Wives and the Stupid Shit They Say/Do

[Mac8111 2,107]

This would save me so much time

[General Specific 3,257]

Sounds good, in theory, but. That’s not how it works.jpg!

[Snake Diggity 4,622]

My wife: “Try this chai pudding I made.”

Me, trying the pudding: “Not bad, what all is in this?”

Wife: “Milk, cocoa powder, chai seeds, sugar.  That’s it.”

Me: “Chai seeds?”

Wife: “Yep.”

Me: “Chai seeds?  Like, C-H-A-I seeds?”

Wife, laughing, like I’m the dumbass: “No, like C-H-I-A seeds.”

Me: “Hm.  Cool.  Anyway, it’s not bad.”

[Gil Bang 25,946]

 

[GoPokes83 2,240]

Was minding my business last night and my wife comes and jumps me because she can see the bathroom light in one of our outbuildings is on from the kitchen. I tell her I hadn’t been out there in hours but I believed she’d gone in and used it when we were working outside earlier. She’s still upset about it and says “Well you used it first!” I didn’t say a word, just put my shoes on and went to shut it off.

[GoPokes83 2,240]

 

Dude’s fault if he doesn’t know enough to unhook the boat before backing down the ramp.

[Grade of D as in David 13,253]

30 minutes ago, GoPokes83 said:

Was minding my business last night and my wife comes and jumps me because she can see the bathroom light in one of our outbuildings is on from the kitchen. I tell her I hadn’t been out there in hours but I believed she’d gone in and used it when we were working outside earlier. She’s still upset about it and says “Well you used it first!” I didn’t say a word, just put my shoes on and went to shut it off.

For a second there I thought you were bragging 

[Beau Vine 54,215]

22 hours ago, Grade of D as in David said:

For a second there I thought you were bragging 

The "wife" part should have been a tell.

[Beau Vine 54,215]

 

[NeverMarryAStripper 21,904]

Did she pass?

[Buzzrock 14,918]

The beach is great but going to the beach is a beating. She packs 90% of her worldly possessions (or rather, I pack them) and she also spends the week before making multiple Costco/Publix/Trader Joe’s runs so we end up hauling a thousand pounds of groceries to the beach I’ve never understood that. They have grocery stores where we are going.

[tbone_ 14,116]

The I have to plan and have a thing at the ready for every possible situation no matter how remote was always a head scratcher. But it is very real.

[Buzzrock 14,918]

We got in this ridiculous argument last night when she asked me what time I wanted to leave and I said ten. She said she wanted to leave at eight. I don’t know why I’m asked for unwanted input.

We haven’t left yet. It’s 10:12.

[Sandman 3,403]

20 minutes ago, Buzzrock said:

She said she wanted to leave at eight

This is just bragging. My wife acts like getting up at 8 is illegal. 

[Brothahorn 10,087]

The I have to plan and have a thing at the ready for every possible situation no matter how remote was always a head scratcher. But it is very real.

But when she is at home, she can't be bothered to spend 5 seconds figuring things out. That's mine at least.

[gofuckyourself 8,221]

3 hours ago, Sandman said:

This is just bragging. My wife acts like getting up at 8 is illegal. 

Wife's presumed username checks out.

[Sandman 3,403]

7 minutes ago, gofuckyourself said:

Wife's presumed username checks out.

I would say that she needs extra sleep because she's tired from always pouring out her to-go drinks that she brings home from restaurants but never finishes, but I'm the one who does it. 

[Dennis Taylor 18,813]

4 hours ago, Buzzrock said:

We got in this ridiculous argument last night when she asked me what time I wanted to leave and I said ten. She said she wanted to leave at eight. I don’t know why I’m asked for unwanted input.

We haven’t left yet. It’s 10:12.

You should remind her what time she said she wanted to leave 

[Buzzrock 14,918]

This is just bragging. My wife acts like getting up at 8 is illegal. 

Oh same here. In fact she texted us all at 7am to say she was pushing back departure to 9:30 because she didn’t sleep well. We were all already up.

We left at 10:30.

We also might not live to get there because she spotted some teammate moms on the highway (we are going to a baseball tourney) and she’s driving like a bat out of hell to try and beat them to the resort.

[strangulation! 1,716]

14 minutes ago, Buzzrock said:

she’s driving

are you inebriated?

[mininghorn88 2,286]

1 hour ago, Buzzrock said:

Oh same here. In fact she texted us all at 7am to say she was pushing back departure to 9:30 because she didn’t sleep well. We were all already up.

We left at 10:30.

We also might not live to get there because she spotted some teammate moms on the highway (we are going to a baseball tourney) and she’s driving like a bat out of hell to try and beat them to the resort.

Wait, what?  You are in the car with your wife and you are not driving?  I am so confused.

[Buzzrock 14,918]

I had a lot of work to get done. It was not ideal.

[Sam Lin 3,556]

Work that could have been done between, say, 8 and 10:30 am?

[Buzzrock 14,918]

Guess who just made a 3 hour grocery run? She said “can you meet me at the car with a few luggage carts.”

[Grade of D as in David 13,253]

42 minutes ago, Buzzrock said:

Guess who just made a 3 hour grocery run? She said “can you meet me at the car with a few luggage carts.”

What was the damage? 4 figs?

[Superhero 8,829]

Wife: The kids are out of school, we should go somewhere before summer camps start up.

Me: We spent a week in Hawaii over spring break, do we really need to go somewhere?

Wife: Yes, we can just go to San Diego for the weekend. I booked a hotel, it's $400/night.

Me: We live 90 miles up the freeway, we don't need to spend the night...

 

So we spent $400 to stay in a hotel (not to mention a crappy $120 breakfast buffet), and we stayed in San Diego for less than 20 hours. Not quite as bad as Knoxtnhorn's wife and SIL's boondoggle to NO, but pretty close.

If only my wife spent 10% of her energy decluttering the house instead of booking the next getaway, we'd have a much cleaner house and a bigger bank account.

[MNLonghornFUKM 8,817]

Wife: The kids are out of school, we should go somewhere before summer camps start up.
Me: We spent a week in Hawaii over spring break, do we really need to go somewhere?
Wife: Yes, we can just go to San Diego for the weekend. I booked a hotel, it's $400/night.
Me: We live 90 miles up the freeway, we don't need to spend the night...
 
So we spent $400 to stay in a hotel (not to mention a crappy $120 breakfast buffet), and we stayed in San Diego for less than 20 hours. Not quite as bad as Knoxtnhorn's wife and SIL's boondoggle to NO, but pretty close.
If only my wife spent 10% of her energy decluttering the house instead of booking the next getaway, we'd have a much cleaner house and a bigger bank account.

But the $6 surcharge on the $120 breakfast buffet bill was enough to send you overboard?

[nnm 36,371]

1 hour ago, MNLonghornFUKM said:

But the $6 surcharge on the $120 breakfast buffet bill was enough to send you overboard?

Sounds like it was one of the straws breaking SH’s back. Kind of like in Falling Down, Michael Douglas’s character finally broke when the quick mart clerk wouldn’t give him change for the pay phone. It wasn’t the refusal to give change that caused his rampage, it was all the crap over losing his marriage, job, feeling trapped by everything, etc.

SH, given your post above and a couple of others, you really need to get some counseling. Optimal if it’s both of you, but even if your wife won’t go, you’re carrying around a lot of large and small slights. You’re a good dad based on a number of your posts over time, but your and your kids’ well being would be well served if you can get to a better place in your marriage. 

[Buzzrock 14,918]

What was the damage? 4 figs?

I’m scared to look. All I know is she didn’t get the one item I asked for. “I was in a hurry.”

Wife: The kids are out of school, we should go somewhere before summer camps start up.
Me: We spent a week in Hawaii over spring break, do we really need to go somewhere?
Wife: Yes, we can just go to San Diego for the weekend. I booked a hotel, it's $400/night.
Me: We live 90 miles up the freeway, we don't need to spend the night...
 
So we spent $400 to stay in a hotel (not to mention a crappy $120 breakfast buffet), and we stayed in San Diego for less than 20 hours. Not quite as bad as Knoxtnhorn's wife and SIL's boondoggle to NO, but pretty close.
If only my wife spent 10% of her energy decluttering the house instead of booking the next getaway, we'd have a much cleaner house and a bigger bank account.

I feel this post.

[Dennis Taylor 18,813]

2 hours ago, Buzzrock said:

I’m scared to look. All I know is she didn’t get the one item I asked for. “I was in a hurry.”
I feel this post.

Update when the trip is over and you have half of those groceries left (that will go bad or won't fit in the vehicle for the trip home) and you've dropped about another tree fiddy at restaurants because she "doesn't feel like cooking "

[Buzzrock 14,918]

Update when the trip is over and you have half of those groceries left (that will go bad or won't fit in the vehicle for the trip home) and you've dropped about another tree fiddy at restaurants because she "doesn't feel like cooking "

This man gets it

[Cheeseweasel 26,438]

45 minutes ago, Buzzrock said:

This man gets it

He's married. He never gets it.

[Brothahorn 10,087]

But the $6 surcharge on the $120 breakfast buffet bill was enough to send you overboard?

[Superhero 8,829]

3 hours ago, nnm said:

Sounds like it was one of the straws breaking SH’s back. Kind of like in Falling Down, Michael Douglas’s character finally broke when the quick mart clerk wouldn’t give him change for the pay phone. It wasn’t the refusal to give change that caused his rampage, it was all the crap over losing his marriage, job, feeling trapped by everything, etc.

SH, given your post above and a couple of others, you really need to get some counseling. Optimal if it’s both of you, but even if your wife won’t go, you’re carrying around a lot of large and small slights. You’re a good dad based on a number of your posts over time, but your and your kids’ well being would be well served if you can get to a better place in your marriage. 

Thanks nnm. Thinks aren’t as bad as I make it out to be. It’s just more fun to bitch on an internet message board.

Re counseling, I had about 3-4 years, primarily for my temper, but the last counsellor also had a background in child development, and she was AMAZING. She really turned around my life, and taught me a lot of me skills to deal with my kids - who are actually really really good compared to some of their wild friends.

I guess it’s time for me to take a break from posting my stuff on this thread and just give a few reactions.

 Again thanks for the concern. 

[txhorns 2,409]

36 minutes ago, Superhero said:

Thanks nnm. Thinks aren’t as bad as I make it out to be. It’s just more fun to bitch on an internet message board.

Re counseling, I had about 3-4 years, primarily for my temper, but the last counsellor also had a background in child development, and she was AMAZING. She really turned around my life, and taught me a lot of me skills to deal with my kids - who are actually really really good compared to some of their wild friends.

I guess it’s time for me to take a break from posting my stuff on this thread and just give a few reactions.

 Again thanks for the concern. 

If you’re all good then by all means please continue to post the funny/stupid shit that your wife does.

[BHMCruiser 1,813]

1 hour ago, txhorns said:

If you’re all good then by all means please continue to post the funny/stupid shit that your wife does.

Agreed. Do not stop posting. All these people giving you advice are wrong and you should ignore them.

[Superhero 8,829]

Okay fine. One more photo before I go on hiatus.

I don’t recall the last time she transferred eggs from the box to the tray.

It’s probably not a big deal to some of you, but it’s bugged me for the past 16.5 years. 

[SilasCoade 2,622]

Throw away the stupid single use case tray that only makes sense for someone bringing in eggs from their backyard chickens anyway.

[gofuckyourself 8,221]

28 minutes ago, Superhero said:

Okay fine. One more photo before I go on hiatus.

I don’t recall the last time she transferred eggs from the box to the tray.

It’s probably not a big deal to some of you, but it’s bugged me for the past 16.5 years. 

That fridge is kinda bare. Let me introduce you to @Buzzrock He may have some surplus you can take off his hands.

[Cheeseweasel 26,438]

2 minutes ago, gofuckyourself said:

That fridge is kinda bare. Let me introduce you to @Buzzrock He may have some surplus you can take off his hands.

[Mittens 8,263]

59 minutes ago, Superhero said:

I don’t recall the last time she transferred eggs from the box to the tray.

It’s probably not a big deal to some of you, but it’s bugged me for the past 16.5 years. 

Dude.  Throw the egg tray in the trash and free your soul.  That's in the Top 3 dumbest things in your kitchen, including your wife.  A net negative value add.

[Jerry Callo 8,700]

42 minutes ago, Mittens said:

Dude.  Throw the egg tray in the trash and free your soul.  That's in the Top 3 dumbest things in your kitchen, including your wife.  A net negative value add.

I don't disagree and it was my first thought as well.  However, this is the wives stupid shit thread.  Eventually, SH will have a story about a $79 egg tray that his wife picked up at Williams-Sonoma on sale for $59.  Wives' nature abhors a vacuum.  

[PhillyD 1,257]

1 hour ago, SilasCoade said:

Throw away the stupid single use case tray that only makes sense for someone bringing in eggs from their backyard chickens anyway.

I have to second this.  The existence of that egg tray really bothers me (unless someone actually did have backyard chickens).  Why are there slots for seven eggs?  Eggs are sold by the dozen.  Sometimes, I've seen them sold by the half-dozen.  An egg tray with 6 slots might make sense.  Twelve slots would make some sense if it didn't take up more space than the egg container that is under it  I can't see any purpose for the egg tray other than to annoy anal assholes like myself that may be hyper-focused on refrigerator real estate. 

So, of course, wives are out buying it.

[NotActuallyALonghorn 4,976]

Seven kind of makes sense if you buy by the half dozen. That way when you are down to your last egg you can refill it. If it only has six spots, you have to have an egg carton and the container in your fridge unless you wait to buy eggs until you are out. But what makes the most sense is not buying one in the first place.

[MNLonghornFUKM 8,817]

Seven kind of makes sense if you buy by the half dozen. That way when you are down to your last egg you can refill it. If it only has six spots, you have to have an egg carton and the container in your fridge unless you wait to buy eggs until you are out. But what makes the most sense is not buying one in the first place.

[Armybrat 40,834]

On 6/10/2023 at 10:45 PM, GoPokes83 said:

Was minding my business last night and my wife comes and jumps me because she can see the bathroom light in one of our outbuildings is on from the kitchen. I tell her I hadn’t been out there in hours but I believed she’d gone in and used it when we were working outside earlier. She’s still upset about it and says “Well you used it first!” I didn’t say a word, just put my shoes on and went to shut it off.

You’re a good man, Charlie Brown.

[Grade of D as in David 13,253]

1 hour ago, NotActuallyALonghorn said:

Seven kind of makes sense if you buy by the half dozen. That way when you are down to your last egg you can refill it. If it only has six spots, you have to have an egg carton and the container in your fridge unless you wait to buy eggs until you are out. But what makes the most sense is not buying one in the first place.

[HenryJames 66,046]

2 hours ago, NotActuallyALonghorn said:

Seven kind of makes sense if you buy by the half dozen.

About to ask who the fuck buys a half dozen eggs but remembered on what thread I’m posting.

[Armybrat 40,834]

Several months ago I saw a woman at Costco loading one of these 5 dozen egg packs into her SUV, dropping it of course. 
Looked like every egg was Humpty-Dumtied.

Guess her family had a bigass omelette- hopefully after removing the cracked  shells.

 

[HenryJames 66,046]