Wives and the Stupid Shit They Say/Do

[MNLonghornFUKM 8817]

I’ll tell you how.  My SIL is in town for the weekend.  She doesn’t drink so she is the DD to drive down to OB for dinner three hours ago.  I’m sitting in back because it’s not my car.  She’s trying to parallel park.
It’s off the rails early.  Didn’t pull far enough ahead.  Angle too steep.  I start providing guidance from the back and she’s doing the opposite of what I’m telling her.  Finally, both of these women tell my to keep quiet.  Ok, won’t say another word.
 

I have a 7.5 min video of a woman parallel parking a truck.

[TrashMaster G 17572]

32 minutes ago, MNLonghornFUKM said:

I have a 7.5 min video of a woman parallel parking a truck.

Mind-bottling.

[Buzzrock 14934]

We have 2.5 more days in our beach condo. Guess who just spent $250 at the grocery store?

[TrashMaster G 17572]

2 hours ago, Buzzrock said:

We have 2.5 more days in our beach condo. Guess who just spent $250 at the grocery store?

It isn't that hard to spend $250 at HEB these days, let alone a beach town grocery store.

[USCATX 1078]

23 hours ago, tbone_ said:

Going with 22s for the wife huh?

Should be mandatory to have 17s and fat sidewalls.  I can’t even look at it. 

[Sam Lin 3559]

You mean 40" tires. Even a wife couldn't curb those.

[Cheeseweasel 26438]

4 hours ago, Sam Lin said:

Even a wife couldn't curb those.

Wife: Hold my tall no foam, soy milk, extra pump caramel, double shot mochaccino. 

[hullabelew 3724]

6 hours ago, Sam Lin said:

You mean 40" tires. Even a wife couldn't curb those.

Especially when it's upside down.  

[General Specific 3262]

Then she’ll just fuck up the grass on both sides of the driveway with those. Did you think of that!

[Snake Diggity 4625]

If I have to hear this woman say “NOLE and void” one more fucking time, I’m gonna kill her and then myself.

[Cheeseweasel 26438]

12 hours ago, Snake Diggity said:

If I have to hear this woman say “NOLE and void” one more fucking time, I’m gonna kill her and then myself.

Florida fan?

[Modessit 5603]

I don't see how women can't go to a store and buy what they went there for without buying a bunch of extra shit.

Wife was taking the kids swimming to the indoor YMCA pool in RR. Tells me son needs new flip flops and is going to stop at Target. Asks me which card to pay with since we use different accounts for various things (bills, etc). I check and see the bills account still has about $50 in it after bills were paid. Flips flops for a 9yo can't cost more than $10-15 so I tell her to use that card.

Later I need to order some parts for a car I'm restoring so I check to see if my "car" account has enough or if I need to make a transfer. I see the "bills" account is negative. I check it and see she spent $134 at Target. Plus a $28 overdraft fee. I was pissed. Her excuse? "I told you I was going to Target." WTF? She told me she was just getting flip flops. If she had told me she was getting a bunch of other stuff I would have had her use a different card.

And I had just talked to her about how she needs to stop buying extra crap every time she stops for something we need. (Stops to get milk and buys the kids candy,, water balloons, etc turning a $4 stop into a $35 stop. "But it was only $4." $4 every damn time is $1000+/year in useless crap we don't need.

She spends an extra $5-10 every day probably but then bitches if I spend $100 once every 3 months and how she now gets to go spend $100 on clothes.

[tbone_ 14134]

You can’t stop it. You just have to out earn it.

[TrashMaster G 17572]

On 4/4/2023 at 2:43 AM, Sam Lin said:

You mean 40" tires. Even a wife couldn't curb those.

On the other hand, she'd manage to roll that thing in a parking lot.

[NorthLoop 14218]

On 4/3/2023 at 3:00 PM, MNLonghornFUKM said:

I have a 7.5 min video of a woman parallel parking a truck.




 

This pic is the cherry on top. You could fit a UHaul in that space. 

[Dennis Taylor 18844]

On 4/3/2023 at 5:49 PM, Buzzrock said:

We have 2.5 more days in our beach condo. Guess who just spent $250 at the grocery store?

Mine would do that then "not feel like cooking "

[Al_4_ISU 12472]

We have a baby due in July, and for some reason my wife has decided that the entire baby room has to be done NOW.

Yesterday I spent 9 hours scooping up yard rock and big chunks of sod that had been displaced plowing snow this winter around the farm.  Lots of heavy shovel or pitchforks full.  All I wanted to do when I got home was take a hot shower and lay there.  Nope.  Instead we had to set up an overpriced bookshelf/storage unit that she got at IKEA.

I have a feeling I need to get used to this.

[HenryJames 66134]

6 minutes ago, Al_4_ISU said:

I have a feeling I need to get used to this.

Narrator: He didn't get used to this.

[luke duke 6413]

You mean 40" tires. Even a wife couldn't curb those.

There’s no truck too tall for my wife.

Couple cars in my employee parking lot look like that, all 4 wheels. We call it parking by feel.

Have you promoted them to management yet?

[HenryJames 66134]

1 hour ago, Modessit said:

She told me she was just getting flip flops.

I admire your optimism.

[royiv 9329]

13 minutes ago, HenryJames said:

I admire your optimism.

Yeah, he creates a complicated system that requires her to ask which card to use, requires him to check the balance on each card before making a transaction and then sends her off to Target thinking she will buy just one thing. Guessing that he hasn't been married for long. The amount of shit that gets shuttled back and forth to Target in our house is truly impressive. I learned long ago to just let it go.

[956 Worldwide 34736]

1 hour ago, Modessit said:

I don't see how women can't go to a store and buy what they went there for without buying a bunch of extra shit.

Wife was taking the kids swimming to the indoor YMCA pool in RR. Tells me son needs new flip flops and is going to stop at Target. Asks me which card to pay with since we use different accounts for various things (bills, etc). I check and see the bills account still has about $50 in it after bills were paid. Flips flops for a 9yo can't cost more than $10-15 so I tell her to use that card.

Later I need to order some parts for a car I'm restoring so I check to see if my "car" account has enough or if I need to make a transfer. I see the "bills" account is negative. I check it and see she spent $134 at Target. Plus a $28 overdraft fee. I was pissed. Her excuse? "I told you I was going to Target." WTF? She told me she was just getting flip flops. If she had told me she was getting a bunch of other stuff I would have had her use a different card.

And I had just talked to her about how she needs to stop buying extra crap every time she stops for something we need. (Stops to get milk and buys the kids candy,, water balloons, etc turning a $4 stop into a $35 stop. "But it was only $4." $4 every damn time is $1000+/year in useless crap we don't need.

She spends an extra $5-10 every day probably but then bitches if I spend $100 once every 3 months and how she now gets to go spend $100 on clothes.

 

There is no getting a wife out of a Target without spending at least $100, this outcome is the most predictable thing in the world. No matter what they are going for. 

[ztejas 43518]

1 hour ago, Modessit said:

I don't see how women can't go to a store and buy what they went there for without buying a bunch of extra shit.

Wife was taking the kids swimming to the indoor YMCA pool in RR. Tells me son needs new flip flops and is going to stop at Target. Asks me which card to pay with since we use different accounts for various things (bills, etc). I check and see the bills account still has about $50 in it after bills were paid. Flips flops for a 9yo can't cost more than $10-15 so I tell her to use that card.

Later I need to order some parts for a car I'm restoring so I check to see if my "car" account has enough or if I need to make a transfer. I see the "bills" account is negative. I check it and see she spent $134 at Target. Plus a $28 overdraft fee. I was pissed. Her excuse? "I told you I was going to Target." WTF? She told me she was just getting flip flops. If she had told me she was getting a bunch of other stuff I would have had her use a different card.

And I had just talked to her about how she needs to stop buying extra crap every time she stops for something we need. (Stops to get milk and buys the kids candy,, water balloons, etc turning a $4 stop into a $35 stop. "But it was only $4." $4 every damn time is $1000+/year in useless crap we don't need.

She spends an extra $5-10 every day probably but then bitches if I spend $100 once every 3 months and how she now gets to go spend $100 on clothes.

 

Big picture I agree with you. In this instance - thinking she was going to spend less than $50 at Target is on you. 

I mean - $134 for a Target trip? Some guys in here probably consider that a humble brag. 

[Jerry Callo 8708]

52 minutes ago, Al_4_ISU said:

We have a baby due in July, and for some reason my wife has decided that the entire baby room has to be done NOW.

Yesterday I spent 9 hours scooping up yard rock and big chunks of sod that had been displaced plowing snow this winter around the farm.  Lots of heavy shovel or pitchforks full.  All I wanted to do when I got home was take a hot shower and lay there.  Nope.  Instead we had to set up an overpriced bookshelf/storage unit that she got at IKEA.

I have a feeling I need to get used to this.

Yep.  You have to get used to it.  When pregnant with second kid, wife decided the room need to be painted - which is fine.  After the entire room was painted, wife determined that it was the wrong shade of green.  We bought new shade of green and repainted the entire room.  Bless my wife for carrying our two children for 9 months each - I can deal with ridiculous nesting rituals.

[Al_4_ISU 12472]

5 minutes ago, Jerry Callo said:

Yep.  You have to get used to it.  When pregnant with second kid, wife decided the room need to be painted - which is fine.  After the entire room was painted, wife determined that it was the wrong shade of green.  We bought new shade of green and repainted the entire room.  Bless my wife for carrying our two children for 9 months each - I can deal with ridiculous nesting rituals.

My wife can't have kids and we're using a surrogate, so I can't blame it on some hormonal nesting ritual.

For the entirety of our cohabitation, my wife has had an uncanny ability to know when I'm about 5 seconds into being comfortable before presenting some inane request that requires my involvement.

And soon I'll have a daughter that will probably have the same Spidey Sense.

Edited April 6, 2023 by Al_4_ISU

[Scheiss Meister 8408]

6 hours ago, Al_4_ISU said:

My wife can't have kids and we're using a surrogate, so I can't blame it on some hormonal nesting ritual.

For the entirety of our cohabitation, my wife has had an uncanny ability to know when I'm about 5 seconds into being comfortable before presenting some inane request that requires my involvement.

And soon I'll have a daughter that will probably have the same Spidey Sense.

It doesn't relate to pregnancy hormones.  Every time we leave the house for anything from a weekend to a two week vacation my wife goes into full nesting mode.  Like, "Let's do all this shit I've been putting off for years in one afternoon."  Telling her that her goals are unreasonable is not conducive to having a good weekend away.  Just let her find out on her own.

Edited April 6, 2023 by Scheiss Meister

[Dennis Taylor 18844]

1 hour ago, luke duke said:

There’s no truck too tall for my wife.

Have you promoted them to management yet?

This may be my favorite thing that ever happened on this site.  Not just this thread

[ABSR 5319]

2 hours ago, tbone_ said:

You can’t stop it. You just have to out earn it.

My Dad tells the story of when his company switched from paying them once a month, to paying them twice a month.   There was discussion about how now they would have two times a month where they were waiting on getting paid and worrying about their wives spending too much and having the funds needed. 

One of his coworkers said "You mean you told your wife?"

[ABSR 5319]

1 hour ago, Al_4_ISU said:

My wife can't have kids and we're using a surrogate, so I can't blame it on some hormonal nesting ritual.

For the entirety of our cohabitation, my wife has had an uncanny ability to know when I'm about 5 seconds into being comfortable before presenting some inane request that requires my involvement.

And soon I'll have a daughter that will probably have the same Spidey Sense.

A woman can not abide a content man.

[TrashMaster G 17572]

5 minutes ago, ABSR said:

My Dad tells the story of when his company switched from paying them once a month, to paying them twice a month.   There was discussion about how now they would have two times a month where they were waiting on getting paid and worrying about their wives spending too much and having the funds needed. 

One of his coworkers said "You mean you told your wife?"

Your dad's reaction....

[52-80 19204]

On 4/3/2023 at 3:00 PM, MNLonghornFUKM said:

I have a 7.5 min video of a woman parallel parking a truck.
 

CSB time.  Early 2000s, I'm outside the Texadelphia on Guadalupe waiting for discounted ACL fest tickets.  It's noon, not much vehicular traffic.

VW Jetta pulls up with 4 college girls inside trying to parallel park.  She's doing the ole Austin-Powers-in-a-Hallway maneuver.  Back, forward, back, forward, back, forward.  Traffic behind her piles up 20 yards, 40 yards, 80 yards, 100 yards.

Finally, some pissed off dude in a delivery truck in the traffic pile walks up to the drivers seat, pretty much yanks her out of the car, and slots it the spot in a matter of like 5 seconds.

Wish iPhones were around back then.

Edited April 6, 2023 by 52-80

[52-80 19204]

On 4/4/2023 at 2:43 AM, Sam Lin said:

You mean 40" tires. Even a wife couldn't curb those.

 

[General Specific 3262]

I see you put the curb feelers on after the wife made your black wall into a white wall! /s

[nnm 36478]

12 hours ago, Dennis Taylor said:

This may be my favorite thing that ever happened on this site.  Not just this thread

Don’t forget the peanut butter whiskey live-blogging episode. 

[ImissWallyPryor 9046]

My wife tore off her driver’s side mirror backing out of the garage. Next, she hit the garage door backing out because she didn’t wait for the door to finish opening. For months, it made a loud pop as it shut. I tried minor repairs (new hinge and strut), but those didn’t help. Then, she hit the door entering the garage (couldn’t wait an extra second for the opener to do its magic), but that somehow fixed the popping noise. Perhaps I should say, “She fixed it.”

Finally (probably not), I get a call when I’m out of town that she backed into the garage door again because she forgot it was still closed. She thought it must be okay, so she tried opening it. It got stuck about 18” up because it was off the track on one side. It wouldn’t close, so she pulled the release cord and it fell back down. She said it was ready for me to fix when I got back home, but I reminded her that her car would be stranded in the garage for a few days.

I told her to ask our next door neighbor to take a look at it since he’s a home builder. He got it back on track and working. She ran off with him. 

Edited April 11, 2023 by ImissWallyPryor

[TrashMaster G 17572]

12 minutes ago, ImissWallyPryor said:

My wife tore off her driver’s side mirror backing out of the garage. Next, she hit the garage door backing out because she didn’t wait for the door to finish lifting. For months, it made a loud pop as it shut. I tried minor repairs (new hinge and strut), but nothing helped. Then, she hit the door entering the garage (couldn’t wait an extra second for the opener to do its magic), but that somehow fixed the popping noise. She “fixed it,” I should say  

Finally (probably not), I get a call when I’m out of town that she backed into the garage door again because she forgot it was still closed. She thought it must be okay, so she tried opening it. It got stuck about 18” up because it was off the track on one side. It wouldn’t close, so she pulled the release cord and it fell back down. She claims it was ready for me to fix when I returned, but I reminded her that her car was still stranded in the garage for a few days.

I told her to ask our next door neighbor to take a look at it since he’s a home builder. He got it back on track and working. She ran off with him. 

Problem solved.  Or, at least passed on to another poor schmuck.

[Cheeseweasel 26438]

48 minutes ago, ImissWallyPryor said:

He got it back on track and working. She ran off with him. 

You lucky son of a bitch.

[Kennythetiger 9406]

On 4/6/2023 at 10:51 AM, Al_4_ISU said:

For the entirety of our cohabitation, my wife has had an uncanny ability to know when I'm about 5 seconds into being comfortable before presenting some inane request that requires my involvement.

So you married a woman. Congratulations. 

[Al_4_ISU 12472]

3 hours ago, Kennythetiger said:

So you married a woman. Congratulations. 

Just relieved to know I’m not gay.

[52-80 19204]

On 4/6/2023 at 10:51 AM, Al_4_ISU said:

For the entirety of our cohabitation, my wife has had an uncanny ability to know when I'm about 5 seconds into being comfortable before presenting some inane request that requires my involvement.

When im watching netflix its the perfect time to start 5 simultaneous conversations about nothing at all. 
 

when shes watching netflix i shouldnt even utter a word because its “disrupting [her] concentration”

[Brisketexan 105168]

There is no getting a wife out of a Target without spending at least $100, this outcome is the most predictable thing in the world. No matter what they are going for. 

Man….25 years ago I had an older work buddy explain to me that he called Target “the $100 store, because no matter what we go in for, we spend at least $100.” It’s a universal constant.

[WhatTheBuck 28793]

14 hours ago, ImissWallyPryor said:

My wife tore off her driver’s side mirror backing out of the garage. Next, she hit the garage door backing out because she didn’t wait for the door to finish lifting. For months, it made a loud pop as it shut. I tried minor repairs (new hinge and strut), but nothing helped. Then, she hit the door entering the garage (couldn’t wait an extra second for the opener to do its magic), but that somehow fixed the popping noise. “She fixed it,” I should say  

Finally (probably not), I get a call when I’m out of town that she backed into the garage door again because she forgot it was still closed. She thought it must be okay, so she tried opening it. It got stuck about 18” up because it was off the track on one side. It wouldn’t close, so she pulled the release cord and it fell back down. She claims it was ready for me to fix when I returned, but I reminded her that her car was still stranded in the garage for a few days.

I told her to ask our next door neighbor to take a look at it since he’s a home builder. He got it back on track and working. She ran off with him. 

That’s a good trade. 

[luke duke 6413]

[luke duke 6413]

9 hours ago, Al_4_ISU said:

Just relieved to know I’m not gay.

Because no gay man has ever married a woman. 

[BearSchlong 8102]

Yeah, he creates a complicated system that requires her to ask which card to use, requires him to check the balance on each card before making a transaction and then sends her off to Target thinking she will buy just one thing. Guessing that he hasn't been married for long. The amount of shit that gets shuttled back and forth to Target in our house is truly impressive. I learned long ago to just let it go.

Starter wives do the cutest things!

My second wife and I do not share any bank, credit card, or investment accounts and it’s glorious. Our ground rules are basically don’t do stupid money things.

[Crapinon 2257]

On 4/6/2023 at 8:25 AM, Modessit said:

I don't see how women can't go to a store and buy what they went there for without buying a bunch of extra shit.

Wife was taking the kids swimming to the indoor YMCA pool in RR. Tells me son needs new flip flops and is going to stop at Target. Asks me which card to pay with since we use different accounts for various things (bills, etc). I check and see the bills account still has about $50 in it after bills were paid. Flips flops for a 9yo can't cost more than $10-15 so I tell her to use that card.

Later I need to order some parts for a car I'm restoring so I check to see if my "car" account has enough or if I need to make a transfer. I see the "bills" account is negative. I check it and see she spent $134 at Target. Plus a $28 overdraft fee. I was pissed. Her excuse? "I told you I was going to Target." WTF? She told me she was just getting flip flops. If she had told me she was getting a bunch of other stuff I would have had her use a different card.

And I had just talked to her about how she needs to stop buying extra crap every time she stops for something we need. (Stops to get milk and buys the kids candy,, water balloons, etc turning a $4 stop into a $35 stop. "But it was only $4." $4 every damn time is $1000+/year in useless crap we don't need.

She spends an extra $5-10 every day probably but then bitches if I spend $100 once every 3 months and how she now gets to go spend $100 on clothes.

 

The answer is don't tell her what you spend and use cash. My wife spends          $ 30-$50 a week at outlet stores on useless crap but will get mad if I drop $150 on things she deems unnecessary. So I keep a big wad of cash hidden to buy whatever I want without the bitching. 

[SilasCoade 2622]

I'm a firm believer in the idea that couples can make any financial arrangement work for their relationship but separate accounts is like anal sex to me. If other people are into it, cool, but I just can't understand the appeal at all. I don't have any money. We have all the money. Marrying a woman who wasn't stupid about money was a priority.

[Brothahorn 10087]

When im watching netflix its the perfect time to start 5 simultaneous conversations about nothing at all. 
 
when shes watching netflix i shouldnt even utter a word because its “disrupting [her] concentration”

My wife can be watching a show an hour before I sit down, and within in minutes, she is asking me questions about it. I'm just trying to score some points for later on, I don't fucking know. Maybe try getting off your phone and watching.

[nbmishoid 961]

13 hours ago, Brisketexan said:

Man….25 years ago I had an older work buddy explain to me that he called Target “the $100 store, because no matter what we go in for, we spend at least $100.” It’s a universal constant.

Same time frame, living in Sumatra.  Every time the wife took the free company plane to Singapore, for a hair do, it ran $1500 or so for the total.  On an R&R in Perth and my then 10 yr old and I ware getting haircuts.  I relayed this little story to my barber, both were female.  They replied in unison in extreme Aussie accents “Let us marry you!”.

[NWBuck 8573]

3 hours ago, SilasCoade said:

I'm a firm believer in the idea that couples can make any financial arrangement work for their relationship but separate accounts is like anal sex to me.

Look, man... We all do what we have to in order to subsidize our incomes