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Wives and the Stupid Shit They Say/Do

Spur08

By Spur08
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Pokoloco

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Our daughter is away at school, has a new boyfriend... I asked Trix if she knew if they were possibly coming down for dinner tonight.

Her: No, he's getting abducted into his fraternity this weekend.

Me: Abducted?

Her: Yeah. It seems early, don't they usually do that 2nd semester?

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Cheeseweasel

Cheeseweasel 26438

Posted
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19 minutes ago, Pokoloco said:

Our daughter is away at school, has a new boyfriend... I asked Trix if she knew if they were possibly coming down for dinner tonight.

Her: No, he's getting abducted into his fraternity this weekend.

Me: Abducted?

Her: Yeah. It seems early, don't they usually do that 2nd semester?

angry liam neeson GIF

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Wiler77

Wiler77 1567

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I was in the doghouse for about an hour this morning because my wife had a dream in which I told her I had a dream I cheated on her.  Some sort of double negative in which something imaginary happened inside of something else imaginary meant I was in trouble.

inception GIF

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DCA_HORN

DCA_HORN 725

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I was in the doghouse for about an hour this morning because my wife had a dream in which I told her I had a dream I cheated on her.  Some sort of double negative in which something imaginary happened inside of something else imaginary meant I was in trouble.
200.gif
So you got to drink your coffee in peace this morning and are complaining?
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Wiler77

Wiler77 1567

Posted
Posted
51 minutes ago, DCA_HORN said:
1 hour ago, Wiler77 said:
I was in the doghouse for about an hour this morning because my wife had a dream in which I told her I had a dream I cheated on her.  Some sort of double negative in which something imaginary happened inside of something else imaginary meant I was in trouble.
200.gif

Read more  

So you got to drink your coffee in peace this morning and are complaining?

Who's complaining?  It actually got a good laugh out of me.  I'm just stating some stupid shit that went down.  

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Dennis Taylor

Dennis Taylor 18850

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19 minutes ago, Wiler77 said:

Oh that happens all the time.  At least once a month.  This was the first time I had to apologize for something she dreamed that I dreamed.

tell her you had a dream that she did that thing that is normally reserved for your birthday and that other thing she used to do occasionally when you guys were dating and see what she says, and report back to us

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TrashMaster G

TrashMaster G 17583

Posted
Posted
3 hours ago, Wiler77 said:

I was in the doghouse for about an hour this morning because my wife had a dream in which I told her I had a dream I cheated on her.  Some sort of double negative in which something imaginary happened inside of something else imaginary meant I was in trouble.

inception GIF

My (now ex-)wife once complained that in a dream she caught me cheating on her.  I acted all excited and asked "Who with?  Was she hot?  What were we doing?"  She got pissed but I never heard about another one of those dreams.

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BHMCruiser

BHMCruiser 1814

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54 minutes ago, TrashMaster G said:

My (now ex-)wife once complained that in a dream she caught me cheating on her.  I acted all excited and asked "Who with?  Was she hot?  What were we doing?"  She got pissed but I never heard about another one of those dreams.

When they say they had a dream about you cheating, just say "me too!" with a big smile on your face and then start humming happily while you make your coffee. That will be the last time the topic is raised. 

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SHOOTER12

SHOOTER12 8819

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3 hours ago, Dennis Taylor said:

tell her you had a dream that she did that thing that is normally reserved for your birthday and that other thing she used to do occasionally when you guys were dating and see what she says, and report back to us

 

1 hour ago, TrashMaster G said:

My (now ex-)wife once complained that in a dream she caught me cheating on her.  I acted all excited and asked "Who with?  Was she hot?  What were we doing?"  She got pissed but I never heard about another one of those dreams.

 

19 minutes ago, BHMCruiser said:

When they say they had a dream about you cheating, just say "me too!" with a big smile on your face and then start humming happily while you make your coffee. That will be the last time the topic is raised. 

Lulz, reminds of a situation several years back where I was dreaming about Cameron Diaz, and to top it off I do talk in my sleep.  Well, Mrs. Shooter woke me up wanting to know WTF is going on?  Fortunately I wasn't talking terribly clearly so she didn't get the gist of what was going on.  So I made up a story about how she and CD were best friends in my dream. Told her that CD had been kidnapped/lost or something and she demanded I go find/rescue her. I told her that the moaning and yelling was due to her assailant stabbing me.  She was still mad so I told her she was your damned friend and it was you who insisted that I go find her, so it's your fault dammit.

Never heard another word about it.

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Dennis Taylor

Dennis Taylor 18850

Posted
Posted
2 minutes ago, SHOOTER12 said:

 

 

Lulz, reminds of a situation several years back where I was dreaming about Cameron Diaz, and to top it off I do talk in my sleep.  Well, Mrs. Shooter woke me up wanting to know WTF is going on?  Fortunately I wasn't talking terribly clearly so she didn't get the gist of what was going on.  So I made up a story about how she and CD were best friends in my dream. Told her that CD had been kidnapped/lost or something and she demanded I go find/rescue her. I told her that the moaning and yelling was due to her assailant stabbing me.  She was still mad so I told her she was your damned friend and it was you who insisted that I go find her, so it's your fault dammit.

Never heard another word about it.

not yet anyway

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Scheiss Meister

Scheiss Meister 8408

Posted
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9 hours ago, Wiler77 said:

I was in the doghouse for about an hour this morning because my wife had a dream in which I told her I had a dream I cheated on her.  Some sort of double negative in which something imaginary happened inside of something else imaginary meant I was in trouble.

inception GIF

Mawaige!  The dweam wifin a dweam!

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MNLonghornFUKM

MNLonghornFUKM 8817

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Wife just texted me because she forgot what mailbox number we are. 
We are mailbox #2.

Hits close to the soul . We’re nearly 2 years into our new home that has a numbered box. She’s probably gotten the mail less than 3 times total. She’d have no idea what our number was if I bit it this morning.

Ah well. Guess I should remind her now that I think of it
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Doc Reeves

Doc Reeves 6434

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Me: “I set up the google hub so you can unlock the door now. You just at need to sa-“

her: -“I know how to work google. I don’t need youto to explain everything to me, I know just as much as you when it comes to voice commands and don’t need it ‘mansplained’! I’ll figure it out!”

me: “Oh... ok. I’m sorry, go ahead and do it.“

her: “ hey google................ DAMMIT!”

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lateshow

lateshow 1305

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44 minutes ago, Doc Reeves said:

Me: “I set up the google hub so you can unlock the door now. You just at need to sa-“

her: -“I know how to work google. I don’t need youto to explain everything to me, I know just as much as you when it comes to voice commands and don’t need it ‘mansplained’! I’ll figure it out!”

me: “Oh... ok. I’m sorry, go ahead and do it.“

her: “ hey google................ DAMMIT!”

Your wife didn't really use the phrase "mansplain" did she? Got damn.

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TrashMaster G

TrashMaster G 17583

Posted
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2 hours ago, Doc Reeves said:

Me: “I set up the google hub so you can unlock the door now. You just at need to sa-“

her: -“I know how to work google. I don’t need youto to explain everything to me, I know just as much as you when it comes to voice commands and don’t need it ‘mansplained’! I’ll figure it out!”

me: “Oh... ok. I’m sorry, go ahead and do it.“

her: “ hey google................ DAMMIT!”

If you didn't reply to her with a super sarcastic "Well.... I guess maybe you do need it to be MANSPLAINED, huh?" then I don't even know what the hell you're doing.

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Doc Reeves

Doc Reeves 6434

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Posted
Just now, TrashMaster G said:

If you didn't reply to her with a super sarcastic "Well.... I guess maybe you do need it to be MANSPLAINED, huh?" then I don't even know what the hell you're doing.

After 20 yrs of marriage, I find being magnanimously quite and letting that silence of her wrongness hang in the air like the smell of burnt hair pisses her off more and covers my ass from revenge later.

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TrashMaster G

TrashMaster G 17583

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3 minutes ago, Doc Reeves said:

After 20 yrs of marriage, I find being magnanimously quite and letting that silence of her wrongness hang in the air like the smell of burnt hair pisses her off more and covers my ass from revenge later.

Eh, after 20 years of marriage I think the high road is overrated.  But, good for you!

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ABSR

ABSR 5321

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5 hours ago, TrashMaster G said:

Eh, after 20 years of marriage I think the high road is overrated.  But, good for you!

After 20 years of marriage it’s not like she is going to threaten to withhold sex.... because that ship has sailed.

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VolenteHawk

VolenteHawk 495

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22 hours ago, lateshow said:

Your wife didn't really use the phrase "mansplain" did she? Got damn.

My teenager used it once. I told her to look around, reminded her that I paid for all this, and I know more than her...and that in my fucking house I’ll explain how things work without it getting a cutesy, Twitter, SJW label or you can pay rent.

It hasn’t been used again.

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Trey3216

Trey3216 15350

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1 hour ago, VolenteHawk said:

My teenager used it once. I told her to look around, reminded her that I paid for all this, and I know more than her...and that in my fucking house I’ll explain how things work without it getting a cutesy, Twitter, SJW label or you can pay rent.

It hasn’t been used again.

It’s my house.  You know what it is.  And if you don’t like it, you can get the fuck out.  I don’t give a fuck.  I Don’t give a...I pay the muthafuckin bills in this muthafucka.   And, Hey,  kiss my ass if you don’t like it.  

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Dennis Taylor

Dennis Taylor 18850

Posted
Posted (edited)
58 minutes ago, Trey3216 said:

It’s my house.  You know what it is.  And if you don’t like it, you can get the fuck out.  I don’t give a fuck.  I Don’t give a...I pay the muthafuckin bills in this muthafucka.   And, Hey,  kiss my ass if you don’t like it.  

I know you're 7. But you'll be a 7 year old, no house,  walking the dog motherfucker

Edited by Dennis Taylor
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RoundRobin

RoundRobin 828

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Posted
1 hour ago, Trey3216 said:

It’s my house.  You know what it is.  And if you don’t like it, you can get the fuck out.  I don’t give a fuck.  I Don’t give a...I pay the muthafuckin bills in this muthafucka.   And, Hey,  kiss my ass if you don’t like it.  

I drive a Dodge Stratus! Big time stuff!

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TrashMaster G

TrashMaster G 17583

Posted
Posted
3 hours ago, VolenteHawk said:

My teenager used it once. I told her to look around, reminded her that I paid for all this, and I know more than her...and that in my fucking house I’ll explain how things work without it getting a cutesy, Twitter, SJW label or you can pay rent.

It hasn’t been used again.

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Not a cat

Not a cat 5676

Posted
Posted
7 hours ago, Trey3216 said:

It’s my house.  You know what it is.  And if you don’t like it, you can get the fuck out.  I don’t give a fuck.  I Don’t give a...I pay the muthafuckin bills in this muthafucka.   And, Hey,  kiss my ass if you don’t like it.  

Trey, why you wash yo dick in the sink?

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crimsonlonghorn

crimsonlonghorn 2306

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Posted

Came into my study just now and announced that today was the day she was finally going to walk the 4 miles to work along a rural farm to market road. You know, the morning after the cold front just passed through and it's still breezy with scattered rain showers. And also still dark outside. 

I voice my skepticism with this plan but of course, tone. 

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crimsonlonghorn

crimsonlonghorn 2306

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Posted
On 10/13/2020 at 11:52 AM, tbone_ said:

You aren’t truly married until you have had to apologize for something you did in her dream.

And for God's sake, NEVER tell her about a random dream you had just because you find it amusing. I had a dream once that I was in JUNIOR HIGH and had a Asian girlfriend. I thought it was funny because it was so random. She took it as proof that I was planning to cheat on her with the first wily Vietnamese girl I could find. 

Total rookie newlywed mistake and now for the past 16+ years as far my wife knows, I don't dream when I sleep. 

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nnm

nnm 36524

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Posted
9 minutes ago, crimsonlonghorn said:

And for God's sake, NEVER tell her about a random dream you had just because you find it amusing. I had a dream once that I was in JUNIOR HIGH and had a Asian girlfriend. I thought it was funny because it was so random. She took it as proof that I was planning to cheat on her with the first wily Vietnamese girl I could find. 

Total rookie newlywed mistake and now for the past 16+ years as far my wife knows, I don't dream when I sleep. 

So, tell us more about this wily Vietnamese girl ...

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