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Wives and the Stupid Shit They Say/Do

Spur08

By Spur08
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McCroskey
McCroskey

Buddy sent a text today...said his wife decided to shop vac their fireplace and clean up all the ash. When she finished, she turned around and didn’t realize the shop vac lid wasn’t really seated, so

BearCountry11
BearCountry11

From earlier this evening...   My father in law lost his cell phone on the golf course this afternoon.  It was raining so we didn’t have much hope it would still be working but he shares the

RamjetFDO
RamjetFDO

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Cheeseweasel

Cheeseweasel 26438

Posted
Posted
25 minutes ago, tbone_ said:

You are wasting your time with that logic.

Unilaterally creating an unrealistic to do list then freaking out because you are so overwhelmed is forever engrained in the American female psyche. It ain’t ever changing.

Truth. And Social Media has turned it to 11. Gotta post those pics for the "you go gurl" praise!

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Pato del Muerto

Pato del Muerto 52489

Posted
Posted

On the moving thing, since it’s in the female pop culture zeitgeist right now I think I’d try asking her as she’s packing to take the time to think about each item and whether it “sparks joy” and if not, to trash it.  
I can envisage several ways for this to backfire however, so plan accordingly should you attempt it. 

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Guadaloopy

Guadaloopy 10960

Posted
Posted

I know this is well worn ground around here, so I’m just adding another data point.  It’s Sunday so I’m taking my wife’s car to wash and fill with gas.  Car has multi-zone temperature control in perfect working order.  I know this because I set it up properly and use it when I drive it.
 

Back to Sundays...It’s never on dual control, always single zone. It’s always set to either 65 or 80, which doesn’t matter because the auto control button is off, the AC button is off, and the fan is on full blast.  
 

200.gif

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956 Worldwide

956 Worldwide 34705

Posted
Posted
1 hour ago, Guadaloopy said:

I know this is well worn ground around here, so I’m just adding another data point.  It’s Sunday so I’m taking my wife’s car to wash and fill with gas.  Car has multi-zone temperature control in perfect working order.  I know this because I set it up properly and use it when I drive it.
 

Back to Sundays...It’s never on dual control, always single zone. It’s always set to either 65 or 80, which doesn’t matter because the auto control button is off, the AC button is off, and the fan is on full blast.  
 

200.gif

Related, I have lost count how many times my wife has adjusted the A/C in the car a single degree because she’s either too cold or too hot. 

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nnm

nnm 36360

Posted
Posted
2 hours ago, Guadaloopy said:

I know this is well worn ground around here, so I’m just adding another data point.  It’s Sunday so I’m taking my wife’s car to wash and fill with gas.  Car has multi-zone temperature control in perfect working order.  I know this because I set it up properly and use it when I drive it.
 

Back to Sundays...It’s never on dual control, always single zone. It’s always set to either 65 or 80, which doesn’t matter because the auto control button is off, the AC button is off, and the fan is on full blast.  
 

200.gif

Yep. Mrs. NNM (no pics) does not care about the auto function. Takes away her control. 

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nnm

nnm 36360

Posted
Posted
9 hours ago, Buzzrock said:

Team 73°

72 or 70, depending on conditions. 

Reminds me of trivial things that make the rest of NNM family surly. When I set an alarm, I never set it for an even number. Instead of 6:00, I’ll set it for 5:57, or 6:02. Usually I set my morning alarm for 4:44. The rest of NNM family thinks that’s just freaky. They’re probably right, but getting old sucks, so I control the little things where I can. 

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Knoxtnhorn

Knoxtnhorn 5974

Posted
Posted

Probably more of "you had to be there".

Wife (from TN) sees a headline from back home that says something along the lines of, "100 Pounds of Dip Thrown Out By Health Dept.".

Wife: Only in Tennessee would there be a major article about throwing away 100 pounds of chewing tobacco.

Me: Keep reading.  I'll bet there's a surprise.

Wife:  ... Oh.  It was queso.

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Armybrat

Armybrat 40832

Posted
Posted
23 minutes ago, Knoxtnhorn said:

Probably more of "you had to be there".

Wife (from TN) sees a headline from back home that says something along the lines of, "100 Pounds of Dip Thrown Out By Health Dept.".

Wife: Only in Tennessee would there be a major article about throwing away 100 pounds of chewing tobacco.

Me: Keep reading.  I'll bet there's a surprise.

Wife:  ... Oh.  It was queso.

Is she a Red Man fan?

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Flg8rfan

Flg8rfan 201

Posted
Posted
I know this is well worn ground around here, so I’m just adding another data point.  It’s Sunday so I’m taking my wife’s car to wash and fill with gas.  Car has multi-zone temperature control in perfect working order.  I know this because I set it up properly and use it when I drive it.
 
Back to Sundays...It’s never on dual control, always single zone. It’s always set to either 65 or 80, which doesn’t matter because the auto control button is off, the AC button is off, and the fan is on full blast.  
 
200.gif

That’s my wife AND my daughters (nopics)
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Beau Vine

Beau Vine 54211

Posted
Posted

My car battery has been losing a lot of power because 1) I never drive it and 2) it's old.  Daughter took wife's car the other day, so she decided that was when she had to go to the bank, so she took my car.  "I hope it starts," I said.  

Sure enough, 30 minutes later, she calls from the bank and says the car won't start.

Me: "What do you want me to do?  I have no car here."

Her: "I don't know, I was just telling you."

At 4:39 she called back and said that she was on her way home and asked if I wanted her to stop and get a new battery.  I told her no, I'll deal with that later.  

At 5:00, she's not home and I google mapped the bank -- 2.1 miles away and 9 minute drive.  I called and she said she was stuck in traffic.  She finally got home at 5:09.  Turns out she had gotten on the Interstate to drive home, and then instead of exiting on Wonder World Drive to come home like normal, she decided to avoid it because of the terrible backup at that intersection because they're doing typically stupid San Marcos construction.  

Me: Well, how did you plan on getting home?

Her: I thought I'd take Hunter Road.  (See map -- construction area circled; we live up off the top of the map)

image.thumb.png.01c28039db46e45190a22bbae8b60b16.png

Me: But it's the Wonder World-Hunter intersection where the traffic is so terrible...?

Her:  Yes, I wasn't thinking.

 

Postscript-- Today I had to go to the doctor.  Car started up just fine.  I mentioned it to her.

Her: Well, it shouldn't matter, but I did have the key turned on to Accessory for a couple of minutes yesterday.

Me:  WHHHHYYYY??

Her: I was listening to the radio, but it wasn't long enough to matter...  

 

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Jameslaw121

Jameslaw121 4448

Posted
Posted

Well, don't know where the stupid husband thread is. But since I'm put her on here a few times. I should fess up. 

Other night, I cooked some fajitas in my cast iron skillet. Afterword, the dogs wouldn't leave the skillet alone, so I put it outside on the patio.

She said "You're drinking, so your going to forget it's out there and it's going to rust."

Me "Trust me honey. There is no way I would forget to leave literally my favorite cook tool outside on the patio to get ruined."

 

So anyway, I went to check on the chickens this morning, and now I have a cast iron skillet hidden in the shed until my wife is gone long enough for me to reseason it....

 

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Nolacycling

Nolacycling 893

Posted
Posted (edited)

Just overheard in HEB parking lot.

10-year-old,"Mom, can I start the car?"

Woman, "sure,  put your foot on the brake and press start."

"Which one's the brake?"

Nervous giggle. "You know I forgot."

Double check whether raging mom car can cause damage in my row.

 

Edited by Nolacycling
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T’Boo Ted Marshall

T’Boo Ted Marshall 2732

Posted
Posted
Her, pretty much every day:  throws something haphazardly into the garage to keep the house from “clutter.”  
 
Her, Every 90 days:  the garage is a mess. WE need to clean it up today. 

I was under the impression that items placed into the garage by someone other than myself are for trash.
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Not a cat

Not a cat 5652

Posted
Posted
3 hours ago, strangulation! said:

probably three times a week: do you want me to take the dog out?

me: um, yes.

why would i ever say no to that?

As someone that was once married for many years, let me translate this into wifespeak- I'm doing a chore that both of us are responsible for but I want to passive aggressively make sure you know I'm doing it so I can get credit for it.

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ShaggyBevo RIP

ShaggyBevo RIP 3868

Posted
Posted (edited)
On 12/23/2020 at 2:58 PM, Pato del Muerto said:

Her, pretty much every day:  throws something haphazardly into the garage to keep the house from “clutter.”  
 

Her, Every 90 days:  the garage is a mess. WE need to clean it up today. 

I have previously posted the question of is 'decluttering' a circular cycle? Has decluttering ever happened without adding clutter elsewhere and the non participatory spouse blamed for the clutter at the newly cluttered location?  What percentage of 'decluttered' items end up back in at their origin point within a year?

Edited by ShaggyBevo RIP
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ztejas

ztejas 43418

Posted
Posted
1 hour ago, ShaggyBevo RIP said:

Has decluttering ever happened without adding clutter elsewhere and the non participatory spouse blamed for the clutter at the newly cluttered location?  What percentage of 'decluttered' items end up back in at their origin point within a year?

You're not even accounting for the additional shit that you're wife is assuredly going to buy and cram into the house.

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ROFL BOX

ROFL BOX 6649

Posted
Posted
On 12/24/2020 at 10:39 AM, tbone_ said:

Do you want....

Most passive aggressive thing ever. It’s never something you want.

This is a potential tie for "So, what are you doing on _____ "?  (which is the long way to get to "I want you to ____ but first I want to hear you say the equivalent of "Nothing that is of any real importance.".

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