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Wives and the Stupid Shit They Say/Do

Spur08

By Spur08
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tbone_

tbone_ 14,129

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We're hosting Thanksgiving this year so we've been doing a lot of menu planning and whatnot.  It's been a collaborative effort.  My wife wants to get two kinds of rolls - one kind that can be bought at a grocery store and then rolls from Hartz chicken.  She thinks they are the bomb.  They are good, I admit it, but I didn't think they were good enough to warrant a special trip.  I didn't say anything though.  Fast forward to this morning:
Wife: "I decided not to get the Hartz rolls after all."
Ojo:  (laughing) "Okay, good.  It was a dumb idea anyway." (bold move, Cotton, I know)
Wife: "It wasn't dumb, it just wasn't..."
Ojo:  "Smart?" (laughing)
Wife:  (getting pissed) "It wasn't a dumb idea; I just decided against it, okay?"
Ojo: "The rolls themselves were not a dumb idea. Making a special trip for a second type of roll in light of all of the other shit we are doing is what I thought was dumb."
Wife:  "I don't know why this is even a discussion."
Ojo:  "I agree."
Fin.
Now wife will be pissed off at me for two weeks.  I was trying to be funny.

Serious rookie move brah
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NeverMarryAStripper

NeverMarryAStripper 21,907

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2 hours ago, Ojo Rojo said:

We're hosting Thanksgiving this year so we've been doing a lot of menu planning and whatnot.  It's been a collaborative effort.  My wife wants to get two kinds of rolls - one kind that can be bought at a grocery store and then rolls from Hartz chicken.  She thinks they are the bomb.  They are good, I admit it, but I didn't think they were good enough to warrant a special trip.  I didn't say anything though.  Fast forward to this morning:

Wife: "I decided not to get the Hartz rolls after all."

Ojo:  (laughing) "Okay, good.  It was a dumb idea anyway." (bold move, Cotton, I know)

Wife: "It wasn't dumb, it just wasn't..."

Ojo:  "Smart?" (laughing)

Wife:  (getting pissed) "It wasn't a dumb idea; I just decided against it, okay?"

Ojo: "The rolls themselves were not a dumb idea. Making a special trip for a second type of roll in light of all of the other shit we are doing is what I thought was dumb."

Wife:  "I don't know why this is even a discussion."

Ojo:  "I agree."

Fin.

Now wife will be pissed off at me for two weeks.  I was trying to be funny.

Now you're going to be making a trip to Hartz chicken on Wednesday evening

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Buzzrock

Buzzrock 14,922

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When that happens I look over and she is looking at her phone.  I just leave the room.  It used to irritate the shit out of me but now I'm just bemused.  It's a way better feel.

Yup. I used to yell, “AND???” which of course would get me in trouble. Now I just don’t care.

And yes, it’s always while she’s looking at her phone. Which is all the time.
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huge

huge 3,793

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1 hour ago, Buzzrock said:


Yup. I used to yell, “AND???” which of course would get me in trouble. Now I just don’t care.

And yes, it’s always while she’s looking at her phone. Which is all the time.

Yep.  It's like getting mad at the weather.  After a while, the joke is on you...

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956 Worldwide

956 Worldwide 34,715

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4 hours ago, Ojo Rojo said:

We're hosting Thanksgiving this year so we've been doing a lot of menu planning and whatnot.  It's been a collaborative effort.  My wife wants to get two kinds of rolls - one kind that can be bought at a grocery store and then rolls from Hartz chicken.  She thinks they are the bomb.  They are good, I admit it, but I didn't think they were good enough to warrant a special trip.  I didn't say anything though.  Fast forward to this morning:

Wife: "I decided not to get the Hartz rolls after all."

Ojo:  (laughing) "Okay, good.  It was a dumb idea anyway." (bold move, Cotton, I know)

Wife: "It wasn't dumb, it just wasn't..."

Ojo:  "Smart?" (laughing)

Wife:  (getting pissed) "It wasn't a dumb idea; I just decided against it, okay?"

Ojo: "The rolls themselves were not a dumb idea. Making a special trip for a second type of roll in light of all of the other shit we are doing is what I thought was dumb."

Wife:  "I don't know why this is even a discussion."

Ojo:  "I agree."

Fin.

Now wife will be pissed off at me for two weeks.  I was trying to be funny.

Next time you want to bust your wife’s balls, try to remember that she doesn’t have any. And if you proceed, get ready to accept blue balls of your own for a while. 

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Sandman

Sandman 3,403

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1 hour ago, 956 Worldwide said:

Next time you want to bust your wife’s balls, try to remember that she doesn’t have any. And if you proceed, get ready to accept blue balls of your own for a while. 

My wife often tries to speak at roughly the speed of light and the words don't always catch up to her brain, so she'll fuck up some words. I am a habitual ball-buster and I just can't help but point that shit out and laugh, I do it to myself too. Last night, we were talking with my kid and the wife blurts out some gibberish as she's talking and I give the kid a glance out of the corner of my eye. She heard it too and we both have a shit eating grin on our faces. Wife sees this and storms away, saying that I'm "Being rude". 

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Ojo Rojo

Ojo Rojo 1,965

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Update:

I tell wife this morning that I plan to leave work earlier than normal today so I can get home in time to do some specific tasks.

She calls me to verify that I am, in fact, coming home earlier than normal. I confirm. Then she says, "Good. Because when you get home I want to leave you with all three kids so I can go to store X."  I'm like, "WTF?! I told you I was coming home to do some shit, which I can't do if I'm dealing with our three kids."  Her solution:  put the kids in camp again tomorrow for a half day at a cost of $240 so she can go to store X then.  Somehow in all of this I'm the asshole.

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Js1

Js1 85,420

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15 hours ago, Ojo Rojo said:

Update:

I tell wife this morning that I plan to leave work earlier than normal today so I can get home in time to do some specific tasks.

She calls me to verify that I am, in fact, coming home earlier than normal. I confirm. Then she says, "Good. Because when you get home I want to leave you with all three kids so I can go to store X."  I'm like, "WTF?! I told you I was coming home to do some shit, which I can't do if I'm dealing with our three kids."  Her solution:  put the kids in camp again tomorrow for a half day at a cost of $240 so she can go to store X then.  Somehow in all of this I'm the asshole.

Side Eye GIFs | Tenor

So who is she fucking on the side? 

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tigol

tigol 2,398

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Posted
23 hours ago, Ojo Rojo said:

We're hosting Thanksgiving this year so we've been doing a lot of menu planning and whatnot.  It's been a collaborative effort.  My wife wants to get two kinds of rolls - one kind that can be bought at a grocery store and then rolls from Hartz chicken.  She thinks they are the bomb.  They are good, I admit it, but I didn't think they were good enough to warrant a special trip.  I didn't say anything though.  Fast forward to this morning:

Wife: "I decided not to get the Hartz rolls after all."

Ojo:  (laughing) "Okay, good.  It was a dumb idea anyway." (bold move, Cotton, I know)

Wife: "It wasn't dumb, it just wasn't..."

Ojo:  "Smart?" (laughing)

Wife:  (getting pissed) "It wasn't a dumb idea; I just decided against it, okay?"

Ojo: "The rolls themselves were not a dumb idea. Making a special trip for a second type of roll in light of all of the other shit we are doing is what I thought was dumb."

Wife:  "I don't know why this is even a discussion."

Ojo:  "I agree."

Fin.

Now wife will be pissed off at me for two weeks.  I was trying to be funny.

Bad idea jeans.

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Grade of D as in David

Grade of D as in David 13,253

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12 minutes ago, Jameslaw121 said:

Not my wife. But walking through home depot behind a husband, wife and a boy around 10

Wife : no hurry. I have time to blow.

Kid :Phrasing....

Dad starts cracking up. Wife was not amused

 

Should have walked up and introduced yourself as Time

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Guadaloopy

Guadaloopy 10,974

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She set an alarm for 10 minutes before we planned to leave yesterday to remind her to pack her medicine for our two-day Thanksgiving visit with family.  

Alarm goes off, and she says “thank goodness I set that to remind me to grab my medicine.”

15 minutes later, we are two minutes into our four hour drive.  

Her: Can you pull over?  I need to check my suitcase in the trunk and make sure I packed my medicine. 

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MNLonghornFUKM

MNLonghornFUKM 8,817

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She set an alarm for 10 minutes before we planned to leave yesterday to remind her to pack her medicine for our two-day Thanksgiving visit with family.  
Alarm goes off, and she says “thank goodness I set that to remind me to grab my medicine.”
15 minutes later, we are two minutes into our four hour drive.  
Her: Can you pull over?  I need to check my suitcase in the trunk and make sure I packed my medicine. 

At least she didn’t ask you to remind her, thus would’ve started a fight tonight when you inevitably forget to remind her.
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McCroskey

McCroskey 1,504

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Posted (edited)

Was paying bills this month and I see a random $60 charge from Apple for an app purchase I didn't recognize.  Ask my wife if she knows and she says "oh yeah, I forgot to cancel a trial for this sleep app I downloaded that tells me how well I sleep at night."

She then goes on to say it "listens" at night and tells her how much she snores, talks, or even farts.  Unless I'm passed out drunk I don't snore or talk but I've wondered how it knows the difference between her or me.

On farting, however, is that the kind of thing she can use against me in court should we ever get divorced?  I've had a lot of deviled eggs today so it's on my mind.

Edited by McCroskey
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After irth

After irth 1,243

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39 minutes ago, McCroskey said:

Was paying bills this month and I see a random $60 charge from Apple for an app purchase I didn't recognize.  Ask my wife if she knows and she says "oh yeah, I forgot to cancel a trial for this sleep app I downloaded that tells me how well I sleep at night."

She then goes on to say it "listens" at night and tells her how much she snores, talks, or even farts.  Unless I'm passed out drunk I don't snore or talk but I've wondered how it knows the difference between her or me.

On farting, however, is that the kind of thing she can use against me in court should we ever get divorced?  I've had a lot of deviled eggs today so it's on my mind.

Divorce thread over there ———->

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Trey3216

Trey3216 15,347

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Driving the kiddo to daycare yesterday.  See someone's wife in the lane next to me with her hood clearly disengaged.  Looked like she pulled the hood release rather than the parking break release, cruising 75 mph and texting on her phone, completely oblivious to the hood rattling around like Michael J Fox.  

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ajax

ajax 2,618

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My wife and I were talking about Teslas and how they work. I said that they use the same electric motor technology as found in electric bikes and scooters, just with a higher level of complexity.

My normally intelligent wife disagreed. She thinks Teslas use electricity to drive the pistons which then drive the crankshaft.

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ztejas

ztejas 43,479

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21 minutes ago, ajax said:

My wife and I were talking about Teslas and how they work. I said that they use the same electric motor technology as found in electric bikes and scooters, just with a higher level of complexity.

My normally intelligent wife disagreed. She thinks Teslas use electricity to drive the pistons which then drive the crankshaft.

She's just so used to cranking shafts. 

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wd40

wd40 1,976

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been wanting to watch Star Trek II again, so picked up the dvd, this week.  decided to watch it with the fam tonight, none of whom have more than a vague familiarity with the original tv series.  fine.

opening credits are rolling, naming all the major cast members, wife laughing at "DEEforest" Kelley.  oh, boy.  gonna be one of those nights.  whatever.

Chekov and Terrell are captured on the Botany Bay.  "Khan" starts taking off his mask and whatnot.

wife:  is that Rod Stewart?

me:  ...

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Brisketexan

Brisketexan 105,158

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Wife knows my morning routine, including the last step - make a cup of coffee. I then kiss her goodbye and head out the door. And I often need to get moving, as I regularly schedule morning meetings and calls.

Well, two mornings this week, she waits till I head in to make my cup of coffee, and she heads to the john….to take a crap. I make my coffee….”hey, honey, I’m going to head out.” Irritated wife voice: “can you just wait for me a minute?” I wait…for more than a minute. She comes out, irked, to tel me goodbye for the day.

She knows damned well that when I hit the kitchen to make my cup of coffee, I am 90 seconds away from walking out the door. She could wait literally 90 seconds, and then hit the bathroom for as long as she wants. But nope. Gotta make me late for work.

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ztejas

ztejas 43,479

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3 hours ago, wd40 said:

been wanting to watch Star Trek II again, so picked up the dvd, this week.  decided to watch it with the fam tonight, none of whom have more than a vague familiarity with the original tv series.  fine.

opening credits are rolling, naming all the major cast members, wife laughing at "DEEforest" Kelley.  oh, boy.  gonna be one of those nights.  whatever.

Chekov and Terrell are captured on the Botany Bay.  "Khan" starts taking off his mask and whatnot.

wife:  is that Rod Stewart?

me:  ...

All I got from this is that you're a nerd. 

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TrashMaster G

TrashMaster G 17,565

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On 12/3/2021 at 10:11 PM, wd40 said:

been wanting to watch Star Trek II again, so picked up the dvd, this week.  decided to watch it with the fam tonight, none of whom have more than a vague familiarity with the original tv series.  fine.

opening credits are rolling, naming all the major cast members, wife laughing at "DEEforest" Kelley.  oh, boy.  gonna be one of those nights.  whatever.

Chekov and Terrell are captured on the Botany Bay.  "Khan" starts taking off his mask and whatnot.

wife:  is that Rod Stewart?

me:  ...

Well?  Was it?

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ScottS

ScottS 1,065

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Posted
30 minutes ago, Pato del Muerto said:

It really was the superior videotape format. Damn vhs propaganda marketing wizardry fucked us. 

I heard somewhere that VHS became the standard because it was the platform that the porn industry chose.  I have no idea if that is true.

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Sandman

Sandman 3,403

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4 hours ago, NeverMarryAStripper said:

It was because Sony pulled an Apple and got Microsofted by everyone else going to VHS

We had both VHS and Betamax when I was a kid but dad felt like Betamax was the better option. "It's better quality and the tapes hold more!" is what I believe he said at the time. We had a couple hundred tapes at one point. Fast forward several years and his machine broke. He took it to a repair shop but was told it would be a while to get it fixed because Sony's shit was all proprietary and the part was only made by some guy living in a small village in Japan. Dad said fuck that and we made a clandestine trip to a local TG&Y dumpster one night to toss all the tapes. We never spoke of it again.

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After irth

After irth 1,243

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21 hours ago, Sam Lin said:

What is all this DVD talk?

maxresdefault.thumb.jpg.47e46de8dd32b6e232694e0d86cebe84.jpg

I had a buddy that had hundreds of these. I would go over to his apt for movie nights in his apt. It seemed badass in the early to mid-90s, but now it makes me wonder what kind of resolution and sound we had back then. 

What was so incredibly badass then seems quite quaint now. 

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