Jump to content

Wives and the Stupid Shit They Say/Do

Spur08

By Spur08
in Lulz

 Share

Recommended Posts

  • Replies 22.5k
  • Created
  • Last Reply

Top Posters In This Topic

Popular Days

Top Posters In This Topic

Popular Days

Popular Posts

McCroskey
McCroskey

Buddy sent a text today...said his wife decided to shop vac their fireplace and clean up all the ash. When she finished, she turned around and didn’t realize the shop vac lid wasn’t really seated, so

BearCountry11
BearCountry11

From earlier this evening...   My father in law lost his cell phone on the golf course this afternoon.  It was raining so we didn’t have much hope it would still be working but he shares the

RamjetFDO
RamjetFDO

Posted Images

Js1

Js1 85112

Posted
Posted
3 hours ago, Jack said:

That's not too unusual but you are going to have to address it before both of you become miserable.  You've got to get her a fucking hobby and/or some friends.  Does she have any family nearby?  She needs a social outlet by the sounds of it.

phrasing

Link to comment
Share on other sites
Modessit

Modessit 5596

Posted
Posted
Also to those that are fortunate to get time away by offering to do something for her like fill up on gas... How long before I can start doing that? We're 2 years deep and she insists on going EVERYWHERE with me. Even when she was sick, she insisted she'd come to the store with me but just stay in the car because she doesn't feel like she could handle walking through the store. I ask what the point of that would be and I just get that look and a "but I want to be with you!"
You can't get road head if she doesn't go with you.
  • Haha 1
Link to comment
Share on other sites
  • Popular Post
GhostRider

GhostRider 169

Posted
  • Popular Post
Posted

Whenever we're going somewhere and I'm backing out of the garage/driveway, she immediately leans forward and starts digging through her purse, blocking the side mirror.  I just stop and stare at her waiting for her to lean back.  She does this every single fucking time.  One time after starting the car I waited, fiddled with the radio and the A/C, and she just sat there.  As soon as I put the car in reverse, there she went.  It's like some automatic reflex with her that she cannot control.

 

  • Like 8
  • Haha 2
Link to comment
Share on other sites
Incredulity

Incredulity 11555

Posted
Posted
On 8/9/2018 at 8:25 AM, crimsonlonghorn said:

I grew up in a single parent household in very modest circumstances and my mom HATED getting those types of letter every year. One year her second cousin in Fort Worth, a wealthy widow, included a picture with her letter of she and her daughter sitting in a hot tub with raised champagne glasses and mountains in the background. To my mom's credit, she sent back a picture of the four of us sitting around a picnic table in a city park surrounded by red West Texas dirt and mowed weeds.  

We never got one of those letters again. LOL

We got a letter like this every Christmas for a decade.

Joke is it was to the family who lived there previously. I sometimes wonder if Jenna and Michael made it through their rough patch.

Link to comment
Share on other sites
Anastasis

Anastasis 23394

Posted
Posted
13 hours ago, BigHorn'13 said:

Also to those that are fortunate to get time away by offering to do something for her like fill up on gas... How long before I can start doing that? We're 2 years deep and she insists on going EVERYWHERE with me. Even when she was sick, she insisted she'd come to the store with me but just stay in the car because she doesn't feel like she could handle walking through the store. I ask what the point of that would be and I just get that look and a "but I want to be with you!"

I cannot impress enough the importance of setting precedents early in a relationship. This shit should have never been allowed to fester during the dating period, much less anywhere near the post marriage experience. This is on you my man.  

  • Like 2
Link to comment
Share on other sites
burntorangebongos

burntorangebongos 10681

Posted
Posted
1 hour ago, markstanco said:

"Did you know there is no filter on the return air vent by the boys rooms? No wonder they have allergies"

That was 3 minutes ago.

You fucked up her jeep on a dude's weekend and she stayed with you.....you are not allowed to bitch about her  ever again. Shaggy Bevo out front should have told you.

  • Haha 1
Link to comment
Share on other sites
BrazilHorn

BrazilHorn 6576

Posted
Posted
20 hours ago, BigHorn'13 said:

Also to those that are fortunate to get time away by offering to do something for her like fill up on gas... How long before I can start doing that? We're 2 years deep and she insists on going EVERYWHERE with me. Even when she was sick, she insisted she'd come to the store with me but just stay in the car because she doesn't feel like she could handle walking through the store. I ask what the point of that would be and I just get that look and a "but I want to be with you!"

Start letting epic farts out in the car, make the stench so eye watering, nose hair burning bad she doesn't want to be near you. That'll make it stop.

Link to comment
Share on other sites
EE2B

EE2B 1561

Posted
Posted
You fucked up her jeep on a dude's weekend and she stayed with you.....you are not allowed to bitch about her  ever again. Shaggy Bevo out front should have told you.


I’m willing to bet he’s fucked up a lot more stuff than that.
  • Like 1
Link to comment
Share on other sites
BigHorn'13

BigHorn'13 3355

Posted
Posted
9 hours ago, Anastasis said:

I cannot impress enough the importance of setting precedents early in a relationship. This shit should have never been allowed to fester during the dating period, much less anywhere near the post marriage experience. This is on you my man.  

There's been a couple of responses like this and yes, it's on me for having not addressed it earlier on but in my defense, it wasn't really a problem then. Still not that big of a deal to me tho. Just amazes me how much time she wants to spend with me. 

This weekend we're kidless and she's been wanting to binge watch harry potter but knows I'm far from into that shit. So we worked out a deal, I get head for every movie we watch and there's 8 of them, two from last night. 

Looking like a good weekend. 

  • Like 2
Link to comment
Share on other sites
Jameslaw121

Jameslaw121 4445

Posted
Posted
41 minutes ago, BigHorn'13 said:

There's been a couple of responses like this and yes, it's on me for having not addressed it earlier on but in my defense, it wasn't really a problem then. Still not that big of a deal to me tho. Just amazes me how much time she wants to spend with me. 

This weekend we're kidless and she's been wanting to binge watch harry potter but knows I'm far from into that shit. So we worked out a deal, I get head for every movie we watch and there's 8 of them, two from last night. 

Looking like a good weekend. 

So, she played with your magic wand huh??

Bad news is you have to watch a kids movie. Good news is around movie # six Harmione is of legal age. (I think)

  • Like 1
Link to comment
Share on other sites
Beau Vine

Beau Vine 54003

Posted
Posted
On ‎8‎/‎10‎/‎2018 at 10:46 AM, BigHorn'13 said:

Also to those that are fortunate to get time away by offering to do something for her like fill up on gas... How long before I can start doing that? We're 2 years deep and she insists on going EVERYWHERE with me. Even when she was sick, she insisted she'd come to the store with me but just stay in the car because she doesn't feel like she could handle walking through the store. I ask what the point of that would be and I just get that look and a "but I want to be with you!"

You've got a Stage 5 Clinger.

  • Like 1
Link to comment
Share on other sites
  • Popular Post
Tyler Durden

Tyler Durden 132

Posted
  • Popular Post
Posted
On 8/10/2018 at 10:46 AM, BigHorn'13 said:

Also to those that are fortunate to get time away by offering to do something for her like fill up on gas... How long before I can start doing that? We're 2 years deep and she insists on going EVERYWHERE with me. Even when she was sick, she insisted she'd come to the store with me but just stay in the car because she doesn't feel like she could handle walking through the store. I ask what the point of that would be and I just get that look and a "but I want to be with you!"

Does your wife destroy the couch if you leave her at home by herself? 

  • Like 7
  • Haha 3
Link to comment
Share on other sites
Brisketexan

Brisketexan 104628

Posted
Posted
File under annoying shit your wife does:

If you come over to my house and want to make a sandwich, chances are you will find the ziplock deli meat and cheese bags are not sealed.

How fucking hard is it to close them correctly? For fuck’s sake you have a masters in molecular biology.

Every.
Single.
Time.

Wtf? How hard is it to seal a ziplock? And if you don’t, what’s the fucking point of having them?
  • Like 1
Link to comment
Share on other sites
MNLonghornFUKM

MNLonghornFUKM 8799

Posted
Posted (edited)
23 minutes ago, Pato del Muerto said:

So we will be moving to a new state soon. Her must haves in a house are:

On some land, like an acre or two. 

Not have to drive much/no traffic. 

So way out of town but close in.

and she’s looking around as if she expects to find something. 

also, an  open concept floor plan suitable for entertaining, also a his and hers closet and a soak in tub with jets for relaxing. 

 

your budget is $950,000 and willing to spend more if its the right house

Edited by MNLonghornFUKM
Link to comment
Share on other sites
TKthunder2

TKthunder2 4981

Posted
Posted
25 minutes ago, Pato del Muerto said:

So we will be moving to a new state soon. Her must haves in a house are:

On some land, like an acre or two. 

Not have to drive much/no traffic. 

So way out of town but close in.

and she’s looking around as if she expects to find something. 

Been there.  Schedule a meeting with a local realtor and let her explain her vision...and record it.

Link to comment
Share on other sites
txhorns

txhorns 2408

Posted
Posted
31 minutes ago, MNLonghornFUKM said:

also, an  open concept floor plan suitable for entertaining, also a his and hers closet and a soak in tub with jets for relaxing. 

 

your budget is $950,000 and willing to spend more if its the right house

My wife was watching this episode.  He is a part time watch repair man and she volunteers at the local animal shelter.

  • Like 4
Link to comment
Share on other sites
shakahorn

shakahorn 1627

Posted
Posted
2 hours ago, Patricio Swayze said:

File under annoying shit your wife does:

If you come over to my house and want to make a sandwich, chances are you will find the ziplock deli meat and cheese bags are not sealed.

How fucking hard is it to close them correctly? For fuck’s sake you have a masters in molecular biology.

I bet the dept chair in charge of molecular biology was a happy man when your wife was in school.

Link to comment
Share on other sites
elfenix

elfenix 34171

Posted
Posted
File under annoying shit your wife does:

If you come over to my house and want to make a sandwich, chances are you will find the ziplock deli meat and cheese bags are not sealed.

How fucking hard is it to close them correctly? For fuck’s sake you have a masters in molecular biology.
She's culturing the samples, asshole
Link to comment
Share on other sites
WhatTheBuck

WhatTheBuck 28713

Posted
Posted
4 hours ago, elfenix said:
7 hours ago, Patricio Swayze said:
File under annoying shit your wife does:

If you come over to my house and want to make a sandwich, chances are you will find the ziplock deli meat and cheese bags are not sealed.

How fucking hard is it to close them correctly? For fuck’s sake you have a masters in molecular biology.

Read more  

She's culturing the samples, asshole

And he gets to sample the cultures. 

Link to comment
Share on other sites
ernest_t_bass

ernest_t_bass 1196

Posted
Posted
8 hours ago, Patricio Swayze said:

File under annoying shit your wife does:

If you come over to my house and want to make a sandwich, chances are you will find the ziplock deli meat and cheese bags are not sealed.

How fucking hard is it to close them correctly? For fuck’s sake you have a masters in molecular biology.

Absent mindedness at its finest (worst).  

Link to comment
Share on other sites
G650

G650 14107

Posted
Posted
18 hours ago, Pato del Muerto said:

So we will be moving to a new state soon. Her must haves in a house are:

On some land, like an acre or two. 

Not have to drive much/no traffic. 

So way out of town but close in.

and she’s looking around as if she expects to find something. 

Sounds like my house. You should buy it from me.

Link to comment
Share on other sites
CoTex

CoTex 1160

Posted
Posted

Cotex "This ribeye roast is going to be excellent.  It's in the oven broiling.  When the timer goes off, roll it over and broil it on the other side for 10.  Then switch over to bake at 450.  After 30 minutes take its temperature.  135-140 it comes out.  Set it in the lower oven and let it rest.  I'll be home after soccer practice and we'll have dinner together."

Mrs. Cotex "Got it."  "Should I move it to a lower rack?"

Cotex "No, when you switch to bake you'll want it on a top rack."

...

Cotex at soccer practice "run you slackers, we're never going to win anything this way, I've got steak waiting for me at home."

...

Cotex entering his garage with daughter "Wow, I can smell it all the way out here.  It smells awesome."

Cotex daughter "it smells good."

...

Mrs. Cotex "I forgot to turn off the broiler, but I think I saved it.  It's 165."  "My mom says we can make au jus so it won't be so dry."

Mrs. Cotex "it's like those burnt ends we like so much."

Just another day living the dream.

Link to comment
Share on other sites
Brisketexan

Brisketexan 104628

Posted
Posted

Yeah.  You did the equivalent of leaving a three year old alone in a room with plain white walls and a bucket full of markers, with the instruction of "don't color anything."

WTF did you think was gonna happen?

As soon as any of us read the first two lines of your post, we knew EXACTLY what the ending was gonna be.  You should have known that, too.

Anytime I'm doing anything like that, I text my daughter when the oven needs to be turned off, roast needs to be rotated, etc., and tell her to do it right then.  That works so much better than leaving instructions with my wife.

  • Like 1
Link to comment
Share on other sites

Join the conversation

You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.

Guest
Reply to this topic...

×   Pasted as rich text.   Paste as plain text instead

  Only 75 emoji are allowed.

×   Your link has been automatically embedded.   Display as a link instead

×   Your previous content has been restored.   Clear editor

×   You cannot paste images directly. Upload or insert images from URL.

×
 Share
Go to topic listing


Football ... Basketball ... Baseball ... Other Sports ... Futbol ... 🤫995🤫 ... Gambling ... Movies & TV ... Music ... Hobbies ... Lulz ... Food & Travel ... Daily Texan ... Business and Markets ... Cloak Room ... Help ... For Sale ... Board Discussion ... Subscribe!... Donate!... Advertise... COOKIE MONSTER!

×
×
  • Create New...