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Wives and the Stupid Shit They Say/Do

Spur08

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nnm

nnm 36418

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7 hours ago, Dutchrudder said:

Many years ago, I bought my wife and I 32 oz RTIC insulated cups for Christmas or something. It was a great idea, she loves icy drinks, tends to sip on them all day, and these things don't get condensation everywhere. She liked it so much, that she had me buy a second set to always have one available when they are in the wash. I of course buy the exact same cups, same tops, same straws, different colors so everything is interchangeable and simple. Things are good, shelf space required is minimal.

Fast forward 6 years and I just counted 11 different varieties of insulated cups, sizes, tops and straws. Most are not interchangeable. Some are the same brand and look nearly identical, but the tops between the 20 oz and 32 oz are slightly different sizes that don't actually work together. Some are just for water, some are for soda, some are for wine, and others are coffee only. We have so many of these things I don't know what to do with them, but I need to adjust the shelf height in the cup cabinet to fit the new 48 oz Stanley mugs she got from Target. I call these her "Trucker cups", because they are comically large, but we need this size so she doesn't have to fill her water cup as many times during the work day.

 

 

Those freaking Stanley cups are menaces. Mrs. NNM takes hers everywhere. The stupid handle on it blocks out the whole console. No way there’s room for my normal size simple plastic water bottle or to-go cup of coffee. 

Edited by nnm
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Dutchrudder

Dutchrudder 11139

Posted
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4 hours ago, T’Boo Ted Marshall said:

What are the odds she works in an office with a water fountain or ice machine?  

She works from home, but she refuses to use a headset for meetings, so she can't go mute and get more water during meetings, which is pretty constant from 8-5 for her. This is why she wants bigger cups, so she doesn't have to refill it as much. Me on the other hand, I have a Bluetooth headset that works with both my personal and work phones, and I'm happy to do whatever mundane tasks around the house while listening to conference calls. Different strokes and all.

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Sam Lin

Sam Lin 3559

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8 hours ago, Celery Man said:

W: *turns it on, it goes wrrrrrrrr*
W: “see? the sink isn’t emptying and normally it goes WRaBAbaBAbAbABaBA”

CM: “yeah it looks like there are strawberries stuck in the flange” *pokes with knife*
Garbage disposal:”WRaBAbaBAbAbABaBA”

I want this in an audiobook.

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NWBuck

NWBuck 8570

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11 hours ago, Celery Man said:

W: *turns it on, it goes wrrrrrrrr*
W: “see? the sink isn’t emptying and normally it goes WRaBAbaBAbAbABaBA”

CM: “yeah it looks like there are strawberries stuck in the flange” *pokes with knife*
Garbage disposal:”WRaBAbaBAbAbABaBA”

I initially read that in Boomhauer's voice, but ended up with something different:

7nIf.gif

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Buzzrock

Buzzrock 14921

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Those freaking Stanley cups are menaces. Mrs. NNM takes hers everywhere. The stupid handle on it blocks out the whole console. No way there’s room for my normal size simple plastic water bottle or to-go cup of coffee. 

Those are THE new suburban Mom water cups. It’s ridiculous. They do nothing new and they all have them.
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Dutchrudder

Dutchrudder 11139

Posted
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19 hours ago, nnm said:

Those freaking Stanley cups are menaces. Mrs. NNM takes hers everywhere. The stupid handle on it blocks out the whole console. No way there’s room for my normal size simple plastic water bottle or to-go cup of coffee. 

The base doesn't even fit in the car cupholders, so that why we need the smaller cups too, for on the go...

16 hours ago, KaiserSoze said:

It sounds like you're both idiots, so more power to your coupling and saving others from your idiocy. 

Rude.

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MNLonghornFUKM

MNLonghornFUKM 8817

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Those freaking Stanley cups are menaces. Mrs. NNM takes hers everywhere. The stupid handle on it blocks out the whole console. No way there’s room for my normal size simple plastic water bottle or to-go cup of coffee. 

Lol. Mine has talked about getting a second cup in the past but thankfully she’s forgotten about getting one whenever she’s at target. Probably would be a good excuse to clear out the 4 other bottles we don’t use to make room for a second Stanley tho
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Al_4_ISU

Al_4_ISU 12464

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On 4/23/2023 at 6:50 PM, nnm said:

Those freaking Stanley cups are menaces. Mrs. NNM takes hers everywhere. The stupid handle on it blocks out the whole console. No way there’s room for my normal size simple plastic water bottle or to-go cup of coffee. 

I wish my wife had a Stanley Cup.  Damn.

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Crapinon

Crapinon 2257

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During dinner last night, I picked up my phone to check an email I got from my boss. My wife snipped "Checking your phone during dinner? Can't you ever leave it alone?" This comes form the woman who gets on FB as soon as we clear the table to play those stupid FB games until 11 every night, while she streams reruns of that god awful show "Drop Dead Diva" and demands no interruptions. And some of the episodes she watched last week. All I can say is "sorry to interrupt your stories grandma".  

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GoPokes83

GoPokes83 2240

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Something new. Whenever my wife comes in to a room to talk to me or axe me something, if I’m on my phone I put it down so I can pretend to pay attention. It’s 50/50 if it’s face up or down, I just lay it aside because, manners. Last night she flips out and wants to know why I’m always hiding my phone whenever she comes around and what am I trying to hide? Which surprisingly, is nothing.

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Jerry Callo

Jerry Callo 8704

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29 minutes ago, GoPokes83 said:

Something new. Whenever my wife comes in to a room to talk to me or axe me something, if I’m on my phone I put it down so I can pretend to pay attention. It’s 50/50 if it’s face up or down, I just lay it aside because, manners. Last night she flips out and wants to know why I’m always hiding my phone whenever she comes around and what am I trying to hide? Which surprisingly, is nothing.

That does seem suspicious.

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Ojo Rojo

Ojo Rojo 1965

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My wife doesn't enjoy sex (she says).  She has orgasms, but says they don't feel good. She has major body image issues that go way back. She doesn't like the things that I like, sexually.  So I said to her last night, "You should do X with me so at least one of us can be happy.  You are going to be unhappy either way."  She said, "That's the same thing as a husband telling his wife they cannot afford a LV purse and the wife goes and buys it anyway and tells him that at least one of them is happy."  Not. The. Same. Thing.

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GoPokes83

GoPokes83 2240

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My wife doesn't enjoy sex (she says).  She has orgasms, but says they don't feel good. She has major body image issues that go way back. She doesn't like the things that I like, sexually.  So I said to her last night, "You should do X with me so at least one of us can be happy.  You are going to be unhappy either way."  She said, "That's the same thing as a husband telling his wife they cannot afford a LV purse and the wife goes and buys it anyway and tells him that at least one of them is happy."  Not. The. Same. Thing.

Maybe don’t ask for the pegging right off the bat.
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Cheeseweasel

Cheeseweasel 26438

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Posted
11 minutes ago, Ojo Rojo said:

My wife doesn't enjoy sex (she says).  She has orgasms, but says they don't feel good. She has major body image issues that go way back. She doesn't like the things that I like, sexually.  So I said to her last night, "You should do X with me so at least one of us can be happy.  You are going to be unhappy either way."  She said, "That's the same thing as a husband telling his wife they cannot afford a LV purse and the wife goes and buys it anyway and tells him that at least one of them is happy."  Not. The. Same. Thing.

Damn. That sucks, man.

 

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Gil Bang

Gil Bang 25961

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42 minutes ago, Ojo Rojo said:

My wife doesn't enjoy sex (she says).  She has orgasms, but says they don't feel good. She has major body image issues that go way back. She doesn't like the things that I like, sexually.  So I said to her last night, "You should do X with me so at least one of us can be happy.  You are going to be unhappy either way."  She said, "That's the same thing as a husband telling his wife they cannot afford a LV purse and the wife goes and buys it anyway and tells him that at least one of them is happy."  Not. The. Same. Thing.

YOU 

NEED 

MARRIAGE

COUNSELING

 

Holy fuck dude, that's no way to live.  Trust me, I've been there.  My (ex) wife went from a firecracker in the sack to a depressed woman that never wanted sex.  It's a miserable way to live. 

Edited by Gil Bang
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tbone_

tbone_ 14128

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That does suck. Surely she wouldn’t mind you getting it somewhere else then, right?

I mean, you can’t get a dog and then not feed it just because you don’t feel like it or enjoy it.

Also, just to tweak you married guys, woke up to a text from the GF this morning that simply said “I’m sorry for being crabby last night.” I realize that if she ever becomes more than a GF I’ll never see anything like that again. But for now I just felt the need to gloat.

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idigTexas

idigTexas 2289

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2 hours ago, Ojo Rojo said:

My wife doesn't enjoy sex (she says).  She has orgasms, but says they don't feel good. She has major body image issues that go way back. She doesn't like the things that I like, sexually.  So I said to her last night, "You should do X with me so at least one of us can be happy.  You are going to be unhappy either way."  She said, "That's the same thing as a husband telling his wife they cannot afford a LV purse and the wife goes and buys it anyway and tells him that at least one of them is happy."  Not. The. Same. Thing.

Have you offered her a LV purse if she does X with you? 

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ABSR

ABSR 5315

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3 hours ago, Ojo Rojo said:

My wife doesn't enjoy sex (she says).  She has orgasms, but says they don't feel good. She has major body image issues that go way back. She doesn't like the things that I like, sexually.  So I said to her last night, "You should do X with me so at least one of us can be happy.  You are going to be unhappy either way."  She said, "That's the same thing as a husband telling his wife they cannot afford a LV purse and the wife goes and buys it anyway and tells him that at least one of them is happy."  Not. The. Same. Thing.

Tell her that it is okay you all don't share the same desires.  To remedy this she will let you have sex with other women, and you will let other men buy her LV purses.  Win-Win!

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TrashMaster G

TrashMaster G 17558

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6 hours ago, shadow_operative2.0 said:

*Rihanna 

I'm not the least bit bothered by not knowing how to spell her name. 🤷‍♂️

3 hours ago, Gil Bang said:

YOU 

NEED 

MARRIAGE

COUNSELING

 

Holy fuck dude, that's no way to live.  Trust me, I've been there.  My (ex) wife went from a firecracker in the sack to a depressed woman that never wanted sex.  It's a miserable way to live. 

Been there.  Got divorvced.

Having sex now.  Sex is better than no sex.

Would you like to subscribe to my newsletter?

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Kennythetiger

Kennythetiger 9389

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5 hours ago, GoPokes83 said:

Something new. Whenever my wife comes in to a room to talk to me or axe me something, if I’m on my phone I put it down so I can pretend to pay attention. It’s 50/50 if it’s face up or down, I just lay it aside because, manners. Last night she flips out and wants to know why I’m always hiding my phone whenever she comes around and what am I trying to hide? Which surprisingly, is nothing.

Look at Mr. Big Time over here. Wife enters the same room before asking him a question. 

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