Wives and the Stupid Shit They Say/Do

[Guest]

On 3/23/2023 at 3:39 PM, Mitch Cumsteen said:

My wife has these two vintage wing back chairs that she had re-done about 10 years ago. They get used all the time in our house but they aren't exactly comfortable. One of them broke. Shit is probably 75 years old. It happens. Her former furniture guy -- aka toothless who I have discussed here before -- is completely MIA. And fortunately, he still has some of her furniture wherever the fuck that dentally impaired dipshit is now, because we don't have any room for it anyway.

So she finds a new furniture guy who came out to the house to take a look at repairing the chair. Well, it seems that to repair the chair, he needs to cut into the fabric which will fuck up everything. So, now in addition to chair fixing, we are re-upholstering. And since they are a pair, you have to do them both and you might as well reinforce the other once too. We're looking at about $900 and that's before she goes out and buys 10 yards of fabric (which will almost surely cost more than the fucking repair work alone) to re-do them. So, I am looking at $2,000+ when she could just go out and buy some new ones that would actually be comfortable. 

That is the world I live in.  Can't fix it either...

[Al_4_ISU 12463]

6 hours ago, Modessit said:

On 3/23/2023 at 3:43 PM, Al_4_ISU said:

Christ, I've been to a strip club with my wife.  It was in Arnold's Park, Iowa.  Not exactly a classy joint.  For some reason a whole group of our buddies from the area wanted to go in, and my wife was the only woman along, and acquiesced. 
They tried to get her on stage, she refused, and within minutes some cracked out stripper crossed the chow line, did a hand stand, and shoved her snatch right into my wife's face.  I will never forget my wife screaming about glitter and vaginal secretion stuck to her face.

When I was going to Lake Okoboji as a kid and the amusement park at Arnold's Park, I must have missed them having a strip club.

It’s on Broadway, between the amusement park and the bridge on 71 between east and west lakes.  Boji Nites.

A bunch of the guys I went to State with are from Boji, so we’ve spent a lot of time up there over the years.  I’ve stayed at the University of Okoboji President’s Mansion many a time.

Edited March 25, 2023 by Al_4_ISU

[General Specific 3261]

Someone will soon be posting, question is, who!!!

[Sam Lin 3556]

That happens on my neighborhood FB page roughly once a week. Sometimes car keys, sometimes just mailbox key, sometimes all keys + a phone left on top.

[Cheeseweasel 26438]

On 3/24/2023 at 10:34 PM, ABSR said:

We’re assholes, not cocksuckers…..well not most of us. NTTAWWT.

Hit 15 homers per year for 20 season and no one calls you a slugger, but post one time on Surly...

[nnm 36396]

 

[rage-a-holic 4389]

49 minutes ago, nnm said:

 

I am not finding these on Amazon.mx

[Scheiss Meister 8407]

3 hours ago, nnm said:

 

My brother needed one of those for his sister-of-Satan ex wife.

[Superhero 8830]

One of my friend’s wife takes him for granted. He is a super nice guy, works hard, washes her car every weekend, is in charge of cleaning the house, and does pretty much everything she wants him to do. But she doesn’t appreciate him and just complains that he works too much and doesn’t spend enough time with the family (which is kinda true).

So his grandmother recently passed away. The funeral is in El Paso next Monday during the kids’ spring break. She complained that she already planned a road trip, and she would have to change the plans because he won’t be there the first 2 days.

She’s nice towards everyone else, but everyone else also think she treats him like shit. But he’s sticking around because of the kids.

My wife and the other wives have told her that she’s being WAY too hard on my friend… this isn’t really a stupid thing his wife says, but she really pisses me off. 

[Al_4_ISU 12463]

She's not even going with him to the grandparent's funeral?

That's fucking cold.  My wife and I started dating when all of our grandparents (the ones we had relationships with - her dad was estranged from his family) were alive and I couldn't imagine having missed her grandparents' funerals.

Edited March 27, 2023 by Al_4_ISU

[Cheeseweasel 26438]

21 minutes ago, Superhero said:

One of my friend’s wife takes him for granted. He is a super nice guy, works hard, washes her car every weekend, is in charge of cleaning the house, and does pretty much everything she wants him to do. But she doesn’t appreciate him and just complains that he works too much and doesn’t spend enough time with the family (which is kinda true).

So his grandmother recently passed away. The funeral is in El Paso next Monday during the kids’ spring break. She complained that she already planned a road trip, and she would have to change the plans because he won’t be there the first 2 days.

She’s nice towards everyone else, but everyone else also think she treats him like shit. But he’s sticking around because of the kids.

My wife and the other wives have told her that she’s being WAY too hard on my friend… this isn’t really a stupid thing his wife says, but she really pisses me off. 

I hope he's putting money away for a divorce lawyer. Better yet, I hope he's pissing most of his money away on side chicks so there's nothing left in the divorce.

[Beau Vine 54223]

On 3/24/2023 at 8:27 PM, CHIEF said:

Of course not. She loathes this board and how much time I spend on it. She calls y’all that bunch of cocksuckers on the internet. 

At least she's a keen judge of character.

[Superhero 8830]

The kids are playing Wordscapes in the backseat. It’s a game where you figure out words using a set of letters. The available letters were K S R E I N.

10 YO daughter: “Daddy, I need a 5 letter word. The middle letter is ‘S’”.

Me: “What letters do I have?”

Daughter recites the letters and repeats “5 letter word and the middle letter is ‘S’”.

Wife: “Listen?”

 

She has statistics degrees from Michigan and UCLA. She’s good at her work which is really complicated. But it’s like she uses up all the daily allotted brain power between 7 and 5.

 

[tigol 2396]

42 minutes ago, Superhero said:

The kids are playing Wordscapes in the backseat. It’s a game where you figure out words using a set of letters. The available letters were K S R E I N.

10 YO daughter: “Daddy, I need a 5 letter word. The middle letter is ‘S’”.

Me: “What letters do I have?”

Daughter recites the letters and repeats “5 letter word and the middle letter is ‘S’”.

Wife: “Listen?”

 

She has statistics degrees from Michigan and UCLA. She’s good at her work which is really complicated. But it’s like she uses up all the daily allotted brain power between 7 and 5.

 

Not gonna lie.  The K is throwing me for a loop.  5 letter word?  

[SilasCoade 2622]

derpaderpaderpaderp

Edited March 28, 2023 by SilasCoade

[CHIEF 5086]

Resin, it’s a stoner question. There are six letters don’t use the k. 
 

CHIEF

[tigol 2396]

The kid asked for a 5 letter word. 

[Modessit 5600]

Risen or Resin.

When they need a 6-letter word, it's Sinker.

[GoPokes83 2240]

Wife got a great deal on a really expensive mattress (Her words, not mine) a few days ago without telling me. According to the tag we’ve had the old one since 2016 so if you believe the mattress industrial complex’s marketing BS I guess we were do, but this thing is the complete opposite of what I’m used to sleeping on! The old one was at least a foot thick memory foam, new one’s about 6 or 7 inches and as soft as sleeping on a baby blanket thrown on a concrete floor. I guess I’ll have to get used to it because she had the delivery guys haul the old one off when I wasn’t home. Skinny new one just makes the entire room look different, and kinda ghetto IMO compared to my ol’ faithful. This all occurred without my knowledge or input and I didn’t even ask what she considered a great deal or expensive. Oh, and new pillows too of course and my neck is stiff as hell and extremely painful to turn even a quarter of an inch from using them, so at least I’ve got that going for me!

[hullabelew 3724]

Oh....the old mattress trick.  My prediction:   

1. Once you start complaining about how hard it is, she will profess her love for the new mattress.  Again, hitting up what a great bargain she got.
2. Sometime later, she will realize that it is hard as a cinderblock bed.
3. After that, she will say that she bought it for YOU.  SHE never wanted the new mattress, but you deserved a NICE one.
4. She will then suggest you guy buy a mattress EXACTLY like you used to own.

 

 

 

[Cheeseweasel 26438]

1 minute ago, hullabelew said:

Oh....the old mattress trick.  My prediction:   

1. Once you start complaining about how hard it is, she will profess her love for the new mattress.  Again, hitting up what a great bargain she got.
2. Sometime later, she will realize that it is hard as a cinderblock bed.
3. After that, she will say that she bought it for YOU.  SHE never wanted the new mattress, but you deserved a NICE one.
4. She will then suggest you guy buy a mattress EXACTLY like you used to own.

 

 

 

This guy wifes.

[GoPokes83 2240]

Oh....the old mattress trick.  My prediction:   
1. Once you start complaining about how hard it is, she will profess her love for the new mattress.  Again, hitting up what a great bargain she got.
2. Sometime later, she will realize that it is hard as a cinderblock bed.
3. After that, she will say that she bought it for YOU.  SHE never wanted the new mattress, but you deserved a NICE one.
4. She will then suggest you guy buy a mattress EXACTLY like you used to own.
 
 
 

What’s it like being able to so accurately predict the future?

[hullabelew 3724]

To update the rug situation.   Yep...just like I thought, "we need to put in hard wood floors in that room before we put the rug down."

I don't give a fuck what she spends on jewelry, shoes, anything really.  It gives me justifications to buy new guitars.   But her explanations and justifications are entertaining as fuck.    She bitched about me spending $25 on something the other day.   So I dove in.  

Me:  How much was that bracelet and the ring you bought at that last store in Jerusalem?
Her:  You don't know?
Me:   No, and I really don't care, but how much was it?
Her:  Well, you kept walking away when I was buying it.
Me:  Yep.....You probably should have walked away as well.
Her:  The ring was $190 and that's really all I wanted. 
Me:  And the bracelet?
Her:  $3,000.  AND, he gave me another necklace for FREE! 
Me:  Well.  You drove a good bargain.   

[ztejas 43425]

8 minutes ago, hullabelew said:

"we need to put in hard wood floors in that room before we put the rug down."

Sounds like she bought a $5,000 rug. 

[ABSR 5311]

2 hours ago, GoPokes83 said:

What’s it like being able to so accurately predict the future?

Husbandamus

[Incredulity 11670]

3 hours ago, hullabelew said:

Oh....the old mattress trick.  My prediction:   

1. Once you start complaining about how hard it is, she will profess her love for the new mattress.  Again, hitting up what a great bargain she got.
2. Sometime later, she will realize that it is hard as a cinderblock bed.
3. After that, she will say that she bought it for YOU.  SHE never wanted the new mattress, but you deserved a NICE one.
4. She will then suggest you guy buy a mattress EXACTLY like you used to own.

 

 

 

Are you stalking me?

 

Just went through this for about 9 months and 5 mattresses.  fucking brutal.  absolutely NOTHING wrong with the first one she got rid of.  My fault, of course.

[Grade of D as in David 13253]

4 hours ago, GoPokes83 said:

Wife got a great deal on a really expensive mattress (Her words, not mine) a few days ago without telling me. According to the tag we’ve had the old one since 2016 so if you believe the mattress industrial complex’s marketing BS I guess we were do, but this thing is the complete opposite of what I’m used to sleeping on! The old one was at least a foot thick memory foam, new one’s about 6 or 7 inches and as soft as sleeping on a baby blanket thrown on a concrete floor. I guess I’ll have to get used to it because she had the delivery guys haul the old one off when I wasn’t home. Skinny new one just makes the entire room look different, and kinda ghetto IMO compared to my ol’ faithful. This all occurred without my knowledge or input and I didn’t even ask what she considered a great deal or expensive. Oh, and new pillows too of course and my neck is stiff as hell and extremely painful to turn even a quarter of an inch from using them, so at least I’ve got that going for me!

I like the new mattress so far.

[Guadaloopy 10968]

13 minutes ago, Grade of D as in David said:

I like the new mattress so far.

[Celery Man 20946]

my wife in discussions about why we're missing 4 butter knives when she's the only one who takes butter knives out of the kitchen and the last time we talked about a butter knife discrepancy was when there were butter knives in the drawer that didn't even belong to us and she confessed that sometimes she puts silverware in her purse

[Grade of D as in David 13253]

Why is she taking butter knives out of the kitchen?

Why is she putting them in her purse?

Who did the drawer belong to?

[Celery Man 20946]

1) avocado toast at her desk

2) habit

3) your mom

[tbone_ 14123]

Bull shit if you are going to just change my mattress and pillows without consulting me first. That’s a fire-able offense.

Also Sattva Classic FTW. You can pry it from underneath my cold dead corpse.

[Beau Vine 54223]

1 hour ago, Celery Man said:

my wife in discussions about why we're missing 4 butter knives when she's the only one who takes butter knives out of the kitchen and the last time we talked about a butter knife discrepancy was when there were butter knives in the drawer that didn't even belong to us and she confessed that sometimes she puts silverware in her purse

We used to do that with tablespoons, tupperware dishes, younameit...until I figured out that it's much easier to not say a word and just order replacements off of Amazon.  

[Celery Man 20946]

Would be difficult to ensure that I purchase the correct brand.

[Beau Vine 54223]

1 hour ago, Celery Man said:

she confessed that sometimes she puts silverware in her purse

She's stealing your own shit?  That's not how it works.

[Beau Vine 54223]

1 minute ago, Celery Man said:

Would be difficult to ensure that I purchase the correct brand.

I didn't on the tablespoons, but they're close, and I view it as a very subtle reminder to her to not lose any more tablespoons.

[Celery Man 20946]

33 minutes ago, Beau Vine said:

She's stealing your own shit?  That's not how it works.

Who knows where our missing knives are. The extra mystery knives were from when she was “it’s not really stealing” them from work.

[GoPokes83 2240]

my wife in discussions about why we're missing 4 butter knives when she's the only one who takes butter knives out of the kitchen and the last time we talked about a butter knife discrepancy was when there were butter knives in the drawer that didn't even belong to us and she confessed that sometimes she puts silverware in her purse

We’ve got a drawer with plastic utensils just so this kind of thing doesn’t happen.

[AUS-97HORN 11758]

2 hours ago, tbone_ said:

Bull shit if you are going to just change my mattress and pillows without consulting me first. That’s a fire-able offense.

Also Sattva Classic FTW. You can pry it from underneath my cold dead corpse.

if you are gonna brag on a brand... kinda helps to spell their name right.   unless you really bought some sort of Hindu/buddaism mattress

[Buzzrock 14920]

My wife has these two vintage wing back chairs that she had re-done about 10 years ago. They get used all the time in our house but they aren't exactly comfortable. One of them broke. Shit is probably 75 years old. It happens. Her former furniture guy -- aka toothless who I have discussed here before -- is completely MIA. And fortunately, he still has some of her furniture wherever the fuck that dentally impaired dipshit is now, because we don't have any room for it anyway.
So she finds a new furniture guy who came out to the house to take a look at repairing the chair. Well, it seems that to repair the chair, he needs to cut into the fabric which will fuck up everything. So, now in addition to chair fixing, we are re-upholstering. And since they are a pair, you have to do them both and you might as well reinforce the other once too. We're looking at about $900 and that's before she goes out and buys 10 yards of fabric (which will almost surely cost more than the fucking repair work alone) to re-do them. So, I am looking at $2,000+ when she could just go out and buy some new ones that would actually be comfortable. 

The champ is HERE!

[Buzzrock 14920]

Which one of y’all is this?

https://www.instagram.com/reel/CoBBAtTrw8i/?igshid=YmMyMTA2M2Y=

[tbone_ 14123]

Prefect strategy. Credit for calling back without having to converse.

[General Specific 3261]

Call her back and immediately and hang up. When she asks about not being available, ask that she looks at her phone log of missed calls. Say nothing and walk away!

[hullabelew 3724]

19 hours ago, tbone_ said:

Bull shit if you are going to just change my mattress and pillows without consulting me first. That’s a fire-able offense.

 

In process.  

[TrashMaster G 17554]

14 hours ago, Buzzrock said:

Which one of y’all is this?

https://www.instagram.com/reel/CoBBAtTrw8i/?igshid=YmMyMTA2M2Y=

She didn't answer because after failing to reach you she immediately dialed someone else.  She just needs to talk - doesn't matter to who.

Be thankful.

[Pokoloco 1281]

Wife is looking to make an expensive purchase on some new bedding.

Me: We have the money now, we might as well.

Her: Yeah, I guess we need to just bite the dust and do it.

Me: you want us to die?

Her: (confused) Why would you say something like that? That's weird.

[Budkudzu 280]

On 3/17/2023 at 3:14 PM, hullabelew said:

Why.....

 

[mininghorn88 2289]

10 minutes ago, Pokoloco said:

Wife is looking to make an expensive purchase on some new bedding.

Me: We have the money now, we might as well.

Her: Yeah, I guess we need to just bite the dust and do it.

Me: you want us to die?

Her: (confused) Why would you say something like that? That's weird.

[Biff Tannen 45683]

33 minutes ago, Pokoloco said:

Wife is looking to make an expensive purchase on some new bedding.

Me: We have the money now, we might as well.

Her: Yeah, I guess we need to just bite the dust and do it.

Me: you want us to die?

Her: (confused) Why would you say something like that? That's weird.

Oh Trixie!

[52-80 19155]

Baby is taking his first long-haul flight tomorrow, and wife is packing his stuff like he’s boarding Noah’s Ark: 2 toy cars, 2 books, 2 stuffed animals, 2 sippy cups, etc etc. 

It’s 1 overseas leg. We’re not taking a mission to Mars…do we need Redundancy for every item on the plane?