Wives and the Stupid Shit They Say/Do

[Jerry Callo 8,703]

Quite the humblebrag: uses tools, knows which one to use, puts it back in the drawer. gtfo!

Narrator - the job called for a hammer.

[Hook1997 5,355]

10 hours ago, markstanco said:

Really?

I’ve seen many a guys garages where the tools don’t get back close to where it belongs when they use it and they can’t find it.  That’s a huge win for a wife after using one.  

Edited January 23, 2023 by Hook1997

[ztejas 43,454]

3 hours ago, Sam Lin said:

Quite the humblebrag: uses tools, knows which one to use, puts it back in the drawer. gtfo!

Unfortunately for him it was probably the first thing she's screwed in a long time. 

[txhorns 2,409]

She chose to screw with the size she is used to.

[PvilleStang 2,911]

Man, that tray irks me.  Wastes so much room in the drawer.  And the flat heads vs philips aren't arranged in any useful order.

[NWBuck 8,569]

20 hours ago, ztejas said:

Unfortunately for him it was probably the first thing she's screwed in a long time. 

Even worse- It wasn't.

[shadow_operative2.0 15,984]

This fits a few dozen posts in here. 

[Cheeseweasel 26,438]

12 hours ago, shadow_operative2.0 said:

This fits a few dozen posts in here. 

Fits every woman ever.

[Ojo Rojo 1,965]

This could be a much longer story, but the short version is that my wife wanted to go to marriage counseling.  I was suspicious because I thought things were going pretty well.  I asked her why she wanted to go.  She said, "To have someone available in case of a crisis."  Okay, that's unlikely and kind of weird, but whatever.  I agreed to go, though I was still suspicious that my wife actually did have a specific reason for wanting to go.  I was suspicious because she does shit like that all the time - she is obviously upset about something and refuses to tell me what it is then I finally find out it's something I did like a month ago.  Anyway, we're at the session yesterday - our second one - and lo and behold she brings up an episode we had 18 months ago and it was clear that was the thing she most wanted to address in counseling.  Why not tell me that?  Especially when I ask you specifically for the reason?  Gotdamn I was so fucking pissed.  I hate being ambushed like that.

(Oh, and the icing on the cake is that the therapist is a fat, unattractive, unsophisticated man-hater who was openly hostile towards me.  Good times.)

[tbone_ 14,126]

Yea. Good luck with that.

Maybe consider bribing her like in Ozark.

[TrashMaster G 17,557]

20 minutes ago, Ojo Rojo said:

This could be a much longer story, but the short version is that my wife wanted to go to marriage counseling.  I was suspicious because I thought things were going pretty well.  I asked her why she wanted to go.  She said, "To have someone available in case of a crisis."  Okay, that's unlikely and kind of weird, but whatever.  I agreed to go, though I was still suspicious that my wife actually did have a specific reason for wanting to go.  I was suspicious because she does shit like that all the time - she is obviously upset about something and refuses to tell me what it is then I finally find out it's something I did like a month ago.  Anyway, we're at the session yesterday - our second one - and lo and behold she brings up an episode we had 18 months ago and it was clear that was the thing she most wanted to address in counseling.  Why not tell me that?  Especially when I ask you specifically for the reason?  Gotdamn I was so fucking pissed.  I hate being ambushed like that.

(Oh, and the icing on the cake is that the therapist is a fat, unattractive, unsophisticated man-hater who was openly hostile towards me.  Good times.)

What did you do 18 months ago, you bastard?

Or is it who?

[Ojo Rojo 1,965]

1 hour ago, TrashMaster G said:

What did you do 18 months ago, you bastard?

Or is it who?

I lost my cool over a longstanding issue in our marriage and told her it was over and wanted her out of the house - shit like that. I didn't handle it well and behaved badly. I admitted it and apologized for it.  I thought it was over and done with.  Apparently, "over and done with" is a foreign concept to women, or at least to my wife.

[TrashMaster G 17,557]

10 minutes ago, Ojo Rojo said:

I lost my cool over a longstanding issue in our marriage and told her it was over and wanted her out of the house - shit like that. I didn't handle it well and behaved badly. I admitted it and apologized for it.  I thought it was over and done with.  Apparently, "over and done with" is a foreign concept to women, or at least to my wife.

Well, yeah.  You now get the pleasure of being raked over the coals.

[General Specific 3,262]

And she will never, ever forget it! EVER!!! She is extracting her pound (ok 10) pounds of flesh. Welcome to marriage. Ha ha!

[Crapinon 2,257]

17 minutes ago, TrashMaster G said:

Well, yeah.  You now get the pleasure of being raked over the coals.

Forever and ever.......Whenever my wife pulled this I would remind her of my family motto. "I see your guilt and raise you indifference". If I do something wrong I'll own up and fix it. But when she used to pull up crap from years ago, I'd tell her to get over it because I'm past it. She can feel free to wallow in her own misery if it made her feel better but I'm not participating. And we're hitting 40 years this year.

[Ojo Rojo 1,965]

5 minutes ago, Crapinon said:

Forever and ever.......Whenever my wife pulled this I would remind her of my family motto. "I see your guilt and raise you indifference". If I do something wrong I'll own up and fix it. But when she used to pull up crap from years ago, I'd tell her to get over it because I'm past it. She can feel free to wallow in her own misery if it made her feel better but I'm not participating. And we're hitting 40 years this year.

Hot damn!  I'm using this for sure.

[Guadaloopy 10,973]

1 minute ago, Ojo Rojo said:

Hot damn!  I'm using this for sure.

Goodbye and good luck!

[Kennythetiger 9,386]

4 hours ago, Ojo Rojo said:

 our second one - and lo and behold she brings up an episode we had 18 months ago

@CHAD BRISCOE isn’t it “low and behole”…?  

[Fudge Nuggets 19,190]

5 hours ago, Ojo Rojo said:

Hot damn!  I'm using this for sure.

This is a man that’s comfortable losing half his shit.

[SilasCoade 2,622]

7 hours ago, Ojo Rojo said:

Hot damn!  I'm using this for sure.

Itsatrap.gif 

[Judge Roybeanbag 11,819]

My wife made a fruit smoothie this morning for breakfast, and it looked pretty good so I asked her what all she put in it. It was then that I found out there is apparently such a thing as  "4 heaping tablespoons of milk".  Must have been some pretty stout milk.

 

 

[TrashMaster G 17,557]

7 minutes ago, Judge Roybeanbag said:

My wife made a fruit smoothie this morning for breakfast, and it looked pretty good so I asked her what all she put in it. It was then that I found out there is apparently such a thing as  "4 heaping tablespoons of milk".  Must have been some pretty stout milk.

Maybe she's just really fast.

[Modessit 5,603]

My wife made a fruit smoothie this morning for breakfast, and it looked pretty good so I asked her what all she put in it. It was then that I found out there is apparently such a thing as  "4 heaping tablespoons of milk".  Must have been some pretty old milk.
 
 

Fixed

[Fudbelty 2,788]

New one.

Our daily driver (that never gets gas) is at the body shop because my wife hates deer a got one a few weeks ago. The rental that made sense to me was getting the small Corolla because we can drive it longer for free, and she can drive my Jeep around and I’ll use the Corolla if I need. IDGAF what I drive.

Anyway she leaves to take the kids to school and they actually wanted to take the rental. So they leave and after about five minutes she comes back in holding the key. “Babe, I can’t turn the key and the car won’t start.” “Did you shake the wheel or turn it while turning the key?” “No! That’s dumb!”

[Kwix 2,188]

37 minutes ago, Fudbelty said:

New one.

Our daily driver (that never gets gas) is at the body shop because my wife hates deer a got one a few weeks ago. The rental that made sense to me was getting the small Corolla because we can drive it longer for free, and she can drive my Jeep around and I’ll use the Corolla if I need. IDGAF what I drive.

Anyway she leaves to take the kids to school and they actually wanted to take the rental. So they leave and after about five minutes she comes back in holding the key. “Babe, I can’t turn the key and the car won’t start.” “Did you shake the wheel or turn it while turning the key?” “No! That’s dumb!”

I was guilty of this one back when I got my first car.  Actually called my dad to come get me.

[WhatTheBuck 28,783]

18 hours ago, Judge Roybeanbag said:

My wife made a fruit smoothie this morning for breakfast, and it looked pretty good so I asked her what all she put in it. It was then that I found out there is apparently such a thing as  "4 heaping tablespoons of milk".  Must have been some pretty stout milk.

Also known as 1/4 cup.

Presumably by “heaping” she meant that each spoonful was rounded thanks to the surface tension of the milk and slightly above the rim of the measuring spoon. 

[Pokoloco 1,281]

On 1/24/2023 at 10:07 AM, Ojo Rojo said:

This could be a much longer story, but the short version is that my wife wanted to go to marriage counseling.  I was suspicious because I thought things were going pretty well.  I asked her why she wanted to go.  She said, "To have someone available in case of a crisis."  Okay, that's unlikely and kind of weird, but whatever.  I agreed to go, though I was still suspicious that my wife actually did have a specific reason for wanting to go.  I was suspicious because she does shit like that all the time - she is obviously upset about something and refuses to tell me what it is then I finally find out it's something I did like a month ago.  Anyway, we're at the session yesterday - our second one - and lo and behold she brings up an episode we had 18 months ago and it was clear that was the thing she most wanted to address in counseling.  Why not tell me that?  Especially when I ask you specifically for the reason?  Gotdamn I was so fucking pissed.  I hate being ambushed like that.

(Oh, and the icing on the cake is that the therapist is a fat, unattractive, unsophisticated man-hater who was openly hostile towards me.  Good times.)

I'm glad my wife just says stupid shit. I'm going home and hugging that dizzy bitch tight!!

[SHOOTER12 8,810]

49 minutes ago, WhatTheBuck said:

Also known as 1/4 cup.

Presumably by “heaping” she meant that each spoonful was rounded thanks to the surface tension of the milk and slightly above the rim of the measuring spoon. 

Narrator: stupid sip, it was powdered milk.

[rage-a-holic 4,402]

5 hours ago, Fudbelty said:

New one.

Our daily driver (that never gets gas) is at the body shop because my wife hates deer a got one a few weeks ago. The rental that made sense to me was getting the small Corolla because we can drive it longer for free, and she can drive my Jeep around and I’ll use the Corolla if I need. IDGAF what I drive.
 

jive translator por favor

[Sandman 3,403]

When we had the big freeze early last year, we borrowed a small space heater from my MIL to thaw out our pipes. I never thought I'd need it again, as we live in OK and it doesn't get that cold here. Well, the water heater needed thawed last month and we borrowed it again. I like this heater because it's small (under a foot high) and fits in the area below the water heater, right where it needs to be to thaw the pipes. My wife has been bugging me to get one for ourselves, and said she found one on amazon that she liked, so I said go for it. 

This fucking thing is more than twice as tall as her mom's heater and won't fit in ANY of the places where we've used the small one. I asked why she picked this one and she said "It's cool, you can use it as a heater OR a fan!". It's going to freeze again on monday and guess who's probably gonna be borrowing a space heater?

[Cheeseweasel 26,438]

32 minutes ago, rage-a-holic said:

jive translator por favor

Bitch killed Bambi.

[Lidig8r 1,873]

On 1/24/2023 at 10:07 AM, Ojo Rojo said:

 

(Oh, and the icing on the cake is that the therapist is a fat, unattractive, unsophisticated man-hater who was openly hostile towards me.  Good times.)

Your first exposure to the "Militant Fat Activist" counselor. 

To REALLY get her on a rant, tell her that you believe HAES is full of crap and has no substance at all and that BMI is a perfectly acceptable way to ascertain whether a person is healthy.

She will go on an incredible hour long rant, will forget what you two are there to see her for and you get entertained.

What is not to like?

[Js1 85,346]

48 minutes ago, rage-a-holic said:

jive translator por favor

I thought I had a stroke for a min 

[Judge Roybeanbag 11,819]

3 hours ago, WhatTheBuck said:

Also known as 1/4 cup.

Presumably by “heaping” she meant that each spoonful was rounded thanks to the surface tension of the milk and slightly above the rim of the measuring spoon. 

To be fair, I'm pretty sure she meant to say "some milk, and four heaping tablespoons of yogurt", but it came out the opposite.

 

[ABSR 5,315]

1 hour ago, rage-a-holic said:

jive translator por favor

Where's Barbara Billingsley when we need her!

[nnm 36,416]

55 minutes ago, ABSR said:

Where's Barbara Billingsley when we need her!

Tending to the beaver. 

[BHMCruiser 1,814]

2 hours ago, Sandman said:

When we had the big freeze early last year, we borrowed a small space heater from my MIL to thaw out our pipes. I never thought I'd need it again, as we live in OK and it doesn't get that cold here. Well, the water heater needed thawed last month and we borrowed it again. I like this heater because it's small (under a foot high) and fits in the area below the water heater, right where it needs to be to thaw the pipes. My wife has been bugging me to get one for ourselves, and said she found one on amazon that she liked, so I said go for it. 

This fucking thing is more than twice as tall as her mom's heater and won't fit in ANY of the places where we've used the small one. I asked why she picked this one and she said "It's cool, you can use it as a heater OR a fan!". It's going to freeze again on monday and guess who's probably gonna be borrowing a space heater?

dumb

 

anything technical you want your wife to buy, you pick it out and send her the link

this one's on you. have fun "thawing your mother-in-law's pipes," you degenerate

[Kennythetiger 9,386]

34 minutes ago, BHMCruiser said:

dumb

 

anything technical you want your wife to buy, you pick it out and send her the link

this one's on you. have fun "thawing your mother-in-law's pipes," you degenerate

His mother-in-law is thawing his pipes. If you know what I mean. 

[Ojo Rojo 1,965]

3 hours ago, Lidig8r said:

Your first exposure to the "Militant Fat Activist" counselor. 

To REALLY get her on a rant, tell her that you believe HAES is full of crap and has no substance at all and that BMI is a perfectly acceptable way to ascertain whether a person is healthy.

She will go on an incredible hour long rant, will forget what you two are there to see her for and you get entertained.

What is not to like?

[txhorns 2,409]

22 minutes ago, Kennythetiger said:

His mother-in-law is thawing his pipes. If you know what I mean. 

Nowthis sock confirmed!

[TrashMaster G 17,557]

2 hours ago, nnm said:

Tending to the beaver. 

[WhatTheBuck 28,783]

23 hours ago, Sandman said:

When we had the big freeze early last year, we borrowed a small space heater from my MIL to thaw out our pipes. I never thought I'd need it again, as we live in OK and it doesn't get that cold here. Well, the water heater needed thawed last month and we borrowed it again. I like this heater because it's small (under a foot high) and fits in the area below the water heater, right where it needs to be to thaw the pipes. My wife has been bugging me to get one for ourselves, and said she found one on amazon that she liked, so I said go for it. 

This fucking thing is more than twice as tall as her mom's heater and won't fit in ANY of the places where we've used the small one. I asked why she picked this one and she said "It's cool, you can use it as a heater OR a fan!". It's going to freeze again on monday and guess who's probably gonna be borrowing a space heater?

You told her to go ahead and buy it without checking it out yourself first? That’s totally on you, man. 

[Jameslaw121 4,448]

Cream cheese container this morning

[Grade of D as in David 13,253]

56 minutes ago, Jameslaw121 said:

Cream cheese container this morning

[MNLonghornFUKM 8,817]

Cream cheese container this morning

[General Specific 3,262]

Damnit Jameslaw, messing around with my wife is one thing, stay the hell away from my refrigerator, is nothing sacred anymore!!!1! A man has to draw the line somewhere.

[Js1 85,346]

2 hours ago, Jameslaw121 said:

Cream cheese container this morning

A feral raccoon broke in?

[Hmbre97 6,308]

I lost my cool over a longstanding issue in our marriage and told her it was over and wanted her out of the house - shit like that. I didn't handle it well and behaved badly. I admitted it and apologized for it.  I thought it was over and done with.  Apparently, "over and done with" is a foreign concept to women, or at least to my wife.

[Sawbonz 27,565]

On 1/22/2023 at 12:00 PM, markstanco said:

Really?

Honestly I’m surprised all but the large flathead aren’t lost 

[Sawbonz 27,565]

On 1/24/2023 at 10:07 AM, Ojo Rojo said:

I was suspicious because I thought things were going pretty well. 

Have you read your posts in this thread?