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Wives and the Stupid Shit They Say/Do

Spur08

By Spur08
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Buddy sent a text today...said his wife decided to shop vac their fireplace and clean up all the ash. When she finished, she turned around and didn’t realize the shop vac lid wasn’t really seated, so

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Wade

Wade 464

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Son's high school is a ten mile drive.  My wife normally works Wednesdays but took day off today, and she was to pick him up.  She was gone all day, and I assumed she was helping (hanging out) at my daughter's grade school as she likes to do on her days off.  I get a text at 2:05 pm, "what time is Nate's pick up today?".  Now, his pickup has been the same all school year, four days a week 4:30, but on Wednesdays 2:30.  I text her back with the pick up time and ask where she's been all day.  Turns out the clinic literally next door to my son's school asked her to help out today.  I text back, "Oh, that's convenient, you're right there already."

So, what do I hear five minutes later?  The garage door opening.  "WTH, why did you come home, he's off school in ten minutes?!"  Oh, I thought it was 4:30, didn't read your response until I got home.

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nnm

nnm 36672

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13 hours ago, Wade said:

Son's high school is a ten mile drive.  My wife normally works Wednesdays but took day off today, and she was to pick him up.  She was gone all day, and I assumed she was helping (hanging out) at my daughter's grade school as she likes to do on her days off.  I get a text at 2:05 pm, "what time is Nate's pick up today?".  Now, his pickup has been the same all school year, four days a week 4:30, but on Wednesdays 2:30.  I text her back with the pick up time and ask where she's been all day.  Turns out the clinic literally next door to my son's school asked her to help out today.  I text back, "Oh, that's convenient, you're right there already."

So, what do I hear five minutes later?  The garage door opening.  "WTH, why did you come home, he's off school in ten minutes?!"  Oh, I thought it was 4:30, didn't read your response until I got home.

I guarantee if her friend Karen had texted her asking what shoes she was going to wear to the function tomorrow, that would have been read/responded to instantly. 

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T-shirt Sip

T-shirt Sip 2107

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15 hours ago, Wade said:

Son's high school is a ten mile drive.  My wife normally works Wednesdays but took day off today, and she was to pick him up.  She was gone all day, and I assumed she was helping (hanging out) at my daughter's grade school as she likes to do on her days off.  I get a text at 2:05 pm, "what time is Nate's pick up today?".  Now, his pickup has been the same all school year, four days a week 4:30, but on Wednesdays 2:30.  I text her back with the pick up time and ask where she's been all day.  Turns out the clinic literally next door to my son's school asked her to help out today.  I text back, "Oh, that's convenient, you're right there already."

So, what do I hear five minutes later?  The garage door opening.  "WTH, why did you come home, he's off school in ten minutes?!"  Oh, I thought it was 4:30, didn't read your response until I got home.

You ended up picking up your son from school, didn't you?

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Wade

Wade 464

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28 minutes ago, ztejas said:

I'm sitting here wondering why their HS age son can't figure it the fuck out to get home on his own.

He's a freshman, and it's a ten mile hike with no public transportation from San Juan Capistrano to San Clemente.  Believe me, as soon as he turns 16 he's getting my piece of shit car and driving himself back and forth

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Trey3216

Trey3216 15374

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2 hours ago, Wade said:

He's a freshman, and it's a ten mile hike with no public transportation from San Juan Capistrano to San Clemente.  Believe me, as soon as he turns 16 he's getting my piece of shit car and driving himself back and forth

I mean, the salmon find their way home...

spacer.png

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wd40

wd40 1976

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so yesterday we strapped the kids in, gave 'em a little bit o' vodka in a cherry coke, etc to sort of see my MIL and her dad.  

we've done this trip dozens of times, and usually hit fairly new Whataburger a little ways south of Red Oak.  for some reason, this time she wanted Wendy's in Hillsboro.  shockingly, it sucked.  pretty sure the fries had been on the kitchen floor, at some point.

but at least I got to ask her, "Do you like Wendy's?" and giggle like a child for several minutes while she looked on quizzically.

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TrashMaster G

TrashMaster G 17628

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24 minutes ago, wd40 said:

so yesterday we strapped the kids in, gave 'em a little bit o' vodka in a cherry coke, etc to sort of see my MIL and her dad.  

we've done this trip dozens of times, and usually hit fairly new Whataburger a little ways south of Red Oak.  for some reason, this time she wanted Wendy's in Hillsboro.  shockingly, it sucked.  pretty sure the fries had been on the kitchen floor, at some point.

but at least I got to ask her, "Do you like Wendy's?" and giggle like a child for several minutes while she looked on quizzically.

Wtf is going on here.gif

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Biff Tannen

Biff Tannen 45750

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1 hour ago, wd40 said:

so yesterday we strapped the kids in, gave 'em a little bit o' vodka in a cherry coke, etc to sort of see my MIL and her dad.  

we've done this trip dozens of times, and usually hit fairly new Whataburger a little ways south of Red Oak.  for some reason, this time she wanted Wendy's in Hillsboro.  shockingly, it sucked.  pretty sure the fries had been on the kitchen floor, at some point.

but at least I got to ask her, "Do you like Wendy's?" and giggle like a child for several minutes while she looked on quizzically.

I envision you as Knox Harrington, the video artist. 

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General Specific

General Specific 3271

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so yesterday we strapped the kids in, gave 'em a little bit o' vodka in a cherry coke, etc to sort of see my MIL and her dad.  
we've done this trip dozens of times, and usually hit fairly new Whataburger a little ways south of Red Oak.  for some reason, this time she wanted Wendy's in Hillsboro.  shockingly, it sucked.  pretty sure the fries had been on the kitchen floor, at some point.
but at least I got to ask her, "Do you like Wendy's?" and giggle like a child for several minutes while she looked on quizzically.

Oh Lucy, you got some splain to do!!1!
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Flg8rfan

Flg8rfan 201

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It’s turkey day, lots of family coming over for a 3pm meal. I fully expect one or more things to happen from past experiences.

- I pretty much cook everything except the mashed potatoes. She’ll start making them at 2:30 and will finish them around 3:30

- house is reasonably clean but she’ll sleep in until 11 and not have enough time to get things set up outside without my help

- she’ll need to run to the grocery store for one item and disappear for 2 hours, leaving me to set things up outside and make the damn mashed potatoes (at least they will be ready on time)

- we have a really small kitchen, when it’s time for me to start slicing the turkeys and ham, she will be entertaining all the women folk in said tiny kitchen so I can’t get in there while I’m holding a hot 22 lb bird in my hands, then not understand why I start to get pissy

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MNLonghornFUKM

MNLonghornFUKM 8822

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so yesterday we strapped the kids in, gave 'em a little bit o' vodka in a cherry coke, etc to sort of see my MIL and her dad.  
we've done this trip dozens of times, and usually hit fairly new Whataburger a little ways south of Red Oak.  for some reason, this time she wanted Wendy's in Hillsboro.  shockingly, it sucked.  pretty sure the fries had been on the kitchen floor, at some point.
but at least I got to ask her, "Do you like Wendy's?" and giggle like a child for several minutes while she looked on quizzically.

I question how McDonald’s and Wendy’s can stay open in Texas but I guess wives is the answer
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Guest

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Have a cousin and wife who cancelled late for Thanksgiving at our house, for understandable and justified other family reasons.  They felt bad about it, as they have never been to our house even though we've been to theirs more than once.  We get along very well and enjoy very similar things when it comes to booze/ travel/ etc.  They text around 8 PM last night that they have a timeshare in late May for 2 weeks into June 11.  I tell the wife I can't go until after Monday, May 31 because of work on Memorial Day.  She knows this, as I have been off that week exactly one time in 26 years, and that was for oldest boy's college graduation in New York.

"Memorial Day is on the 25th on my calendar."

"So it's not the last Monday in May any more?"

"I'm going to tell them we'll be there the 28th through the 31st"

" You might be, but I have to work on the 31st"

"31st is on Sunday."

"No it isn't.  The next May we get to will not be in 2020."

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Fudbelty

Fudbelty 2791

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Maybe I’m missing the sarcasm with these replies (or overly stating the obvious?), but I thought the point of [mention=1100]Teddyballgame[/mention]’s post was not Christmas decorations going up early, but rather Thanksgiving decorations coming down before the holiday even occurred. Truly remarkable, the female brain is...

Thanksgiving decorations? We go from Halloween to Christmas.
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Modessit

Modessit 5606

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First Texas Football game in nearly a month and wife walks in and starts trying to have a conversation with my about what is wrong with me. Then offers the astute commentary about how I probably don’t want to talk with her right now.
"Haven't had a blowjob yet today, but it's almost halftime so get ready."
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luke duke

luke duke 6414

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It’s turkey day, lots of family coming over for a 3pm meal. I fully expect one or more things to happen from past experiences.

- I pretty much cook everything except the mashed potatoes. She’ll start making them at 2:30 and will finish them around 3:30

- house is reasonably clean but she’ll sleep in until 11 and not have enough time to get things set up outside without my help

- she’ll need to run to the grocery store for one item and disappear for 2 hours, leaving me to set things up outside and make the damn mashed potatoes (at least they will be ready on time)

- we have a really small kitchen, when it’s time for me to start slicing the turkeys and ham, she will be entertaining all the women folk in said tiny kitchen so I can’t get in there while I’m holding a hot 22 lb bird in my hands, then not understand why I start to get pissy


She sounds gorgeous.
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Dennis Taylor

Dennis Taylor 18876

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2 hours ago, wd40 said:

(aggy) wife:  the aggies are always so good in the red-zone.

me:  ?????

next play:  Mond coughs it up trying to go over the top.

Does she actually know what the red zone is? With 2 sons that played since they were 5 and attended and watched no fewer than 10000 games mine literally doesn't know the difference between blocking and tackling 

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wd40

wd40 1976

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well, she's an aggy, so she has that built-in football knowledge level they all claim.  and she's on her ipad  facebooking or playing sudoko the whole time, every atm game we turn on, so how the fuck would she know whether they are or not?

a few plays later, LSU qb throws a pick.  

wife:  "Oh no!"

me:  ???? (and I have to work very hard to suppress my rooting against them, although not so much when they play LSU)

wife:  well, I feel bad for him [the qb]

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AUS-97HORN

AUS-97HORN 11824

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wd40's wife reminds me a lot of my Aunt.

 

My Uncle was an absolute die-hard DFW area sports fan, Cowboys, Rangers, Mavs, and yes, when they came along the Stars.  Lost him in 2005 to a bad heart.

But his wife, my dad's sister, was and still is, one of the worst sports wives/widows out there.  She still doesnt know exactly what a first down is, doesnt know that the 9th inning is the last inning unless its tied, and doesnt understand why Hockey only has 3 periods.

 

that being said, she managed to make the all time hall of fame list of" Holy Shit she said that's":

1989, every TV station, every newspaper, even the DJs on the radio (pretty sure no sports radio in Dallas until the 90s), is talking about the march to 5,000 strikeouts.

Nolan finally does it, and its all people talk about and since the Rangers suck so bad, something to celebrate about them. 

 

My Aunt at Thanksgiving that year ... the 5,000th S.O. came up during dinner and she spoke up... she  told us in no uncertain terms that she didnt understand why the whole city was making fun of Nolan. She thought it was in extremely poor taste that everyone kept pointing out that Nolan had struck out 5,000 times. 

She went on to say something like, Im sure hes trying pretty hard you dont need to keep making fun of him.......

silence.

 

My Uncle... an East Texas farmboy, blurts out.... holy shit woman, he didnt strikeout 5,000 times, he THREW 5,000 strikeouts.

Her reply.... oh... I knew strikeouts were bad, so I just didnt understand why the hell the whole city kept getting excited about a man striking out 5,000 times. 

 

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nnm

nnm 36672

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Mrs. NNM (no pics you degenerates) is the 5th of 6 kids, 3 boys, 3 girls. The late FIL and all 3 boys are all sports fans. Football was always on the TV in season in their house, constant discussions. Since marrying, we’ve had CFB season tix most years, raised a son through youth football and 2nd Team All State in Texas his senior year, and watched countless hours of CFB and NFL on TV.  In other words, she’s seen a LOT of football in her lifetime. 

We were watching an NFL game a few years ago when the camera panned to the crowd and the usual guys holding the big D and the picket fence section. 

Mrs. NNM:  “What is D Gate?”

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