Wives and the Stupid Shit They Say/Do

[UT_OB1 2224]

On 2/8/2022 at 8:05 PM, Mo Horn said:

Friend of mine told me about this, and instead of starting a new thread, I figured this was a good place to put it. Now we have a matrix to go with the stories that are posted

That purple zone is full of shit. Do NOT try to move to a permanent zone. Why?  Because your 8,7 wife turns in to a 5 or 6, 9 or 10 wife after 5–10 years of marriage. You gotta be OK on the crazy scale plus 2 long term 

Edited February 12, 2022 by UT_OB1

[Celery Man 20979]

1 hour ago, Mitch Cumsteen said:

Do you not know the tennis ball trick?

my wife uses ping pong balls for that

[rage-a-holic 4410]

5 hours ago, tigol said:

I’m just going to leave this here.

https://electronics.howstuffworks.com/everyday-tech/vampire-power.htm

That article admits you need a Kill A Watt or similar device to determine if something is actually a vampire power offender.

$20 on amazon for the wife and spend a romantic evening together checking everything in the house with it.

I use one of these:

https://www.amazon.com/Electricity-Monitor-Voltage-Overload-Protection/dp/B07DPJ3RGB/ref=pd_lpo_3?pd_rd_i=B07DPJ3RGB&psc=1

 

[BearMace 2206]

So on the scary high end to make the article work they claim 5% power loss? You know even the non-Surly elite are going to pay a 5% premium to not be incredibly fucking inconvenienced constantly without blinking. 

[NorthLoop 14218]

2 hours ago, Celery Man said:

To be revisited later

yes yes, shaggypoor garage. I’ll finish it after I replace this wall

Umm.. that seems like some man-level parking skills to me. She does that 10/10 times and you owe her a salad tossing. 

[BearMace 2206]

1 hour ago, NorthLoop said:

Umm.. that seems like some man-level parking skills to me. She does that 10/10 times and you owe her a salad tossing. 

[tigol 2398]

2 hours ago, ISUCyclones said:

I was wondering who was brave enough for this

A woman.

[tigol 2398]

2 hours ago, rage-a-holic said:

That article admits you need a Kill A Watt or similar device to determine if something is actually a vampire power offender.

$20 on amazon for the wife and spend a romantic evening together checking everything in the house with it.

I use one of these:

https://www.amazon.com/Electricity-Monitor-Voltage-Overload-Protection/dp/B07DPJ3RGB/ref=pd_lpo_3?pd_rd_i=B07DPJ3RGB&psc=1

 

I'm not defending her behavior in the marriage.  I'm simply pointing out that she isn't an idiot and compromises are worth discussing.  Unplug my coffee maker and my entire staff will fuck you up.

[rage-a-holic 4410]

11 minutes ago, tigol said:

I'm not defending her behavior in the marriage.  I'm simply pointing out that she isn't an idiot and compromises are worth discussing.  Unplug my coffee maker and my entire staff will fuck you up.

which is why I suggested buying a Kill A Watt type device and checking everything. She is probably right for unplugging few things and wrong about some others.

[Hpara759 1780]

9 hours ago, Mitch Cumsteen said:

Do you not know the tennis ball trick?

I use a golf ball for mine...has worked  several years for her....I placed it so she could use it as a "line-up" reference to get through the garage door as well

[Celery Man 20979]

If she could park like that every time I'd be impressed, but that was sheer luck she didn't pull another several inches forward. There's just as likely to be no room for me to scoot behind her (not very long) car to get out to the trash by the side of the garage.  I probably should hang a tennis ball from the ceiling before disaster strikes.

[NYTransplant 145]

 

On 2/9/2022 at 4:05 PM, Frank The Tank said:

Trash/Recycle day was yesterday. There is literally nothing else in this recycle bin besides this giant box from one of her stupid meal/smoothie delivery services. 
 

And I just realized that this is the wife equivalent of fucking up the laundry. 

Edited February 12, 2022 by NYTransplant

[WhatTheBuck 28793]

8 hours ago, BearMace said:

Because it’s called a rim job, Rachel. Assume the position and I’ll demonstrate it for you. 

[ocugolf 1214]

My wife is a masters educated woman. Two undergrad degrees. She’s pretty smart. Like most women, she’s really geographically challenged. So there’s a game on the interwebs called Worldle. It give you an outline of a country and you guess what it is. Then they tell you how far you are away and what direction to go. Yesterday was Nepal. 
 

I somehow got it on the third guess. 
 

After three guesses, she says “Give me a hint”. So, I said “Mount Everest is there”. She says “DENMARK?! Oh wait is Denmark a town or Country?!”

So now she’s looking up flights to the town of Denmark.

[Trey3216 15349]

9 minutes ago, ocugolf said:

My wife is a masters educated woman. Two undergrad degrees. She’s pretty smart. Like most women, she’s really geographically challenged. So there’s a game on the interwebs called Worldle. It give you an outline of a country and you guess what it is. Then they tell you how far you are away and what direction to go. Yesterday was Nepal. 
 

I somehow got it on the third guess. 
 

After three guesses, she says “Give me a hint”. So, I said “Mount Everest is there”. She says “DENMARK?! Oh wait is Denmark a town or Country?!”

So now she’s looking up flights to the town of Denmark.

Isn't that the town in The Flintstones???

-Mrs. Ocugolf

[Cheeseweasel 26438]

19 minutes ago, ocugolf said:

So now she’s looking up flights to the town of Denmark.

Hope the plane doesn't fly into Everest. 

[Anwar Namtut 344]

The name "Everest" is clearly Danish.

Somewhat related, but wife's side of the family are Danish so that makes my kids 1/64th or whatever. Anyhoo, my daughter's sixth grade female teacher insisted that people from Denmark are Dutch. That sixth grade teacher is someone's wife. 

[General Specific 3262]

Hope the plane doesn't fly into Everest. 

Why book a flight when you can drive, to Denmark, Tx!

[nnm 36478]

45 minutes ago, Anwar Namtut said:

The name "Everest" is clearly Danish.

Somewhat related, but wife's side of the family are Danish so that makes my kids 1/64th or whatever. Anyhoo, my daughter's sixth grade female teacher insisted that people from Denmark are Dutch. That sixth grade teacher is someone's wife. 

How about all those Swiss people from Sweden?  That actually happened in our house a couple of times. 

Edited February 14, 2022 by nnm

[Biff Tannen 45694]

1 hour ago, Anwar Namtut said:

The name "Everest" is clearly Danish.

Somewhat related, but wife's side of the family are Danish so that makes my kids 1/64th or whatever. Anyhoo, my daughter's sixth grade female teacher insisted that people from Denmark are Dutch. That sixth grade teacher is someone's wife. 

[Patricio Swayze 17058]

Ordered Texas de Brazil for valentines dinner at home. My wife insisted it be cool medium well. Most of it was well done. Why do women not like medium rare or even medium? Goddamn waste.

[Ag with kids 581]

Figured this was a good place for this...

[General Specific 3262]

The name "Everest" is clearly Danish.
Somewhat related, but wife's side of the family are Danish so that makes my kids 1/64th or whatever. Anyhoo, my daughter's sixth grade female teacher insisted that people from Denmark are Dutch. That sixth grade teacher is someone's wife. 

[Ag with kids 581]

31 minutes ago, General Specific said:

 

Because Michael Caine is funny...

[Nolacycling 893]

What's that I smell on the evening breeze?

It's the goddamn Dutch making Limberger cheese,

God made the Irish and they ain't much,

but they're a hell of a lot better that the GD Dutch.

[nnm 36478]

18 minutes ago, Nolacycling said:

What's that I smell on the evening breeze?

It's the goddamn Dutch making Limberger cheese,

God made the Irish and they ain't much,

but they're a hell of a lot better that the GD Dutch.

What’s your quote from?  I work with a lot of Dutchies and could use this. 

[Nolacycling 893]

Hash House Harriers songbook 

"Drunk last night..."

[CycleTex87 2979]

I ran with the HHH back in the day.

[Anwar Namtut 344]

20 hours ago, CycleTex87 said:

I ran with the HHH back in the day.

Former brother-in-law tried to get me to run with him/them. Run? Fuck that.

[luke duke 6413]

The name "Everest" is clearly Danish.
Somewhat related, but wife's side of the family are Danish so that makes my kids 1/64th or whatever. Anyhoo, my daughter's sixth grade female teacher insisted that people from Denmark are Dutch. That sixth grade teacher is someone's wife. 

[Sbbruin 21865]

A little something to share with your wives. Ah, the good ol' days

[WhatTheBuck 28793]

“Be a little gay and a little more interesting for him. His boring day may need a lift and one of your duties is to provide it.”

Invite a girlfriend over. Give him a lift when he comes home from a boring day at work. He’ll thank you for it. 

[Sam Lin 3559]

Paging @Mitch Cumsteen

[DigglerontheHoof 21205]

On 2/15/2022 at 1:19 PM, General Specific said:

As someone who just left a Dutch company for an American competitor, I completely agree.  F the Dutch.  Cheap cunts. 

[WhatTheBuck 28793]

On 2/23/2022 at 12:21 AM, Sam Lin said:

Paging @Mitch Cumsteen

There’s a Little Shop of Horrors vibe to that setup. I like how they use a Pringles can as a reference for size. I’d like to know more about the glass bottles in the background. 

[mulletpelini 5214]

On 2/10/2022 at 7:42 PM, mulletpelini said:

Well her gypsy mother moved in last week then this happened.

On 2/11/2022 at 6:23 PM, CycleTex87 said:

What exactly are we looking at here?

Shit, I had the story underneath, I must have deleted it before posting it somehow.  Crazy gypsy MIL was washing dishes and apparently somehow got the phone charger wet? (It's the only thing I can figure out that happened here) and then it shorted and melted its way into the baby formula holder, fuck if I know how that happened, but a woman was involved.

On 2/12/2022 at 6:06 AM, Hpara759 said:

I use a golf ball for mine...has worked  several years for her....I placed it so she could use it as a "line-up" reference to get through the garage door as well

It works great until she closes the car door, catching the ball inside the car, and driving away.  Multiple times.

 

[Kennythetiger 9403]

9 hours ago, mulletpelini said:

It works great until she closes the car door, catching the ball inside the car, and driving away.  Multiple times.

 

I am alone in my office and this made me laugh out loud. Thank you. 

[mininghorn88 2294]

10 hours ago, mulletpelini said:

Shit, I had the story underneath, I must have deleted it before posting it somehow.  Crazy gypsy MIL was washing dishes and apparently somehow got the phone charger wet? (It's the only thing I can figure out that happened here) and then it shorted and melted its way into the baby formula holder, fuck if I know how that happened, but a woman was involved.

It works great until she closes the car door, catching the ball inside the car, and driving away.  Multiple times.

 

This right here. The handle is missing from the rope that is attached to my automatic garage door opener for manual release. When the garage door is up the rope hangs (used to) right at the vehicle door space.

[JSB 677]

1 hour ago, mininghorn88 said:

This right here. The handle is missing from the rope that is attached to my automatic garage door opener for manual release. When the garage door is up the rope hangs (used to) right at the vehicle door space.

Kind of on you for not shortening the pull string with a little knot. That is very early in the steps of new garage or vehicle ownership

[NWBuck 8573]

1 hour ago, JSB said:

Kind of on you for not shortening the pull string with a little knot. That is very early in the steps of new garage, vehicle, or wife ownership

FIFM

[Kennythetiger 9403]

Buck beat me 

[TrashMaster G 17571]

2 hours ago, Kennythetiger said:

Buck beat me 

You should report him.

[WhatTheBuck 28793]

3 hours ago, TrashMaster G said:

You should report him.

My tealight holder rules.

[burntorangebongos 10748]

On 2/11/2022 at 9:02 PM, Mitch Cumsteen said:

Do you not know the tennis ball trick?

That worked for me when I went from a smaller car to a sedan. I thought my husband was a genius. haha

[deadshank 24653]

Whose wife is this?

[Dennis Taylor 18844]

26 minutes ago, deadshank said:

Whose wife is this?

 

[nnm 36478]

1 hour ago, deadshank said:

Whose wife is this?

[DefinitelyNotHollywoodColt 12301]

disagreement starts

wife: "i'm not perfect"

me: "that's the last thing you need to remind me of"

disagreement escalates

[Cheeseweasel 26438]

Tone.

[NorthLoop 14218]

I think my wife has a little Munchausen going on. Yesterday she was complaining about her knee hurting. We're sitting in bed in the evening, the toddler is bouncing around on the mattress. She's got her leg out right where it's obvious to everyone within a 5 mile radius that the kid is about to jump/roll over her bum knee, which of course he does, and she acts like she got hit by a sniper. Then I get yelled at for rolling my eyes.