Wives and the Stupid Shit They Say/Do

[luke duke 6,413]

You had to set an alarm for 10am?

No shit. Did you stay up until 6am?

[BlueGreySky 1,008]

4 hours ago, Eugene11 said:

Last night I was reading some stupid post about car mechanics and they debunk some common car myths or something. I’m an ex mechanic so I like to read and laugh at dumb Facebook stuff. Anyway.

She was looking over my shoulder and saw something that says “the E on the fuel gauge doesn’t mean what you think it means. “

Her- what does E mean then?

me - I don’t know what they are saying I didn’t read it. What do you think it stands for?

her - “E”nough fuel to go 30 miles?

she started laughing when I looked at her with a wtf look and knew how dumb she sounded but still. She was dead seious for a few seconds. 

Oh my god this is amazing.  

[52-80 19,160]

Channel surfing and the new teenage mutant Ninja turtle movie comes on. 

It's got Megan fox, prominent muscle car product placement, wild ass space alien shit, shitty overly done cgi, etc... So I comment "this feels just like another shitty Michael bay movie, like transformers"

 

 

"No way, I like transformers, they're good, I've seen all of them"

 

 

 

And THAT was probably the dumbest thing I'll have heard in months.

[TrashMaster G 17,557]

2 hours ago, 52-80 said:

Channel surfing and the new teenage mutant Ninja turtle movie comes on. 

It's got Megan fox, prominent muscle car product placement, wild ass space alien shit, shitty overly done cgi, etc... So I comment "this feels just like another shitty Michael bay movie, like transformers"

 

 

"No way, I like transformers, they're good, I've seen all of them"

 

 

 

And THAT was probably the dumbest thing I'll have heard in months.

Does she LOOK like Mrgan Fox?  You know, without the weird thumbs.  If so, you're ok.

[Penelope 416]

I have at lot to contribute to this thread. Unfortunately, he is not my wife ( obviously). I promise I will not turn try to turn this into a man hating thread. However, I humbly submit these reasons why I should be allowed to post on this thread . 

#1  He owns more shoes than I do ( I own a lot of shoes)

# 2  He doesn't watch football (I am a rabid Packers/ Badgers fan)

#3 And most importantly HE'S an AGGIE

What say you Shag I mean Surlyhorns?  That must be enough evidence for a special deference ?  I literally have gold for stupid things. And he must count as a woman right? He matches all of the criteria?  I promise I won't let you down

My first submission is he thought both sides of the sink go to the garbage disposal. Had no clue that there was a difference.

[Tyler Durden 132]

You married an Aggie so this is all on you.  

[shakahorn 1,645]

17 hours ago, ROFL BOX said:

Yeah, but you got to sleep in & didn't have to deal with the wife for the entire evening.

Yeah no kidding, and you could've gone to a bar after work and just say you had to work extra late.

[shakahorn 1,645]

12 minutes ago, Penelope said:

I have at lot to contribute to this thread. Unfortunately, he is not my wife ( obviously). I promise I will not turn try to turn this into a man hating thread. However, I humbly submit these reasons why I should be allowed to post on this thread . 

#1  He owns more shoes than I do ( I own a lot of shoes)

# 2  He doesn't watch football (I am a rabid Packers/ Badgers fan)

#3 And most importantly HE'S an AGGIE

What say you Shag I mean Surlyhorns?  That must be enough evidence for a special deference ?  I literally have gold for stupid things. And he must count as a woman right? He matches all of the criteria?  I promise I won't let you down

My first submission is he thought both sides of the sink go to the garbage disposal. Had no clue that there was a difference.

If it was someone from here, I would've said that he's just pretending not to know anything about the kitchen so he can stay out of it.

[Penelope 416]

I would agree with you, except he does not do dishes. They few times he has rinsed a dish, in my presence, it was on the wrong side, every time. 

[Guest]

19 hours ago, Modessit said:

Yesterday:

 

Wife: Can you go in late tomorrow? My boss wants me to sit in on an interview for a new special ed teacher at 11.

 

Me: Ok, but that means I'll have to work late. I'll bring the kids to you at noon then go to work.

 

Wife: That's fine.

 

Today:

 

I set my alarm for 10am so I can sleep in a bit since I'm going to be working late. I get up at 10 and see the wife isn't getting dressed. I ask her why she wasn't getting ready.

 

Wife: I decided not to go.

 

Me: Why not?

 

Wife: It's raining.

 

Me: You didn't think to tell me so I could go into work earlier?

 

So I had to work late for no reason.

 

 

That would be the last time that shit happened.

 

 

[Modessit 5,603]

You had to set an alarm for 10am?

I'm a night owl and often only get to do what I want after the kids are asleep. I sometimes don't go to sleep until 2am even if I have to be up at 7. Since I didn't have to get up to be with the kids that morning, I'd planned to sleep until I had to get up to watch them while my wife left, then take them to her so I could go to work.

[Modessit 5,603]

No shit. Did you stay up until 6am?

Sometimes this happens, but not on purpose. I can go to bed at 3 and not fall asleep for a long time.

[Modessit 5,603]

Yeah no kidding, and you could've gone to a bar after work and just say you had to work extra late.

Unfortunately, that doesn't pay the bills or for the vacation we're taking in August.

[HenryJames 66,071]

2 hours ago, Penelope said:

I have at lot to contribute to this thread. Unfortunately, he is not my wife ( obviously). I promise I will not turn try to turn this into a man hating thread. However, I humbly submit these reasons why I should be allowed to post on this thread . 

#1  He owns more shoes than I do ( I own a lot of shoes)

# 2  He doesn't watch football (I am a rabid Packers/ Badgers fan)

#3 And most importantly HE'S an AGGIE

What say you Shag I mean Surlyhorns?  That must be enough evidence for a special deference ?  I literally have gold for stupid things. And he must count as a woman right? He matches all of the criteria?  I promise I won't let you down

My first submission is he thought both sides of the sink go to the garbage disposal. Had no clue that there was a difference.

So...pegging?

[HornStar 17]

On 6/21/2018 at 12:31 AM, Modessit said:

Yesterday:

 

Wife: Can you go in late tomorrow? My boss wants me to sit in on an interview for a new special ed teacher at 11.

 

Me: Ok, but that means I'll have to work late. I'll bring the kids to you at noon then go to work.

 

Wife: That's fine.

 

Today:

 

I set my alarm for 10am so I can sleep in a bit since I'm going to be working late. I get up at 10 and see the wife isn't getting dressed. I ask her why she wasn't getting ready.

 

Wife: I decided not to go.

 

Me: Why not?

 

Wife: It's raining.

 

Me: You didn't think to tell me so I could go into work earlier?

 

So I had to work late for no reason.

 

 

The correct answer is morning BJ. Or pooper. Or both.

[G650 14,263]

14 hours ago, 52-80 said:

Channel surfing and the new teenage mutant Ninja turtle movie comes on. 

It's got Megan fox, prominent muscle car product placement, wild ass space alien shit, shitty overly done cgi, etc... So I comment "this feels just like another shitty Michael bay movie, like transformers"

 

 

"No way, I like transformers, they're good, I've seen all of them"

 

 

 

And THAT was probably the dumbest thing I'll have heard in months.

I have a blood vendetta against Michael Bay for singlehandedly ruining the cool stuff of my youth.

[Frank The Tank 1,497]

On 6/21/2018 at 12:31 AM, Modessit said:

Wife: My boss wants me to sit in on an interview for a new special ed teacher at 11.

Wife: I decided not to go.

Me: Why not?

Wife: It's raining.

I feel like this part of the stupid shit is being completely ignored. Boss asks her to be in a meeting and she just decides at the last minute not to go because it’s raining? 

[baboso 6,056]

On 6/19/2018 at 4:07 PM, 52-80 said:

"How do I write that the service was good from most of the staff, but slower from others?"

"Word for word as you just told me"

"No, but how I *write* it????"

 

Ching chang chong, motherfucker.

[baboso 6,056]

NM

Edited June 22, 2018 by baboso
Double post, fucking new board software.

[Cheeseweasel 26,438]

12 hours ago, Penelope said:

I have at lot to contribute to this thread. Unfortunately, he is not my wife ( obviously). I promise I will not turn try to turn this into a man hating thread. However, I humbly submit these reasons why I should be allowed to post on this thread . 

#1  He owns more shoes than I do ( I own a lot of shoes)

# 2  He doesn't watch football (I am a rabid Packers/ Badgers fan)

#3 And most importantly HE'S an AGGIE

What say you Shag I mean Surlyhorns?  That must be enough evidence for a special deference ?  I literally have gold for stupid things. And he must count as a woman right? He matches all of the criteria?  I promise I won't let you down

My first submission is he thought both sides of the sink go to the garbage disposal. Had no clue that there was a difference.

You married an Aggie. You made your choice. 

[52-80 19,160]

4 minutes ago, BurntEyes said:

This. How the fuck can you get away with blowing off a request from your manager because it's fucking raining.

what if shes one of them hydro-phobic aliens from the m night shimalimadingdong movies

[txhorns 2,409]

Or there was no meeting and she was really just going to go fuck her boss but something came up and he canceled.

[NotActuallyALonghorn 4,976]

Or her boss is a woman and also didn't go because it was raining.

[lateshow 1,304]

Maybe she's a farmer.

[Cheeseweasel 26,438]

53 minutes ago, NotActuallyALonghorn said:

Or her boss is a woman and also didn't go because it was raining.

This must be correct.

[Modessit 5,603]

Or her boss is a woman and also didn't go because it was raining.

Lol. Actually her principal IS a woman. Apparently it wasn't required for her to attend and she wasn't asked until the day before and her boss told her "I understand if you can't make it on short notice since you'd need to find someone to watch the kids." So of course my wife decided she didn't want to drive in the rain. The fact that she stayed up until 3:30a watching a movie on the tablet and was too tired to get up had nothing to do with it. Allegedly.

 

[MNLonghornFUKM 8,817]

small rant...freaking Wives when they ask you to do something when you just left a certain area of the house.

 

*comes down from up stairs*
 

Can you bring another roll of paper towels?

 

*sits down on couch*

Can you refill my drink?

 

*exits master bathroom, lays in bed*

 

can you shut the door a little more?

 

im giving her a pass because she probably has leftover pregnancy brain and is also breastfeeding in the process...but ive begun to express my annoyance verbally and shes toning my ass

Edited June 22, 2018 by MNLonghornFUKM

[NeverMarryAStripper 21,907]

If she just had a kid then she should be more concerned with toning her ass.

[tbone_ 14,126]

Nmas always brings the truth

[BearCountry11 1,234]

Not quoting any dialogue here but my wife and her sister were trying to plan an excursion while the 4 of us are in Mexico next week.  

After listening to 45 minutes of indecision and talking in circles I had had enough.  I asked for the phone and requested that my brother in law take the phone.  We had the excursion planned and booked in 7 minutes.  Back to watching CWS.  

[G650 14,263]

Fucking Hallmark Channel. 

[T’Boo Ted Marshall 2,732]

small rant...freaking Wives when they ask you to do something when you just left a certain area of the house.
 
*comes down from up stairs*
 
Can you bring another roll of paper towels?
 
*sits down on couch*
Can you refill my drink?
 
*exits master bathroom, lays in bed*
 
can you shut the door a little more?
 
im giving her a pass because she probably has leftover pregnancy brain and is also breastfeeding in the process...but ive begun to express my annoyance verbally and shes toning my ass

You need to go to school at the Steel Shank academy?

[MNLonghornFUKM 8,817]

1 minute ago, T’Boo Ted Marshall said:

You need to go to school at the Steel Shank academy?

I might

[tantric superman 4,667]

Wife says she is going to pick up some ice cream.  Can you get chocolate for me I say?

She comes back with Chocolate with Peanut Butter.   I thought you'd like this, she says.  She admits they had chocolate but she got the chocolate with Peanut butter instead.

Am I wrong to say "wtf"?

 

[skipperj 377]

You should be thankful your wife is so thoughtful to upgrade you.

[tantric superman 4,667]

Well, that's her logic, and I think its crazy when it comes to food.

And I know that you are just pulling my leg unless you are a woman.

[tantric superman 4,667]

Plus, should I have posted this on "Trivial shit that makes your surly"?

[Modessit 5,603]

Wife says she is going to pick up some ice cream.  Can you get chocolate for me I say?
She comes back with Chocolate with Peanut Butter.   I thought you'd like this, she says.  She admits they had chocolate but she got the chocolate with Peanut butter instead.
Am I wrong to say "wtf"?
 

That's because she wanted to try the chocolate with peanut butter, but had already made her other choice. So - she got it for you so that she could "just have a taste". If you don't like it, then she gets to put it in the freezer for tomorrow.

[PhillyD 1,257]

3 minutes ago, Modessit said:

That's because she wanted to try the chocolate with peanut butter, but had already made her other choice. So - she got it for you so that she could "just have a taste". If you don't like it, then she gets to put it in the freezer for tomorrow.

This man knows how to think like a woman.  

Edited June 24, 2018 by PhillyD

[tantric superman 4,667]

The issue is whether 1) she is crazy and 2) if I'm an asshole for being put out by this strange behavior.

 

And she knows I'll eat most of the chocolate peanut butter before she gets around to it anyway.

Edited June 24, 2018 by tantric superman

[skipperj 377]

Dammit, if I hadn’t been drinking whiskey all evening, I’d go get some chocolate peanut butter ice cream right now.

[Pato del Muerto 52,503]

53 minutes ago, skipperj said:

Dammit, if I hadn’t been drinking whiskey all evening, I’d go get some chocolate peanut butter ice cream right now.

Uber eats app

[Tyler Durden 132]

Wife says she is going to pick up some ice cream.  Can you get chocolate for me I say?
She comes back with Chocolate with Peanut Butter.   I thought you'd like this, she says.  She admits they had chocolate but she got the chocolate with Peanut butter instead.
Am I wrong to say "wtf"?
 

I would say WTF but I also I have one foot in the divorce door. So learn from me?

[Guest]

“ Well hon, I would have some chocolate ice cream, but since there isn’t any, I just have a double dip of pooper.”

[Brothahorn 10,087]

She calls them 'moo-cows' as opposed to 'oink-cows'.

[Pato del Muerto 52,503]

Prelude:  moved into this house 2 years ago, never separated the 3 mailbox keys that usps gave us. That’s my fault. 

She took the kids to Florida for almost 2 weeks. I call her to ask where the mail keys are. They’re in her purse. 

[Spartan52 151]

You're right, its your fault.

[skipperj 377]

Correct. One key on my keychain, one on hers, one hanging on the key rack.

Edited June 25, 2018 by skipperj

[NWBuck 8,569]

48 minutes ago, Pato del Muerto said:

Prelude:  moved into this house 2 years ago, never separated the 3 mailbox keys that usps gave us. That’s my fault. 

She took the kids to Florida for almost 2 weeks. I call her to ask where the mail keys are. They’re in her purse. 

Next time you call her, she'll tell you that she solved the problem by mailing them to you. 

[Sam Lin 3,559]

On 6/23/2018 at 6:31 PM, tantric superman said:

Wife says she is going to pick up some ice cream.  Can you get chocolate for me I say?

As written I would have expected her to hand you a Hershey bar.