Wives and the Stupid Shit They Say/Do

[Ojo Rojo 1982]

I'm super fucking busy right now.  Wife knows this.  I'm just rushing from one important thing to the next all day, every day.  I have zero time for any bullshit whatsoever.  Yesterday we were at my kid's psych appointment and I'm frantically typing work-related emails on my phone while we waited for the doctor.  She looks over and tells me, "I need to tell you about a few things this week."  I stop typing and look at her and tell her okay.  She then proceeds to start telling me about a bunch of events, in great detail, like the end of school parties at my kids' schools, that I'm not going to, have no responsibility for and give no fucks about.  Once I realized that every single thing she was telling me was utterly irrelevant to my life I could not help myself and made the "just get on with it" hand gesture. Rookie move. Frown. Tone. FML.

Edited May 24, 2023 by Ojo Rojo

[El Tri 412]

On 5/16/2023 at 5:16 PM, Superhero said:

Yeah. After 15 years of marriage, I’m pretty clear we have little in common other than we enjoy the occasional sexy time.

She shows no appreciation and only points things out when I’ve screwed up.

Her choice of words and tone or voice is a mix of exasperation, condescension, and passive aggression. She regularly makes the kids cry and pisses me off so much that I put on my earphones and block her out.

Don’t get me wrong. She’s a good mom, and without her my kids would go barefoot and wear potato sacks. They would be latchkey kids without supervision.

But nowadays I don’t want anything to do with her because inevitably it’ll end in an argument. 

you need to make your way over to the divorce thread. life is too short to put up with that shit

[Nivek 17016]

1 hour ago, Ojo Rojo said:

I'm super fucking busy right now.  Wife knows this.  I'm just rushing from one important thing to the next all day, every day.  I have zero time for any bullshit whatsoever.  Yesterday we were at my kid's psych appointment and I'm frantically typing work-related emails on my phone while we waited for the doctor.  She looks over and tells me, "I need to tell you about a few things this week."  I stop typing and look at her and tell her okay.  She then proceeds to start telling me about a bunch of events, in great detail, like the end of school parties at my kids' schools, that I'm not going to, have no responsibility for and give no fucks about.  Once I realized that every single thing she was telling me was utterly irrelevant to my life I could not help myself and made the "just get on with it" hand gesture. Rookie move. Frown. Tone. FML.

This is her trying to spend time with you, get some attention from you, and engage with you about your family.  It is a hell of a lot better than her not wanting to talk with you.  Giving zero fucks about your kid's end-of-year parties is not appropriate, if it is important to them it should be important to you, but you probably didn't mean that.  

Get on with it hand gesture was an asshole move on your part.  The proper response would be to ask her if she could table the discussion for later.  Tell her this email has to get out now and set a time for you to talk with her later.  She will appreciate you more and give you space.  

 

[Dennis Taylor 18894]

10 minutes ago, Nivek said:

This is her trying to spend time with you, get some attention from you, and engage with you about your family.  It is a hell of a lot better than her not wanting to talk with you.  Giving zero fucks about your kid's end-of-year parties is not appropriate, if it is important to them it should be important to you, but you probably didn't mean that.  

Get on with it hand gesture was an asshole move on your part.  The proper response would be to ask her if she could table the discussion for later.  Tell her this email has to get out now and set a time for you to talk with her later.  She will appreciate you more and give you space.  

 

Hey he said he's really fucking busy, work emails, surly posts, all kinds of important shit going on

[Paco 1934]

☝️ what he said.

And you can take your "I'm so busy right now and I don't have time for any bullshit at all" and fuck your own face with it. 

[TrashMaster G 17665]

On 5/19/2023 at 5:37 PM, 52-80 said:

She found out I was on errand run this morning. 
 

“Can you get some stuff from the bakery?”

”Sure. Just msg me a list of the things you want”

”Hmmmm.  Get me anything. Really. Anything… except the apple strudel or cherry pie”

”You sure? Anything?”

“Yup”

 

So I brought home some of the portuguese pasteis egg custard. (no strudels or cherry pies).

“Hey, where are the pastries? These little things are not pastries. After [x] years, you should know what I like from the bakery”

You should know.  Asshole.

 

4 hours ago, tbone_ said:

Looks like we got a couple of metros in here

This.

[NeverMarryAStripper 21999]

10 hours ago, 52-80 said:

wife does all the laundry in the house.  this is a conversation that happens quarterly:

*we get into some minor squabble*

"its so tiring; i do all the work around here; i do all the laundry including all your stuff everyday"

"okay, ill do the laundry instead, ive never asked you to do mine"

"but you dont know how to do right"

"you know i did live on my own before you..."

*stares*

 

(you can replace the laundry with cleaning the room or any other chore around the house.  )

Just tell her that housekeepers plus whores are significantly cheaper than wives.

[Armybrat 40942]

5 hours ago, tbone_ said:

Looks like we got a couple of metros in here

Well, call me Metrobrat then. 
After I retired (10 years before Mrs. brat did), I did all the laundry, house cleaning, and 75% of the cooking.

[harpercollins 394]

oldie but a goodie

https://twitter.com/Kurokenji_/status/1309522719600447488?s=20

Edited May 24, 2023 by harpercollins

[gofuckyourself 8388]

1 hour ago, NeverMarryAStripper said:

Just tell her that housekeepers plus whores are significantly cheaper than wives.

Are nude maid services still a thing?

Twofer discount, assuming you order the "Knob Polish" add-on

[MNLonghornFUKM 8835]

I'm super fucking busy right now.  Wife knows this.  I'm just rushing from one important thing to the next all day, every day.  I have zero time for any bullshit whatsoever.  Yesterday we were at my kid's psych appointment and I'm frantically typing work-related emails on my phone while we waited for the doctor.  She looks over and tells me, "I need to tell you about a few things this week."  I stop typing and look at her and tell her okay.  She then proceeds to start telling me about a bunch of events, in great detail, like the end of school parties at my kids' schools, that I'm not going to, have no responsibility for and give no fucks about.  Once I realized that every single thing she was telling me was utterly irrelevant to my life I could not help myself and made the "just get on with it" hand gesture. Rookie move. Frown. Tone. FML.

Team wife and kid on this one.


But you owned up to it as a rookie mistake, we’re not all perfect

[Cheeseweasel 26438]

17 minutes ago, harpercollins said:

oldie but a goodie

https://twitter.com/Kurokenji_/status/1309522719600447488?s=20

Shame? Nah. It would be fine if you weren't nagging her.

[52-80 19275]

1 hour ago, NeverMarryAStripper said:

Just tell her that housekeepers plus whores are significantly cheaper than wives.

When she moved in she got rid of my Bosnian housekeeper. (Was an old lady, no pics needed). 

[Nivek 17016]

19 minutes ago, 52-80 said:

When she moved in she got rid of my Bosnian housekeeper. (Was an old lady, no pics needed). 

Brutal.  

[Nivek 17016]

43 minutes ago, harpercollins said:

oldie but a goodie

https://twitter.com/Kurokenji_/status/1309522719600447488?s=20

The encouraging part of this picture is that the tea was actually drunk.   

[Jameslaw121 4452]

My wife will save every fucking condiment package. You know how you get like 10 things of hot mustard and soy sauce when you get Chinese food? She saves ever fucking one. Even though there has never once been a time either of us have used the hot mustard. So I wind up just throwing away random ketchup, mayo, hot sauce packets every few weeks.

A couple of weeks ago, she got pancakes for the kids. Had an extra package of syrup. Told her to throw it away. You're not going to use it and then I'll have to do it. She insisted she would....This was may 6th..





I'll update as appropriate

[blacklab 11957]

4 hours ago, 52-80 said:

When she moved in she got rid of my Bosnian housekeeper. (Was an old lady, no pics needed). 

Brat is interested in pics

[DalTxHornFan 3121]

18 minutes ago, blacklab said:

Brat is interested in pics

That's not fair to Brat -- we all are interested in pics!

[Superhero 8871]

49 minutes ago, Jameslaw121 said:

My wife will save every fucking condiment package. You know how you get like 10 things of hot mustard and soy sauce when you get Chinese food? She saves ever fucking one. Even though there has never once been a time either of us have used the hot mustard. So I wind up just throwing away random ketchup, mayo, hot sauce packets every few weeks.

A couple of weeks ago, she got pancakes for the kids. Had an extra package of syrup. Told her to throw it away. You're not going to use it and then I'll have to do it. She insisted she would....This was may 6th..





I'll update as appropriate

Sheeeeee-it. May 6th? I probably have condiments from 2015 (since we moved into this house). I'm pretty sure I tossed the ones she collected since 2008.

[ztejas 43608]

1 hour ago, Jameslaw121 said:

My wife will save every fucking condiment package. You know how you get like 10 things of hot mustard and soy sauce when you get Chinese food? She saves ever fucking one. Even though there has never once been a time either of us have used the hot mustard. So I wind up just throwing away random ketchup, mayo, hot sauce packets every few weeks.

A couple of weeks ago, she got pancakes for the kids. Had an extra package of syrup. Told her to throw it away. You're not going to use it and then I'll have to do it. She insisted she would....This was may 6th..





I'll update as appropriate

I'm a condiment collector. But I certainly don't keep everything and I'll throw stuff away after awhile if I haven't used it. Sometimes I don't have what I want in the fridge or they'll forget to put it in the bag or it's a specialty item like chik fil a or Taco Bell sauce (or peppers and cheese for pizza - I like to keep some extra on hand). 

Keeping everything and never throwing it away is some depression-era shit. Especially something like that syrup container. I'd wager you have a bottle of syrup in the pantry, yes?

[Party_Taco 3793]

We built a fucking palace of a laundry room… this is how it looks 99% of the time. The cleaning ladies wouldn’t dare touch this mess, and 0.0% of it is mine.

I can also assume there is a mildew infested load sitting in the wash, likely since this past weekend…

[Beau Vine 54489]

On 5/20/2023 at 12:03 PM, 956 Worldwide said:

Does anyone else’s wife sit down at a restaurant and not look at the menu while waiting for the waiter, then not look at the menu between drink order and arrival, then not look at the menu when the waiter offers “a few more minutes,” then get mad because she’s being “rushed” when everyone finally orders and she still hasn’t looked at the menu? 

My wife sits down and immediately starts studying the menu like it's the fucking Rosetta Stone.  She contunues that through the drink order and the "few more minutes" and then "you order first."  

Because every time she goes to a restaurant, she is on a quest to order absolutely the best meal in the history of meals.

Addendum: She does this even if we've been to the restaurant before.  Many times.

Edited May 25, 2023 by Beau Vine

[Sam Lin 3564]

1 hour ago, Party_Taco said:

We built a fucking palace of a laundry room… this is how it looks 99% of the time. The cleaning ladies wouldn’t dare touch this mess, and 0.0% of it is mine.

I can also assume there is a mildew infested load sitting in the wash, likely since this past weekend…

Holy fuck instant divorce right there.

[Not that Bob 739]

That is a nice laundry room. Maybe you could punch out the window and install a laundry chute so you can easily chute all that crap outside and be able to enjoy the intended ambiance. 

[Gil Bang 26069]

1 hour ago, Party_Taco said:

We built a fucking palace of a laundry room… this is how it looks 99% of the time. The cleaning ladies wouldn’t dare touch this mess, and 0.0% of it is mine.

I can also assume there is a mildew infested load sitting in the wash, likely since this past weekend…

I assume it looks that way because your samsung shit is broken

[NWBuck 8590]

8 hours ago, harpercollins said:

oldie but a goodie

https://twitter.com/Kurokenji_/status/1309522719600447488?s=20

This... Goddammit. 

Even though we live in Seattle, only my wife and oldest daughter drink coffee/tea. Not me or the youngest or the dog. 

Walked through the house last week and ended up double fisted like that photo... 60% of them with at least a quarter inch of liquid left at the bottom. 

After I ran the dishwasher and put things away, a quick inventory revealed that we have 35 coffee cups in the cabinet; a number which doesn't include any from the two formal settings (fancy eatin' plates, for the cavalcade of celebrities and dignitaries we host) or any of the @15 travel mugs and bottles. 

I'm going to start throwing away one mug a week... No one will notice until mid-November 

Edited May 25, 2023 by NWBuck

[Bevo in VA 342]

1 hour ago, Party_Taco said:

We built a fucking palace of a laundry room… this is how it looks 99% of the time. The cleaning ladies wouldn’t dare touch this mess, and 0.0% of it is mine.

I can also assume there is a mildew infested load sitting in the wash, likely since this past weekend…

 

But a nice humblebrag with the priority bag check tag on the luggage buried under the pile of clothes on the floor!

[NotActuallyALonghorn 4979]

As far as condiments go, stuff like Whataburger Spicy Ketchup stays, because we don't always have it on hand (no HEB nearby, unless I go out to the family land to put out deer corn or swap the batteries or memory card on the game cam and drive ten minutes out of the way each way to stop by a paltry HEB Pantry Foods store that is mostly just depressing). Random stuff that we already have, well it probably stays also until the fridge purge that happens every couple months or so. 

 

10 hours ago, Nivek said:

This is her trying to spend time with you, get some attention from you, and engage with you about your family.  It is a hell of a lot better than her not wanting to talk with you.  Giving zero fucks about your kid's end-of-year parties is not appropriate, if it is important to them it should be important to you, but you probably didn't mean that.  

Get on with it hand gesture was an asshole move on your part.  The proper response would be to ask her if she could table the discussion for later.  Tell her this email has to get out now and set a time for you to talk with her later.  She will appreciate you more and give you space.  

 

You were doing good until the last sentence. 

[UpperWestside 6193]

So the place I work at on Long Island is run by a husband-wife team. I really respect them both and the husband was my general manager in Manhattan before starting this restaurant with his wife. She is the chef and she’s really, really good. It does not mean they don’t have some humorous interactions though. 
 

Last week we had a day where it was raining. I get into work and when I get there she is telling me there are three spots in the roof where water is coming into the restaurant. She is pissed because the landlord is not taking care of it. One spot she points out seems odd to me, but I am not going to tell her she’s wrong on this. Instead I wait for this gem.

Husband: Hey come out here and show me where the leaks are.

Wife: I’m busy and don’t have time for this right now. That hole in the ceiling right there is leaking.

Husband: I’m pretty certain that’s a speaker in the ceiling.

Wife: I don’t have time for this! I have to get ready in the kitchen!

These two honestly get along really well and have been married for about 20 years, but they have their moments which are pretty funny to watch because the husband is Irish. She’s got a French mother and her father was Jewish I believe. She grew up on the UES in Manhattan and called Manhattan home until COVID when they finally moved the family to Massapequa. 

[Sam Lin 3564]

Cool story? Speaker is a ceiling penetration and certainly can have water leak around it.

[UpperWestside 6193]

It was still raining when I walked in. I walked a mile in the rain. Not a drop of water was coming from anywhere near that spot. The repair crew went on top of the roof and even tried to run a hose over that area and nothing.  She just saw a speaker that looked odd. Definitely out of place, but it was a sports bar before that.

[Nivek 17016]

7 hours ago, UpperWestside said:

So the place I work at on Long Island is run by a husband-wife team. I really respect them both and the husband was my general manager in Manhattan before starting this restaurant with his wife. She is the chef and she’s really, really good. It does not mean they don’t have some humorous interactions though. 
 

Last week we had a day where it was raining. I get into work and when I get there she is telling me there are three spots in the roof where water is coming into the restaurant. She is pissed because the landlord is not taking care of it. One spot she points out seems odd to me, but I am not going to tell her she’s wrong on this. Instead I wait for this gem.

Husband: Hey come out here and show me where the leaks are.

Wife: I’m busy and don’t have time for this right now. That hole in the ceiling right there is leaking.

Husband: I’m pretty certain that’s a speaker in the ceiling.

Wife: I don’t have time for this! I have to get ready in the kitchen!

These two honestly get along really well and have been married for about 20 years, but they have their moments which are pretty funny to watch because the husband is Irish. She’s got a French mother and her father was Jewish I believe. She grew up on the UES in Manhattan and called Manhattan home until COVID when they finally moved the family to Massapequa. 

This is not funny.  

[Nivek 17016]

11 hours ago, Party_Taco said:

We built a fucking palace of a laundry room… this is how it looks 99% of the time. The cleaning ladies wouldn’t dare touch this mess, and 0.0% of it is mine.

I can also assume there is a mildew infested load sitting in the wash, likely since this past weekend…

Seems to me like there is an effort to separate the laundry and to put away or give away clothing (jackets) and such.   Not sure how many kids you have but they can be a distraction or sometimes things come up and you have to switch priorities.   

BTW nice room.  

Also, if you are concerned about mildew why didn't you check or at least open the washer?

[Cheeseweasel 26438]

6 minutes ago, Nivek said:

Also, if you are concerned about mildew why didn't you check or at least open the washer?

I doubt he can get to it.

[Jameslaw121 4452]

12 hours ago, ztejas said:

I'm a condiment collector. But I certainly don't keep everything and I'll throw stuff away after awhile if I haven't used it. Sometimes I don't have what I want in the fridge or they'll forget to put it in the bag or it's a specialty item like chik fil a or Taco Bell sauce (or peppers and cheese for pizza - I like to keep some extra on hand). 

Keeping everything and never throwing it away is some depression-era shit. Especially something like that syrup container. I'd wager you have a bottle of syrup in the pantry, yes?

1 regular syrup

1 sugar free syrup

1 bottle of maple syrup.

And I have no problem keeping some stuff. I have a problem when it's an entire grocery sack full.

[MNLonghornFUKM 8835]

My wife will save every fucking condiment package. You know how you get like 10 things of hot mustard and soy sauce when you get Chinese food? She saves ever fucking one. Even though there has never once been a time either of us have used the hot mustard. So I wind up just throwing away random ketchup, mayo, hot sauce packets every few weeks.

A couple of weeks ago, she got pancakes for the kids. Had an extra package of syrup. Told her to throw it away. You're not going to use it and then I'll have to do it. She insisted she would....This was may 6th..





I'll update as appropriate

But only for Taco Bell sauce and Chick-fil-A sauce.

[TrashMaster G 17665]

1 hour ago, Nivek said:

This is not funny.  

Correct.

[Tylerocks 2557]

I was a former condiment collector.  Had a ziploc bag full of them in the fridge door.

I've cured myself of that.

 

 

Do y'alls wives know how ice machines work?  Like, the arm/auto shutoff?

Mine doesn't.

[tbone_ 14213]

I was a former condiment collector.  Had a ziploc bag full of them in the fridge door.
I've cured myself of that.
 
 
Do y'alls wives know how ice machines work?  Like, the arm/auto shutoff?
Mine doesn't.

I feel like expecting that level of mechanical aptitude is a stretch

[Vertuzzi 1401]

On 5/22/2023 at 8:02 AM, Tylerocks said:

So we each do our own laundry.

I'd say once a month, I'll open the washer, and get punched in the face with the stench of mildewy sheets or towels

Buddy you just awoke my rage. My lady loves to start a load of laundry just before we head out to do something in which we won’t be home for many hours. I tell her every time not to do that because wet clothes sitting in a wet washer starts to smell. My message never gets listened to. 

[Nivek 17016]

42 minutes ago, Vertuzzi said:

Buddy you just awoke my rage. My lady loves to start a load of laundry just before we head out to do something in which we won’t be home for many hours. I tell her every time not to do that because wet clothes sitting in a wet washer starts to smell. My message never gets listened to. 

A few hours shouldn't make a difference unless mold has already set in your machine.   Mine kicks on just to move the clothes around after a bit automatically.  But I wish she would just switch them. 

[Ojo Rojo 1982]

22 hours ago, Dennis Taylor said:

Hey he said he's really fucking busy, work emails, surly posts, all kinds of important shit going on

 

22 hours ago, Paco said:

☝️ what he said.

And you can take your "I'm so busy right now and I don't have time for any bullshit at all" and fuck your own face with it. 

 

23 hours ago, Nivek said:

This is her trying to spend time with you, get some attention from you, and engage with you about your family.  It is a hell of a lot better than her not wanting to talk with you.  Giving zero fucks about your kid's end-of-year parties is not appropriate, if it is important to them it should be important to you, but you probably didn't mean that.  

Get on with it hand gesture was an asshole move on your part.  The proper response would be to ask her if she could table the discussion for later.  Tell her this email has to get out now and set a time for you to talk with her later.  She will appreciate you more and give you space.  

 

Well I guess I misread the room on this one.  I thought we were all assholes here.  I thought we were in the trust tree.  My bad.

[Grade of D as in David 13253]

3 minutes ago, Ojo Rojo said:

 

 

Well I guess I misread the room on this one.  I thought we were all assholes here.  I thought we were in the trust tree.  My bad.

I'm with you man.

[WithoutAClue 15520]

[tbone_ 14213]

That would be helpful advice except it’s impossible to not piss off a woman.

[NWBuck 8590]

14 hours ago, NWBuck said:

This... Goddammit. 

Even though we live in Seattle, only my wife and oldest daughter drink coffee/tea. Not me or the youngest or the dog. 

Walked through the house last week and ended up double fisted like that photo... 60% of them with at least a quarter inch of liquid left at the bottom. 

After I ran the dishwasher and put things away, a quick inventory revealed that we have 35 coffee cups in the cabinet; a number which doesn't include any from the two formal settings (fancy eatin' plates, for the cavalcade of celebrities and dignitaries we host) or any of the @15 travel mugs and bottles. 

I'm going to start throwing away one mug a week... No one will notice until mid-November 

Quick update... Oldest daughter has moved home from college, and brought a box of mugs from her apartment with her. So, you can readily add another 13 coffee cups to the previous total... but now I have a place to move mugs to when I take them out of the cabinet.

[TrashMaster G 17665]

2 hours ago, Vertuzzi said:

Buddy you just awoke my rage. My lady loves to start a load of laundry just before we head out to do something in which we won’t be home for many hours. I tell her every time not to do that because wet clothes sitting in a wet washer starts to smell. My message never gets listened to. 

If they start smelling mildewy or something in less than a day, there's something else going on.

[Cheeseweasel 26438]

13 minutes ago, NWBuck said:

Quick update... Oldest daughter has moved home from college, and brought a box of mugs from her apartment with her. So, you can readily add another 13 coffee cups to the previous total... but now I have a place to move mugs to when I take them out of the cabinet.

Alternate idea: target practice

 

[Grade of D as in David 13253]

16 minutes ago, NWBuck said:

Quick update... Oldest daughter has moved home from college, and brought a box of mugs from her apartment with her. So, you can readily add another 13 coffee cups to the previous total... but now I have a place to move mugs to when I take them out of the cabinet.

[tx ind 7013]

13 hours ago, UpperWestside said:

So the place I work at on Long Island is run by a husband-wife team. 

username does not check out