Wives and the Stupid Shit They Say/Do

[BHMCruiser 1813]

On 3/21/2023 at 11:46 AM, Ojo Rojo said:

Preface:  My wife is one of these semi-anti-western medicine (aka "science") people.  She doesn't accept the simple, medically sound explanations for shit and tries all kinds of herbal and new agey remedies.

I have a torn labrum in my right shoulder.  It hurts most of the time, but only acutely when I move in certain ways.  I was given the options of surgery with a 6-month recovery time or just living with the pain.  For now, because I can still do everything I want to do, I am living with the pain.  This past Sunday I paddled a canoe 20 miles.  It's the most strenuous exercise I've done that could affect my shoulder since I injured it.  Yesterday and today, my shoulder has been hurting more than it had been.  I told my wife this.  She told me it was because of the way I sleep with my arm under my head; something I have done almost every night of my life, including constantly since I injured my shoulder.  Me:  "Or it could be that I paddled 20 miles yesterday."  Tone.

Postscript:  Underlying this is my wife trying to find a way for this to be my fault.  After nearly 14 years of marriage it has now become reflexive.

why would you tell your wife about shoulder pain that was obviously caused by the prior activity? You invited this nonsense on yourself.

[BHMCruiser 1813]

23 hours ago, Kennythetiger said:

Don’t let these pricks talk you into asking “Can you just tell me the end part first?”  They did that to me about 10 years ago. 

Hey, it works. I mean, maybe not on this wife. Or the next wife. But eventually, it will work. 

Just keep trying. 

[hullabelew 3723]

Team "Say the last part, first"

[ztejas 43418]

On 3/22/2023 at 8:41 AM, Brothahorn said:

I hope this one doesn't belong to anyone here.
 

 

 

 

Not everything needs to be on the internet.

 

 

I see why he cheated.

[Cheeseweasel 26438]

33 minutes ago, ztejas said:

I see why he cheated.

He went to a strip club. If that counts as "cheating" we are all fucked.

[ztejas 43418]

12 minutes ago, Cheeseweasel said:

He went to a strip club. If that counts as "cheating" we are all fucked.

[Ojo Rojo 1961]

3 hours ago, BHMCruiser said:

why would you tell your wife about shoulder pain that was obviously caused by the prior activity? You invited this nonsense on yourself.

Because it is something I am monitoring to see if I can continue such activity or if I'm going to have to have surgery, which affects her.

[Pig Bellmont 8712]

2 hours ago, Cheeseweasel said:

He went to a strip club. If that counts as "cheating" we are all fucked.

I sat through that entire story and all I heard was that he went to a titter. She needs to lighten up 

[Cheeseweasel 26438]

3 minutes ago, Pig Bellmont said:

I sat through that entire story and all I heard was that he went to a titter. She needs to lighten up 

Yeah, never marry (someone who hates) a stripper. 

[Armybrat 40830]

On 3/21/2023 at 5:42 PM, Buzzrock said:

Have y’all reached the point yet where you don’t tell your wives things because you know it will lead to a lengthy and pointless conversation?

I did….back in the 20th Century.

[BHMCruiser 1813]

51 minutes ago, Ojo Rojo said:

Because it is something I am monitoring to see if I can continue such activity or if I'm going to have to have surgery, which affects her.

Tell her what she needs to know when she needs to know it

[NeverMarryAStripper 21889]

6 minutes ago, BHMCruiser said:

Tell her what she needs to know when she needs to know it

In other words, tell her nothing ever

[BHMCruiser 1813]

6 minutes ago, NeverMarryAStripper said:

In other words, tell her nothing ever

Now I didn't say that. Just tell her what she needs to know:

"you look nice"

"it is raining"

"yes"

etc

[Crapinon 2253]

2 minutes ago, BHMCruiser said:

Now I didn't say that. Just tell her what she needs to know:

"you look nice"

"it is raining"

"yes"

etc

 

[Dnaguy 11939]

1 hour ago, Pig Bellmont said:

I sat through that entire story and all I heard was that he went to a titter. She needs to lighten up 

I always know it will be a fun time if someone brings up going to ‘the titter’. That’s veteran language right there. 
No rookie shit involved. 
Damn I need to hit up the rose the next time I’m in Austin. It’s been too long. 
Weird to think that the girls there may not have even been born the first time I stepped foot in that joint.

Christ.

[ztejas 43418]

3 minutes ago, Dnaguy said:

Weird to think that the girls there may not have even been born the first time I stepped foot in that joint.

Is... that a bad thing? 

[Beau Vine 54210]

On 3/22/2023 at 10:41 AM, Kennythetiger said:

Don’t let these pricks talk you into asking “Can you just tell me the end part first?”  They did that to me about 10 years ago. 

"Say the last part first."  I did that just the other night, the wife seems to at least accept, if not understand, why.

[tbone_ 14115]

"you look nice"

Probably the three most important words to learn in a marriage.

[Cheeseweasel 26438]

7 minutes ago, tbone_ said:

 

Probably the three most important words to learn in a marriage.

 

And how to answer "does this dress make me look fat" question.

 

Kids, the answer is not "no, your ass makes you look fat". 

[Mitch Cumsteen 18547]

My wife has these two vintage wing back chairs that she had re-done about 10 years ago. They get used all the time in our house but they aren't exactly comfortable. One of them broke. Shit is probably 75 years old. It happens. Her former furniture guy -- aka toothless who I have discussed here before -- is completely MIA. And fortunately, he still has some of her furniture wherever the fuck that dentally impaired dipshit is now, because we don't have any room for it anyway.

So she finds a new furniture guy who came out to the house to take a look at repairing the chair. Well, it seems that to repair the chair, he needs to cut into the fabric which will fuck up everything. So, now in addition to chair fixing, we are re-upholstering. And since they are a pair, you have to do them both and you might as well reinforce the other once too. We're looking at about $900 and that's before she goes out and buys 10 yards of fabric (which will almost surely cost more than the fucking repair work alone) to re-do them. So, I am looking at $2,000+ when she could just go out and buy some new ones that would actually be comfortable. 

[NeverMarryAStripper 21889]

7 minutes ago, tbone_ said:

 

Probably the three most important words to learn in a marriage.

 

Typical way that will go down:

H: You look nice

W: You mean nicer than usual because I don't normally look nice.  You think I'm ugly, don't you?  You think I'm ugly and I'm fat.  Why did you even marry me then?  I know you really wanted to marry Mary Sue.  You always thought she was prettier than me.  Don't expect any sex from me tonight, not that you would want to have sex with someone as ugly as me.

[Al_4_ISU 12457]

Christ, I've been to a strip club with my wife.  It was in Arnold's Park, Iowa.  Not exactly a classy joint.  For some reason a whole group of our buddies from the area wanted to go in, and my wife was the only woman along, and acquiesced. 

They tried to get her on stage, she refused, and within minutes some cracked out stripper crossed the chow line, did a hand stand, and shoved her snatch right into my wife's face.  I will never forget my wife screaming about glitter and vaginal secretion stuck to her face.

Edited March 23, 2023 by Al_4_ISU

[Superhero 8828]

Haven’t been on this thread bin a long time so I’ll post this and go back to reading the old posts.

My 8 YO son:

”The earth is not a sphere. It’s a little squished.

I forgot what the shape is called, but it starts with ‘S’.”

 

Wife:

”Cylinder?”

[Crapinon 2253]

29 minutes ago, Mitch Cumsteen said:

My wife has these two vintage wing back chairs that she had re-done about 10 years ago. They get used all the time in our house but they aren't exactly comfortable. One of them broke. Shit is probably 75 years old. It happens. Her former furniture guy -- aka toothless who I have discussed here before -- is completely MIA. And fortunately, he still has some of her furniture wherever the fuck that dentally impaired dipshit is now, because we don't have any room for it anyway.

So she finds a new furniture guy who came out to the house to take a look at repairing the chair. Well, it seems that to repair the chair, he needs to cut into the fabric which will fuck up everything. So, now in addition to chair fixing, we are re-upholstering. And since they are a pair, you have to do them both and you might as well reinforce the other once too. We're looking at about $900 and that's before she goes out and buys 10 yards of fabric (which will almost surely cost more than the fucking repair work alone) to re-do them. So, I am looking at $2,000+ when she could just go out and buy some new ones that would actually be comfortable. 

Sounds like an accident should happen that would make it "irrepairable". 

 

[tbone_ 14115]

Typical way that will go down:
H: You look nice
W: You mean nicer than usual because I don't normally look nice.  You think I'm ugly, don't you?  You think I'm ugly and I'm fat.  Why did you even marry me then?  I know you really wanted to marry Mary Sue.  You always thought she was prettier than me.  Don't expect any sex from me tonight, not that you would want to have sex with someone as ugly as me.

100%. Still the best strategy to get laid.

[CHIEF 5079]

Mrs. CHIEF has never made a showing on this thread. Smart, levelheaded, always thinks before she says sumthin'. I don't think she has ever even curb washed a wheel rim. BUT, she has the female tendency to ramble a bit more than I like on how her day went. The tried and true, but subtle way I have found to get her to reach the end is the old "the play clock is down to 6 seconds, hurry up offense!" coach's hand motion. Just offering a tidbit that works in my household.

CHIEF

[Incredulity 11663]

[WhatTheBuck 28776]

5 hours ago, CHIEF said:

Mrs. CHIEF has never made a showing on this thread. Smart, levelheaded, always thinks before she says sumthin'. I don't think she has ever even curb washed a wheel rim. BUT, she has the female tendency to ramble a bit more than I like on how her day went. The tried and true, but subtle way I have found to get her to reach the end is the old "the play clock is down to 6 seconds, hurry up offense!" coach's hand motion. Just offering a tidbit that works in my household.

CHIEF

Say the last part first. 

[hullabelew 3723]

Placeholder

[hullabelew 3723]

Fuck...   Anyway, 

My wife has some symptoms that are displayed by Mrs. Cumsteen. But she buys them and puts them in the basement, never to be seen again.

We bought a kickass rug at a rug making school while we were in Egypt a couple of weeks ago.  She said she would like one...I said buy but.....then my normal question...    "Where are you going to put it".   

Then the normal response.  "After we    blah, blah, blah, blah renovate, HGTV, wood floor in room ABC, yada, yada.:"   
Me:  I'm not paying for rug just to stick it in the basement.  We already have probably 5 rugs down there."
Her:  OK.  We will put it in the front room.
It gets delivered today......I will update at that point.

In the meantime, ABOVE are some windows that 'reportedly' came out of an old church in Port St. Joe.  She found them in an antique shop down there. 
I had to wrap them and stuff them in my kayaks to get them home.  Since then (about 8 years ago) they have yet to see the light of day...or a paint scraper.

There are MANY more of these such items in the basement and garage.  (multiple tables/chairs, MULTIPLE framed pictures of all sizes, knick-knacks and paddy-whacks of all shapes and sizes, beds and bed frames, book shelves and other large bedroom furniture.  I used to not give a shit, but fuck me...I can barely more around the upstairs of our house because of all the furniture.....the basement?   No fucking way.  I stay out of that part.

But I have a shot glass with guitar picks on my night stand?  "That doesn't fit the design I'm going for".  I busted out laughing, then fell over a new table that just appeared.  

In the meantime, I'll be huffing a can or two of that Duster in the picture above

[Cheeseweasel 26438]

26 minutes ago, hullabelew said:

HGTV

[UT_OB1 2218]

1 hour ago, hullabelew said:

Fuck...   Anyway, 

My wife has some symptoms that are displayed by Mrs. Cumsteen. But she buys them and puts them in the basement, never to be seen again.

We bought a kickass rug at a rug making school while we were in Egypt a couple of weeks ago.  She said she would like one...I said buy but.....then my normal question...    "Where are you going to put it".   

Then the normal response.  "After we    blah, blah, blah, blah renovate, HGTV, wood floor in room ABC, yada, yada.:"   
Me:  I'm not paying for rug just to stick it in the basement.  We already have probably 5 rugs down there."
Her:  OK.  We will put it in the front room.
It gets delivered today......I will update at that point.

In the meantime, ABOVE are some windows that 'reportedly' came out of an old church in Port St. Joe.  She found them in an antique shop down there. 
I had to wrap them and stuff them in my kayaks to get them home.  Since then (about 8 years ago) they have yet to see the light of day...or a paint scraper.

There are MANY more of these such items in the basement and garage.  (multiple tables/chairs, MULTIPLE framed pictures of all sizes, knick-knacks and paddy-whacks of all shapes and sizes, beds and bed frames, book shelves and other large bedroom furniture.  I used to not give a shit, but fuck me...I can barely more around the upstairs of our house because of all the furniture.....the basement?   No fucking way.  I stay out of that part.

But I have a shot glass with guitar picks on my night stand?  "That doesn't fit the design I'm going for".  I busted out laughing, then fell over a new table that just appeared.  

In the meantime, I'll be huffing a can or two of that Duster in the picture above

I have an 18 month plan. After 6 months I move it to the garage. After 12 more if it hasn’t been missed it ends up by the trash can. 

[Pig Bellmont 8712]

8 hours ago, CHIEF said:

Mrs. CHIEF has never made a showing on this thread. Smart, levelheaded, always thinks before she says sumthin'

Does she read your posts?

[tbone_ 14115]

Fuck...   Anyway, 
My wife has some symptoms that are displayed by Mrs. Cumsteen. But she buys them and puts them in the basement, never to be seen again.
We bought a kickass rug at a rug making school while we were in Egypt a couple of weeks ago.  She said she would like one...I said buy but.....then my normal question...    "Where are you going to put it".   
Then the normal response.  "After we    blah, blah, blah, blah renovate, HGTV, wood floor in room ABC, yada, yada.:"   
Me:  I'm not paying for rug just to stick it in the basement.  We already have probably 5 rugs down there."
Her:  OK.  We will put it in the front room.
It gets delivered today......I will update at that point.
In the meantime, ABOVE are some windows that 'reportedly' came out of an old church in Port St. Joe.  She found them in an antique shop down there. 
I had to wrap them and stuff them in my kayaks to get them home.  Since then (about 8 years ago) they have yet to see the light of day...or a paint scraper.
There are MANY more of these such items in the basement and garage.  (multiple tables/chairs, MULTIPLE framed pictures of all sizes, knick-knacks and paddy-whacks of all shapes and sizes, beds and bed frames, book shelves and other large bedroom furniture.  I used to not give a shit, but fuck me...I can barely more around the upstairs of our house because of all the furniture.....the basement?   No fucking way.  I stay out of that part.
But I have a shot glass with guitar picks on my night stand?  "That doesn't fit the design I'm going for".  I busted out laughing, then fell over a new table that just appeared.  
In the meantime, I'll be huffing a can or two of that Duster in the picture above

No one does this thread like the OG.

[nbmishoid 949]

23 hours ago, Al_4_ISU said:

Christ, I've been to a strip club with my wife.  It was in Arnold's Park, Iowa.  Not exactly a classy joint.  For some reason a whole group of our buddies from the area wanted to go in, and my wife was the only woman along, and acquiesced. 

They tried to get her on stage, she refused, and within minutes some cracked out stripper crossed the chow line, did a hand stand, and shoved her snatch right into my wife's face.  I will never forget my wife screaming about glitter and vaginal secretion stuck to her face.

As have I, before we were married, in Anchorage, and she bought me a table dance.

[mooseoutfront 3643]

33 minutes ago, nbmishoid said:

As have I, before we were married, in Anchorage, and she bought me a table dance.

The Great Alaskan Bush Co.?

[tbone_ 14115]

The Great Alaskan Bush Co.?

Actual strip club in Phx

[nbmishoid 949]

GABC opened during our time there.  Greatness.   This was on 5th or so, near the Sheraton, forgot the name.  

[Upgrayedd 5810]

37 minutes ago, tbone_ said:

Actual strip club in Phx

Used to be all nude, so no booze and BYOB.  Still same?

[nbmishoid 949]

1 hour ago, tbone_ said:

Actual strip club in Phx

Last time Anc, 4-5 hrs ago, it was no longer there.  I would assume they packed it up and moved to Phx.  Assume you drive by on the way to and from church.

[mooseoutfront 3643]

2 hours ago, nbmishoid said:

GABC opened during our time there.  Greatness.   This was on 5th or so, near the Sheraton, forgot the name.  

I don't get down to Anchorage very often, but I'm pretty sure that place has closed

 

55 minutes ago, nbmishoid said:

Last time Anc, 4-5 hrs ago, it was no longer there.  I would assume they packed it up and moved to Phx.  Assume you drive by on the way to and from church.

GABC is still up and running in Anchorage

[tbone_ 14115]

Used to be all nude, so no booze and BYOB.  Still same?

Couldn’t tell you. Last time for me was 99ish.

[CHIEF 5079]

10 hours ago, Pig Bellmont said:

Does she read your posts?

Of course not. She loathes this board and how much time I spend on it. She calls y’all that bunch of cocksuckers on the internet. 
 

CHIEF

[Upgrayedd 5810]

3 hours ago, nbmishoid said:

Last time Anc, 4-5 hrs ago, it was no longer there.  I would assume they packed it up and moved to Phx.  Assume you drive by on the way to and from church.

They were in Phoenix from at least 1988

[Hpara759 1778]

24 minutes ago, CHIEF said:

Of course not. She loathes this board and how much time I spend on it. She calls y’all that bunch of cocksuckers on the internet. 
 

CHIEF

 

[TrashMaster G 17551]

57 minutes ago, Hpara759 said:

 

He's right that she calls us that?

I'm sure.

[ABSR 5309]

2 hours ago, CHIEF said:

Of course not. She loathes this board and how much time I spend on it. She calls y’all that bunch of cocksuckers on the internet. 
 

CHIEF

We’re assholes, not cocksuckers…..well not most of us. NTTAWWT.

[Sandman 3403]

I tried the "say the last part first" bit on my wife a few years ago. She looked at me like I was speaking Greek and said "What?", before continuing her story. I took the L.

[Modessit 5599]

Christ, I've been to a strip club with my wife.  It was in Arnold's Park, Iowa.  Not exactly a classy joint.  For some reason a whole group of our buddies from the area wanted to go in, and my wife was the only woman along, and acquiesced. 
They tried to get her on stage, she refused, and within minutes some cracked out stripper crossed the chow line, did a hand stand, and shoved her snatch right into my wife's face.  I will never forget my wife screaming about glitter and vaginal secretion stuck to her face.

When I was going to Lake Okoboji as a kid and the amusement park at Arnold's Park, I must have missed them having a strip club.

[NWBuck 8552]

On 3/23/2023 at 11:20 PM, CHIEF said:

Mrs. CHIEF has never made a showing on this thread. Smart, levelheaded, always thinks before she says sumthin'. I don't think she has ever even curb washed a wheel rim. BUT, she has the female tendency to ramble a bit more than I like on how her day went. The tried and true, but subtle way I have found to get her to reach the end is the old "the play clock is down to 6 seconds, hurry up offense!" coach's hand motion. Just offering a tidbit that works in my household.

CHIEF