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Wives and the Stupid Shit They Say/Do

Spur08

By Spur08
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McCroskey
McCroskey

Buddy sent a text today...said his wife decided to shop vac their fireplace and clean up all the ash. When she finished, she turned around and didn’t realize the shop vac lid wasn’t really seated, so

BearCountry11
BearCountry11

From earlier this evening...   My father in law lost his cell phone on the golf course this afternoon.  It was raining so we didn’t have much hope it would still be working but he shares the

RamjetFDO
RamjetFDO

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AM Wood

AM Wood 335

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56 minutes ago, Brothahorn said:

I understand using it around kids. But she uses in adult conversations. Last week she used it in front of a coworker. We both looked at her like the ding-dong she was.

does she wear adult diapers and ride around on a three wheeled bike?

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ABSR

ABSR 5,289

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17 hours ago, skipperj said:

Correct. One key on my keychain, one on hers, one hanging on the key rack.

No, you need to hide the third key, or have a fourth key she doesn't know about somewhere. 

 

With your system she is going to lose her key and not tell you and then take the key on the key rack.  Then misplace that key and borrow your key (with or without asking) and then lose it or "go to Florida" with it.

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Modessit

Modessit 5,597

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Posted
I am new here. Perhaps some of y'all can summarize the Mitch/Trixie Greatest Hits for me? You know, for science
If you don't have a Christmas wreath made out of rawhide dog bones hanging on your dining room wall - well, you'll be lucky to crack the top ten.
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msucolt45

msucolt45 4,003

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Posted

Wife went to Seattle last week, on vacation with my SIL and MIL. My first question answered, upon arrival of how the trip went, was outside of it being beautiful and green, was there sure was a lot of “marijuana” signs around town!

I was like - you didn’t know it was legal there? Which she stated that there seemed to be a large amount of “transients” everywhere they went.

Not Trixie stuff, but sure made me give her the “Homer Simpson - doh, stare!”


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

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retread

retread 2,951

Posted
Posted (edited)
2 hours ago, GSU&UT said:

No, that was an LSU guy. MikeTheTiger or something like that.

Close. shaggymikeVI

Most of the story is on this page at the old place

http://www.shaggytexas.com/board/showthread.php/69394-Wives-and-the-Stupid-!-They-Say-Do?p=3394735&viewfull=1#post3394735

Quote

I walk into the bedroom to ask her if she's ok, at which point she jumps in my face and tells me to put my gun together because she's going to blow her $#@!ing brains out. I keep an M4 assault rifle in it's case in my closet, and the case is such that the upper and lower must be separated for it to fit in there. I calmy explain to her that I will not put my gun together, and try to calm her down because she's fuming and snorting, and looking like a bull ready to charge. She screams "$#@! it, I'll figure it out," and runs to the closet where I keep it on the upper shelf. I run after her and get to where the gun is at the same time she does, grab the handle, and flip the case up and to the back of the shelf, out of her reach. While I'm holding the case back there to make sure she can't get it she begins punching and kicking and pinching me all over. After about 5 minutes i'm pretty sure she's forgotten about her idea to get the gun, so I drop my arms, and try and hold her so that she can't swing at me anymore. She eventually collapses to the floor, exhausted, but still breathing and panting like a rabid dog. I watched her for a few minutes, and finally she got up and went to the bathroom. Eventually she left the house and was gone for about 5 hours. She came back later (turns out she was at Wal-Mart shopping - remember, I said psycho), and I'm asleep in the bedroom with the door locked. 

 

Edited by retread
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Fudge Nuggets

Fudge Nuggets 19,151

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9 hours ago, retread said:

Close. shaggymikeVI

Most of the story is on this page at the old place

http://www.shaggytexas.com/board/showthread.php/69394-Wives-and-the-Stupid-!-They-Say-Do?p=3394735&viewfull=1#post3394735

 

Well, that's not the story I remember.  The awesome story was the guy rummaging around in the living room in the dark and his old lady pulls a gun on him.  He asks her what the fuck she's doing and she tells him she knew it wasn't loaded.  When he asked her how did she know, she said "Because nothing happened when I pulled the trigger."

Or something like that...

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EastTexan

EastTexan 662

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Posted
On June 17, 2018 at 8:08 PM, luke duke said:

My wife just came inside to tell me that my air compressor was broken because it wouldn’t inflate her bike tire. This is what I found when I went out to the garage.

350e936f37858992a60a8167acdacb84.jpg

 

This makes me so proud of our daughter. When daughter was in high school, one morning she noticed a tire on her car was nearly flat. She drug the hose out, started compressor, plugged  chuck in and aired tire. Put everything up and made it to school. Couple days later told me and I swelled with pride. Said she had seen me do it.

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skipperj

skipperj 377

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Posted
30 minutes ago, BurntEyes said:

This is wives and stupid shit thread, not daughters who might actually have a clue and seem pretty damn cool.

 

One day she'll be a wife and forget all about the lessons she learned from dad. But then she'll be someone else's problem.

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TrashMaster G

TrashMaster G 17,393

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2 hours ago, EastTexan said:

 

This makes me so proud of our daughter. When daughter was in high school, one morning she noticed a tire on her car was nearly flat. She drug the hose out, started compressor, plugged  chuck in and aired tire. Put everything up and made it to school. Couple days later told me and I swelled with pride. Said she had seen me do it.

How old is your daughter?

Asking for a friend...

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Upgrayedd

Upgrayedd 5,806

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Posted
20 hours ago, miguelito said:

 

Sunrise, sunset....

 

20180624_132928_resized.jpg

 

35 minutes ago, You don't know me said:

There's got to be a purpose to those things.  I have to admit that I'm intrigued.

Just because my collection of cock rings is hanging in the closet doesn't mean anything.  Really.  Promise.

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