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Wives and the Stupid Shit They Say/Do

Spur08

By Spur08
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McCroskey
McCroskey

Buddy sent a text today...said his wife decided to shop vac their fireplace and clean up all the ash. When she finished, she turned around and didn’t realize the shop vac lid wasn’t really seated, so

BearCountry11
BearCountry11

From earlier this evening...   My father in law lost his cell phone on the golf course this afternoon.  It was raining so we didn’t have much hope it would still be working but he shares the

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RamjetFDO

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lateshow

lateshow 1304

Posted
Posted
14 hours ago, TKthunder2 said:

Wife decided to make a pot roast in her Instant Pot instead of the Crock Pot like we always do.  It wasn’t fully cooked after nearly 12 hours of cooking.  But somehow I’m the asshole when I ask why she didn’t simply cook it in the Crock Pot.  Fucking rookie mistake...

Yeah, she fucked up somewhere. My wife has made her last 3 roasts in the Instant Pot and they were delicious. 

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Frank The Tank

Frank The Tank 1497

Posted
Posted
1 hour ago, TKthunder2 said:

I just checked and there is a slow cooking option that can be used with the optional glass lid.  I wasn’t going to be able to let that go...

https://instantpot.com/wp-content/uploads/2017/09/InstantPot-IP-LUX-Manual-English-v2-web.pdf

Happy to admit when I’m wrong, like I said, certainly no expert on the thing. But that still leaves the question of why it wasn’t cooked after 12 hours?

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ABSR

ABSR 5315

Posted
Posted
2 hours ago, TKthunder2 said:

I just checked and there is a slow cooking option that can be used with the optional glass lid.  I wasn’t going to be able to let that go...

https://instantpot.com/wp-content/uploads/2017/09/InstantPot-IP-LUX-Manual-English-v2-web.pdf

"The Instant Pot® tempered glass lid with steam vent and stainless steel rim and handle is designed for use with the Instant Pot multi-use programmable pressure cooker. Ideal for when your cooker goes into the Keep Warm mode and when using the Sauté and Slow Cook programs."

 

I'm sure your wife read the instructions and this was used correctly.  Why it didn't cook properly is truly inexplicable, but likely your fault.

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PantsTent

PantsTent 2002

Posted
Posted (edited)

I don't have an Instant Pot either but I did think this one needed more investigation.  

Why You Should NOT Use Your Instant Pot as a Slow Cooker

Quote

To further confuse matters, the Instant Pot also has three slow-cooker heat settings (not counting warm): less (180˚F to 190˚F), normal (190˚F to 200˚F), and more (200˚F to 210˚F). Those do not exactly correspond to the heat settings on most other slow cookers—although the “less” setting seems like it would be the same as low, it seems to run much slower. Instant Pot does have an auto-switch to warm, as does a traditional slow cooker.

 

Edited by PantsTent
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TKthunder2

TKthunder2 4992

Posted
Posted
2 minutes ago, MNLonghornFUKM said:


Your countertop to backsplash game is not strong

But seriously tho, I bet it’s delicious after having 2 days to soak in the juices

Agree on the backsplash/counter, just moved here, waiting on permits from the City of Austin and we’re ripping it all out and adding about 1000sqft.

I might have tried the roast, except it’s been off for the last 18 hours now so that’s a straight shot to food poisoning.

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Incredulity

Incredulity 11675

Posted
Posted
4 hours ago, TKthunder2 said:

Agree on the backsplash/counter, just moved here, waiting on permits from the City of Austin and we’re ripping it all out and adding about 1000sqft.

I might have tried the roast, except it’s been off for the last 18 hours now so that’s a straight shot to food poisoning.

Get a jump on the holidays and lose a quick 15lbs

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Modessit

Modessit 5603

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Posted

Wife has been telling me for months that she has a song in her head that she "heard in a commercial" but can't remember the name or singer and she wants my help. I try to get her to sing or hum it but she can't carry a tune and it just sounds like "da-da-da-da-da-da". Can't remember any words. She tells me "it's a classic 80s rock song. I think it was a one-hit wonder. The guy was in a jacket in the video." I played a bunch of 80s videos but none were it.

Just now she ran in to tell me "I found it!"

Are you ready?









Yes, I'm serious.



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Fudbelty

Fudbelty 2788

Posted
Posted
I am currently laying on the couch watching my wife take down Thanksgiving decorations and putting up Christmas decorations...Top that

Our trees(yes 2) got put up Nov 1. I won’t do the outside until weekend after Thanksgiving. Then guess what. We are getting a real tree to put up.
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shakahorn

shakahorn 1645

Posted
Posted
Wife has been telling me for months that she has a song in her head that she "heard in a commercial" but can't remember the name or singer and she wants my help. I try to get her to sing or hum it but she can't carry a tune and it just sounds like "da-da-da-da-da-da". Can't remember any words. She tells me "it's a classic 80s rock song. I think it was a one-hit wonder. The guy was in a jacket in the video." I played a bunch of 80s videos but none were it.

Just now she ran in to tell me "I found it!"

Are you ready?











Yes, I'm serious.





Your wife rick-rolled you and you’re complaining to us about it?
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BearCountry11

BearCountry11 1234

Posted
Posted

This is more of a slow burn but I believe it qualifies.  

I do all the cooking in my house.  My wife can follow a recipe if needed but it’s always best if we avoid that.  Something she does do a lot of is provide unsolicited help in the kitchen.  And usually it’s something I don’t want her to do. She never asks, she just does it.  An example: last thanksgiving I was doing prime rib in the oven.  I did the method where you cook it hot then let it sit in the over for a couple of hours.  I killed the heat, announced to the room that nobody is to touch the oven, then went out back to tend to the turkey.  Well, my wife must have not heard me because she noticed the oven was off and pulled the prime rib out.   Trying to help, I get it, but don’t help me unless I ask.  Other instances are more of an inconvenience - opening the smoker over and over to check on the meat (why?  I don’t know), cutting into a steak before it’s had time to rest, adding dressing to a salad when I haven’t even started making dinner, etc.  It’s always when I’m distracted or trying to finish up another portion of the meal.  She’s trying to help but it drives me nuts and we have talked about it a bunch.  She has been told to remain out of the kitchen unless I ask her to help.  

Well....last night a neighbor had given us a huge tomahawk ribeye.  Beautiful steak.  I decided to do reverse sear in the oven.  The steak got to temp but I was a little late heating up the charcoal and they needed a few more min to get hot.  Pulled the steak out of the oven, set it on the counter, then went to dump the charcoal.  I come back inside and my wife is halfway through carving the steak.  I cook steaks reverse sear all the time so I don’t know what compelled her to do this.  It did not look pretty and, at least to me, was pretty obvious it wasn’t finished.  I got pissed.  But I’m the jerk because she was just trying to help.  The steak wasn’t bad - just not very pretty to look at.  

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tigol

tigol 2398

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Posted
1 hour ago, BearCountry11 said:

This is more of a slow burn but I believe it qualifies.  

I do all the cooking in my house.  My wife can follow a recipe if needed but it’s always best if we avoid that.  Something she does do a lot of is provide unsolicited help in the kitchen.  And usually it’s something I don’t want her to do. She never asks, she just does it.  An example: last thanksgiving I was doing prime rib in the oven.  I did the method where you cook it hot then let it sit in the over for a couple of hours.  I killed the heat, announced to the room that nobody is to touch the oven, then went out back to tend to the turkey.  Well, my wife must have not heard me because she noticed the oven was off and pulled the prime rib out.   Trying to help, I get it, but don’t help me unless I ask.  Other instances are more of an inconvenience - opening the smoker over and over to check on the meat (why?  I don’t know), cutting into a steak before it’s had time to rest, adding dressing to a salad when I haven’t even started making dinner, etc.  It’s always when I’m distracted or trying to finish up another portion of the meal.  She’s trying to help but it drives me nuts and we have talked about it a bunch.  She has been told to remain out of the kitchen unless I ask her to help.  

Well....last night a neighbor had given us a huge tomahawk ribeye.  Beautiful steak.  I decided to do reverse sear in the oven.  The steak got to temp but I was a little late heating up the charcoal and they needed a few more min to get hot.  Pulled the steak out of the oven, set it on the counter, then went to dump the charcoal.  I come back inside and my wife is halfway through carving the steak.  I cook steaks reverse sear all the time so I don’t know what compelled her to do this.  It did not look pretty and, at least to me, was pretty obvious it wasn’t finished.  I got pissed.  But I’m the jerk because she was just trying to help.  The steak wasn’t bad - just not very pretty to look at.  

That is rage inducing.

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nineliveslost

nineliveslost 2760

Posted
Posted (edited)
On 11/15/2020 at 11:05 AM, BearCountry11 said:

This is more of a slow burn but I believe it qualifies.  

I do all the cooking in my house.  My wife can follow a recipe if needed but it’s always best if we avoid that.  Something she does do a lot of is provide unsolicited help in the kitchen.  And usually it’s something I don’t want her to do. She never asks, she just does it.  An example: last thanksgiving I was doing prime rib in the oven.  I did the method where you cook it hot then let it sit in the over for a couple of hours.  I killed the heat, announced to the room that nobody is to touch the oven, then went out back to tend to the turkey.  Well, my wife must have not heard me because she noticed the oven was off and pulled the prime rib out.   Trying to help, I get it, but don’t help me unless I ask.  Other instances are more of an inconvenience - opening the smoker over and over to check on the meat (why?  I don’t know), cutting into a steak before it’s had time to rest, adding dressing to a salad when I haven’t even started making dinner, etc.  It’s always when I’m distracted or trying to finish up another portion of the meal.  She’s trying to help but it drives me nuts and we have talked about it a bunch.  She has been told to remain out of the kitchen unless I ask her to help.  

Well....last night a neighbor had given us a huge tomahawk ribeye.  Beautiful steak.  I decided to do reverse sear in the oven.  The steak got to temp but I was a little late heating up the charcoal and they needed a few more min to get hot.  Pulled the steak out of the oven, set it on the counter, then went to dump the charcoal.  I come back inside and my wife is halfway through carving the steak.  I cook steaks reverse sear all the time so I don’t know what compelled her to do this.  It did not look pretty and, at least to me, was pretty obvious it wasn’t finished.  I got pissed.  But I’m the jerk because she was just trying to help.  The steak wasn’t bad - just not very pretty to look at.  

I swear our lives are very similar

One more drink and I would weep....silently , lonely, all consuming weeping 

Edited by nineliveslost
drunk and stupid
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BHMCruiser

BHMCruiser 1814

Posted
Posted
22 hours ago, BearCountry11 said:

This is more of a slow burn but I believe it qualifies.  

I do all the cooking in my house.  My wife can follow a recipe if needed but it’s always best if we avoid that.  Something she does do a lot of is provide unsolicited help in the kitchen.  And usually it’s something I don’t want her to do. She never asks, she just does it.  An example: last thanksgiving I was doing prime rib in the oven.  I did the method where you cook it hot then let it sit in the over for a couple of hours.  I killed the heat, announced to the room that nobody is to touch the oven, then went out back to tend to the turkey.  Well, my wife must have not heard me because she noticed the oven was off and pulled the prime rib out.   Trying to help, I get it, but don’t help me unless I ask.  Other instances are more of an inconvenience - opening the smoker over and over to check on the meat (why?  I don’t know), cutting into a steak before it’s had time to rest, adding dressing to a salad when I haven’t even started making dinner, etc.  It’s always when I’m distracted or trying to finish up another portion of the meal.  She’s trying to help but it drives me nuts and we have talked about it a bunch.  She has been told to remain out of the kitchen unless I ask her to help.  

Well....last night a neighbor had given us a huge tomahawk ribeye.  Beautiful steak.  I decided to do reverse sear in the oven.  The steak got to temp but I was a little late heating up the charcoal and they needed a few more min to get hot.  Pulled the steak out of the oven, set it on the counter, then went to dump the charcoal.  I come back inside and my wife is halfway through carving the steak.  I cook steaks reverse sear all the time so I don’t know what compelled her to do this.  It did not look pretty and, at least to me, was pretty obvious it wasn’t finished.  I got pissed.  But I’m the jerk because she was just trying to help.  The steak wasn’t bad - just not very pretty to look at.  

dude fuck that

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luke duke

luke duke 6413

Posted
Posted
This is more of a slow burn but I believe it qualifies.  
I do all the cooking in my house.  My wife can follow a recipe if needed but it’s always best if we avoid that.  Something she does do a lot of is provide unsolicited help in the kitchen.  And usually it’s something I don’t want her to do. She never asks, she just does it.  An example: last thanksgiving I was doing prime rib in the oven.  I did the method where you cook it hot then let it sit in the over for a couple of hours.  I killed the heat, announced to the room that nobody is to touch the oven, then went out back to tend to the turkey.  Well, my wife must have not heard me because she noticed the oven was off and pulled the prime rib out.   Trying to help, I get it, but don’t help me unless I ask.  Other instances are more of an inconvenience - opening the smoker over and over to check on the meat (why?  I don’t know), cutting into a steak before it’s had time to rest, adding dressing to a salad when I haven’t even started making dinner, etc.  It’s always when I’m distracted or trying to finish up another portion of the meal.  She’s trying to help but it drives me nuts and we have talked about it a bunch.  She has been told to remain out of the kitchen unless I ask her to help.  

Well....last night a neighbor had given us a huge tomahawk ribeye.  Beautiful steak.  I decided to do reverse sear in the oven.  The steak got to temp but I was a little late heating up the charcoal and they needed a few more min to get hot.  Pulled the steak out of the oven, set it on the counter, then went to dump the charcoal.  I come back inside and my wife is halfway through carving the steak.  I cook steaks reverse sear all the time so I don’t know what compelled her to do this.  It did not look pretty and, at least to me, was pretty obvious it wasn’t finished.  I got pissed.  But I’m the jerk because she was just trying to help.  The steak wasn’t bad - just not very pretty to look at.  


Tell your wife that you’ve decided to drop your life insurance. She’s obviously trying to raise your blood pressure to heart attack/aneurysm levels. Perhaps she’ll stop if there’s no financial reward.
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SuperSport

SuperSport 1333

Posted
Posted
On 11/14/2020 at 7:17 PM, Fudbelty said:


Our trees(yes 2) got put up Nov 1. I won’t do the outside until weekend after Thanksgiving. Then guess what. We are getting a real tree to put up.

 

21 hours ago, BearSchlong said:

I did the same thing last weekend. You're late. (Pretty obvious why I have photo documentation.)

55dd51afeebcac254743a52a3091f8ad.jpg

Maybe I’m missing the sarcasm with these replies (or overly stating the obvious?), but I thought the point of @Teddyballgame’s post was not Christmas decorations going up early, but rather Thanksgiving decorations coming down before the holiday even occurred. Truly remarkable, the female brain is...

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Teddyballgame

Teddyballgame 441

Posted
Posted
20 hours ago, SuperSport said:

 

Maybe I’m missing the sarcasm with these replies (or overly stating the obvious?), but I thought the point of @Teddyballgame’s post was not Christmas decorations going up early, but rather Thanksgiving decorations coming down before the holiday even occurred. Truly remarkable, the female brain is...

Yes this what caught me off guard.  My wife probably like every other wife has many storage bins for all of her holiday decorations..normal procedure is wait until after holiday and rinse and repeat.  She jumped the gun this year.  The one exception is tree will stay up until February if I don’t say anything.   Over under is feb 4 for tree coming down

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Trey3216

Trey3216 15346

Posted
Posted
16 minutes ago, Teddyballgame said:

Yes this what caught me off guard.  My wife probably like every other wife has many storage bins for all of her holiday decorations..normal procedure is wait until after holiday and rinse and repeat.  She jumped the gun this year.  The one exception is tree will stay up until February if I don’t say anything.   Over under is feb 4 for tree coming down

Looks at phone...Checks date of Super Bowl...adds 1 week...Checks Covid...Assumes NFL will try to stay on schedule but adds another week...   Happy Valentine's Day!!! Breh!!!! 

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Kennythetiger

Kennythetiger 9388

Posted
Posted
27 minutes ago, Teddyballgame said:

Yes this what caught me off guard.  My wife probably like every other wife has many storage bins for all of her holiday decorations..normal procedure is wait until after holiday and rinse and repeat.  She jumped the gun this year.  The one exception is tree will stay up until February if I don’t say anything.   Over under is feb 4 for tree coming down

I’m with your wife. Mine stays up year-round. 

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eljinca

eljinca 279

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Good one yesterday morning.

Every week my wife asks me to buy a gallon of oat milk for her coffee. I don't like it, so I buy a pint of whole milk for my coffee. I was on the phone in the morning and accidentally grabbed the oat milk out of the fridge and poured it into my coffee. Which precipitated the following exchange:

Me: "Do you want to take my coffee. I used oat milk by accident. I'll make another cup for myself."

Wife: "No, I like the whole milk in my coffee."

Me: "Then why do we buy the oat milk for your coffee?"

Wife: "Well, I like to have the oat milk because we always run out of the whole milk."

Me: "So how about I just buy more whole milk and no oat milk?"

Wife: "Then what will I use when we run out of whole milk?"

At this point I just walked out of the kitchen with my coffee. Oh, my wife is a doctor.

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Kennythetiger

Kennythetiger 9388

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Posted
35 minutes ago, eljinca said:

Good one yesterday morning.

Every week my wife asks me to buy a gallon of oat milk for her coffee. I don't like it, so I buy a pint of whole milk for my coffee. I was on the phone in the morning and accidentally grabbed the oat milk out of the fridge and poured it into my coffee. Which precipitated the following exchange:

Me: "Do you want to take my coffee. I used oat milk by accident. I'll make another cup for myself."

Wife: "No, I like the whole milk in my coffee."

Me: "Then why do we buy the oat milk for your coffee?"

Wife: "Well, I like to have the oat milk because we always run out of the whole milk."

Me: "So how about I just buy more whole milk and no oat milk?"

Wife: "Then what will I use when we run out of whole milk?"

At this point I just walked out of the kitchen with my coffee. Oh, my wife is a doctor.

How did you get a gallon container confused with a pint container?  

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