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Wives and the Stupid Shit They Say/Do

Spur08

By Spur08
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Snake Diggity

Snake Diggity 4625

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1 minute ago, shadow_operative2.0 said:

Yessir. 

Oh.  Hahaha ok I get it now.  I mean, what you said is true, but I don’t feel like knowing the songs “Strawberry Fields” and “Scarborough Fair” automatically dates me; both were well before my time.  But yes, she is stuck with my increasingly old ballsack.

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Sandman

Sandman 3403

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My wife often calls me on her way home from work to discuss our dinner options. It's amazing how many "near wrecks" she sees on the highway, or how many times she has had to avoid an accident. Strangely, all of these terrible drivers seem to stay home whenever I happen to be driving us somewhere. It's almost like she's being overdramatic, but that would be ridiculous.

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Cheeseweasel

Cheeseweasel 26438

Posted
Posted
1 hour ago, T’Boo Ted Marshall said:

I have a great idea.  Let's buy something we like, yet continue to search for something similar for .04 cents cheaper. 

Mine is the opposite. Buys the first hit on Amazon despite the fact that the "off brand" of the same damn thing is 50% cheaper.

29 minutes ago, Sandman said:

My wife often calls me on her way home from work to discuss our dinner options. It's amazing how many "near wrecks" she sees on the highway, or how many times she has had to avoid an accident. Strangely, all of these terrible drivers seem to stay home whenever I happen to be driving us somewhere. It's almost like she's being overdramatic, but that would be ridiculous.

She's causing the "near wrecks".

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Sandman

Sandman 3403

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Posted
1 hour ago, Cheeseweasel said:

She's causing the "near wrecks".

Nah, I drive with her all the time and she's fine. She's just a drama queen. Raining outside? It's a "torrential downpour!". Windy out there? "The wind is INSANE!". Guy driving really fast on the interstate? "OMG that guy is a FREAK! He almost hit someone!". I tease her all the time about her "script", she won't even deny it.

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Cheeseweasel

Cheeseweasel 26438

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23 minutes ago, Sandman said:

Nah, I drive with her all the time and she's fine. She's just a drama queen. Raining outside? It's a "torrential downpour!". Windy out there? "The wind is INSANE!". Guy driving really fast on the interstate? "OMG that guy is a FREAK! He almost hit someone!". I tease her all the time about her "script", she won't even deny it.

Congrats on marrying a woman.

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WhatTheBuck

WhatTheBuck 28783

Posted
Posted
5 hours ago, Snake Diggity said:

Talking about our daughter starting piano lessons.  
 

Mrs Snake Diggity: “You know I took piano lessons when I was a kid.  But only for a year.  Then I took a piano class in college.”

Me: “Can you play any songs?”

MSD: “Maybe.  I had to do a recital for the college class.  I played ‘Strawberry Fields’.”

Me: “oh cool, I like that song.” *hums the chorus of Strawberry Fields by The Beatles*
 

MSD: “Wait…no, not Strawberry Fields.  ‘Scoberry Fields.”

Me: *spends ten fucking minutes guessing song names and singing their chorus lines, then finally…* “You mean Scarborough Fair?”

MSD: “Yes!!! ScarLborough Fair!  Hahahahaha.”

Me: “hahahah I love you.”

MSD: “You’re gonna post this on that fucking website, aren’t you.”

How does that conversation not end in five seconds with her saying, “You know, the one that goes, ‘Parsley, sage, rosemary, and thyme’”?

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Jameslaw121

Jameslaw121 4448

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Posted (edited)
On 2/7/2023 at 2:13 PM, BHMCruiser said:

I do that and also put all the kids to work. In addition to cleaning and laundry, we change lightbulbs, replace toilet seats, eat really good meals, do yard work, and also try to do at least one project my wife has mentioned in passing ("hey just FYI the kids and I got your car detailed and built a firepit.") 

I don't care about sexy time - I just want her to know that we do not need her.

My Dad was smart at this. We very rarely had sweets or junk food growing up. When my mom would go out of town, my dad would buy a bunch of junk food and every time we cleaned a room/did a chore (and I'm talking take all the dishes out of the cabinets and rewash them after cleaning the cabinet type shit), we got to pick one. House was spotless by the time my Mom got back. Dad spent most of the time on the couch watching football. Also, kept up pretty busy all weekend. Real Men of Genius shit right there.

@Knoxtnhorn

Edited by Jameslaw121
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ztejas

ztejas 43454

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Posted
4 minutes ago, Beau Vine said:

20230209_184029.thumb.jpg.935711f1ea4c219f31247e6da5824c5e.jpg

I did not ask.

I was about to say - that looks like something I'd do 14 drinks and a joint into the night and wake up to in the morning. 

But even then, I'm not sure why I'd ever put a glass full of ice in the fridge.

I mean we've all left a beer or several in the freezer over our lifetimes. 

This... this is different...

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drt

drt 638

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We have some sort of illness running through the house.  I was in better shape so basically wrangled kids most of the weekend, handled dinner, got the kids to bed etc.  I just got some work prep'd for the week and am headed to bed.

I go in and ask her if she's feeling any better.

W: Oh, yeah, I think my fever finally broke!

M: Great! When's the last time you took Motrin?  About 1 this afternoon when I gave it to the kids?

W: Oh, about 45 minutes ago...

I was able to watch as she figured out exactly what that meant.

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TrashMaster G

TrashMaster G 17557

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On 2/10/2023 at 11:00 AM, Sandman said:

Nah, I drive with her all the time and she's fine. She's just a drama queen. Raining outside? It's a "torrential downpour!". Windy out there? "The wind is INSANE!". Guy driving really fast on the interstate? "OMG that guy is a FREAK! He almost hit someone!". I tease her all the time about her "script", she won't even deny it.

When you're having sexy time does she also tell you how HUGE you are?

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Guadaloopy

Guadaloopy 10973

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On 2/10/2023 at 11:00 AM, Sandman said:

Nah, I drive with her all the time and she's fine. She's just a drama queen. Raining outside? It's a "torrential downpour!". Windy out there? "The wind is INSANE!". Guy driving really fast on the interstate? "OMG that guy is a FREAK! He almost hit someone!". I tease her all the time about her "script", she won't even deny it.

Only when I am driving...

Person in the left lane ahead of us not perfectly centered in their lane = "Watch this guy!"

Vehicle a quarter mile ahead taps their brakes = "WHY ARE YOU NOT SLOWING DOWN??!?!?"

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Celery Man

Celery Man 20961

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This… again is not stupid but it is related to crazy. Wife was up at 3 in the morning making cookies for the kid to bring to school for valentines. Our daughter is 22 months old, I feel like this is my wife getting in early to exert her type A suburban mom dominance. As far as I am aware, none of the other mostly nonverbal students brought Valentines.

C91AB097-128C-4B43-9742-AA562FB8A03E.thumb.jpeg.4cb994e19dddc80a38ddb22f32c4c49b.jpeg

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Kennythetiger

Kennythetiger 9388

Posted
Posted
4 minutes ago, Celery Man said:

This… again is not stupid but it is related to crazy. Wife was up at 3 in the morning making cookies for the kid to bring to school for valentines. Our daughter is 22 months old, I feel like this is my wife getting in early to exert her type A suburban mom dominance. As far as I am aware, none of the other mostly nonverbal students brought Valentines.

C91AB097-128C-4B43-9742-AA562FB8A03E.thumb.jpeg.4cb994e19dddc80a38ddb22f32c4c49b.jpeg

Man, fuck them Peeps. 

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Jameslaw121

Jameslaw121 4448

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So thankful my wife is not a big fan of holiday celebrations (outside of Thanksgiving and Christmas). Asked her what she wanted to do for Valentines. She was like. When we get home, go grab a couple of drinks at (local bar we frequent), while I try and get the 3 yo to sleep. Then stop and pick up some wine and pizza and lets watch one of th baseball movies you always make me watch before the season starts.

 

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nnm

nnm 36416

Posted
Posted
17 minutes ago, Celery Man said:

This… again is not stupid but it is related to crazy. Wife was up at 3 in the morning making cookies for the kid to bring to school for valentines. Our daughter is 22 months old, I feel like this is my wife getting in early to exert her type A suburban mom dominance. As far as I am aware, none of the other mostly nonverbal students brought Valentines.

C91AB097-128C-4B43-9742-AA562FB8A03E.thumb.jpeg.4cb994e19dddc80a38ddb22f32c4c49b.jpeg

What the hell is 13 FF?

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nnm

nnm 36416

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6 minutes ago, Jameslaw121 said:

So thankful my wife is not a big fan of holiday celebrations (outside of Thanksgiving and Christmas). Asked her what she wanted to do for Valentines. She was like. When we get home, go grab a couple of drinks at (local bar we frequent), while I try and get the 3 yo to sleep. Then stop and pick up some wine and pizza and lets watch one of th baseball movies you always make me watch before the season starts.

 

That’s not how this thread works. 

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mininghorn88

mininghorn88 2293

Posted
Posted
2 hours ago, Jameslaw121 said:

So thankful my wife is not a big fan of holiday celebrations (outside of Thanksgiving and Christmas). Asked her what she wanted to do for Valentines. She was like. When we get home, go grab a couple of drinks at (local bar we frequent), while I try and get the 3 yo to sleep. Then stop and pick up some wine and pizza and lets watch one of th baseball movies you always make me watch before the season starts.

 

My ex was big into decorating for all of the holidays and seasons. I didn’t mind it until she would get hung up on minute details. I told her that half of the people would not care about the decorations because they are dudes. Which left half being women. Of the women maybe half of them would care. So in the end, at best, she was trying to please maybe 25% of the people.

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Beau Vine

Beau Vine 54231

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Posted
3 hours ago, Jameslaw121 said:

So thankful my wife is not a big fan of holiday celebrations (outside of Thanksgiving and Christmas). Asked her what she wanted to do for Valentines. She was like. When we get home, go grab a couple of drinks at (local bar we frequent), while I try and get the 3 yo to sleep. Then stop and pick up some wine and pizza and lets watch one of th baseball movies you always make me watch before the season starts.

 

FluffyCalmBluegill-max-1mb.gif

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royiv

royiv 9322

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Posted
4 hours ago, Celery Man said:

This… again is not stupid but it is related to crazy. Wife was up at 3 in the morning making cookies for the kid to bring to school for valentines. Our daughter is 22 months old, I feel like this is my wife getting in early to exert her type A suburban mom dominance. As far as I am aware, none of the other mostly nonverbal students brought Valentines.

C91AB097-128C-4B43-9742-AA562FB8A03E.thumb.jpeg.4cb994e19dddc80a38ddb22f32c4c49b.jpeg

Damn, didn't realize the kids are texting at 22 months these days.

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Ten Bears

Ten Bears 2481

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Posted
18 hours ago, Jameslaw121 said:

So thankful my wife is not a big fan of holiday celebrations (outside of Thanksgiving and Christmas). Asked her what she wanted to do for Valentines. She was like. When we get home, go grab a couple of drinks at (local bar we frequent), while I try and get the 3 yo to sleep. Then stop and pick up some wine and pizza and lets watch one of th baseball movies you always make me watch before the season starts.

 

Dear Penthouse,...

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