Wives and the Stupid Shit They Say/Do

[TrashMaster G 17638]

15 minutes ago, Armybrat said:

Well, just cool off Ojo. 
This isn’t doing your BP any good.

Arguing in the heat of the moment won’t solve anything.

[Pokoloco 1282]

23 hours ago, Ojo Rojo said:

My oldest son and the neighbor kid have ongoing Nerf battles with some of the other kids in our neighborhood. They went over to one kid's house and saw his Nerf guns in the open garage.  They thought it would be a good prank to take the guns and hide them around the corner outside of the garage and then do an attack.  It would be a bloodbath where the other kids were scrambling to find their guns while getting Nerf blasted.  Pretty good idea, if you ask me.

Anyway, my wife got a text later that afternoon that said something along the lines of, "Tell your children never to go into my garage and take my children's things again."  No name, no backstory, no nothing.  We called my son in to question him about it.  What happened?  How did the parent get mom's phone number?  He told us the story and fully admitted to going into the garage. He said that the kids' dad came outside and reamed them out and asked for his mother's phone number, which he gave him. My son is naive and doesn't know that it's not cool to go into people's garages without them knowing about it.  So we talked to him about it and I think he got the message.

Meanwhile, my wife is pissed off at this other parent and she starts an angry text back to them.  I see this and tell her, "Please don't do that.  Let me handle it."  We had a short argument about it.  I explained that even if our kid wasn't malicious, he did do something objectively wrong.  I agreed the other parent didn't handle it well, but whatever.  We can't control if other people want to be assholes. She insists on responding. While she's typing she's muttering that the kids from the other house are at our house all the time and in our garage, etc. I just told her, "I know you are going to fuck this up and create enemies unnecessarily."  So now she's pissed off at me.

She finishes her angry text and I ask her what she wrote.  She says, "Hi, my name is Mrs. Ojo Rojo and my son's name is Ojo Rojo, Jr.  I got your text and I am really sorry that our son went into your garage.  We have talked to him and it won't happen again."  I'm thinking, "Okay, that's pretty much what I would have said."  She then continues, "And please tell your children to never come over to our house and play in our playhouse ever again."  I just looked at her incredulously.  "I knew it! Why did you write that? There was no reason to do that! I am so angry with you because you did that!"  A few minutes later she says, "I didn't really write the part about them not coming over the playhouse again."  What!? Then why the fuck would you tell me that!? You knew that would piss me off.  Did you do it just to piss me off?  Her response, "Well isn't that what you wanted to hear?"  What?  Which part?  That you told the neighbors off like a bitch or that you really didn't?  Are you really just trying to make me mad or are you just dumb?  Now we are in a huge fight and I won't get laid until the end of the month.

This, but Trix always wants to fire this type of shit at our daughter in law. I've successfully talked her down before sending so far. We'll never see our grandkids if I let her get one through.

[eljinca 279]

Good text received with no context yesterday:

"They emailed about going back in February"

6 texts later I finally got that her office has determined that they will now require 1 day per week in person work.

[Ojo Rojo 1981]

28 minutes ago, Armybrat said:

Well, just cool off Ojo. 
This isn’t doing your BP any good.

Arguing in the heat of the moment won’t solve anything.

I'm getting better, but I'm a slow learner.  The Lexapro helps.  The bitch of it is, the less I GAF about shit like this, the more my wife accuses me of "not being present" and "not caring."  *sigh*

[TrashMaster G 17638]

2 minutes ago, eljinca said:

Good text received with no context yesterday:

"They emailed about going back in February"

6 texts later I finally got that her office has determined that they will now require 1 day per week in person work.

Only 6? 

That's how you humble brag.

[Cheeseweasel 26438]

7 minutes ago, eljinca said:

Good text received with no context yesterday:

"They emailed about going back in February"

6 texts later I finally got that her office has determined that they will now require 1 day per week in person work.

This is my life in a nutshell. Random text/comment. No background. No clue wtf she is talking about. That's my clue to head to the garage and grab a beer.

[Incredulity 11683]

Plus insistence that she has provided ample context previously.

 

"You know the random comment I made a week ago Thursday when we were driving across town to see my sister.....that's what this is about"

[luke duke 6415]

We were at our cabin for Christmas, and I had driven my F150. My wife insisted on going to town with one of my daughters for some after-Christmas shopping.
They get home after dark, and I see her maneuvering back and forth in the driveway. I go outside to help because I was afraid she would hit someone else’s car. By the time I got out there, she - with my daughter as navigator -  only had one tire on the concrete.
It’s not as flat as it appears in this pic, but if she had continued backing up, she would’ve been down in the creek. As it turns out, she had unilaterally decided to drive my daughter to the airport for her early morning flight and didn’t want to back out of the driveway in the dark.
I told her to pull onto flat ground and let me park the truck. Zoom in for tire tracks as well as snow tracks:

Who the fuck has concrete at a “cabin”

[Dennis Taylor 18883]

1 hour ago, eljinca said:

Good text received with no context yesterday:

"They emailed about going back in February"

6 texts later I finally got that her office has determined that they will now require 1 day per week in person work.

Wow they really like to live on the edge 

[SHOOTER12 8836]

21 hours ago, TrashMaster G said:

Dude, that should have been parlayed into some super freaky bedroom time with the new lingerie.

Lol right, you do remember the wort "undefeated" Don't you?

[ImissWallyPryor 9046]

On 1/10/2023 at 1:29 PM, luke duke said:

Who the fuck has concrete at a “cabin”

Some people call it a lodge.

Edited January 12, 2023 by ImissWallyPryor

[Kennythetiger 9483]

30 minutes ago, luke duke said:

Who the fuck has concrete at a “cabin”

JJ Watt. 

[Gil Bang 26053]

On 1/7/2023 at 11:49 PM, Sbbruin said:

Is,it common in Texas to heat your house with electricity?  Natural gas furnaces have to heat 98% of houses here.

not 98%.   in 2020, the number was 72% (source https://www.eia.gov/todayinenergy/detail.php?id=52999#:~:text=Homes in California predominantly use,%2C and 73% for cooking ) and heat pumps are growing in popularity every day, and are almost mandatory for new construction under Title 24.  See https://www.energy.ca.gov/sites/default/files/2021-08/CEC_2022_EnergyCodeUpdateSummary_ADA.pdf

[Frank The Tank 1499]

On 1/8/2023 at 2:53 PM, tejas60 said:

me: where's your car fob?

her: in my purse.

got damnit.

Let’s just assume, for the rest of our lives, that I don’t at all times know where your fucking purse is. 

[Sawbonz 27635]

1 hour ago, Frank The Tank said:

Let’s just assume, for the rest of our lives, that I don’t at all times know where your fucking purse is. 

50-50 odds it’s in her car

[Fudbelty 2791]

This is a top play in the Wives Playbook For Life.

Last week I take the jeep out for a drive on Monday. Jeep needed gas so I stop and fill up. We hardly drive the jeep unless kids are split practices or I’m just running to the store. To my knowledge jeep hadn’t been taken anywhere except one practice. I get in Sunday afternoon to head to another practice. LOW FUEL. Not 40 miles to E or whatever the dash will say when it’s low. LOW FUEL.

[Sam Lin 3564]

But she thinks you're really thoughtful for filling the tank up, so you have that going for you.

[Modessit 5607]

She paraphrased the text after I asked her what she sent.  I didn't see it.  She offered to show it to me, but I was too pissed off at that point and told her I didn't want to see it.  So I don't actually know if she sent the shitty part of the text or not.  Either way, if she sent it or just told me she did, she done wrong.

I agree that she fucked up either way, but in one scenario you just have an issue with the wife. In the other scenario, you have an issue with the wife AND the neighbor.

[Modessit 5607]

This is a top play in the Wives Playbook For Life.

Last week I take the jeep out for a drive on Monday. Jeep needed gas so I stop and fill up. We hardly drive the jeep unless kids are split practices or I’m just running to the store. To my knowledge jeep hadn’t been taken anywhere except one practice. I get in Sunday afternoon to head to another practice. LOW FUEL. Not 40 miles to E or whatever the dash will say when it’s low. LOW FUEL.

You never drive it but it's out of gas. Hmm. Where could she be going in a vehicle she doesn't normally drive?

[MNLonghornFUKM 8823]

This is a top play in the Wives Playbook For Life.

Last week I take the jeep out for a drive on Monday. Jeep needed gas so I stop and fill up. We hardly drive the jeep unless kids are split practices or I’m just running to the store. To my knowledge jeep hadn’t been taken anywhere except one practice. I get in Sunday afternoon to head to another practice. LOW FUEL. Not 40 miles to E or whatever the dash will say when it’s low. LOW FUEL.

We bought a Tahoe a year ago. The myChevrolet app works wonders for this. Oh would you look at that, 22% or 75 mi remaining. Looks like I get to go to the gas station today

[Fudbelty 2791]

You never drive it but it's out of gas. Hmm. Where could she be going in a vehicle she doesn't normally drive?

Apparently her car ran out of gas mid week and she used the jeep for running kids around town. Then when Jeep was on E she filled hers up and not mine.

[tbone_ 14198]

Apparently her car ran out of gas mid week and she used the jeep for running kids around town. Then when Jeep was on E she filled hers up and not mine.

Outstanding

[Kennythetiger 9483]

1 hour ago, Fudbelty said:

Apparently her car ran out of gas mid week and she used the jeep for running kids around town. Then when Jeep was on E she filled hers up and not mine.

Sounds like shit my siblings and I would do to my dad when we were home from college. 

[MNLonghornFUKM 8823]

We bought a Tahoe a year ago. The myChevrolet app works wonders for this. Oh would you look at that, 22% or 75 mi remaining. Looks like I get to go to the gas station today

Update from 30 min ago as she drives by a gas station after dropping daughter off at school

[huge 3795]

I drove my wife's company car yesterday and it was empty per usual.

I filled it up without telling her.

Today she noticed and acted like she had found $100.  But that is not what this thread is about.

 

If any of you idiots have not gotten a tile or something like it for your wife's keys, all of the wasted time and oxygen spent looking for them is on you.

They keys find the phone and the phone finds the keys.  Now she can lose both and you are still screwed but most of the time you can find one or the other.

[Ojo Rojo 1981]

4 minutes ago, huge said:

I drove my wife's company car yesterday and it was empty per usual.

I filled it up without telling her.

Today she noticed and acted like she had found $100.  But that is not what this thread is about.

 

If any of you idiots have not gotten a tile or something like it for your wife's keys, all of the wasted time and oxygen spent looking for them is on you.

They keys find the phone and the phone finds the keys.  Now she can lose both and you are still screwed but most of the time you can find one or the other.

I bought my wife one and she lost it.  True story.

6 hours ago, Modessit said:

On 1/10/2023 at 9:32 AM, Ojo Rojo said:

She paraphrased the text after I asked her what she sent.  I didn't see it.  She offered to show it to me, but I was too pissed off at that point and told her I didn't want to see it.  So I don't actually know if she sent the shitty part of the text or not.  Either way, if she sent it or just told me she did, she done wrong.

I agree that she fucked up either way, but in one scenario you just have an issue with the wife. In the other scenario, you have an issue with the wife AND the neighbor.

Yeah, but I'm not trying to get any pussy from the neighbor dad.

[Cheeseweasel 26438]

6 minutes ago, huge said:

If any of you idiots have not gotten a tile or something like it for your wife's keys, all of the wasted time and oxygen spent looking for them is on you.

Does it take a battery? Because I guarantee that the battery is dead.

[huge 3795]

7 minutes ago, Cheeseweasel said:

Does it take a battery? Because I guarantee that the battery is dead.

You can replace the battery.  That is one of my primary functions in our house.  Battery guy.

[Guadaloopy 11023]

2 hours ago, MNLonghornFUKM said:

Update from 30 min ago as she drives by a gas station after dropping daughter off at school

I left this part of life behind by transitioning to an EV for me and a PHEV with 35 miles of electric range for her.  I just plug hers in to the home charger every night before bed.   

[luke duke 6415]

Yeah, but I'm not trying to get any pussy from the neighbor dad.

[Ojo Rojo 1981]

1 hour ago, huge said:

You can replace the battery.  That is one of my primary functions in our house.  Battery guy.

Huh.  Me too.  And roach-killer guy.

[Cheeseweasel 26438]

3 hours ago, Ojo Rojo said:

Yeah, but I'm not trying to get any pussy from the neighbor dad.

Not with that attitude you're not.

[SuperSport 1333]

This morning my wife asked me if a Ziploc sandwich baggie can hold two pieces of bread or just one.

[huge 3795]

18 minutes ago, SuperSport said:

This morning my wife asked me if a Ziploc sandwich baggie can hold two pieces of bread or just one.

[Pokoloco 1282]

I bet she spells it "sandwhich" also.

[Kennythetiger 9483]

1 hour ago, SuperSport said:

This morning my wife asked me if a Ziploc sandwich baggie can hold two pieces of bread or just one.

She’s right though. Some of those fuckers get thinner by the year. 
Sandwich bags, not wives. 

[Sawbonz 27635]

4 hours ago, huge said:

most of the time you can find one or the other.

[SHOOTER12 8836]

7 hours ago, SuperSport said:

This morning my wife asked me if a Ziploc sandwich baggie can hold two pieces of bread or just one.

I tell you, some of you guys must be married to the hottest, horniest women on the planet. 

Edited January 12, 2023 by SHOOTER12

[Fudbelty 2791]

Apparently her car ran out of gas mid week and she used the jeep for running kids around town. Then when Jeep was on E she filled hers up and not mine.

I come home today and the jeep was gone again. So I text her.

“Holy shit. I’m calling the cops!”
“Why what happened?”
“Someone stole the jeep out of the garage!”
“Oh lol. My car needed gas and I didn’t have time”

We get in her car and it’s literally down to 0 miles. They really should give you a 50 mile warning.

[Gil Bang 26053]

 

[Grade of D as in David 13253]

2 hours ago, Fudbelty said:

I come home today and the jeep was gone again. So I text her.

“Holy shit. I’m calling the cops!”
“Why what happened?”
“Someone stole the jeep out of the garage!”
“Oh lol. My car needed gas and I didn’t have time”

We get in her car and it’s literally down to 0 miles. They really should give you a 50 mile warning.

Yeah good idea

[Native Horn 3516]

10 hours ago, Fudbelty said:

We get in her car and it’s literally down to 0 miles. They really should give you a 50 mile warning.

Whatta y'all have, a Model T?

[txhorns 2413]

Well fuckers you jinxed me and it finally happened.  Wife was in too much of a hurry this morning and didn’t wait for the garage door to fully raise up before backing out.  She hit the door and knocked it off it’s tracks.

[Sam Lin 3564]

Actually, you jinxed yourself when you got married.

[Armybrat 40936]

12 hours ago, Fudbelty said:

I come home today and the jeep was gone again. So I text her.

“Holy shit. I’m calling the cops!”
“Why what happened?”
“Someone stole the jeep out of the garage!”
“Oh lol. My car needed gas and I didn’t have time”

We get in her car and it’s literally down to 0 miles. They really should give you a 50 mile warning.

1950s & 60s VW Beetles had a lever switch to the right of the gas pedal.
If the car stalled and the gauge read empty, just flip the lever with your foot and you had one “reserve” gallon in the tank good for 30 more miles.

[Armybrat 40936]

38 minutes ago, txhorns said:

Well fuckers you jinxed me and it finally happened.  Wife was in too much of a hurry this morning and didn’t wait for the garage door to fully raise up before backing out.  She hit the door and knocked it off it’s tracks.

Did that myself once - with my wife & grandson looking on in amazement/horror. 
 

[Pokoloco 1282]

1 hour ago, txhorns said:

Well fuckers you jinxed me and it finally happened.  Wife was in too much of a hurry this morning and didn’t wait for the garage door to fully raise up before backing out.  She hit the door and knocked it off it’s tracks.

Welcome to the team kid.

[Pokoloco 1282]

1 hour ago, txhorns said:

Well fuckers you jinxed me and it finally happened.  Wife was in too much of a hurry this morning and didn’t wait for the garage door to fully raise up before backing out.  She hit the door and knocked it off it’s tracks.

Has she hit the front wall pulling in too far and blame you for it yet?

[TrashMaster G 17638]

1 hour ago, txhorns said:

Well fuckers you jinxed me and it finally happened.  Wife was in too much of a hurry this morning and didn’t wait for the garage door to fully raise up before backing out.  She hit the door and knocked it off it’s tracks.

*its

[Trey3216 15378]

6 minutes ago, Pokoloco said:

Has she hit the front wall pulling in too far and blame you for it yet?

Glad mine can't, she'd probably push the garage fridge into the guest bathroom.