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Wives and the Stupid Shit They Say/Do

Spur08

By Spur08
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McCroskey
McCroskey

Buddy sent a text today...said his wife decided to shop vac their fireplace and clean up all the ash. When she finished, she turned around and didn’t realize the shop vac lid wasn’t really seated, so

BearCountry11
BearCountry11

From earlier this evening...   My father in law lost his cell phone on the golf course this afternoon.  It was raining so we didn’t have much hope it would still be working but he shares the

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RamjetFDO

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VolenteHawk

VolenteHawk 495

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Posted
15 hours ago, Brisketexan said:


This. I’m out of the car, halfway to the store, post office, whatever, and I can’t lock the doors, because she’s still sitting in there. We got to our destination. Get out of the car. Close the door. Lock it. For fuck’s sake.

This but also, I had my wife drive a shift last Friday because I had to do a little work to solve a problem in the office. Me and kids climb back into the car and she’s putting her purse away, putting sunglasses on, and adjusting mirrors before starting it. It’s 105 out.

I’m pretty sure if push to start had existed when we dated, so I couldn’t have glossed over this by starting it myself I’d have just found a different girl.

 

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SHOOTER12

SHOOTER12 8,789

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Posted
9 hours ago, Nolacycling said:

Do they also write "the xmas letter" that keeps everyone in the loop as to what a wonderful, fantastic year your family had and why you are so thankful? 

It's like turrets in reverse.

I had an aunt that used to do this every year.  Detailed every "important" aspect of their lives through the year.   It was the most pretentious bunch of crap I had ever read.

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AM Wood

AM Wood 335

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Posted
33 minutes ago, SHOOTER12 said:

I had an aunt that used to do this every year.  Detailed every "important" aspect of their lives through the year.   It was the most pretentious bunch of crap I had ever read.

this is the old fashioned facebook. "hey look at how great my life is, everybody!"

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Judge Roybeanbag

Judge Roybeanbag 11,810

Posted
Posted
16 hours ago, hullabelew said:
16 hours ago, Modessit said:
My wife takes 3 bags to school every day - one computer bag that also has files and pens and stuff, one lunch bag, and one with various project stuff like laminated stuff that needs to be cut apart, things that need velcro added to the back, etc. The project bag often comes home and sits there until she goes back the next morning. I've asked why she bothers bringing it home, or if she is why not leave it in the car. I've yet to get a reasoned response.

My wife and I used to ride to work together. 3 fucking bags. No computer. Took her 10 minutes to get out of the car. Drive me nuts.

Wasn't it you and your wife that had the issue with the day-planner on the side of the highway?

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crimsonlonghorn

crimsonlonghorn 2,306

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16 hours ago, Brisketexan said:


This. I’m out of the car, halfway to the store, post office, whatever, and I can’t lock the doors, because she’s still sitting in there. We got to our destination. Get out of the car. Close the door. Lock it. For fuck’s sake.

Not happening with Mrs CL. She's never met a door anywhere - car, home, farm gate - that is worthy of her taking the time to turn around and lock it. 

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crimsonlonghorn

crimsonlonghorn 2,306

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Posted
21 hours ago, MissingInAction said:

Do any of you have a wife/gf who brings several bags of shit with them to work every day. I see women walking into work with enough luggage for a week long trip.

Every damn day. Wtf is in those bags? I must know.

Lunch. Gigantic salads and leftovers every morning. 

The dirty dishes come home once a week on Friday, because apparently Fortune 200 companies can't afford sinks in their employee break rooms. 

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Trey3216

Trey3216 15,325

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Posted
21 minutes ago, crimsonlonghorn said:

Lunch. Gigantic salads and leftovers every morning. 

The dirty dishes come home once a week on Friday, because apparently Fortune 200 companies can't afford sinks in their employee break rooms. 

Let me guess... You get to wash them too since they're too gross and it will make her sick.  

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TrashMaster G

TrashMaster G 17,391

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Posted
17 hours ago, Incredulity said:

I grew up with a beagle that had to be “on the spectrum”.  That fucker would chase tennis balls till my arm gave out.  We buried chicken wire 2 feet deep around entire backyard and that dumb fucker would still dig out.  I swear I spent half or my summers between 4th, 5th and 6th grade chasing that thing for miles.  Thankfully my younger brother got old enough to share the pain.  Don’t have a dog to this day because of the experience.

Dog talk not going away.

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ABSR

ABSR 5,289

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Posted (edited)
2 hours ago, SHOOTER12 said:

I had an aunt that used to do this every year.  Detailed every "important" aspect of their lives through the year.   It was the most pretentious bunch of crap I had ever read.

My parents had friends who did this when I was younger.  The family had three kids.  The two oldest kids were setting setting the world on fire.  The third kid was lucky if he just showed up.  Huge paragraphs on the two stars and then a single sentence about child number three joining the band and moving from 7th chair trombone to 6th chair trombone.  

 

Pretentious funny reads.  Then one year we received the letter and it started out "Well, Jim left me this year..."    It was the best one, and last one, ever.

Edited by ABSR
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MNLonghornFUKM

MNLonghornFUKM 8,799

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Posted
Not my wife, but in the same vein as the "women talk too much":
Was running our local track last night and this lady was walking/ talking on her phone for the entire time. I believe she worked out her mouth 10x over the rest of  her.
It doesnt help when your run is just as fast as her walk and you were 5 ft away the whole time
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Cheeseweasel

Cheeseweasel 26,437

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Posted
15 minutes ago, MNLonghornFUKM said:
17 hours ago, Cheeseweasel said:
Not my wife, but in the same vein as the "women talk too much":
Was running our local track last night and this lady was walking/ talking on her phone for the entire time. I believe she worked out her mouth 10x over the rest of  her.

It doesnt help when your run is just as fast as her walk and you were 5 ft away the whole time

Then she should stop wearing those yoga pants!

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crimsonlonghorn

crimsonlonghorn 2,306

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26 minutes ago, ABSR said:

My parents had friends who did this when I was younger.  The family had three kids.  The two oldest kids were setting setting the world on fire.  The third kid was lucky if he just showed up.  Huge paragraphs on the two stars and then a single sentence about child number three joining the band and moving from 7th chair trombone to 6th chair trombone.  

 

Pretentious funny reads.  Then one year we received the letter and it started out "Well, Jim left me this year..."    It was the best one, and last one, ever.

I grew up in a single parent household in very modest circumstances and my mom HATED getting those types of letter every year. One year her second cousin in Fort Worth, a wealthy widow, included a picture with her letter of she and her daughter sitting in a hot tub with raised champagne glasses and mountains in the background. To my mom's credit, she sent back a picture of the four of us sitting around a picnic table in a city park surrounded by red West Texas dirt and mowed weeds.  

We never got one of those letters again. LOL

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Modessit

Modessit 5,596

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Posted

In Corpus for the week. Last night, we went to a steakhouse for dinner. Ordered drinks and appetizer. Wife says she needs more time to look at the menu. The appetizer is out and wife is still trying to decide. Waiter asks her preferences so he can try to make a suggestion.

 

Me: Based on your usual likes, you probably want the 8-oz filet.

 

Her: (tosses the menu down) I don't know why I even have a menu if you're going to order for me.

 

Me: I'm not ordering for you. I'm offering a suggestion based on past history.

 

Her: Tone.

 

Me: (to waiter) Come back in a bit. (to her) Make a decision.

 

She picks up the menu and starts looking. 5 minutes later the waiter is back and she's ready to order.

 

Her: I'll have the 8-oz filet.

 

You should have seen the look on the waiter's face. I've been through this enough times that I didn't even roll my eyes.

 

 

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Ojo Rojo

Ojo Rojo 1,906

Posted
Posted
On 8/8/2018 at 12:03 PM, Jack said:

 

Dogs are eating healthier in general but this chef prepared meals  deal is overkill.  That's just people being idiots and thinking their dogs are people too. 

I had a "free spirit" neighbor that lost 2 poodles over a 6 month period and both died of parvo.  Those were pretty expensive dogs and she didn't want to vaccinate them for the same reason she didn't want to vaccinate her kids.  When she lost the 2nd one I ripped into her for basically killing a 2nd dog for something that was easily treatable.  Your dog isn't going to autism you dumb fuck.

Is your neighbor someone's wife?  That vaccination shit is one of the dumbest things I have ever heard.

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Jack

Jack 51

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Posted (edited)
48 minutes ago, Ojo Rojo said:

Is your neighbor someone's wife?  That vaccination shit is one of the dumbest things I have ever heard.

Yeah and he wasn't the sharpest tool in the shed either.  Imagine an Asian dude with dreadlocks and the thin mustache of a 14 year old. 

I was very eager to move.

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MissingInAction

MissingInAction 24,824

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8 hours ago, ABSR said:

My parents had friends who did this when I was younger.  The family had three kids.  The two oldest kids were setting setting the world on fire.  The third kid was lucky if he just showed up.  Huge paragraphs on the two stars and then a single sentence about child number three joining the band and moving from 7th chair trombone to 6th chair trombone.  

 

Pretentious funny reads.  Then one year we received the letter and it started out "Well, Jim left me this year..."    It was the best one, and last one, ever.

Got one of these from a cousin once. Wrote, "NOBODY CARES!" in black sharpy across it and mailed it back to her. 

 

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conVINCEd

conVINCEd 21,468

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Not my wife, but my father-in-laws wife.  She is one of the brightest people I have ever met, has a phd, and is President of a small university.  We’re on vacation a few weeks ago, and I was cooking breakfast for everyone.  She sits down at the kitchen island and opens her laptop.  30 seconds later I hear something I haven’t heard in a long time:

 

 

You’ve got mail

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BigHorn'13

BigHorn'13 3,355

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Posted
On 8/8/2018 at 4:38 PM, Cheeseweasel said:

Not my wife, but in the same vein as the "women talk too much":

Was running our local track last night and this lady was walking/ talking on her phone for the entire time. I believe she worked out her mouth 10x over the rest of  her.

This can be a good thing, you know?

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BigHorn'13

BigHorn'13 3,355

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Posted

Also to those that are fortunate to get time away by offering to do something for her like fill up on gas... How long before I can start doing that? We're 2 years deep and she insists on going EVERYWHERE with me. Even when she was sick, she insisted she'd come to the store with me but just stay in the car because she doesn't feel like she could handle walking through the store. I ask what the point of that would be and I just get that look and a "but I want to be with you!"

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G650

G650 14,108

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Posted
34 minutes ago, BigHorn'13 said:

Also to those that are fortunate to get time away by offering to do something for her like fill up on gas... How long before I can start doing that? We're 2 years deep and she insists on going EVERYWHERE with me. Even when she was sick, she insisted she'd come to the store with me but just stay in the car because she doesn't feel like she could handle walking through the store. I ask what the point of that would be and I just get that look and a "but I want to be with you!"

You've already fucked up man. That should have been sorted out before you got hitched.

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PilotsError

PilotsError 2,282

Posted
Posted
1 hour ago, BigHorn'13 said:

Also to those that are fortunate to get time away by offering to do something for her like fill up on gas... How long before I can start doing that? We're 2 years deep and she insists on going EVERYWHERE with me. Even when she was sick, she insisted she'd come to the store with me but just stay in the car because she doesn't feel like she could handle walking through the store. I ask what the point of that would be and I just get that look and a "but I want to be with you!"

She had an affair and she's projecting her cheating onto you.

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Jack

Jack 51

Posted
Posted
1 hour ago, BigHorn'13 said:

Also to those that are fortunate to get time away by offering to do something for her like fill up on gas... How long before I can start doing that? We're 2 years deep and she insists on going EVERYWHERE with me. Even when she was sick, she insisted she'd come to the store with me but just stay in the car because she doesn't feel like she could handle walking through the store. I ask what the point of that would be and I just get that look and a "but I want to be with you!"

That's not too unusual but you are going to have to address it before both of you become miserable.  You've got to get her a fucking hobby and/or some friends.  Does she have any family nearby?  She needs a social outlet by the sounds of it.

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You don't know me

You don't know me 1,161

Posted
Posted
1 hour ago, BigHorn'13 said:

Also to those that are fortunate to get time away by offering to do something for her like fill up on gas... How long before I can start doing that? We're 2 years deep and she insists on going EVERYWHERE with me. Even when she was sick, she insisted she'd come to the store with me but just stay in the car because she doesn't feel like she could handle walking through the store. I ask what the point of that would be and I just get that look and a "but I want to be with you!"

My advice to you is to become a workaholic. 

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BigHorn'13

BigHorn'13 3,355

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Posted
25 minutes ago, Jack said:

That's not too unusual but you are going to have to address it before both of you become miserable.  You've got to get her a fucking hobby and/or some friends.  Does she have any family nearby?  She needs a social outlet by the sounds of it.

I've made hints about it and she does have plenty of friends and family, in the same neighborhood in fact. I guess it's a little exaggerated but it amazes me the times she wants to tag along especially somewhere meaningless. 

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VolenteHawk

VolenteHawk 495

Posted
Posted
1 hour ago, BigHorn'13 said:

Also to those that are fortunate to get time away by offering to do something for her like fill up on gas... How long before I can start doing that? We're 2 years deep and she insists on going EVERYWHERE with me. Even when she was sick, she insisted she'd come to the store with me but just stay in the car because she doesn't feel like she could handle walking through the store. I ask what the point of that would be and I just get that look and a "but I want to be with you!"

You’ve got a pretty long road ahead, but step one is going ahead and sliding that “Find My iPhone” toggle over to off.

 

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txhorns

txhorns 2,408

Posted
Posted
1 hour ago, BigHorn'13 said:

Also to those that are fortunate to get time away by offering to do something for her like fill up on gas... How long before I can start doing that? We're 2 years deep and she insists on going EVERYWHERE with me. Even when she was sick, she insisted she'd come to the store with me but just stay in the car because she doesn't feel like she could handle walking through the store. I ask what the point of that would be and I just get that look and a "but I want to be with you!"

It's easy to get her to stop if you don't mind her being pissed a little bit first.  From now on when she tags along on a meaningless errand make sure she catches you checking out other women.  She will eventually get tired of seeing you do this and stop following you around like a lost puppy.

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WhatTheBuck

WhatTheBuck 28,713

Posted
Posted
50 minutes ago, txhorns said:

It's easy to get her to stop if you don't mind her being pissed a little bit first.  From now on when she tags along on a meaningless errand make sure she catches you checking out other women.  She will eventually get tired of seeing you do this and stop following you around like a lost puppy.

While he's in the store and she's sitting in the car?

Regardless, women don't learn that way. The "I'll show her" approach doesn't work. 

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