Wives and the Stupid Shit They Say/Do

[harpercollins 394]

If they start smelling mildewy or something in less than a day, there's something else going on.

Like you live in Beaumont.

[tbone_ 14,113]

Ain’t no damn body posting pics of their daughter

[Not that Bob 735]

I'm still intrigued by the Oreos on  the toaster. Is that a thing? Should I be doing that? Are we toasting Oreos?

[Brothahorn 10,087]

Does anyone else’s wife sit down at a restaurant and not look at the menu while waiting for the waiter, then not look at the menu between drink order and arrival, then not look at the menu when the waiter offers “a few more minutes,” then get mad because she’s being “rushed” when everyone finally orders and she still hasn’t looked at the menu? 

Mine is too busy asking what I'm getting to figure out what she wants.

[Jameslaw121 4,448]

1 hour ago, Not that Bob said:

I'm still intrigued by the Oreos on  the toaster. Is that a thing? Should I be doing that? Are we toasting Oreos?

That is also a valid question. After I took the pic I moved them approximately 3 feet and put them back where they belong....

Edited May 25, 2023 by Jameslaw121

[gofuckyourself 8,208]

44 minutes ago, Brothahorn said:

 

 

Mine is too busy asking what I'm getting to figure out what she wants.

 

Yep. Mine (not married so we still have sex, but I digress) is a project manager for a large company. She runs dozens of people on some jobs, making big money decisions while huge corporations and execs wait impatiently. Zero indecision.

But go to a Tex-Mex place and it's complete mental vapor lock and, ultimately, "just order me what you get".

[Modessit 5,598]

Mine is too busy asking what I'm getting to figure out what she wants.

Exactly. "What are you getting?" I always answer: "Why? Just get what you want." If she keeps bugging me, I tell her I'm getting "Food." Then she's pissed off*.

I used to think it was because if she was thinking about getting the same thing then she would get her other choice and then eat hers and have "just a taste" of mine so she could enjoy both dishes. But then she learned I don't share from my plate.

Now I think it's because she can't actually make a decision and is hoping what I'm ordering sounds good so she can get the same thing. It's also why she rarely will order before me because she's undecided. Unless we're at a specific place she wanted to go to for a specific reason - like pancakes. Then she knows what she wants before we get there.

*I'm not getting laid anyway, so what do I care?

[SilasCoade 2,622]

7 hours ago, Ojo Rojo said:

 

 

Well I guess I misread the room on this one.  I thought we were all assholes here.  I thought we were in the trust tree.  My bad.

Twist: paco is actually your wife

[Not that Bob 735]

I know I'm straying from the spirit of this thread but I just had a memory, and by God it ain't often that my mind works well enough to cough up a memory, so let me postulate while throwing out some ancient history. Back when I was in the dating stage of life one would ask a girl out "to dinner". That was sort of a formal thing, more formal than just a movie or something. Well you take your surry with the fringe on top and go pick up the lass and surry her to the establishment. Back then it was expected that the guy would pay for the gals dinner. Out of kindness or nervousness she would ask "what are you getting?" so she would have some idea of how much you were willing/able to pay. Sort of an unspoken courtesy I suppose. My postulation is that this behavior became ingrained in the female culture. I'm probably full of shit but I didn't want to waste that ancient memory. Carry on. 

[luke duke 6,412]

Sorry SH. As others have said, that’s no way to live. You really need some marriage counseling. It won’t get better unless you’re intentional about it. 
 
My middle daughter and my son both got married in the last few months. Among the advice that I gave both of them was that although it is great that they’re marrying the one that they love, the only way to make it work is to love the one you’re married to. 

[Party_Taco 3,723]

Seems to me like there is an effort to separate the laundry and to put away or give away clothing (jackets) and such.   Not sure how many kids you have but they can be a distraction or sometimes things come up and you have to switch priorities.   
BTW nice room.  
Also, if you are concerned about mildew why didn't you check or at least open the washer?

Oh, no… all of the kids stuff is INBOUND. Agree they can be a distraction, but we are fortunate enough to have a full-time nanny… and she actively persuades her to not do the laundry (that would be asking to much of her, despite her offering… repeatedly).

I could give a fuck about the mildew… the steam cycle I use will nuke that real good… but I’m not diving into this mess for anything but to push my laundry through and GTFO.

[ztejas 43,414]

23 minutes ago, Not that Bob said:

I know I'm straying from the spirit of this thread but I just had a memory, and by God it ain't often that my mind works well enough to cough up a memory, so let me postulate while throwing out some ancient history. Back when I was in the dating stage of life one would ask a girl out "to dinner". That was sort of a formal thing, more formal than just a movie or something. Well you take your surry with the fringe on top and go pick up the lass and surry her to the establishment. Back then it was expected that the guy would pay for the gals dinner. Out of kindness or nervousness she would ask "what are you getting?" so she would have some idea of how much you were willing/able to pay. Sort of an unspoken courtesy I suppose. My postulation is that this behavior became ingrained in the female culture. I'm probably full of shit but I didn't want to waste that ancient memory. Carry on. 

I like and was intrigued by your theory but your thesis that this is a passed down cultural behavior and not simply another symptom of female neuroticism I find to be highly implausible. 

[Not that Bob 735]

I think all avenues are plausible. It may be that the "what are you getting" syndrome, while starting as a cultural artifact, may have been so powerful that it became part of the female dna. But bottom line, we will never really know because it makes no sense and is unknowable to the more rational male mind. 

[ztejas 43,414]

7 minutes ago, Not that Bob said:

I think all avenues are plausible. It may be that the "what are you getting" syndrome, while starting as a cultural artifact, may have been so powerful that it became part of the female dna. But bottom line, we will never really know because it makes no sense and is unknowable to the more rational male mind. 

You ever own two female dogs at the same time? 

[Not that Bob 735]

I have not. Do tell. 

[ztejas 43,414]

6 minutes ago, Not that Bob said:

I have not. Do tell. 

The point is that a lot of human behavior is very biological and instinctual. Men are programmed to be good at certain tasks and women are programmed to be good at others. Without each other as a society we fall apart. But we are certainly smart enough to identify each other's shortcomings. 

And this is obviously speaking in generalities. I'm not saying women can't be engineers or men can't be sensitive. We just lend ourselves towards certain outcomes as individuals. 

Edited May 26, 2023 by ztejas

[Cheeseweasel 26,438]

8 hours ago, Party_Taco said:

but we are fortunate enough to have a full-time nanny

Rules.

[hullabelew 3,723]

On 5/25/2023 at 9:10 AM, Nivek said:

Seems to me like there is an effort to separate the laundry and to put away or give away clothing (jackets) and such.   Not sure how many kids you have but they can be a distraction or sometimes things come up and you have to switch priorities.   

BTW nice room.  

Also, if you are concerned about mildew why didn't you check or at least open the washer?

Someone tell Nivek that his wife has signed in to his Surly account again.  

[hullabelew 3,723]

On 5/24/2023 at 10:01 PM, Party_Taco said:

We built a fucking palace of a laundry room… this is how it looks 99% of the time. The cleaning ladies wouldn’t dare touch this mess, and 0.0% of it is mine.

I can also assume there is a mildew infested load sitting in the wash, likely since this past weekend…

For fuck sake, will someone think about the monkey and his buddy looking out the window!  

[TrashMaster G 17,551]

18 hours ago, tbone_ said:

Ain’t no damn body posting pics of their daughter

It has happened.  Once with a dad whose daughter was in Texas Pom.

[General Specific 3,254]

For fuck sake, will someone think about the monkey and his buddy looking out the window!  

Someone also has a working dog. Nice hedgehog!

[Modessit 5,598]

It has happened.  Once with a dad whose daughter was in Texas Pom.

I've posted a pic of my daughter. She was 8 months old and doing 'hook'em horns' in her sleep.

[TrashMaster G 17,551]

1 minute ago, Modessit said:

3 hours ago, TrashMaster G said:

It has happened.  Once with a dad whose daughter was in Texas Pom.

I've posted a pic of my daughter. She was 8 months old and doing 'hook'em horns' in her sleep.

How old is she now?

[Modessit 5,598]

How old is she now?

7

[TrashMaster G 17,551]

1 minute ago, Modessit said:

2 minutes ago, TrashMaster G said:

How old is she now?

7

That is a fun age.  I miss having kids that young.

[Modessit 5,598]

But I've posted pics of a cousin's kid who I found out used to play in the LFL:

[Al_4_ISU 12,452]

22 hours ago, tbone_ said:

Ain’t no damn body posting pics of their daughter

You're not in the Beer thread I take it.

[Modessit 5,598]

And I recently found out that cousin's sister has a kid who started this year as a dancer for the Denver Nuggets:

[Js1 85,296]

21 hours ago, Not that Bob said:

I'm still intrigued by the Oreos on  the toaster. Is that a thing? Should I be doing that? Are we toasting Oreos?

I had this same thought 

[Al_4_ISU 12,452]

Isn't your cousin's sister also your cousin?

[Modessit 5,598]

Isn't your cousin's sister also your cousin?

Yes but I was trying to convey they were from the same branch rather than a cousin from elsewhere. The LFL mom was hot in college. Never saw the Nuggets mom back then so no idea.

[tbone_ 14,113]

You're not in the Beer thread I take it.

I’m not. But I did make the mistake of posting once in the Bourbon thread and now it never leaves my participated feed.

[Al_4_ISU 12,452]

3 minutes ago, tbone_ said:

I’m not. But I did make the mistake of posting once in the Bourbon thread and now it never leaves my participated feed.

It's nothing creepy, but one of the regulars there usually has his kid in the background as he's at a brewery.

[Clackles 276]

20 minutes ago, Al_4_ISU said:

It's nothing creepy

imo

[Brew 3,049]

On 5/25/2023 at 1:19 PM, NWBuck said:

Quick update... Oldest daughter has moved home from college, and brought a box of mugs from her apartment with her. So, you can readily add another 13 coffee cups to the previous total... but now I have a place to move mugs to when I take them out of the cabinet.

Do you want to start an exchange program? I think we’re closing in on 100 Stanley, Yetis, and Tervis with the additional 5-6 that have shown up since Mother’s Day and the kids bringing everything home from school/sports/vehicles. 

[General Specific 3,254]

Do you want to start an exchange program? I think we’re closing in on 100 Stanley, Yetis, and Tervis with the additional 5-6 that have shown up since Mother’s Day and the kids bringing everything home from school/sports/vehicles. 

This^^^

[Armybrat 40,826]

On 5/24/2023 at 7:16 PM, blacklab said:

Brat is interested in pics

Both women.

[MNLonghornFUKM 8,817]

And I recently found out that cousin's sister has a kid who started this year as a dancer for the Denver Nuggets:

Well it was either central mexico or moscow.

[Brisketexan 105,082]

So…I just had one of the most confusing, maddening experiences of my life, regarding how to measure and cut shelf paper for our new cabinets.
Short back story: we’re finished a kitchen remodel, all new cabinets. Top cabinets are just over 12” deep, various widths (18”, 20”, 24”).
So, we’re looking at rolls of liner that are - and I quote: “12 inches wide, 20 feet long.” Again, they are sold in ROLLS. So, if you unroll the whole thing, you have a single sheet 12” by 20’.
And my wife starts talking about how to install it: “it’s 12 inches wide, so I’ll need to roll it from the back of the cabinet to the front.” What? “Well, this cabinet is 24” wide, and the paper is 12” wide, so I’ll need to roll it form the back to the front, and then do it again.” But….you just unroll it, and cut a single 12” by 24” piece, and you’re done. “That won’t work. The cabinet is 24” wide, and it says the paper is 24” wide, so I’ll need to unroll it from the back to the front twice, because the roll is only half as wide.”
I explain that the roll is 12” wide, which is exactly what we need to cover a cabinet 13” deep. “No, see, that won’t work. You’re confusing width with depth.” Oh, ok. I say that she should ignore the words we’ve used, and just realize that we are taking about about a roll 12”x 20’. She won’t budge.
So, I get a roll of paper towels, which is…yep, 12” wide. I then unroll it on our counter that’s around 10’ long. Like this, bit keep going for 10’.



“This is EXACTLY what the roll of shelf paper will look like.” I then tear off 24” of the paper towel roll, and lay that 12”x24” piece in the cabinet, perfect fit.
And she says “but that won’t work. The roll is 12” wide, the cabinet is 24” wide.” She then acknowledged “I know you believe what you’re saying, I just don’t see it that way.”
I mean…I literally cut a piece of a roll of similar paper, showing her EXACTLY how it works….it was right there, in front of her eyes. And she still can’t grasp it.
I just measured the cabinets and told her how many rolls to buy, and said we’ll measure out the pieces when it gets here.
But I am completely baffled at how she can’t get past the nomenclature of “width” v “depth.” Even when I laid out AN ACTUAL ROLL OF PAPER OF IDENTICAL DIMENSIONS.
I just…I can’t…I don’t understand how…I could never convince her.

[Beau Vine 54,208]

On 5/25/2023 at 5:18 PM, Modessit said:

Exactly. "What are you getting?" I always answer: "Why? Just get what you want." If she keeps bugging me, I tell her I'm getting "Food." Then she's pissed off*.

I go with, "What I'm getting should have absolutely zero bearing on your decision of what you get."

[Beau Vine 54,208]

I have to brag on my wife for a sec if that's allowed. 

Last night, we were discussing her upcoming trip with her parents and I asked her about the timing of it.  She kind of gave a partial answer and then started to go off on a huge tangent as usual, this time about who else might be joining them, and why they might not.  Just when I was about to interrupt her and ask her to answer the question I asked, she blurted out, "I know, say the last thing first...I'm planning on leaving on the 1st and returning on the 9th."  

I was so proud of both of us.

[T’Boo Ted Marshall 2,732]

Oh, ok. I say that she should ignore the words we’ve used

Sigh…. You’re not new here. Is this new toy you?

[Party_Taco 3,723]

Rules.

She’s pushing 65… I lost my request for a UT DG, which is prob for the best.

For fuck sake, will someone think about the monkey and his buddy looking out the window!  

The monkey is covered in vomit… has been for weeks. Hedgehog buddy is on timeout as he causes malcontent with the dogs.

[mininghorn88 2,277]

12 hours ago, Brisketexan said:

So…I just had one of the most confusing, maddening experiences of my life, regarding how to measure and cut…
Short back story:
And my wife starts talking…
I explain…
I just…I can’t…I don’t understand how…I could never convince her.

Shortened the story for you.

Brisket, that is some next level….that is some next level….I cannot come to say it about your wife since you are a brother Surlyite. But, you know.

[tx 3 putt 76,874]

 

[General Specific 3,254]

 

A new spin on FAFO!

[CycleTex87 2,967]

Well, that livened up the party!

[hullabelew 3,723]

On 5/27/2023 at 7:53 PM, Brisketexan said:

So…I just had one of the most confusing, maddening experiences of my life, regarding how to measure and cut shelf paper for our new cabinets.
Short back story: we’re finished a kitchen remodel, all new cabinets. Top cabinets are just over 12” deep, various widths (18”, 20”, 24”).
So, we’re looking at rolls of liner that are - and I quote: “12 inches wide, 20 feet long.” Again, they are sold in ROLLS. So, if you unroll the whole thing, you have a single sheet 12” by 20’.
And my wife starts talking about how to install it: “it’s 12 inches wide, so I’ll need to roll it from the back of the cabinet to the front.” What? “Well, this cabinet is 24” wide, and the paper is 12” wide, so I’ll need to roll it form the back to the front, and then do it again.” But….you just unroll it, and cut a single 12” by 24” piece, and you’re done. “That won’t work. The cabinet is 24” wide, and it says the paper is 24” wide, so I’ll need to unroll it from the back to the front twice, because the roll is only half as wide.”
I explain that the roll is 12” wide, which is exactly what we need to cover a cabinet 13” deep. “No, see, that won’t work. You’re confusing width with depth.” Oh, ok. I say that she should ignore the words we’ve used, and just realize that we are taking about about a roll 12”x 20’. She won’t budge.
So, I get a roll of paper towels, which is…yep, 12” wide. I then unroll it on our counter that’s around 10’ long. Like this, bit keep going for 10’.



“This is EXACTLY what the roll of shelf paper will look like.” I then tear off 24” of the paper towel roll, and lay that 12”x24” piece in the cabinet, perfect fit.
And she says “but that won’t work. The roll is 12” wide, the cabinet is 24” wide.” She then acknowledged “I know you believe what you’re saying, I just don’t see it that way.”
I mean…I literally cut a piece of a roll of similar paper, showing her EXACTLY how it works….it was right there, in front of her eyes. And she still can’t grasp it.
I just measured the cabinets and told her how many rolls to buy, and said we’ll measure out the pieces when it gets here.
But I am completely baffled at how she can’t get past the nomenclature of “width” v “depth.” Even when I laid out AN ACTUAL ROLL OF PAPER OF IDENTICAL DIMENSIONS.
I just…I can’t…I don’t understand how…I could never convince her.

Although we all feel your pain @Brisketexan, this is EXACTLY why this thread exists.    

[HenryJames 66,038]

On 5/27/2023 at 6:53 PM, Brisketexan said:

So…I just had one of the most confusing, maddening experiences of my life, regarding how to measure and cut shelf paper for our new cabinets.
Short back story: we’re finished a kitchen remodel, all new cabinets. Top cabinets are just over 12” deep, various widths (18”, 20”, 24”).
So, we’re looking at rolls of liner that are - and I quote: “12 inches wide, 20 feet long.” Again, they are sold in ROLLS. So, if you unroll the whole thing, you have a single sheet 12” by 20’.
And my wife starts talking about how to install it: “it’s 12 inches wide, so I’ll need to roll it from the back of the cabinet to the front.” What? “Well, this cabinet is 24” wide, and the paper is 12” wide, so I’ll need to roll it form the back to the front, and then do it again.” But….you just unroll it, and cut a single 12” by 24” piece, and you’re done. “That won’t work. The cabinet is 24” wide, and it says the paper is 24” wide, so I’ll need to unroll it from the back to the front twice, because the roll is only half as wide.”
I explain that the roll is 12” wide, which is exactly what we need to cover a cabinet 13” deep. “No, see, that won’t work. You’re confusing width with depth.” Oh, ok. I say that she should ignore the words we’ve used, and just realize that we are taking about about a roll 12”x 20’. She won’t budge.
So, I get a roll of paper towels, which is…yep, 12” wide. I then unroll it on our counter that’s around 10’ long. Like this, bit keep going for 10’.



“This is EXACTLY what the roll of shelf paper will look like.” I then tear off 24” of the paper towel roll, and lay that 12”x24” piece in the cabinet, perfect fit.
And she says “but that won’t work. The roll is 12” wide, the cabinet is 24” wide.” She then acknowledged “I know you believe what you’re saying, I just don’t see it that way.”
I mean…I literally cut a piece of a roll of similar paper, showing her EXACTLY how it works….it was right there, in front of her eyes. And she still can’t grasp it.
I just measured the cabinets and told her how many rolls to buy, and said we’ll measure out the pieces when it gets here.
But I am completely baffled at how she can’t get past the nomenclature of “width” v “depth.” Even when I laid out AN ACTUAL ROLL OF PAPER OF IDENTICAL DIMENSIONS.
I just…I can’t…I don’t understand how…I could never convince her.

[hullabelew 3,723]

On 5/25/2023 at 4:21 PM, Not that Bob said:

I'm still intrigued by the Oreos on  the toaster. Is that a thing? Should I be doing that? Are we toasting Oreos?

Has Cousin @Steel Shank weighed in on this?