Wives and the Stupid Shit They Say/Do

[irishtexan 11,519]

Did you get drunk at dinner? If so, that would explain why she was driving and why you totally overreacted. Just go with "I got drunk at dinner" and leave it at that. 

[BHMCruiser 1,814]

1 hour ago, Llogg said:

Criticizing the reaction is different than suggesting there was no reason to be annoyed.

I'm fweezing

[burntorangebongos 10,723]

yeah, getting tipsy at dinner and letting the old lady drive you and the kids is commendable. But don't be too bitchy when she does dumb wife things. She rolls the window down, you act like you are gonna die of cold and roll the window back up and smile at her. If she likes your smile, she'll not give a fuck and tell her sister whatever she just thought of later. If she doesn't, well....that is just sad panda shit. 

[Gil Bang 25,960]

On 4/15/2022 at 2:28 PM, Fudge Nuggets said:

I hit the smoke detector powerball this year.  One started beeping at 5:30 pm on a weekday and another started beeping at 9:00 Saturday morning last week.  Prior to that it was always 3:00 AM.

So, one battery went bad and you didn't change out all of the batteries?  That's on you brother. 

[huge 3,793]

Delivery you should have used.

 

We had dinner with wife's sister.

It was raining on the way out of the parking lot and she insisted on rolling down MY window to say bye.  In the rain.

 

 

(that would have gotten the reaction you wanted)

[Sbbruin 21,858]

On 4/26/2022 at 2:29 PM, NeverMarryAStripper said:

You should have made her sleep on the couch

[Fudge Nuggets 19,194]

2 hours ago, Gil Bang said:

So, one battery went bad and you didn't change out all of the batteries?  That's on you brother. 

Of course I didn't, them shit's expensive.

[Lat22 4,014]

What is happening right now a couple feet away. She’s scrolling Tim Toks with the fucking sound turned up. 

[Modessit 5,603]

What is happening right now a couple feet away. She’s scrolling Tim Toks with the fucking sound turned up. 

Is Tim the guy she's banging on the side?

[Modessit 5,603]

I accept the bitchassedness label. What I have learned is the proper response is to sit stoically while cold rain hits your face and body, roll the window up yourself while saying nothing or insist on driving in the first place.

No, the proper response is to wait until you're driving and it starts raining. Then randomly roll her window down while pointing and saying, "Oh, sorry, I thought I saw someone I knew."

[SHOOTER12 8,810]

2 hours ago, Modessit said:

2 hours ago, Lat22 said:

What is happening right now a couple feet away. She’s scrolling Tim Toks with the fucking sound turned up. 

Is Tim the guy she's banging on the side?

No...that's Tim's Dicks 

[Grade of D as in David 13,253]

2 hours ago, Modessit said:

8 hours ago, Ojo Rojo said:

I accept the bitchassedness label. What I have learned is the proper response is to sit stoically while cold rain hits your face and body, roll the window up yourself while saying nothing or insist on driving in the first place.

No, the proper response is to wait until you're driving and it starts raining. Then randomly roll her window down while pointing and saying, "Oh, sorry, I thought I saw someone I knew."

Yep pro move

[WBT 20,580]

lulz, 63 degrees

[Dennis Taylor 18,829]

16 hours ago, Ojo Rojo said:

I accept the bitchassedness label. What I have learned is the proper response is to sit stoically while cold rain hits your face and body, roll the window up yourself while saying nothing or insist on driving in the first place.

[Lat22 4,014]

10 hours ago, Modessit said:

10 hours ago, Lat22 said:

What is happening right now a couple feet away. She’s scrolling Tim Toks with the fucking sound turned up. 

Is Tim the guy she's banging on the side?

I had one fucking job…….

[Celery Man 20,962]

The thing that’s stupid is that I still haven’t convinced her to sell cakes. Or paint Harry Potter murals on someone else’s walls, for money.

[tbone_ 14,127]

That’s a solid effort

[Pato del Muerto 52,505]

Mike is round

 

well, spheroid 

Edited April 28, 2022 by Pato del Muerto

[mooseoutfront 3,643]

21 hours ago, WBT said:

lulz, 63 degrees

Yeah, no shit. It was 58 today and I was so hot driving in the truck I turned on the AC. All what you’re used to I guess. 

[40acredropout 2,902]

On 4/27/2022 at 2:30 PM, Ojo Rojo said:

I accept the bitchassedness label. What I have learned is the proper response is to sit stoically while cold rain hits your face and body, roll the window up yourself while saying nothing or insist on driving in the first place.

Why don’t you just keep a fuzzy blankie in the glove compartment?  Always there when the wife is driving home and it gets too chilly for you.  Conflict avoided.

[gyroprotagonist 2,594]

On 4/27/2022 at 11:49 PM, WBT said:

lulz, 63 degrees

[Hmbre97 6,308]

Maybe Tucker Carlson was right... (no cr)

[High Plains Drifter 11,050]

On 4/26/2022 at 4:21 PM, Ojo Rojo said:

I need a ruling here guys...

Yesterday evening was the culmination of kind of a stressful few days, so I asked my wife if she wanted to go to a restaurant for dinner (with our kids).  We picked a Mexican place close to our house and, as luck would have it, her sister was going to be there at the same time with her family and a couple of friends.  Everyone was happy that we were going to get together.  Great.

Well, it was raining yesterday and the temps dropped about 20 degrees as the front passed. I was wearing shorts and flip flops

 

stopped reading right there.

 

 

[High Plains Drifter 11,050]

19 hours ago, Celery Man said:

The thing that’s stupid is that I still haven’t convinced her to sell cakes. Or paint Harry Potter murals on someone else’s walls, for money.

 

 

"NAILED IT!!"

 

 

 

 

[wd40 1,976]

On 4/26/2022 at 4:21 PM, Ojo Rojo said:

I need

Stopped reading right there

[MNLonghornFUKM 8,817]

I’m late to the party. @Ojo Rojo cried because she rolled down the windows when it was 63 degrees?

[nnm 36,417]

1 hour ago, MNLonghornFUKM said:

I’m late to the party. @Ojo Rojo cried because she rolled down the windows when it was 63 degrees?

Well, that and apparently he’s a whiner. 

[SilasCoade 2,622]

[Sam Lin 3,559]

But it was raining!

[TrashMaster G 17,558]

3 minutes ago, Sam Lin said:

But it was raining!

And there were shorts. And flip flops.

[tbone_ 14,127]

Anyone that doesn’t like my shorts and flip flops can eat a bag.

Just sayin.

[Fudbelty 2,788]

Anyone that doesn’t like my shorts and flip flops can eat a bag.

Just sayin.

Same, but I definitely still wear cargos. Idgaf

[956 Worldwide 34,715]

On 4/16/2022 at 7:06 AM, harpercollins said:

 

I’ll tell on myself.

My husband and I have a twenty year ongoing fight about how early to arrive at the airport for a domestic flight. I’ve mostly given up to keep peace. (He wants to be there two hours before boarding; I want to be there one hour before boarding. The “right” answer I think is probably in the middle.)

Last week I flew to SLC by myself and was insanely late—only made it on the plane due to renewing Clear while in line and a 20 minute flight delay. I ran to the gate and onto the jetway,
and they closed the doors behind me like a movie.

Once my heart stopped pounding I texted him that I made it on the plane, and that, while his way isn’t my favorite way, it’s much, much better than mine. He was so happy he said he was going to print out the text and frame it.

 

He doesn’t make you get there two hours in advance, he tells you he wants to be there two hours in advance and then you’re actually ready and there one hour in advance.  Because he knows that if he plans to get there one hour in advance, he’ll be missing the flight unless its late like you. 

[Eugene11 379]

10 hours ago, tbone_ said:

Anyone that doesn’t like my shorts and flip flops can eat a bag.

Just sayin.

Ha. I red that as 

Anyone that doesn’t like my shorts and flip flops can eat my vag.   
 

I though to myself. How appropriate considering.  Lol

[davidg 4,038]

Same, but I definitely still wear camo cargos. Old Guy idgaf

FIFM.

[Fudbelty 2,788]

FIFM.

I like you style.

[WhatTheBuck 28,783]

7 hours ago, Fudbelty said:

Same, but I definitely still wear cargos. Idgaf

Form follows function and cargo shorts are highly functional. And I’m not about to let anyone who thinks cowboy boots and a Stetson hat go with a business suit advise me on any sartorial concerns.

[Celery Man 20,962]

probably cargo shorts are coming back around from a style perspective anyways

my wife is fairly good and I've complained about her a few times so I feel like this guy

that said, I have two gripes - 

you can get aggravated at me for watching over your shoulder and getting anxious or cleaning after you only if you don't keep making the mistake that then has negative repercussions on me/the rest of the house

the two things: heating empty nonstick skillets and leaving the little dog that you never potty trained completely with free rein of the house

wife loves turning the stove on full blast under a nonstick skillet before she puts anything in there. who the fuck knows why - I think she thinks that there is some benefit to doing that, and I would see her point if she's trying to get a good sear on a steak or something like that, but if that's the case the nonstick pan is not the right choice. We have other choices available and I'm happy to get some fancy all clads or whatever it is if that's what she needs (and I'll even clean up my le creuset or cast iron skillets after her). but it's not what she needs, she's about to sauté some shalllots and garlic and she not only could but should put some oil in there. That way, when she goes to peel the garlic and then forgets that she ever started the burner in the first place, she doesn't ruin her fourth nonstick pan and fill the kitchen with cancer smoke. I submit that she shouldn't be allowed to be irritated at me for hovering when she starts doing the pointless dangerous thing until it's been at least 18 months since she ruined a pan and had to take the baby somewhere while I aired out the house.

similarly, her little dog is a shithead and will pee in the nursery or in my office or in the living room or near the front door if she lives him alone in the bedroom with the door open. she does this all the time and I'm constantly closing the door behind her and she's constantly "I'm just getting my hair dryer" or whatever it is. OK, you can gripe at me for closing the door behind you when you go one month without the little dog pissing in the house because you went off somewhere without him and left the bedroom door open.

[Al_4_ISU 12,464]

Man, I feel that.  We have an asshole dog that likes to piss on the shower curtain in our main bathroom.  If you either shut the bathroom door, or tuck the curtain into the tub, he won't bother.  It's a specific thing he has for that curtain.

So anyways, I always shut the bathroom door and tuck the curtain.  She doesn't.  Then he pisses on it while she's working out or cleaning or something like that and bitches about it.

Look, you know he's going to do it.  You know that if you do one of two things that he won't do it.  You don't do either of those things.  Don't bitch at me or expect to help you clean it up when he does what you know he's going to do.

[956 Worldwide 34,715]

My wife just got totally scammed on a piece of art while I am home sick in bed. She went to a dealer; saw a small piece she liked, and was told it cost about 150.00 in local currency.  She said, “I’ll take it.”

Dealer: Where are you from? You have an accent.

W: “The United States.”

Dealer: Oh, you really want to buy? I am just tired of artists coming in here and trying to unload their art to me for commission, so I always lowball. The real price is 600 dollars. 

W: Let me think about it. That’s a lot more than you quoted. 

Dl: I have a certificate that shows the value. And I’ll take 300.00 instead of 600.00

W: Deal

Must be the first person in his life that fell for the “negotiate upward” trick. Gotdammit. 
 
The dealer was Armenian, where we lived. So bonding over their shared love of Armenia played a role in his willingness to let this thing go for only twice his original quote. 

Edited May 2, 2022 by 956 Worldwide

[Incredulity 11,675]

3 minutes ago, 956 Worldwide said:

My wife just got totally scammed on a piece of art while I am home sick in bed. She went to a dealer; saw a small piece she liked, and was told it cost about 150.00 in local currency.  She said, “I’ll take it.”

Dealer: Where are you from? You have an accent.

W: “The United States.”

Dealer: Oh, you really want to buy? I am just tired of artists coming in here and trying to unload their art to me for commission, so I always lowball. The real price is 600 dollars. 

W: Let me think about it. That’s a lot more than you quoted. 

Dl: I have a certificate that shows the value. And I’ll take 300.00 instead of 600.00

W: Deal

Must be the first person in his life that fell for the “negotiate upward” trick. Gotdammit. 
 

most of us have wives ...so, not the first and certainly not the last.

[deadshank 24,653]

1 hour ago, 956 Worldwide said:

My wife just got totally scammed on a piece of art while I am home sick in bed. She went to a dealer; saw a small piece she liked, and was told it cost about 150.00 in local currency.  She said, “I’ll take it.”

Dealer: Where are you from? You have an accent.

W: “The United States.”

Dealer: Oh, you really want to buy? I am just tired of artists coming in here and trying to unload their art to me for commission, so I always lowball. The real price is 600 dollars. 

W: Let me think about it. That’s a lot more than you quoted. 

Dl: I have a certificate that shows the value. And I’ll take 300.00 instead of 600.00

W: Deal

Must be the first person in his life that fell for the “negotiate upward” trick. Gotdammit. 
 
The dealer was Armenian, where we lived. So bonding over their shared love of Armenia played a role in his willingness to let this thing go for only twice his original quote. 

Well, in a woman’s mind, it cost more so it’s better.   
 

Wait until she unloads it to Molly for $50 because that’s the market rate for used artwork and a “great” price for used artwork. 

Edited May 2, 2022 by deadshank

[956 Worldwide 34,715]

2 minutes ago, deadshank said:

Well, in a woman’s mind, it cost more so it’s better.   
 

Wait until she unloads it to Molly for $50 because that’s the market rate for used artwork and a “great” price for used artwork. 

She should have just told me it was 300 bucks, not near as much as I thought it was going to be when I heard “I went art shopping in town.”

[ABSR 5,315]

3 hours ago, Al_4_ISU said:

Man, I feel that.  We have an asshole dog that likes to piss on the shower curtain in our main bathroom.  If you either shut the bathroom door, or tuck the curtain into the tub, he won't bother.  It's a specific thing he has for that curtain.

So anyways, I always shut the bathroom door and tuck the curtain.  She doesn't.  Then he pisses on it while she's working out or cleaning or something like that and bitches about it.

Look, you know he's going to do it.  You know that if you do one of two things that he won't do it.  You don't do either of those things.  Don't bitch at me or expect to help you clean it up when he does what you know he's going to do.

Training a bitch is hard. 

[Jameslaw121 4,448]

My wife doesn't drink. I do. She now regularly drives after we've been out to dinner or whatever.

But, when we were dating. We went somewhere where I only had two beers. Got in a small argument over me driving. I said "My driving after two beers is still better than completely sober." But I relented and gave her the keys.

 

She promptly drove over the concrete parking block in front of our parking space....

[deadshank 24,653]

1 minute ago, Jameslaw121 said:

My wife doesn't drink. I do. She now regularly drives after we've been out to dinner or whatever.

But, when we were dating. We went somewhere where I only had two beers. Got in a small argument over me driving. I said "My driving after two beers is still better than completely sober." But I relented and gave her the keys.

 

She promptly drove over the concrete parking block in front of our parking space....

Yep.  Mine wanted to use my truck one night to go out with her younger sister that was in visiting.  

I popped the hatch on the garage around sun up the next morning to drink coffee and mutter to myself while sitting on my garage chair to  contemplate all the secrets revealed to me at that time of day.  I look over to see a string of dents and scrapes from stem to stern on the side of the truck.  

I questioned her about it.  Of course, after three El Tiempo margs each they had no clue how it happened.

[Trey3216 15,346]

On 4/27/2022 at 8:18 PM, Lat22 said:

What is happening right now a couple feet away. She’s scrolling Tim Toks with the fucking sound turned up. 

Is that German for "stroking Tim Cocks" ?  

[harpercollins 394]

I'm constantly closing the door behind her.

We installed spring hinges on our doors for this reason. I’m almost always glad we did, and when I’m not, I have a door stopper nearby.

[ABSR 5,315]

1 hour ago, harpercollins said:

 

We installed spring hinges on our doors for this reason. I’m almost always glad we did, and when I’m not, I have a door stopper nearby.

I have just recently installed motion sensor lights (that turn off after a few minutes) in our pantry and in our bedroom closet.  My stress level is about 50% lower because of this, and my electric bill will follow.

[harpercollins 394]

We installed.

READ: my husband installed