Wives and the Stupid Shit They Say/Do

[Kennythetiger 9474]

Now I’d like some smoked cheddar cheese. 

[TrashMaster G 17619]

1 minute ago, Kennythetiger said:

Now I’d like some smoked cheddar cheese. 

Gouda.  I want gouda.

[General Specific 3271]

Is it time for cheese puns? Must we ask parmigiana first!

[hullabelew 3724]

Why.....

[TrashMaster G 17619]

1 minute ago, hullabelew said:

Why.....

You wife is banging a Meyer's sales rep.

[nnm 36661]

5 minutes ago, hullabelew said:

Why.....

I know exactly how this happens.  She was at a friend’s and liked the Meyer’s dish soap. She then bought one Meyer’s soap product and likes it. Decides to stock all dishwashing and hand washing sinks with the appropriate product. So far so good. 

Then every time she walks by that section at HEB, she thinks “that dispenser in the powder room might be getting low.  I’d better buy a replacement.”  So she does. And sticks it in that closet. And then does the same routine the next week. 

[davidg 4038]

5 hours ago, TrashMaster G said:

Gouda.  I want gouda.

 

[TrashMaster G 17619]

1 hour ago, nnm said:

I know exactly how this happens.  She was at a friend’s and liked the Meyer’s dish soap. She then bought one Meyer’s soap product and likes it. Decides to stock all dishwashing and hand washing sinks with the appropriate product. So far so good. 

Then every time she walks by that section at HEB, she thinks “that dispenser in the powder room might be getting low.  I’d better buy a replacement.”  So she does. And sticks it in that closet. And then does the same routine the next week. 

My explanation was much funnier

[blacklab 11953]

Wife picked up kid at ski lodge. Just 1 turn after exiting condo. Exit condo to the right, go up mountain, turn right, pick him up. Return just 1 left turn. 

After picking him up put the restaurant next to the condo into waze. Selected the wrong location, drove 20 minutes in wrong direction before I took a look at where she was at and called her to tell her she was going the wrong way. 

[ChickenSandwich 9853]

17 hours ago, Biff Tannen said:

No you didn't.  Antonelli's is awesome and you got what you paid for.

Not really, they are simply the only game in town. 

[gofuckyourself 8386]

19 hours ago, Grade of D as in David said:

https://www.antonellischeese.com/collections/local-austin-options/products/new-taste-of-place-texas

 

So about $20 worth of cheese and salami

And they're just reselling other's products?

I didn't know this was a real place until recently.

I've never looked at their website before. It reminded me of this:

[SHOOTER12 8833]

4 hours ago, hullabelew said:

Why.....

 

3 hours ago, nnm said:

I know exactly how this happens.  She was at a friend’s and liked the Meyer’s dish soap. She then bought one Meyer’s soap product and likes it. Decides to stock all dishwashing and hand washing sinks with the appropriate product. So far so good. 

Then every time she walks by that section at HEB, she thinks “that dispenser in the powder room might be getting low.  I’d better buy a replacement.”  So she does. And sticks it in that closet. And then does the same routine the next week. 

That's on you boys for allowing that insanity. 

[NAVY 6747]

2 hours ago, blacklab said:

Wife picked up kid at ski lodge. Just 1 turn after exiting condo. Exit condo to the right, go up mountain, turn right, pick him up. Return just 1 left turn. 

After picking him up put the restaurant next to the condo into waze. Selected the wrong location, drove 20 minutes in wrong direction before I took a look at where she was at and called her to tell her she was going the wrong way. 

You’re like Mission Control 

[blacklab 11953]

Just 3 panels. 
steam plant control panel

reactor plant control panel

electric plant control panel

[NAVY 6747]

1 minute ago, blacklab said:

Just 3 panels. 
steam plant control panel

reactor plant control panel

electric plant control panel

Solid nuke eye watchstanding brah 

[Gil Bang 26042]

On 3/8/2023 at 12:58 PM, Nuge said:

I always wanted a Mr. T waze.

Turn left Fool!

I have Samuel L. Jackson't voice on my Alexa.

[deter 314]

On 12/15/2022 at 7:20 AM, deter said:

Told the good wife of 44 years that I had diabetes...her response

"Well you have lived longer than most."

Update. Now she tells me I need to decompose....instead of decompress.

[CycleTex87 2981]

Well, it’s better for the environment. 

[TrashMaster G 17619]

17 hours ago, blacklab said:

Wife picked up kid at ski lodge. Just 1 turn after exiting condo. Exit condo to the right, go up mountain, turn right, pick him up. Return just 1 left turn. 

After picking him up put the restaurant next to the condo into waze. Selected the wrong location, drove 20 minutes in wrong direction before I took a look at where she was at and called her to tell her she was going the wrong way. 

You left out the part where it became your fault.

[nnm 36661]

 

[ztejas 43544]

9 minutes ago, nnm said:

 

Trew's cousin?

[Pig Bellmont 8739]

4 hours ago, deter said:

Update. Now she tells me I need to decompose....instead of decompress.

Just in case it wasn’t a mix up, you should check to see if you’re being poisoned 

[blacklab 11953]

3 hours ago, TrashMaster G said:

You left out the part where it became your fault.

It was my fault because I didn't provide her with the address of the condo that she never asked for.

[ABSR 5325]

3 minutes ago, blacklab said:

It was my fault because I didn't provide her with the address of the condo that she never asked for.

Inconsiderate Asshole!

[TrashMaster G 17619]

30 minutes ago, blacklab said:

It was my fault because I didn't provide her with the address of the condo that she never asked for.

Bastard.

[SHOOTER12 8833]

5 hours ago, deter said:

Update. Now she tells me I need to decompose....instead of decompress.

Freudian slip?

[deter 314]

1 minute ago, SHOOTER12 said:

Freudian slip?

Beginning to wonder....

[SHOOTER12 8833]

3 hours ago, nnm said:

 

Dayum

[SHOOTER12 8833]

1 minute ago, deter said:

Beginning to wonder....

Sleep in a separate room for a while and lock the door.

[Crapinon 2272]

2 hours ago, SHOOTER12 said:

Dayum

She ain't got nothing on little league baseball moms or girls softball dads.

[SHOOTER12 8833]

48 minutes ago, Crapinon said:

She ain't got nothing on little league baseball moms or girls softball dads.

You sir, are absolutely correct.  A tradition in ignorance that goes back to my childhood. 

[Brothahorn 10087]

Wife picked up kid at ski lodge. Just 1 turn after exiting condo. Exit condo to the right, go up mountain, turn right, pick him up. Return just 1 left turn. 
After picking him up put the restaurant next to the condo into waze. Selected the wrong location, drove 20 minutes in wrong direction before I took a look at where she was at and called her to tell her she was going the wrong way. 

Admit it. You would not have called and turned her around if the kid wasn't with her.

[blacklab 11953]

Only reason I looked was I was waiting for her to take me to hospital, ski lodge is 8 minutes away and she had been gone over 30 minutes. Mostly disappointed in son, he has a good sense of direction. I expect wife to do shit like that.

I ended up walking to hospital.

[shadow_operative2.0 16030]

Didn't your wife break her arm(s) not that long ago? Do we need to send the blacklabs some milk? 

[Grade of D as in David 13253]

Maybe some ensure 

[Lhorn 4967]

11 hours ago, blacklab said:

It was my fault because I didn't provide her with the address of the condo that she never asked for.

I’m glad you agree that it was your fault. 

[ABSR 5325]

14 hours ago, blacklab said:

I ended up walking to hospital.

And somehow this will make you the inconsiderate asshole in this entire process.

[General Specific 3271]

Nice humble brag about walking up hill both ways, in the snow!

[Sandman 3414]

While out shopping this weekend, my wife and I drove by this little bar, I'm not sure of the name but it had "SPEAKEASY" in large letters on a mural. Please note that neither my wife nor I drink alcohol.

Wife sees this and says "What's a speakeasy? Is that a swinger thing? Like a sex club?".  I laugh and say no but before I can explain, she says "Is it a poetry slam?".  I laughed so hard, I had a coughing fit. My chest still hurts. 

[Cheeseweasel 26438]

[NeverMarryAStripper 21932]

1 hour ago, Sandman said:

Wife sees this and says "What's a speakeasy? Is that a swinger thing? Like a sex club?". 

So your wife assumes that you have experience with sex clubs, or is she just hinting that she wants to try swinging?

Edited March 20, 2023 by NeverMarryAStripper

[WhatTheBuck 28802]

I don’t know what a poetry slam is but it doesn’t sound easy. 

[Sandman 3414]

1 hour ago, NeverMarryAStripper said:

is she just hinting that she wants to try swinging?

She barely tolerates my dick, she couldn't deal with extras in the room.

[ABSR 5325]

50 minutes ago, Sandman said:

She barely tolerates my dick, she couldn't deal with extras in the room.

Extras is no deal

Dick barely tolerated

Only Slam he gets

[Ojo Rojo 1978]

On 3/17/2023 at 2:14 PM, hullabelew said:

Why.....

Fucker, did you break into my home?

[Ojo Rojo 1978]

Preface:  My wife is one of these semi-anti-western medicine (aka "science") people.  She doesn't accept the simple, medically sound explanations for shit and tries all kinds of herbal and new agey remedies.

I have a torn labrum in my right shoulder.  It hurts most of the time, but only acutely when I move in certain ways.  I was given the options of surgery with a 6-month recovery time or just living with the pain.  For now, because I can still do everything I want to do, I am living with the pain.  This past Sunday I paddled a canoe 20 miles.  It's the most strenuous exercise I've done that could affect my shoulder since I injured it.  Yesterday and today, my shoulder has been hurting more than it had been.  I told my wife this.  She told me it was because of the way I sleep with my arm under my head; something I have done almost every night of my life, including constantly since I injured my shoulder.  Me:  "Or it could be that I paddled 20 miles yesterday."  Tone.

Postscript:  Underlying this is my wife trying to find a way for this to be my fault.  After nearly 14 years of marriage it has now become reflexive.

[CycleTex87 2981]

I rarely tell my wife any of my infrequent ailments, because as soon as I do, it begins a litany of things she wants me to try, take, do, don't do, reasons why I got this ailment, why it's my fault, and better living would prevent it.  So I don't do it.  Ever.  

[Cheeseweasel 26438]

8 minutes ago, CycleTex87 said:

I rarely tell my wife any of my infrequent ailments, because as soon as I do, it begins a litany of things she wants me to try, take, do, don't do, reasons why I got this ailment, why it's my fault, and better living would prevent it.  So I don't do it.  Ever.  

This guy wifes.

[TrashMaster G 17619]

38 minutes ago, Ojo Rojo said:

Preface:  My wife is one of these semi-anti-western medicine (aka "science") people.  She doesn't accept the simple, medically sound explanations for shit and tries all kinds of herbal and new agey remedies.

I have a torn labrum in my right shoulder.  It hurts most of the time, but only acutely when I move in certain ways.  I was given the options of surgery with a 6-month recovery time or just living with the pain.  For now, because I can still do everything I want to do, I am living with the pain.  This past Sunday I paddled a canoe 20 miles.  It's the most strenuous exercise I've done that could affect my shoulder since I injured it.  Yesterday and today, my shoulder has been hurting more than it had been.  I told my wife this.  She told me it was because of the way I sleep with my arm under my head; something I have done almost every night of my life, including constantly since I injured my shoulder.  Me:  "Or it could be that I paddled 20 miles yesterday."  Tone.

Postscript:  Underlying this is my wife trying to find a way for this to be my fault.  After nearly 14 years of marriage it has now become reflexive.

[Crapinon 2272]

2 hours ago, Ojo Rojo said:

Preface:  My wife is one of these semi-anti-western medicine (aka "science") people.  She doesn't accept the simple, medically sound explanations for shit and tries all kinds of herbal and new agey remedies.

I have a torn labrum in my right shoulder.  It hurts most of the time, but only acutely when I move in certain ways.  I was given the options of surgery with a 6-month recovery time or just living with the pain.  For now, because I can still do everything I want to do, I am living with the pain.  This past Sunday I paddled a canoe 20 miles.  It's the most strenuous exercise I've done that could affect my shoulder since I injured it.  Yesterday and today, my shoulder has been hurting more than it had been.  I told my wife this.  She told me it was because of the way I sleep with my arm under my head; something I have done almost every night of my life, including constantly since I injured my shoulder.  Me:  "Or it could be that I paddled 20 miles yesterday."  Tone.

Postscript:  Underlying this is my wife trying to find a way for this to be my fault.  After nearly 14 years of marriage it has now become reflexive.

We are hitting our 40th anniversary next month. I learned a valuable lesson from her dad after their 65 years of marriage. Quit listening. His wife always accused him of needing hearing aids but the reality was he was ignoring her criticizing and harping. I do it now. My wife is not sure whether I am ignoring her or really can't hear her but it's a win for me. I call it male pattern deafness.