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Wives and the Stupid Shit They Say/Do

Spur08

By Spur08
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McCroskey
McCroskey

Buddy sent a text today...said his wife decided to shop vac their fireplace and clean up all the ash. When she finished, she turned around and didn’t realize the shop vac lid wasn’t really seated, so

BearCountry11
BearCountry11

From earlier this evening...   My father in law lost his cell phone on the golf course this afternoon.  It was raining so we didn’t have much hope it would still be working but he shares the

RamjetFDO
RamjetFDO

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WhatTheBuck

WhatTheBuck 28788

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3 hours ago, Doc Reeves said:

I’m watching some TV while cleaning up kid shit in the living room last night. Wife is with the 2, 4.5yo girls on our bed playing. 

I hear footsteps and my wife turns the corner with a pissed look on her face. My immediate thought is “Ugh, what have i done now….”

Me: “Is everything OK?”

Wife: “I’m fine. Don’t talk to me.”

Me: “You sure? You sound upset”

Wife: “YOUR daughter kicked me out of the fairy Forrest even though i was Queen and created the damn thing in the first place. It was MY fairy Forrest. I just can’t believe it, she obviously gets that from your side. I’m just not sure i can handle being in a house with 2 people who act so inconsiderate and just can’t sympathize with me after all the nice stuff I do and treat me like crap!”

Me (calling from where i stood): “Daughter, did you kick momma out of the Fairy Forrest?”

Daughter (who has no idea anything is wrong calls back): “Huh? No Dadda, I asked momma to get off the bed so i could make it nice for her because she is the best momma in the world and i love her and she is beautiful! Momma… where did you go??”

Me: “Defiantly my side.” 

Did she have to pass the sea of twirly-swirly gum drops?

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TrashMaster G

TrashMaster G 17564

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22 hours ago, Jameslaw121 said:

I thought about it, but i stayed outside with them and it was at night and only 65 or so degree's. And we could look inside and see that they were fine. I also called AAA and a couple of locksmiths, but it would have been about the same amount of time

degree's?

Really?

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JSB

JSB 677

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40 minutes ago, 52-80 said:

My wife hates buying groceries online ("they won't select the best produce"); does not want to plant meals ahead ("what if I change my mind Tuesday")...

...but she's just learned to love Hello Fresh meal-kit delivery.

 

cognitive dissonance?

Hey at least she has one hell of a green thumb if she can plant a meal and the vegetables be ready to pick on Tuesday. 

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Sbbruin

Sbbruin 21861

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6 minutes ago, crimsonlonghorn said:

My mother in laws birthday is today. Father in law and wife discuss going out to dinner tonight. YESTERDAY, they agree to meet at 6:15 at a restaurant that is about 15 minutes from our house. 

It's currently 6:08 and she's just now wrapping her mom's birthday present.

My wife's grasp, or lack thereof, of the space/time continuum is comical.

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Dennis Taylor

Dennis Taylor 18830

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1 hour ago, crimsonlonghorn said:

My mother in laws birthday is today. Father in law and wife discuss going out to dinner tonight. YESTERDAY, they agree to meet at 6:15 at a restaurant that is about 15 minutes from our house. 

It's currently 6:08 and she's just now wrapping her mom's birthday present.

At least she already bought the present

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Doc Reeves

Doc Reeves 6434

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On 2/6/2022 at 12:09 PM, Doc Reeves said:

I’m watching some TV while cleaning up kid shit in the living room last night. Wife is with the 2, 4.5yo girls on our bed playing. 

I hear footsteps and my wife turns the corner with a pissed look on her face. My immediate thought is “Ugh, what have i done now….”

Me: “Is everything OK?”

Wife: “I’m fine. Don’t talk to me.”

Me: “You sure? You sound upset”

Wife: “YOUR daughter kicked me out of the fairy Forrest even though i was Queen and created the damn thing in the first place. It was MY fairy Forrest. I just can’t believe it, she obviously gets that from your side. I’m just not sure i can handle being in a house with 2 people who act so inconsiderate and just can’t sympathize with me after all the nice stuff I do and treat me like crap!”

Me (calling from where i stood): “Daughter, did you kick momma out of the Fairy Forrest?”

Daughter (who has no idea anything is wrong calls back): “Huh? No Dadda, I asked momma to get off the bed so i could make it nice for her because she is the best momma in the world and i love her and she is beautiful! Momma… where did you go??”

Me: “Defiantly my side.” 

 

 


OK, so I’m watching the girls tonight and we are playing on my bed and I love my daughter more than anything else in the world, but i have to be fair to my wife. 

She’s sorta being a bitch about the Fairy Garden

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Jameslaw121

Jameslaw121 4448

Posted
Posted
6 hours ago, 52-80 said:

My wife hates buying groceries online ("they won't select the best produce"); does not want to plant meals ahead ("what if I change my mind Tuesday")...

...but she's just learned to love Hello Fresh meal-kit delivery.

 

cognitive dissonance?

We order all our non plants/meats from Target drive up. I go pick it up while she watches the kids.  Then I go to Market Street for the other stuff.  In between in a two drink minimum stop at Lion and Crown

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ROFL BOX

ROFL BOX 6649

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I'm adding 'understanding how golf leaderboards and scoring works" to the list (along with the old standards like cardinal directions,  thermostats, etc) of shit that the wife will never be able to figure out....
Watching Spieth melt down today " Well at least he went up one- he went from 14 to 15" 
200.gif
How many times has she asked you "Why are they punting? Don't they get 4 chances to get 10 yards?"

Sent from my SM-A326U1 using Tapatalk

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Dennis Taylor

Dennis Taylor 18830

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6 hours ago, ROFL BOX said:

How many times has she asked you "Why are they punting? Don't they get 4 chances to get 10 yards?"

Sent from my SM-A326U1 using Tapatalk
 

Haven't heard that one but this conversation has happened a few hundred times...

"They're not tackling right"

"Thats because they're on offense and should be blocking "

"Blocking....tackling...whatever!"

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FloridaHorn

FloridaHorn 4768

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Got home last night to find the wife intently studying her Ipad. I don't pay much attention for the first 20-30 minutes, but then I have to ask...

"Honey, what are you studying over there?"

Wife: "I shopping for mini horses."

Me: "Oh...wait, what the fuck did you just say?"

Wife: "I really want a horse, but I know we don't really have the space for one, so I am looking at mini horses."

Me: "Uh, you realize we live in a gated subdivision in the middle of fucking Tampa, Florida don't you."

Wife: "Yes, I understand that, but we are allowed to have small animals...that is why the horse in miniature."

 

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Doc Reeves

Doc Reeves 6434

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11 minutes ago, FloridaHorn said:

Got home last night to find the wife intently studying her Ipad. I don't pay much attention for the first 20-30 minutes, but then I have to ask...

"Honey, what are you studying over there?"

Wife: "I shopping for mini horses."

Me: "Oh...wait, what the fuck did you just say?"

Wife: "I really want a horse, but I know we don't really have the space for one, so I am looking at mini horses."

Me: "Uh, you realize we live in a gated subdivision in the middle of fucking Tampa, Florida don't you."

Wife: "Yes, I understand that, but we are allowed to have small animals...that is why the horse in miniature."

 


 

our wives should never, ever, ever meet

68635904-91F1-432C-B161-C1F274DCB204.gif

CB681025-2BBA-4B50-AAB0-1253BC52E421.png

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Kennythetiger

Kennythetiger 9390

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58 minutes ago, FloridaHorn said:

Got home last night to find the wife intently studying her Ipad. I don't pay much attention for the first 20-30 minutes, but then I have to ask...

"Honey, what are you studying over there?"

Wife: "I shopping for mini horses."

Me: "Oh...wait, what the fuck did you just say?"

Wife: "I really want a horse, but I know we don't really have the space for one, so I am looking at mini horses."

Me: "Uh, you realize we live in a gated subdivision in the middle of fucking Tampa, Florida don't you."

Wife: "Yes, I understand that, but we are allowed to have small animals...that is why the horse in miniature."

 

Horses are herd animals- make sure you get two. 

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ABSR

ABSR 5315

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Apparently I was snoring the other night and she moved to the couch.  She has super sensitive hearing so I may have been breathing heavy or maybe snoring.

She told me that she had a dream that she divorced me because I snored and she then married someone else.  She said they were horrible and she begged me to take her back.

My response was to ask her if I said yes?

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Hmbre97

Hmbre97 6313

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Posted (edited)

I've watched the crazy/hot matrix way back when bub rubb and lil sis were making the whistles go wooooooooo BUT, I had never seen this until now. Pretty funny and to the point. I bet it applies to a not insignificant number of posters in this thread too.

 

Edited by Hmbre97
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