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Wives and the Stupid Shit They Say/Do

Spur08

By Spur08
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McCroskey
McCroskey

Buddy sent a text today...said his wife decided to shop vac their fireplace and clean up all the ash. When she finished, she turned around and didn’t realize the shop vac lid wasn’t really seated, so

BearCountry11
BearCountry11

From earlier this evening...   My father in law lost his cell phone on the golf course this afternoon.  It was raining so we didn’t have much hope it would still be working but he shares the

RamjetFDO
RamjetFDO

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luke duke

luke duke 6413

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Goddammit I know this is a tale as old as time but I'm going to lose it on my wife with the thermostat. Holy goddamn shit. We have fucking nest thermostats that we can program to keep a comfortable range of temperature in each section of the house or let it cool down or heat up depending on our routine and preferences and she can't just leave it the fuck alone. I'm sitting here in my office freezing wondering why I'm anemic and right because it's fucking 66 degrees in here because why not. Earlier today the thermostat had been jacked up to 74, so I guess whoever did that decided that they were hot and should select a new and different uncomfortable temperature.
I would pay... I dunno, $30/mo for a nest feature that gave my wife a dummy interface on her iphone and emitted fan noises from the various speakers around the house for 20 minutes whenever she adjusted the temperature.

I get a text message every time my Ecobee thermostat is manually changed. You should be able do it with a Nest too. Visit http://www.ifttt.com/
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McCroskey

McCroskey 1504

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On 1/17/2022 at 8:21 PM, Bullneck said:

I've had the app on my phone for three years and my wife doesn't know.

We've had a Nest for years and not only does the wife forget she can't walk up to it and just rotate either way, she forgets you can change the settings in the app itself which she uses to look at any of the half-dozen cameras we have.  I could be thousands of miles away and inevitably I'll get a text..."the house is too hot, can you turn on the A/C?"

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Mitch Cumsteen

Mitch Cumsteen 18550

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2 hours ago, WhatTheBuck said:

I could be wrong about it being a crane. Maybe it’s a heron. But it’s definitely not a flamingo. Maybe Mitch can fill us in. 

My wife says crane. So it's almost certainly a flamingo or heron or a fucking chupacabra what the fuck do I know. What I do know is that in a few months, once she's forgotten about them, that sumbitch and it's ugly twin are going to be "stolen" from our yard and thrown in the dumpster at my office. 

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Mitch Cumsteen

Mitch Cumsteen 18550

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She got them from her brother, which is either a sad commentary on him or a complete fabrication to cover up how much she paid for them. I'm going with the former because she told me, "I don't know if I even like them or if we should keep them," plus I saw him on the doorbell cam. Don't worry honey, I'll take care of them for you. He also gave her this little wooden stand/table thing that sits on the ground maybe about a foot tall, and I asked her what the fuck we were supposed to do with it. She had no clue. I already suggested using it for fire wood this weekend.

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Crapinon

Crapinon 2257

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We have two old cats, 19 & 17. Both are in pretty good shape but the 19 yo is deaf and half senile. No reason to put her down, she's just getting old. She has a hard time hitting the litter box and ends up peeing on the floor, so I got a plastic tray to put under the litter box. We add a pad and that takes care of most the problem. Occasionally we have to take it out in the back yard and rinse the tray off. The other day I came in and the tray was in the kitchen sink. I asked my wife why the hell was it there and not in the back yard. She said the back faucet was covered and she couldn't use it. I told her the cover comes off in 10 seconds, but even so, why didn't she just wash it off in the shower and not the sink. She said she bathes in the shower and didn't want to get it dirty with cat pee. I ask her if it made her feel any cleaner by washing it out in the sink we use to clean our cooking utensils, plates and silverware. Tone and silence. 

Edited by Crapinon
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Trey3216

Trey3216 15347

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14 minutes ago, Crapinon said:

We have two old cats, 19 & 17. Both are in pretty good shape but the 19 yo is deaf and half senile. No reason to put her down, she's just getting old. She has a hard time hitting the litter box and ends up peeing on the floor, so I got a plastic tray to put under the litter box. We add a pad and that takes care of most the problem. Occasionally we have to take it out in the back yard and rinse the tray off. The other day I came in and the tray was in the kitchen sink. I asked my wife why the hell was it there and not in the back yard. She said the back faucet was covered and she couldn't use it. I told her the cover comes off in 10 seconds, but even so, why didn't she just wash it off in the shower and not the sink. She said she bathes in the shower and didn't want to get it dirty with cat pee. I ask her if it made her feel any cleaner by washing it out in the sink we use to clean our cooking utensils, plates and silverware. Tone and silence. 

Did you tell her what happens in the morning when you shower as soon as that hot water hits the dingus?? 

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burntorangebongos

burntorangebongos 10747

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12 hours ago, Mitch Cumsteen said:

My wife says crane. So it's almost certainly a flamingo or heron or a fucking chupacabra what the fuck do I know. What I do know is that in a few months, once she's forgotten about them, that sumbitch and it's ugly twin are going to be "stolen" from our yard and thrown in the dumpster at my office. 

Nooooo! That is just going to unleash pent up yard art needs because the "perfect" thing got taken away and she has to tie the yard back together again. Dont be daft, man!

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ROFL BOX

ROFL BOX 6649

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17 hours ago, Mitch Cumsteen said:

My wife says crane. So it's almost certainly a flamingo or heron or a fucking chupacabra what the fuck do I know. What I do know is that in a few months, once she's forgotten about them, that sumbitch and it's ugly twin are going to be "stolen" from our yard and thrown in the dumpster at my office. 

If you're in Austin, there's a metal recycling facility S of Ben White, W of 35.

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fuggled

fuggled 576

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The wife took the kids out of town this morning. I was looking forward to a quiet morning by myself. Made a pot of coffee and figured I'd fry up some bacon scraps with eggs. I get the bacon going in the pan and pull out the eggs to scramble... every egg had been hard boiled. Damnit. This may not seem egregious, but hard boiled eggs are not an every day occurrence in our house. When we do have them, they get labeled and put in the deli drawer. Not to mention that the wife wasn't going to be here this weekend and she's the boiled egg eater. And not to mention the nasty egg shells she had just left in the carton and put back in the fridge. I sent her this text this morning:
Screenshot_20220122-092312.jpg

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WhatTheBuck

WhatTheBuck 28788

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40 minutes ago, fuggled said:

Did you not read the text?  Explains everything.

Oh, there are many levels of wrong in that picture. Forget the concept of “bacon scraps” and how that’s a thing, or why anyone would put hardboiled eggs back in the carton let alone egg shells. And let’s forget the question of whether or not the egg shells were placed in the carton at the same time as the hardboiled eggs and why eggs might have been prepared two different ways at the same time, some not to be consumed. I want to know about the egg shells. Were two eggs cracked and only 3/4 of the shells saved? Or were three eggs cracked and only 1/2 of each shell saved?

Okay, I can’t forget the whole “bacon scraps” thing. Go buy a package of bacon and fry the whole damn thing. I snack on more bacon than what is shown while I’m frying bacon and eat more with my eggs when it’s all done. Whatever’s left I keep in a plastic bag in the fridge and it can be heated up in the microwave in about 40 seconds. 

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fuggled

fuggled 576

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Oh, there are many levels of wrong in that picture. Forget the concept of “bacon scraps” and how that’s a thing, or why anyone would put hardboiled eggs back in the carton let alone egg shells. And let’s forget the question of whether or not the egg shells were placed in the carton at the same time as the hardboiled eggs and why eggs might have been prepared two different ways at the same time, some not to be consumed. I want to know about the egg shells. Were two eggs cracked and only 3/4 of the shells saved? Or were three eggs cracked and only 1/2 of each shell saved?
Okay, I can’t forget the whole “bacon scraps” thing. Go buy a package of bacon and fry the whole damn thing. I snack on more bacon than what is shown while I’m frying bacon and eat more with my eggs when it’s all done. Whatever’s left I keep in a plastic bag in the fridge and it can be heated up in the microwave in about 40 seconds. 
Lots of questions here...I appreciate the curiosity.

Per your request, I reexamined the eggshells. There are shells for 3 eggs, or 6 half shells. The shells are all nested so it just looks like 3 in the picture. I hope we can put that controversy to rest.

Regarding the bacon, I can't recall what I was making a week or so back but it was some dish that needed chopped or crumbled bacon. Because I didn't need slices, I had grabbed a big pack of bacon odds and ends at the store. If you haven't looked, they sell all the bits that don't make nice slices in separate packages. Since most of our bacon is consumed chopped up in tacos, this works well and is cheaper.
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