Wives and the Stupid Shit They Say/Do

[T’Boo Ted Marshall 2740]

 
 
And if she did learn it before marriage, she forgot it the day she got married.
 
 

This is the way.

[NotActuallyALonghorn 4977]

7 hours ago, Incredulity said:

related:

Mine likes to let out a loud gasp anytime a car within 50 feet of us turns, enters traffic, changes lanes.....

I still can't avoid tensing up and scanning my field of vision and mirrors for the pending doom upon us.  Extremely aggravating.

Does she yell "slow down!" Anytime she looks up and sees brake lights even though you are already slowing down?

[WhatTheBuck 28798]

11 hours ago, Ojo Rojo said:

*raises hand*  I feel like I need to wear one of those bear bell things hikers use.

[Crapinon 2268]

On 4/14/2023 at 8:06 PM, NotActuallyALonghorn said:

Does she yell "slow down!" Anytime she looks up and sees brake lights even though you are already slowing down?

Mine does this constantly but what pisses me off is that she is a much more aggressive driver than I am. In every aspect of driving. She will side seat drive all the time but she gets pissed when I suggest she should back off someone’s bumper. My kids agree with me but won’t say anything to her. We live on a 2 lane rural road with a 45 mph speed limit. You can do 50 but past that it’s just not safe because it’s barely wide enough for 2 vehicles. We were coming home from dinner one night and got stuck behind someone doing 45ish. She drove 6 feet off their bumper for a mile and couldn’t back off. Turned out it was our next door neighbors in a new car. When they turned into their driveway, I told her to keep driving because she was driving like a jerk and I didn’t want them to know it was her. I made her drive around for almost 10 mins before I let her sneak back into the driveway. 
 

[SquishMitten 10429]

On 4/14/2023 at 5:03 PM, TrashMaster G said:

She's that annoying, huh?

Drowns out the sound of our three daughters (plus 1-4 neighborhood kids that are almost always in our house)

[Cheeseweasel 26438]

Who's future wife is this:

 

 

[TrashMaster G 17594]

1 hour ago, Cheeseweasel said:

Who's future wife is this:

 

 

*Whose

[Cheeseweasel 26438]

1 minute ago, TrashMaster G said:

*Whose

It's Pete Townshend's 

[Ojo Rojo 1967]

Got a call this morning after my wife left the house to take two of the kids to school.  She "clipped a curb" and tore a hole in one of her tires.  Called AAA, but they were going to take an hour to get there and asked if I could come change the tire.  I got there about the same time AAA did, 40 minutes later. I didn't say anything to her, but I did mutter "fucking idiot" when I got off the phone with her. Good times.

[Fudbelty 2789]

*Whose

Hoes

[Sandman 3412]

4 hours ago, Cheeseweasel said:

Who's future wife is this:

 

 

My wife has done this same move whilst holding her phone in her hand.

Edited April 19, 2023 by Sandman

[Grade of D as in David 13253]

2 hours ago, Ojo Rojo said:

Got a call this morning after my wife left the house to take two of the kids to school.  She "clipped a curb" and tore a hole in one of her tires.  Called AAA, but they were going to take an hour to get there and asked if I could come change the tire.  I got there about the same time AAA did, 40 minutes later. I didn't say anything to her, but I did mutter "fucking idiot" when I got off the phone with her. Good times.

https://michelinmedia.com/michelin-uptis/

 

 

[Kennythetiger 9455]

On 4/19/2023 at 12:46 PM, Sandman said:

My wife has done this same move whilst holding her phone in her hand.

Except more than once I’ve put my sunglasses on the brim of my hat, and then forgotten where they are. 

[NWBuck 8585]

31 minutes ago, Kennythetiger said:

Except more than once I’ve put my sunglasses on the brim of my hat, and then forgotten where they are. 

Hell, when I was a kid, my family spent 30 minutes tearing up the house looking for my brother's glasses. He was wearing them... and was helping us look.

When my dad finally realized what we'd been doing, he told my brother that he could probably find them if he'd clean all the smudges off his glasses.

[Crapinon 2268]

Seems like this should go here. I've always said if I had a bomb shelter, I would probably rather stand outside and watch the show. 

[nnm 36599]

4 hours ago, Crapinon said:

Seems like this should go here. I've always said if I had a bomb shelter, I would probably rather stand outside and watch the show. 

Have fun. 

[Sam Lin 3561]

Does look better than eating canned food for the rest of my life, tbh...

[GoPokes83 2240]

Have fun. 

That was a good movie.

[Kennythetiger 9455]

10 minutes ago, GoPokes83 said:

That was a good movie.

What is it? 

[Kwix 2199]

11 minutes ago, Kennythetiger said:

What is it? 

[Al_4_ISU 12483]

13 hours ago, Kennythetiger said:

Except more than once I’ve put my sunglasses on the brim of my hat, and then forgotten where they are. 

At least 50 times I've asked my wife to call my phone because I couldn't find it, and it was in my pocket.

[Al_4_ISU 12483]

On 4/14/2023 at 12:27 PM, Incredulity said:

related:

Mine likes to let out a loud gasp anytime a car within 50 feet of us turns, enters traffic, changes lanes.....

I still can't avoid tensing up and scanning my field of vision and mirrors for the pending doom upon us.  Extremely aggravating.

At least your wife is aware in a vehicle.  My wife will sit at a green light for 4-5 seconds before realizing it changed.  It drives me nuts and I feel terrible for the people behind us.

[Native Horn 3515]

33 minutes ago, Al_4_ISU said:

At least your wife is aware in a vehicle.  My wife will sit at a green light for 4-5 seconds before realizing it changed.  It drives me nuts and I feel terrible for the people behind us.

I think I see the issue here....

[Al_4_ISU 12483]

7 minutes ago, Native Horn said:

I think I see the issue here....

I have little doubt it's intentional.

[Crapinon 2268]

8 hours ago, nnm said:

Have fun. 

It would be a quick and relatively painless death verses months of death by nagging. 

[Dennis Taylor 18862]

2 hours ago, Kwix said:

Yours is from the original, the nuke scene is from the second 

[TrashMaster G 17594]

3 hours ago, Dennis Taylor said:

Yours is from the original, the nuke scene is from the second 

[ABSR 5323]

6 hours ago, Al_4_ISU said:

I have little doubt it's intentional.

I think he is referring to you letting her drive while you are in the car too.

[Al_4_ISU 12483]

12 minutes ago, ABSR said:

I think he is referring to you letting her drive while you are in the car too.

Oh.  I usually drive, but she’ll insist on it when we’re in a big city or an area with curvy roads.  She gets carsick if she isn’t driving and I don’t enjoy cleaning vomit out of car vents.

[SHOOTER12 8826]

4 hours ago, Dennis Taylor said:

Yours is from the original, the nuke scene is from the second 

I liked the second better..Hot Sarah Connors...

[nbmishoid 962]

1 hour ago, Al_4_ISU said:

Oh.  I usually drive, but she’ll insist on it when we’re in a big city or an area with curvy roads.  She gets carsick if she isn’t driving and I don’t enjoy cleaning vomit out of car vents.

Yep.  Turning most driving over to my wife has solved most of my driving nuisance issues. Now they are hers.  

[nnm 36599]

3 hours ago, TrashMaster G said:

Nice pic of aggy 2022 football season. Probably 2023 also. 

Edited April 21, 2023 by nnm

[Budkudzu 280]

8 hours ago, Al_4_ISU said:

At least your wife is aware in a vehicle.  My wife will sit at a green light for 4-5 seconds before realizing it changed.  It drives me nuts and I feel terrible for the people behind us.

Wait til she dozes off in the car.  Slam on the brakes and yell "OH MY GOD!".  One of us thought it was hilarious. 

[tx ind 7013]

If I am catching shit for how I drive or things other drivers are doing I'll just mention how it is a miracle when she's not riding with me that I haven't had any major incidents.  Then I follow that by citing my driving/accident record versus hers which leads to no sex.

 

[Grade of D as in David 13253]

2 hours ago, nbmishoid said:

Yep.  Turning most driving over to my wife has solved most of my driving nuisance issues. Now they are hers.  

Not everyone has a death wish.

[nbmishoid 962]

39 minutes ago, Grade of D as in David said:

Not everyone has a death wish.

Surely.  As one gets older, the idea of death is less painful than keeping the nuisance going.

[GoPokes83 2240]

What is it? 

Terminator 2

[Upgrayedd 5818]

Fucking instagram reels without headphones is driving me to drink

[Mr. Blutarsky 133]

7 hours ago, Budkudzu said:

Wait til she dozes off in the car.  Slam on the brakes and yell "OH MY GOD!".  One of us thought it was hilarious. 

One of my favorite memories is cruising the hills out by Lake Travis while my wife was latched on her phone and screaming CLIFF as we crested the hill. I still have the bruise on my shoulder eleven years later. Worth it.

[Dennis Taylor 18862]

7 hours ago, tx ind said:

If I am catching shit for how I drive or things other drivers are doing I'll just mention how it is a miracle when she's not riding with me that I haven't had any major incidents.  Then I follow that by citing my driving/accident record versus hers which leads to no sex.

 

⁸

[Crapinon 2268]

I think Google translate needs to add two more languages, man and woman. My first translation:

Woman: I really don't want to fight about it, but....

Translation to man: I really want to fight about this until you agree with me and then apologize for not agreeing sooner.

[General Specific 3267]

Oh.  I usually drive, but she’ll insist on it when we’re in a big city or an area with curvy roads.  She gets carsick if she isn’t driving and I don’t enjoy cleaning vomit out of car vents.

If only there was something else she could do while you drive that would also help with her gag reflex!

[BearSchlong 8111]

Fucking instagram reels without headphones is driving me to drink

Profane Elmo, Eddie Murphy Raw, and Colin Jost - Michael Che writing racist jokes for each other to read is pretty entertaining, though.

[deadshank 24653]

[Dutchrudder 11150]

Many years ago, I bought my wife and I 32 oz RTIC insulated cups for Christmas or something. It was a great idea, she loves icy drinks, tends to sip on them all day, and these things don't get condensation everywhere. She liked it so much, that she had me buy a second set to always have one available when they are in the wash. I of course buy the exact same cups, same tops, same straws, different colors so everything is interchangeable and simple. Things are good, shelf space required is minimal.

Fast forward 6 years and I just counted 11 different varieties of insulated cups, sizes, tops and straws. Most are not interchangeable. Some are the same brand and look nearly identical, but the tops between the 20 oz and 32 oz are slightly different sizes that don't actually work together. Some are just for water, some are for soda, some are for wine, and others are coffee only. We have so many of these things I don't know what to do with them, but I need to adjust the shelf height in the cup cabinet to fit the new 48 oz Stanley mugs she got from Target. I call these her "Trucker cups", because they are comically large, but we need this size so she doesn't have to fill her water cup as many times during the work day.

 

 

Edited April 23, 2023 by Dutchrudder

[Celery Man 20996]

W: “Hey the garbage disposal is broken.”

CM: “ok what is it doing “

W: “it’s not doing anything”

CM: “ok let’s see”

W: *turns it on, it goes wrrrrrrrr*
W: “see? the sink isn’t emptying and normally it goes WRaBAbaBAbAbABaBA”

CM: “yeah it looks like there are strawberries stuck in the flange” *pokes with knife*
Garbage disposal:”WRaBAbaBAbAbABaBA”

[tbone_ 14157]

That’s on you. You could have married Melvin the plumber and his asscrack but you didn’t.

[GoPokes83 2240]

Many years ago, I bought my wife and I 32 oz RTIC insulated cups for Christmas or something. It was a great idea, she loves icy drinks, tends to sip on them all day, and these things don't get condensation everywhere. She liked it so much, that she had me buy a second set to always have one available when they are in the wash. I of course buy the exact same cups, same tops, same straws, different colors so everything is interchangeable and simple. Things are good, shelf space required is minimal.
Fast forward 6 years and I just counted 11 different varieties of insulated cups, sizes, tops and straws. Most are not interchangeable. Some are the same brand and look nearly identical, but the tops between the 20 oz and 32 oz are slightly different sizes that don't actually work together. Some are just for water, some are for soda, some are for wine, and others are coffee only. We have so many of these things I don't know what to do with them, but I need to adjust the shelf height in the cup cabinet to fit the new 48 oz Stanley mugs she got from Target. I call these her "Trucker cups", because they are comically large, but we need this size so she doesn't have to fill her water cup as many times during the work day.
 
 

I’d agree as we have so many that we’re completely out of room in the cabinet and have had to shift things around in others to make everything work, BUT… I love the giant 48 oz cups! Holds ice for 24 hours.

[T’Boo Ted Marshall 2740]

4 hours ago, Dutchrudder said:

Many years ago, I bought my wife and I 32 oz RTIC insulated cups for Christmas or something. It was a great idea, she loves icy drinks, tends to sip on them all day, and these things don't get condensation everywhere. She liked it so much, that she had me buy a second set to always have one available when they are in the wash. I of course buy the exact same cups, same tops, same straws, different colors so everything is interchangeable and simple. Things are good, shelf space required is minimal.

Fast forward 6 years and I just counted 11 different varieties of insulated cups, sizes, tops and straws. Most are not interchangeable. Some are the same brand and look nearly identical, but the tops between the 20 oz and 32 oz are slightly different sizes that don't actually work together. Some are just for water, some are for soda, some are for wine, and others are coffee only. We have so many of these things I don't know what to do with them, but I need to adjust the shelf height in the cup cabinet to fit the new 48 oz Stanley mugs she got from Target. I call these her "Trucker cups", because they are comically large, but we need this size so she doesn't have to fill her water cup as many times during the work day.

 

 

What are the odds she works in an office with a water fountain or ice machine?  

[Jerry Callo 8723]

W: “Hey the garbage disposal is broken.”
CM: “ok what is it doing “
W: “it’s not doing anything”
CM: “ok let’s see”
W: *turns it on, it goes wrrrrrrrr*
W: “see? the sink isn’t emptying and normally it goes WRaBAbaBAbAbABaBA”
CM: “yeah it looks like there are strawberries stuck in the flange” *pokes with knife*
Garbage disposal:”WRaBAbaBAbAbABaBA”

Your onomatopoeia is beautiful.