Wives and the Stupid Shit They Say/Do

[ROFL BOX 6,654]

That looks dismayed.

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[SurlyORama 165]

18 hours ago, CycleTex87 said:

Banana bread is delicious.  The grosser looking the bananas the better.

Toast that crap and add peanut butter. Amazing.

[Grade of D as in David 13,255]

1 hour ago, SurlyORama said:

Toast that crap and add peanut butter. Amazing.

[WhatTheBuck 28,904]

1 hour ago, SurlyORama said:

Toast that crap and add peanut butter. Amazing.

Toast it? Never heard of toasting a banana, other than making Bananas Foster which is a flambé. I just put peanut butter on it. But peanut butter on bananas and apples is awesome. 

[SilasCoade 2,622]

Don't be fatuous, Jeffrey.

[Buzzrock 15,116]

I have a similar cabinet, but most of the cups are on their side or just shoved in like it's a junk drawer.  You're just showing off.
And the original poster still wins as all of the one's he is showing are 1/3 to 2/3 full of water or liquids of some sort and are sitting on the night stand....where they have been for days or weeks.

Plot twist: that’s my side of the bed. She ran out of room the other night so she moved all those over to make space.

[Buzzrock 15,116]

When I was married the garage was for cars. If we had (translated: she put) too much shit in the garage for a car to fit in it was hers that parked in the driveway.

That’s where I’m at.



Posted earlier but our garage holds my car, my golf cart, and the beer fridge. The third bay is full of her crap so her car stays in the driveway.

[Knoxtnhorn 6,262]

Anyone else have a wife that's really good at doing 75% of a project or chore?

She put up some new blinds causing a bit of sawdust to accumulate on the floor.  Later on, she's gone shopping and I see,

Broom

Dust pan

Pile of sawdust in-between.

#2

We recycle.  I have a large, Rubbermade container on the back porch we use.  Not a day goes by where I don't see a couple of plastic bottles, a soup can, some cardboard stacked by the back door.  One could stand at this spot, open the back door, and drop said recycling in the container w/o taking a step.

 

[nnm 37,751]

22 minutes ago, Buzzrock said:

That’s where I’m at.



Posted earlier but our garage holds my car, my golf cart, and the beer fridge. The third bay is full of her crap so her car stays in the driveway.

I still don’t know what’s up with that coach light centered over the garage. There should be two coach lights on either side of the garage. If you’re going to have something centered above it, it should be a floodlight to light up your basketball area, or whatever you do in the driveway. 

[Dennis Taylor 19,292]

On 8/13/2021 at 3:41 PM, AUS-97HORN said:

Pretty sure he told us that he let her keep the chest enhancements he paid for and he got the rest.

I has no idea those could be used as bargaining chips but that's good for men everywhere.  Isn't there a saying about when you buy those you're paying for the next guy's enjoyment or something like that?

[ROFL BOX 6,654]

25 minutes ago, Knoxtnhorn said:

She put up some new blinds causing a bit of sawdust to accumulate on the floor.  Later on, she's gone shopping and I see,

Broom

Dust pan

Pile of sawdust in-between.

#2

Your wife shit in the garage?

[Buzzrock 15,116]

I still don’t know what’s up with that coach light centered over the garage. There should be two coach lights on either side of the garage. If you’re going to have something centered above it, it should be a floodlight to light up your basketball area, or whatever you do in the driveway. 

[nnm 37,751]

6 hours ago, Buzzrock said:

Yeah. I’d take those out, put one on each side of the right and left garage, and a floodlight up top. The staggered nature of the garages makes it look unbalanced.
Or maybe just one on each side of what I presume is your back door. You already have a flood at the far corner. 

[Buzzrock 15,116]

Meh

[McCroskey 1,510]

New one for me yesterday…driving on the interstate and traffic comes to an abrupt halt.

She looks over at me and asks “can you not do that?”

Me: “what?”

Her: “Stop so fast!!”

Me: “well I could just smash into the cars in front of us, what are you proposing I do instead?”

Her: Tone.

[Mitch Cumsteen 18,913]

1 hour ago, nnm said:

Yeah. I’d take those out, put one on each side of the right and left garage, and a floodlight up top. The staggered nature of the garages makes it look unbalanced.
Or maybe just one on each side of what I presume is your back door. You already have a flood at the far corner. 

I don't mind the lights, my problem is that it doesn't line up perfectly with the goal posts and the giant Longhorn. 

[HenryJames 67,118]

14 hours ago, Knoxtnhorn said:

We recycle.  I have a large, Rubbermade container on the back porch we use.  Not a day goes by where I don't see a couple of plastic bottles, a soup can, some cardboard stacked by the back door.  One could stand at this spot, open the back door, and drop said recycling in the container w/o taking a step.

 

[ChickenSandwich 9,919]

On 8/13/2021 at 10:23 AM, NorthLoop said:

ahem...

 

What season of Breaking Bad is this from?

[Jerry Callo 8,954]

What season of Breaking Bad is this from?

The one where the tweeker dropped the ATM on the other tweeker's head.

[Nivek 17,331]

New one for me yesterday…driving on the interstate and traffic comes to an abrupt halt.

She looks over at me and asks “can you not do that?”

Me: “what?”

Her: “Stop so fast!!”

Me: “well I could just smash into the cars in front of us, what are you proposing I do instead?”

Her: Tone.

My wife simultaneously complains I drive too slow and too fast and switch lanes too much and don’t switch lanes enough.

I hear it, but I don’t respond anymore.

[conVINCEd 21,477]

34 minutes ago, Nivek said:

My wife simultaneously complains I drive too slow and too fast and switch lanes too much and don’t switch lanes enough.

I hear it, but I don’t respond anymore.

Feels like the divorce rate would plummet if people took separate cars everywhere.

[ROFL BOX 6,654]

52 minutes ago, conVINCEd said:

Feels like the divorce rate would plummet if people took separate cars everywhere.

No, because then my wife would complain that she...
 - has to drive at night

 - has to put miles on her vehicle vs. mine

 - is using her fuel instead of mine

[SilasCoade 2,622]

43 minutes ago, ROFL BOX said:

No, because then my wife would complain that she...
 - has to drive at night

 - has to put miles on her vehicle vs. mine

 - is using her fuel instead of mine

I know everyone has ways of making their relationships work for them, but I just can't imagine my wife and I having mine and yours designations for fuel or mileage on cars. The only thing we don't share is her clothes. She freely grabs my shirts and hoodies.

[ROFL BOX 6,654]

8 minutes ago, Llogg said:

I know everyone has ways of making their relationships work for them, but I just can't imagine my wife and I having mine and yours designations for fuel or mileage on cars. The only thing we don't share is her clothes. She freely grabs my shirts and hoodies.

It's not ME with the "his & hers" stuff.

I refer to it as "ROFL BOX - Co"... there's the Mrs. & Mr. division, different organizations, but ultimately part of the same overall corporation.  P&L happens, all income & out-go affects the entire organization.
She disagrees.

[Nivek 17,331]

I know everyone has ways of making their relationships work for them, but I just can't imagine my wife and I having mine and yours designations for fuel or mileage on cars. The only thing we don't share is her clothes. She freely grabs my shirts and hoodies.

Wife?

[NeverMarryAStripper 22,242]

1 hour ago, Llogg said:

I know everyone has ways of making their relationships work for them, but I just can't imagine my wife and I having mine and yours designations for fuel or mileage on cars. The only thing we don't share is her clothes. She freely grabs my shirts and hoodies.

You know you like to wear her panties when she’s not around

[Modessit 5,665]

New one for me yesterday…driving on the interstate and traffic comes to an abrupt halt.

She looks over at me and asks “can you not do that?”

Me: “what?”

Her: “Stop so fast!!”

Me: “well I could just smash into the cars in front of us, what are you proposing I do instead?”

Her: Tone.

This happens all the time. She's looking at her phone, and someone swerves into my lane and I have to hit the brakes.

Her: WHAT ARE YOU DOING?

Me: Stopping so I don't hit the moron who just cut it front of me. Would you prefer that I just run into them?

[TrashMaster G 18,034]

4 hours ago, Llogg said:

I know everyone has ways of making their relationships work for them, but I just can't imagine my wife and I having mine and yours designations for fuel or mileage on cars. The only thing we don't share is her clothes. She freely grabs my shirts and hoodies.

What about women?  Do you share women?

If so, we have a board for those stories.

[BHMCruiser 1,828]

On 8/13/2021 at 4:33 PM, NeverMarryAStripper said:

When I wasn't looking she took my BBQ pit and my motorcycle

good trade

[mulletpelini 5,220]

On 8/12/2021 at 10:06 AM, tbone_ said:

She takes it off at my house.

She makes me put it on at mine.

 

[Frank The Tank 1,503]

On 8/15/2021 at 4:21 PM, Llogg said:

I know everyone has ways of making their relationships work for them, but I just can't imagine my wife and I having mine and yours designations for fuel or mileage on cars. The only thing we don't share is her clothes. She freely grabs my shirts and hoodies.

So on any given day you walk into the garage and it’s 50/50 on which car you drive, or which one is left after she’s driven off in the other? Y’all don’t have “your car” and “my car?”

[Thatguy 9,295]

On 8/15/2021 at 8:53 PM, TrashMaster G said:

What about women?  Do you share women?

If so, we have a board for those stories.

Or penises....if they're into that.

[ROFL BOX 6,654]

Or penises....if they're into that.

It works easiest with the ones that are detachable.

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[SilasCoade 2,622]

2 hours ago, Frank The Tank said:

So on any given day you walk into the garage and it’s 50/50 on which car you drive, or which one is left after she’s driven off in the other? Y’all don’t have “your car” and “my car?”

well, we don't but if I drove her car she wouldn't be upset about it. In fact, since my daughter turned 16 it's a crapshoot who drives what car on any given day.

[Dennis Taylor 19,292]

7 minutes ago, Llogg said:

well, we don't but if I drove her car she wouldn't be upset about it. In fact, since my daughter turned 16 it's a crapshoot who drives what car on any given day.

My car??

[pops 7,121]

"Were they tied at the start of the 10th?"

[956 Worldwide 35,520]

I went to visit some towns in the Czech Republic and I took this photo. It’s a “prison for quarrelsome and rude women” that was in a cellar under the town square and built in the 1400s. About 25 feet underground.

I thought about that for a long time. I bet those guys would have posted here.

 

 

[Moby Ric 2,058]

On 8/14/2021 at 5:52 PM, Buzzrock said:

That’s where I’m at.



Posted earlier but our garage holds my car, my golf cart, and the beer fridge. The third bay is full of her crap so her car stays in the driveway.

Suggestion.

Get a quote to have your garage floor coated and coax your wife into it being a good investment for your home.  That way all the shit in the garage will have to be moved out. She will discover that most of the stuff out there she will not need and boom, to the curb.  You get a new garage floor that looks great, and a clean space for you to drink beer alone in your garage.

Edited August 20, 2021 by Moby Ric

[tbone_ 14,413]

I went to visit some towns in the Czech Republic and I took this photo. It’s a “prison for quarrelsome and rude women” that was in a cellar under the town square and built in the 1400s. About 25 feet underground.
I thought about that for a long time. I bet those guys would have posted here.

 
 

I feel like some fucked up shit went on in there.

[nnm 37,751]

4 hours ago, tbone_ said:

I feel like some fucked up shit went on in there.

Baylor-level crap, for sure. 

[Scheiss Meister 8,452]

I have an ex sister-in-law who belongs in there.

[Grade of D as in David 13,255]

16 hours ago, Moby Ric said:

Suggestion.

Get a quote to have your garage floor coated and coax your wife into it being a good investment for your home.  That way all the shit in the garage will have to be moved out. She will discover that most of the stuff out there she will not need and boom, to the curb.  You get a new garage floor that looks great, and a clean space for you to drink beer alone in your garage.

I'm not even married and I know that she will look at that clean empty space in the garage and fill it with all new shit.

[Cheeseweasel 26,439]

3 hours ago, Scheiss Meister said:

I have an ex sister-in-law who belongs in there.

Is she rude?

[Scheiss Meister 8,452]

2 hours ago, Cheeseweasel said:

Is she rude?

Not in the sense that you mean.  I'm sure that is part of her problem.

[ROFL BOX 6,654]

Wife's Tahoe has a Garmin GPS on the dash & she keeps her work ID hanging from the power cord, approx. 9", maybe 12" down from the weighted base when not on the job.

Other day: "I want some sort of clip to keep the cord up. This thing keeps sliding around."

Me: "It's because your badge (with mask as an added weight of a feather) is on here & tugs it down with every road bump not helping."

Her: "No, I want to clip the power cord up on the base. That will stop it from moving."

Me: "All you are doing would be to move the weight up 1, maybe 2" inches from the current spot. It will continue to slide due to the weight of the badge clip, the reel, 2 badges & radiology monitor."

Her: "You don't know what you're talking about."

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[TrashMaster G 18,034]

On 8/21/2021 at 8:32 AM, Scheiss Meister said:

I have an ex sister-in-law who belongs in there.

Ditto.

[Jameslaw121 4,485]

Didn't know where else to put this but over the weekend

Her : How much is a new dishwasher?

Me : Our wedding was about $10,000. I thought it came with one.

 

tone

 

[MNLonghornFUKM 8,964]

Anyone else want to punch their wife when you’re not even a step into the door and you “need to hurry up because you’re letting all of the bugs in!”?

[TKthunder2 5,058]

3 hours ago, Jameslaw121 said:

Didn't know where else to put this but over the weekend

Her : How much is a new dishwasher?

Me : Our wedding was about $10,000. I thought it came with one.

 

tone

 

In the future we’ll say this about blowjob robots.

[ztejas 44,114]

On 8/15/2021 at 5:44 PM, NeverMarryAStripper said:

You know you like to wear her panties when she’s not around