must be a high school or college nearby.

 

Wife: Maybe it's because of the Houston Rockets.

 

 

 

* The Saturn rocket was badass.

 

 

 

 

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Posted

Daughter and friends take kayaks out.  I tell her to just leave them on the back on the pickup because I needed to reseal them.  

Wife comes in yelling. 

Her:  IT'S RAINING OUTSIDE!
Me:  Great..we need it.
Her:  YOU LEFT THE KAYAKS ON YOUR PICKUP!
Me:  Yep.  
Her:  They are going to get wet.
Me:  Kind of like when we go kayaking?  Yep.  They will get wet.
Her:  But they are face up...not upside down.  They are going to get the seats wet.
Me:  Yep.  Trust me.  They will be fine.

Baboso brought up the point that when she fucked around and got sucked under a log and the kayak got swamped the seat might have gotten a little damp.  My mind was just too bottled to think that fast during this interaction.    I was going to put them back that day, but as a bit of defiance, they are still loaded on the pickup.  It is driving her nuts but she has yet to say anything about it.  

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Posted
6 minutes ago, hullabelew said:

Oh...and before I erase this bit of fun from this morning while walking the dog.

Me:  (Wave at a pickup)
Her:  Who was that?
Me:  The girl who works for Frank and Maureen.  She was driving his old pickup
Her:  I thought he got a new one.
Me:  He did.  She was driving the old one
Her:  Do you know her?
Me:  Yes. 
Her:  How?
Me:  She works for Frank and Maureen.

 

15 minutes later, girl drives back by, in same fucking pickup.
Her:  Look.  There goes Frank
Me:  (WHY didn't I just say YEP) That is the girl who works for him.  Driving his old pickup.  I waved at her earlier
Her:  But that pickup had an Army Vet tag.  That was Frank.
Me:  That is Frank’s old pickup.  The girl who works for him, who drove by earlier, that I waved at….she was driving Frank’s old truck.
Her:  I thought he got a new one.
Me:  He did.
Her:  OK.

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Posted
33 minutes ago, hullabelew said:

Oh...and before I erase this bit of fun from this morning while walking the dog.

Me:  (Wave at a pickup)
Her:  Who was that?
Me:  The girl who works for Frank and Maureen.  She was driving his old pickup
Her:  I thought he got a new one.
Me:  He did.  She was driving the old one
Her:  Do you know her?
Me:  Yes. 
Her:  How?
Me:  She works for Frank and Maureen.

 

15 minutes later, girl drives back by, in same fucking pickup.
Her:  Look.  There goes Frank
Me:  (WHY didn't I just say YEP) That is the girl who works for him.  Driving his old pickup.  I waved at her earlier
Her:  But that pickup had an Army Vet tag.  That was Frank.
Me:  That is Frank’s old pickup.  The girl who works for him, who drove by earlier, that I waved at….she was driving Frank’s old truck.
Her:  I thought he got a new one.
Me:  He did.
Her:  OK.

That really needs to go in your back pocket for the next time she accuses you of not listening to her.

Posted
1 hour ago, WhatTheBuck said:

She never listens to him. 

yeah but 5 years from now she will be pissed at him and he will have no idea why and she'll say "Remember when you flirted with that girl that works for Fred and Martha...right in front of me...you asshole!"

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Posted
3 hours ago, Dennis Taylor said:

yeah but 5 years from now she will be pissed at him and he will have no idea why and she'll say "Remember when you flirted with that girl that works for Fred and Martha...right in front of me...you asshole!"

No, it was Fred’s truck, so he flirted with Fred. 

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Posted
On 8/4/2020 at 11:17 PM, Not a cat said:

I've heard both Ken and Kevin as the male version of Karen.  It's definitely not Chad, which is the term for the good looking guy who gives zero shits and has sex with all the women.

Sounds like something a Chad would say.

Posted
Once every few weeks when I'm home alone I fill a trash bag with randomness found around the house. Nobody has ever asked about any of it disappearing.

I do the same. Got an additional trash container for my shop that goes out every week and it’s been loaded with shit no one will notice missing almost every week for the past 3 months.


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Posted
4 hours ago, burns_312 said:


I do the same. Got an additional trash container for my shop that goes out every week and it’s been loaded with shit no one will notice missing almost every week for the past 3 months.


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This will get to be a lot of fun that one time that your throw away something (worthless) she swears she needed.  Then you get to hear about it for the next 10 years.

Posted

Background: Kids and I are watching some kid movie.  Wife was in the bedroom.

Wife enters tv room: "Hey do you smell something burning?  I smell something burning.   

Me: no.  

Wife:well were you cooking?

Then I get up and notice the burning smell.  Wife heads back to the bedroom.

I follow the scent back to the bedroom and the wife is now standing in front of a candle on one of the dressers which has about a 6 inch flame shooting from the top.  She tried to touch it and burned her hand.   I grab another candle, turn it upside down and smother the flame.  Then move it (with the glass candle) and toss it in the sink instead of my bare hands. 

I can say nothing.  

 

 

Posted
3 hours ago, TrashMaster G said:

This will get to be a lot of fun that one time that your throw away something (worthless) she swears she needed.  Then you get to hear about it for the next 10 years.

Yeah, I went years without anything being noticed.  I did get caught once a few years ago.  Now everything she can't find - i must have tossed it in the trash.  

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Posted

"Did you throw away my ........." is how numerous conversations start each month at my house.

I'm not sure if she really believes I did, or if it is a coping mechanism she's adopted to ease her mind so she doesn't have to blame herself for not putting shit back where it goes or organizing her things.

Much easier to blame me and then coast emotionally.

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Posted
14 minutes ago, Reagan1k said:

"Did you throw away my ........." is how numerous conversations start each month at my house.

I'm not sure if she really believes I did, or if it is a coping mechanism she's adopted to ease her mind so she doesn't have to blame herself for not putting shit back where it goes or organizing her things.

Much easier to blame me and then coast emotionally.

I get asked "Do you have my keys" a few times a week.  I must put off the vibe of "one who steals keys for which I have no use".

Posted

How about this regular dialogue in the NNM house:

NNM:  ”Mrs. NNM [no pics, you degenerates] where are your keys?”

Mrs. NNM: “In my purse.”

NNM:  “Thanks.”

NNM:  “Mrs. NNM, where is your purse?”

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Posted
3 hours ago, Reagan1k said:

"Did you throw away my ........." is how numerous conversations start each month at my house.

I'm not sure if she really believes I did, or if it is a coping mechanism she's adopted to ease her mind so she doesn't have to blame herself for not putting shit back where it goes or organizing her things.

Much easier to blame me and then coast emotionally.

Not exactly a denial...

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Posted
21 hours ago, Reagan1k said:

Much easier to blame me and then coast emotionally.

Said every husband ever.

For all you guys having key problems, you ever thought about getting a tile locator fob for her keychain?  

Posted
36 minutes ago, Not a cat said:

Said every husband ever.

For all you guys having key problems, you ever thought about getting a tile locator fob for her keychain?  

Um, why would she need a locator on her keys? What are you implying?

Posted
On August 7, 2020 at 3:24 PM, You don't know me said:

I get asked "Do you have my keys" a few times a week.  I must put off the vibe of "one who steals keys for which I have no use".

Username checks out. 

Posted
Said every husband ever.
For all you guys having key problems, you ever thought about getting a tile locator fob for her keychain?  

I do. But all of the keys end up in the wife’s purse or left in the car.
Posted

My wife must be trying to collect on my life insurance.  
 

I was installing a couple of dimmer switches earlier today and also needed to put in a new fan.  I had the corresponding breaker switches off for the dimmers and was just wrapping up.  I asked my wife to go flip off the breaker switch for the fan since she was heading to the garage.
 

I guess I wasn’t specific enough....and this is partially my fault for still working on the dimmers while she was flipping a breaker.  But she didn’t turn the fan off....she, instead, turned the breakers back to “on” and gave me a nice little jolt.  Nothing serious but a good pop.  She told me she thought I wanted them all “on”.   

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