Wives and the Stupid Shit They Say/Do

[T’Boo Ted Marshall 2732]

2 hours ago, Crapinon said:

We are hitting our 40th anniversary next month. I learned a valuable lesson from her dad after their 65 years of marriage. Quit listening. His wife always accused him of needing hearing aids but the reality was he was ignoring her criticizing and harping. I do it now. My wife is not sure whether I am ignoring her or really can't hear her but it's a win for me. I call it male pattern deafness. 

This is the way.  

[Buzzrock 14922]

Have y’all reached the point yet where you don’t tell your wives things because you know it will lead to a lengthy and pointless conversation?

[tbone_ 14128]

[chikin23 384]

I rarely tell my wife any of my infrequent ailments, because as soon as I do, it begins a litany of things she wants me to try, take, do, don't do, reasons why I got this ailment, why it's my fault, and better living would prevent it.  So I don't do it.  Ever.  

My wife is a nurse. I learned a long time ago not to say shit about any ailments.

[Celery Man 20966]

I fucked up her microwave steamer basket (stupid husband shit) making some beet snack thing that she told me to make for the kid. I replaced it and she’s grumbly about it because I got the wrong brand.

[Beau Vine 54254]

3 hours ago, Buzzrock said:

Have y’all reached the point yet where you don’t tell your wives things because you know it will lead to a lengthy and pointless conversation?

My wife has gotten teenager-level obsessed with her cell phone.  She comes home from work, and other than maybe using the elliptical, she's playing with her phone till we go to bed.  I actually said something about it one day and she went nuts on me, and as she was yelling at me, I thought, "You shouldn't have said anything about her phone, dumbass.  This is the alternative."

[Not that Bob 738]

4 hours ago, Buzzrock said:

Have y’all reached the point yet where you don’t tell your wives things because you know it will lead to a lengthy and pointless conversation?

Friend of mine calls this “Need to know basis”. Does she really “need to know this”? Is there some danger or serious outcome if she doesn’t have this information? If she doesn’t “need to know” then just keep quiet.  There’s nothing good to come of it otherwise. 

[Crapinon 2257]

9 hours ago, Beau Vine said:

My wife has gotten teenager-level obsessed with her cell phone.  She comes home from work, and other than maybe using the elliptical, she's playing with her phone till we go to bed.  I actually said something about it one day and she went nuts on me, and as she was yelling at me, I thought, "You shouldn't have said anything about her phone, dumbass.  This is the alternative."

Mine has done this with FB games and the Hallmark channel (with an occasional trip to HGTV). She is streaming some dumbass show called Drop Dead Diva whose story line is so stupid I can't even explain it. She works from home and when I walk in she is watching it until she goes to bed. I told her she was wasting the rest of her life watching tv, playing meaningless games and then received the alternative you mentioned.........

[Cheeseweasel 26438]

8 hours ago, Not that Bob said:

Friend of mine calls this “Need to know basis”. Does she really “need to know this”? Is there some danger or serious outcome if she doesn’t have this information? If she doesn’t “need to know” then just keep quiet.  There’s nothing good to come of it otherwise. 

1. Does she need to hear this?

2. Does she need to hear this right now?

3. Does she need to hear this right now from me?

[Upgrayedd 5814]

10 hours ago, Beau Vine said:

My wife has gotten teenager-level obsessed with her cell phone.  She comes home from work, and other than maybe using the elliptical, she's playing with her phone till we go to bed.  I actually said something about it one day and she went nuts on me, and as she was yelling at me, I thought, "You shouldn't have said anything about her phone, dumbass.  This is the alternative."

Need to crush that candy.

[SHOOTER12 8810]

1 hour ago, Cheeseweasel said:

1. Does she need to hear this?

2. Does she need to hear this right now?

3. Does she need to hear this right now from me?

No, no, and ESPECIALLY NO!!!!

[Brothahorn 10087]

I hope this one doesn't belong to anyone here.

Not everything needs to be on the internet.

[DigglerontheHoof 21202]

[Cheeseweasel 26438]

22 minutes ago, Brothahorn said:

Not everything needs to be on the internet.

"I ruined our lives for clicks" is peak 2020's

[Da Fino 2783]

30 minutes ago, Brothahorn said:

I hope this one doesn't belong to anyone here.
 

 

Not everything needs to be on the internet.

 

 

What did that idiot expect to happen? Dumbass. 

[956 Worldwide 34715]

32 minutes ago, Brothahorn said:

I hope this one doesn't belong to anyone here.
 

 

 

 

Not everything needs to be on the internet.

 

 

20 seconds into that video, she announced that “I’m a Virgo,” and I just noped the fuck out. Anytime someone announces that they are some way because of the planets, fuck you. Credibility borked.

Not justifying the dude but astrology shit is rough if you’re getting it at home. 

[Cheeseweasel 26438]

4 minutes ago, 956 Worldwide said:

20 seconds into that video, she announced that “I’m a Virgo,”

Right before saying "I don't have all the deets".

Not condoning what he did, but I understand it.

[Hpara759 1780]

37 minutes ago, Brothahorn said:

I hope this one doesn't belong to anyone here.
 

 

 

 

Not everything needs to be on the internet.

 

 

 

[956 Worldwide 34715]

21 hours ago, CycleTex87 said:

I rarely tell my wife any of my infrequent ailments, because as soon as I do, it begins a litany of things she wants me to try, take, do, don't do, reasons why I got this ailment, why it's my fault, and better living would prevent it.  So I don't do it.  Ever.  

Yep. I mention nothing till I am too sick for her to notice.  And I still hear about how it’s my fault. 
 

[Dennis Taylor 18830]

41 minutes ago, Brothahorn said:

I hope this one doesn't belong to anyone here.
 

 

 

 

Not everything needs to be on the internet.

 

 

Anybody else think she's a former stripper? 

[T’Boo Ted Marshall 2732]

12 hours ago, Celery Man said:

I fucked up her microwave steamer basket (stupid husband shit) making some beet snack thing that she told me to make for the kid. I replaced it and she’s grumbly about it because I got the wrong brand.

[Cheeseweasel 26438]

7 minutes ago, Dennis Taylor said:

Anybody else think she's a former stripper? 

Former?

[hullabelew 3724]

On 3/17/2023 at 7:40 PM, SHOOTER12 said:

 

That's on you boys for allowing that insanity. 

Ha.  Her money, her closet, her time.  She does the same thing with:  onions, shallots, 'essential' oils, olive oil and any number of things.  But I pick up an extra bottle of hot sauce..."WE HAVE ONE IN THE FRIDGE".   I look at the basket of shallots in the corner and shrug.  

Women just aren't built to be happy or content.  If you don't fuck it up for them, they they will fuck it up for themselves.  Just how it works.  

 

[hullabelew 3724]

16 hours ago, Buzzrock said:

Have y’all reached the point yet where you don’t tell your wives things because you know it will lead to a lengthy and pointless conversation?

Every fucking day.  

[Ojo Rojo 1965]

19 hours ago, Crapinon said:

We are hitting our 40th anniversary next month. I learned a valuable lesson from her dad after their 65 years of marriage. Quit listening. His wife always accused him of needing hearing aids but the reality was he was ignoring her criticizing and harping. I do it now. My wife is not sure whether I am ignoring her or really can't hear her but it's a win for me. I call it male pattern deafness. 

This process has started with me too.  She knows it.  She accuses me of tuning her out, zoning out and pretending to listen.  It's not intentional; it's a defense mechanism.  I've just come to realize that easily 85% of the shit she says to me is either plain wrong, shit I don't want to hear or unnecessary filler.  It's like, instead of telling me, "I went to Costco today," she tells me all the roads she took to get there.  Why do women do this?

[Guadaloopy 10973]

7 minutes ago, hullabelew said:

 But I pick up an extra bottle of hot sauce..."WE HAVE ONE IN THE FRIDGE".   

 

TF is hot sauce doing in the fridge?

[Ojo Rojo 1965]

2 minutes ago, Guadaloopy said:

TF is hot sauce doing in the fridge?

He means salsa.

[Cheeseweasel 26438]

10 minutes ago, hullabelew said:

'essential' oils,

I want to kill the motherfucker who came up with those things.

[Al_4_ISU 12464]

15 minutes ago, Ojo Rojo said:

This process has started with me too.  She knows it.  She accuses me of tuning her out, zoning out and pretending to listen.  It's not intentional; it's a defense mechanism.  I've just come to realize that easily 85% of the shit she says to me is either plain wrong, shit I don't want to hear or unnecessary filler.  It's like, instead of telling me, "I went to Costco today," she tells me all the roads she took to get there.  Why do women do this?

Jesus, ALL of this post hits home.  I'm in the same boat and we're hitting 10 years in June. 

Most of the things she criticizes me about are things she's actually worse at (every accusation is a confession), and I'll sometimes point this out after a lengthy screed against me, which is always responded with "this isn't the time to turn it back on me" to which I inevitably ask "when is the appropriate time to bring this up to you?" which is obviously never and I'm a dick for even suggesting it.

My wife's also bad about adding pointless filler to anything she's trying to explain or story she's trying to tell.  It would be possible to explain how her cousin works for the city of Seattle without a 5 minute rundown of the venue in which said cousin's wedding was held, in Brooklyn, 14 years ago.  I've suggested many times that she try to edit these digressions, but you can imagine how well received that is.

[Kennythetiger 9389]

1 minute ago, Al_4_ISU said:

My wife's also bad about adding pointless filler to anything she's trying to explain or story she's trying to tell.  It would be possible to explain how her cousin works for the city of Seattle without a 5 minute rundown of the venue in which said cousin's wedding was held, in Brooklyn, 14 years ago.  I've suggested many times that she try to edit these digressions, but you can imagine how well received that is.

Don’t let these pricks talk you into asking “Can you just tell me the end part first?”  They did that to me about 10 years ago. 

[hullabelew 3724]

20 minutes ago, Guadaloopy said:

TF is hot sauce doing in the fridge?

Hey...it is a long established rule on this thread that we don't turn on our own.  We dudes have to stand together in the face of wife-bullshit and idiocy.  😁

[Kwix 2190]

My wife likes to have phone conversations with me in the same room where I can hear both sides of the conversation because of her insane phone volume. Then she'll come back an hour later and tell me about the call, going through everything that was said word for word.

[hullabelew 3724]

19 minutes ago, Cheeseweasel said:

I want to kill the motherfucker who came up with those things.

After I bomb HGTV headquarters, these motherfuckers are next.   

[SHOOTER12 8810]

32 minutes ago, hullabelew said:

Ha.  Her money, her closet, her time.  She does the same thing with:  onions, shallots, 'essential' oils, olive oil and any number of things.  But I pick up an extra bottle of hot sauce..."WE HAVE ONE IN THE FRIDGE".   I look at the basket of shallots in the corner and shrug.  

Women just aren't built to be happy or content.  If you don't fuck it up for them, they they will fuck it up for themselves.  Just how it works.  

 

Damn...I stand corrected, although I'd blow a gasket over the one hot sauce situation. 

[Al_4_ISU 12464]

6 minutes ago, Kennythetiger said:

Don’t let these pricks talk you into asking “Can you just tell me the end part first?”  They did that to me about 10 years ago. 

Yeah, I'm not making that mistake, but I've tried presenting it in the context of "I think you lose other people's attention when go on endlessly about irrelevant details seemingly to hear yourself speak".

Which worked about as well as you think it did.

[956 Worldwide 34715]

I was at lunch today with my wife and two professional contacts, both women, came in to order takeaway (their office is nearby the restaurant).  I didn’t notice them at all, but one of them walked up to the table and said “956, hi, good to see you.” I introduced them briefly to my wife, exchange of pleasantries, they went to the counter to order. 

Anyway, wife resumes her monologue, which is about how many toads she saw while walking the dog, and how said toads try to hide or hop away when they see the dog. 

Sometime during the monologue my two colleagues paid and are leaving, they wave at my table and I wave back and then I get this:

“I guess other women are more interesting than me and what I need to tell you.” 

 

 

[Kennythetiger 9389]

Your wife walks the dog?  Nice humblebrag there. 

[hullabelew 3724]

When COVID hit, I was fresh out of a stint in the Lost and Found Department and need a way to spend my time, so I built a chicken coop, a covered run, and a larger open run and got me some chickens.  

My background.  Grew up a farm and ranch.  20 brood mares putting out 15 colts a year that were broken to be used as working ranch horses for sale, and roping horses.  4-8 colts a year were marked for specific training to show/sell as cutting horses.  Usually around 50 horses in various stages at any time.  Add in about 60-80 cows for a cow/calf operation, 20-30 rabbit breeding does, 4-6 show steers, 4-6 show sheep, 20 goats, a couple of donkeys and 20-30 laying hens.....and various others dogs, cats, peacocks etc.  As far as I know, a vet never came by our place to treat an animal.  We can say I grew up around animals.  

My wife?  Raised in Omaha, NE.  Had a dog and apparently a duck.  

Within 6 months, she was telling me everything I was doing wrong with the chickens.  3 years later.....at least once a day....she points out something I'm doing drastically wrong that will imperil the entire flock of 7 hens.    

[Cheeseweasel 26438]

9 minutes ago, 956 Worldwide said:

“I guess other women are more interesting than me and what I need to tell you.” 

How hard did you bite your tongue? 

[956 Worldwide 34715]

Just now, Cheeseweasel said:

How hard did you bite your tongue? 

Yeah, pretty damn hard. These weren’t the type of women that grab most men’s eyes, let’s say and that was obvious. It was just a lot of pettiness that I was indeed done with the story once she got past “I saw a lot of toads.” 

[Al_4_ISU 12464]

5 minutes ago, 956 Worldwide said:

Yeah, pretty damn hard. These weren’t the type of women that grab most men’s eyes, let’s say and that was obvious. It was just a lot of pettiness that I was indeed done with the story once she got past “I saw a lot of toads.” 

I mean, regardless of what they looked like, or the conversation topic, it seems like you were just being polite to co-workers.

[Cheeseweasel 26438]

9 minutes ago, Al_4_ISU said:

I mean, regardless of what they looked like, or the conversation topic, it seems like you were just being polite to co-workers.

"Which means he wants to bang them" - Wife

[Brothahorn 10087]

When the wife is in one of her chatty modes, I put one of my Bluetooth ear pods in and listen to a podcast or book. It helps drown out the noise.

In almost 9 years of marriage, I've finished everything by Tom Clancy and Vince Flynn at least twice.

[tbone_ 14128]

Pro tip: when she starts in on a ramble, after about the second sentence just interrupt and say, Is this going to be a “long” story?

That should do the trick nicely.

[NeverMarryAStripper 21907]

4 hours ago, 956 Worldwide said:

20 seconds into that video, she announced that “I’m a Virgo,” and I just noped the fuck out. Anytime someone announces that they are some way because of the planets, fuck you. Credibility borked.

Not justifying the dude but astrology shit is rough if you’re getting it at home. 

Both of my exes are Libras.  If you marry a Libra you deserve your fate

[shakahorn 1645]

4 hours ago, Guadaloopy said:

TF is hot sauce doing in the fridge?

My wife puts everything in the fridge, regardless of whether it needs to be refrigerated or not.  Heck, if one of her friends said to put salt and pepper in the fridge, she would.  For the most part, this really does no harm.  Whenever i see something in there that doesn't belong, I just laugh to myself and go on about my day.  

[tx ind 7013]

4 hours ago, tbone_ said:

Pro tip: when she starts in on a ramble, after about the second sentence just interrupt and say, Is this going to be a “long” story?

That should do the trick nicely.

or say "can you start with the end of the story first please"

[Incredulity 11675]

When mine starts yammering I go full Lebowski

 

eventually im going to miss half my stuff.  Probably will be worth it.

[Buzzrock 14922]

11 hours ago, Kennythetiger said:

Your wife walks the dog?  Nice humblebrag there. 

I was just thinking that a story about toads and dogs sounds way better than the crap I usually hear about. 

[ABSR 5315]

11 hours ago, Kennythetiger said:

Don’t let these pricks talk you into asking “Can you just tell me the end part first?”  They did that to me about 10 years ago. 

And to punish him his wife stayed married to him.   True story!