Wives and the Stupid Shit They Say/Do

[Anwar Namtut 344]

Bacon in tacos? Huh.

[Modessit 5600]

Don’t forget she drew little hearts on the eggs

Hahahaha, those are B's for "boiled". I give her credit for at least taking that reasonable step.

I figured they were "heart-boiled" eggs.

[Modessit 5600]

Her:  (after placing an Amazon Fresh order) I read that Amazon is now the biggest grocery provider in the United States.
Me:  Umm.  Are you not familiar with Wal-Mart, Kroger, Albertsons?
Her:  That's what I read.
Me:  Show your work.
Her:  *tone*

[SilasCoade 2622]

winning customer satisfaction poll != biggest

[Kennythetiger 9381]

That doesn’t seem correct. 

[SuckitKevin 920]

5 minutes ago, Kennythetiger said:

That doesn’t seem correct. 

I’ve heard Amazon can actually set their account up to only allow 5 star reviews.

[Nuge 1969]

7 hours ago, Modessit said:

 

 

 

 

 

I figured they were "heart-boiled" eggs.
 

 

 

 

 

[luke duke 6413]

Bacon in tacos? Huh.

Ever heard of a breakfast taco?

[Longhornstampede 3182]

On 1/17/2022 at 3:08 PM, Frank The Tank said:

It’s like we’re playing a game of chicken to see who can leave the least amount of toilet paper left on the roll, and if you change the roll you lose. Except, she’s the only one playing and I always lose. 

This is why when our son went off to college I completely moved out of the bathroom attached to our bedroom and into the other bathroom. Now we each manage our own shit. Sometimes literally

[SHOOTER12 8806]

On 1/22/2022 at 11:11 AM, WhatTheBuck said:

Oh, there are many levels of wrong in that picture. Forget the concept of “bacon scraps” and how that’s a thing, or why anyone would put hardboiled eggs back in the carton let alone egg shells. And let’s forget the question of whether or not the egg shells were placed in the carton at the same time as the hardboiled eggs and why eggs might have been prepared two different ways at the same time, some not to be consumed. I want to know about the egg shells. Were two eggs cracked and only 3/4 of the shells saved? Or were three eggs cracked and only 1/2 of each shell saved?

Okay, I can’t forget the whole “bacon scraps” thing. Go buy a package of bacon and fry the whole damn thing. I snack on more bacon than what is shown while I’m frying bacon and eat more with my eggs when it’s all done. Whatever’s left I keep in a plastic bag in the fridge and it can be heated up in the microwave in about 40 seconds. 

How in the hell does someone wind up with bacon "scraps"?

[Kennythetiger 9381]

You can buy bags of them. Works pretty good for cooking if you need bacon for other dishes. 

[SHOOTER12 8806]

13 minutes ago, Kennythetiger said:

You can buy bags of them. Works pretty good for cooking if you need bacon for other dishes. 

Sounds like a bunch of poors.  Do they purchase the expired packages of meat also?

Edited January 23, 2022 by SHOOTER12

[Kennythetiger 9381]

If you’re eating bacon correctly, it should never expire. 

[WhatTheBuck 28779]

1 hour ago, Kennythetiger said:

You can buy bags of them. Works pretty good for cooking if you need bacon for other dishes. 

Fine, but why not cook them all at once? I can’t comprehend looking at a paltry amount like that left in the bag and thinking to myself, “I think I’ll save these few scraps and cook them later.” That’s the equivalent of...what...1 1/2 strips of bacon?

[Trey3216 15346]

On 1/23/2022 at 12:25 PM, Kennythetiger said:

You can buy bags of them. Works pretty good for cooking if you need bacon for other dishes. 

Yep.  I like to get bacon scraps as well to use in green beans and to make bacon bits for potato soup and baked potatoes.   I'll buy a bag of them every now and then and vacuum pack/freeze them in 'as needed' portions.    

Edited January 25, 2022 by Trey3216

[huge 3793]

There is no wrong way to buy bacon.  There might be some ways that are better than others but all are noble.

[Trey3216 15346]

On 1/25/2022 at 11:06 AM, huge said:

There is no wrong way to buy bacon.  There might be some ways that are better than others but all are noble.

This is my bacon.  There are many like it, but this pack is mine.  

[tbone_ 14118]

This is my bacon.  There are many like it, but this pack is mine.  

I want to slip my tube steak into your sister. What will you take in trade?

[UT_OB1 2220]

On 1/23/2022 at 9:53 AM, luke duke said:

Ever heard of a breakfast taco?

Beacon, egg, cheese, avocado, and salsa (maybe sour cream too) wrapped in a tortilla is why America is great. 

[utee94 15820]

[nnm 36386]

16 hours ago, UT_OB1 said:

Beacon, egg, cheese, avocado, and salsa (maybe sour cream too) wrapped in a tortilla is why America is great. 

That breakfast will light you up. 

[Antidean 200]

17 hours ago, tbone_ said:

I want to slip my tube steak into your sister. What will you take in trade?

Bacon?

[Js1 85321]

3 hours ago, nnm said:

That breakfast will light you up. 

[ScottS 1062]

9 hours ago, nnm said:

That breakfast will light you up. 

 

[TrashMaster G 17554]

36 minutes ago, ScottS said:

 

Be a beacon?

[Ten Bears 2481]

I'm no Fluid Dynamics expert but you can just spin an egg to see if it is boiled.  Spin = boiled. Won't spin = raw.

 

[wd40 1976]

this may be more about getting old than wife shit.

my wife bought this little 1qt sauce pan a while back.  no lid.  cool, whatever.  nice pot.  sees plenty of use.  but this is at least the third time we've had some version of this exchange.

Wife:  where's the lid to this pot?

Me:  dunno.  never had one, far as I know.  I assumed you picked it up at TJ Maxx or someplace and it didn't come with one.

W:  I got it at Tuesday Morning

M:  there you go.  I figure that's why it didn't have a lid and didn't want to get my lid bitten off for asking about it.

W:  turd

M:  see?

[Sam Lin 3556]

1 hour ago, Ten Bears said:

I'm no Fluid Dynamics expert but you can just spin an egg to see if it is boiled.  Spin = boiled. Won't spin = raw.

You can also just look for the heart drawn on the top of the egg.

[Ten Bears 2481]

I thought it looked like boobs personally. 

[Dennis Taylor 18818]

10 hours ago, Ten Bears said:

I'm no Fluid Dynamics expert but you can just spin an egg to see if it is boiled.  Spin = boiled. Won't spin = raw.

 

[WhatTheBuck 28779]

12 hours ago, Ten Bears said:

I'm no Fluid Dynamics expert but you can just spin an egg to see if it is boiled.  Spin = boiled. Won't spin = raw.

I was going to post that. But then I thought, how about not boiling eggs and putting them back in the carton? I don’t want to live in a world where I have to take eggs out of the carton and spin them first before cracking them in order to make sure I’m not getting a boiled egg. 

[Cheeseweasel 26438]

8 minutes ago, WhatTheBuck said:

I was going to post that. But then I thought, how about not boiling eggs and putting them back in the carton? I don’t want to live in a world where I have to take eggs out of the carton and spin them first before cracking them in order to make sure I’m not getting a boiled egg. 

[burntorangebongos 10710]

14 hours ago, wd40 said:

this may be more about getting old than wife shit.

my wife bought this little 1qt sauce pan a while back.  no lid.  cool, whatever.  nice pot.  sees plenty of use.  but this is at least the third time we've had some version of this exchange.

Wife:  where's the lid to this pot?

Me:  dunno.  never had one, far as I know.  I assumed you picked it up at TJ Maxx or someplace and it didn't come with one.

W:  I got it at Tuesday Morning

M:  there you go.  I figure that's why it didn't have a lid and didn't want to get my lid bitten off for asking about it.

W:  turd

M:  see?

Silicone lids for pots and pans. If she keeps bring lidless ones home then it don't make a shit because you got lids for 'em. Be a hero not a turd.

[Jameslaw121 4448]

On 1/22/2022 at 11:11 AM, WhatTheBuck said:

Oh, there are many levels of wrong in that picture. Forget the concept of “bacon scraps” and how that’s a thing, or why anyone would put hardboiled eggs back in the carton let alone egg shells. And let’s forget the question of whether or not the egg shells were placed in the carton at the same time as the hardboiled eggs and why eggs might have been prepared two different ways at the same time, some not to be consumed. I want to know about the egg shells. Were two eggs cracked and only 3/4 of the shells saved? Or were three eggs cracked and only 1/2 of each shell saved?

Okay, I can’t forget the whole “bacon scraps” thing. Go buy a package of bacon and fry the whole damn thing. I snack on more bacon than what is shown while I’m frying bacon and eat more with my eggs when it’s all done. Whatever’s left I keep in a plastic bag in the fridge and it can be heated up in the microwave in about 40 seconds. 

What do you mean by left over bacon????

[crimsonlonghorn 2306]

If only she’d pay as much attention to the road and other traffic as she does to flipping through the Sirius channels to find the last 60 seconds of a song she likes. 

[wd40 1976]

9 hours ago, burntorangebongos said:

Silicone lids for pots and pans. If she keeps bring lidless ones home then it don't make a shit because you got lids for 'em. Be a hero not a turd.

already got 87 lids, we don't use.  she found one that fit, so crisis averted for her lemon ginger tea. don't need any more lids, thanks.  besides, my wife and daughter had a 10 minute conversation at the dinner table this week about which hair conditioner to use that didn't have parabens(?) or silicone or whatever other toxins in it.  pretty sure suggesting silicone pot lids would be met with more fecal epithets.

[burntorangebongos 10710]

fuuuuck. 

[Lone Star Horn 2016]

On 1/22/2022 at 2:02 PM, Modessit said:

Nationwide survey and HEB is number 2?

The same HEB that isn't past Dallas to the north and Houston to the east?

wow.

[NotActuallyALonghorn 4976]

On 1/28/2022 at 8:44 AM, WhatTheBuck said:

I was going to post that. But then I thought, how about not boiling eggs and putting them back in the carton? I don’t want to live in a world where I have to take eggs out of the carton and spin them first before cracking them in order to make sure I’m not getting a boiled egg. 

I dunno. I'm kinda pondering the idea of just randomly boiling an egg every now and then and putting it back just to see if she catches on.

[WhatTheBuck 28779]

12 minutes ago, NotActuallyALonghorn said:

I dunno. I'm kinda pondering the idea of just randomly boiling an egg every now and then and putting it back just to see if she catches on.

Good luck not eating that egg, Luke. 

[crimsonlonghorn 2306]

“I was pulling into the gate this afternoon and brushed up against the post and scratched my car.”

 

Here is what the view from that camera looks like normally when someone drives in:

What really happened is she was too lazy to open the gate all the way and thought she could drive around it and squeeze through the gap. 

[elfenix 34238]

On 1/27/2022 at 7:57 PM, Ten Bears said:

I'm no Fluid Dynamics expert but you can just spin an egg to see if it is boiled.  Spin = boiled. Won't spin = raw.

 

thanks encyclopedia brown

[Incredulity 11669]

43 minutes ago, crimsonlonghorn said:

“I was pulling into the gate this afternoon and brushed up against the post and scratched my car.”

 

Here is what the view from that camera looks like normally when someone drives in:

What really happened is she was too lazy to open the gate all the way and thought she could drive around it and squeeze through the gap. 

Prepare thy anus.

 

mine scraped the side of the single hole garage with the 3 week old suburban she had to have during the great car shortage of 21

[crimsonlonghorn 2306]

1 hour ago, Incredulity said:

Prepare thy anus.

 

mine scraped the side of the single hole garage with the 3 week old suburban she had to have during the great car shortage of 21

This isn’t the first time Mrs CL has beat up her car. She regularly has banged into the side of the garage and scraped curbs and shopping carts and poles. You’d think she’d take better care of a $70,000 German SUV. I guess I should count my blessings that she hasn’t hit another car yet. 

[Pato del Muerto 52492]

Looks like it may be time for a new set of tyres for your German suv. 

[Dennis Taylor 18818]

5 hours ago, crimsonlonghorn said:

“I was pulling into the gate this afternoon and brushed up against the post and scratched my car.”

 

Here is what the view from that camera looks like normally when someone drives in:

What really happened is she was too lazy to open the gate all the way and thought she could drive around it and squeeze through the gap. 

That'll buff right out 

[crimsonlonghorn 2306]

4 hours ago, Pato del Muerto said:

Looks like it may be time for a new set of tyres for your German suv. 

Could be. It's due for an oil change in a few weeks, they will certainly try and sell me some new tires then, needed or not. 

[Kennythetiger 9381]

She might be a shitty driver but at least she has nice legs. Could be worse. 

[crimsonlonghorn 2306]

10 hours ago, Kennythetiger said:

She might be a shitty driver but at least she has nice legs. Could be worse. 

[texashorne 1177]

Years ago my wife backed out of the driveway and into my F150. It was dark outside, so it was my fault.. I had foolishly purchased a truck that was navy 2 years earlier and parked it in the same spot I always park it in.  Apparently when you have a navy truck, it blends into the night like the Predator blends into the jungle.