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Wives and the Stupid Shit They Say/Do

Spur08

By Spur08
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Jameslaw121

Jameslaw121 4,448

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Posted
5 hours ago, Tylerocks said:

Placing wine glasses at the very edge of whatever surface she is placing her drink.

coffee table, outdoor patio table, dining table, kitchen counter.

 

I follow her around like she's a 4 year old and move the glasses to a safe spot.

 

without fail once a month or so, I'll hear a crash and a "god damnit!"

 

Me:

chadhenne-smirk.gif

Got to admit that that's me about once a month...To the point that my wife got me a plastic one as a gag gift for Fathers day

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Buddy sent a text today...said his wife decided to shop vac their fireplace and clean up all the ash. When she finished, she turned around and didn’t realize the shop vac lid wasn’t really seated, so

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nnm

nnm 36,599

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Posted (edited)

When Mrs NNM wants me or someone else to do something, the way she asks is “do you want to ….,” e.g.: “do you want to go get the holiday decorations from the attic?”  This particularly rankles our son in law.

I’ve explained many times that invariably, the honest answer to such a question is no. The person doesn’t really WANT to do the task, but will be happy to if asked nicely.

A better way to phrase the question is “Would you please go get the holiday decorations from the attic?”  

The preferred method of stating the question is never used  

 

Edited by nnm
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Grade of D as in David

Grade of D as in David 13,253

Posted
Posted
10 minutes ago, msucolt45 said:

I’ve been married for 31 years, but roughly the last two decades, my wife started saying “you know what I’m saying” for every F’ng thing! I really don’t know where she picked that up, but “You know what I’m saying?”

Hook’em!!!

Definitely

 

Hook'em!!!

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Superhero

Superhero 8,838

Posted
Posted
1 hour ago, msucolt45 said:

I’ve been married for 31 years, but roughly the last two decades, my wife started saying “you know what I’m saying” for every F’ng thing! I really don’t know where she picked that up, but “You know what I’m saying?”

Hook’em!!!

Had someone in my b-school class who also also finished his sentences with "who you know what I'm saying?". In one of the classes, the professors finally got sick of it and said "No, I don't know what you're saying, please explain what you mean", and then proceeded to stare him down. That guy, at least in the class, never said it again.

Maybe you should do the same when she's on the rag. She's gonna be pissed for a few days, but hey she's on the rag, you're not gonna get any anyway.

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Mo Horn

Mo Horn 8,854

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Posted
8 hours ago, msucolt45 said:

I’ve been married for 31 years, but roughly the last two decades, my wife started saying “you know what I’m saying” for every F’ng thing! I really don’t know where she picked that up, but “You know what I’m saying?”

Hook’em!!!

I get, "You got it? " for some reason. We pull up to a store and just as we're getting out of the car she says, "You got it?" Pretty much anything we do, and it's never in any context. Who knows? I just ignore her. 

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Modessit

Modessit 5,603

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My wife hasn't done it in a while, but she used to give long unnecessarily detailed explanations or stories and then end with "so..."

I used to make fun of her for it but now realize it's was just a woman tactic so if you try to correct her or call her out on something she can claim "I wasn’t finished yet!"

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NorthLoop

NorthLoop 14,242

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49 minutes ago, Modessit said:

My wife hasn't done it in a while, but she used to give long unnecessarily detailed explanations or stories and then end with "so..."

I used to make fun of her for it but now realize it's was just a woman tactic so if you try to correct her or call her out on something she can claim "I wasn’t finished yet!"

Or when you don't reply to the "so", she can bitch at you for not paying attention. 

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luke duke

luke duke 6,414

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My wife is trying to sell oldtoys on FB marketplace and immediately she stares getting messaged from people who don’t want to come pick up. They offer to use a “service” where they pay a courier for delivery plus the price, you go in and claim the cash, then a courier comes and get the item.  Anyway, she responded to about five of these and then went on and “verified” the payment and gave these fucking scammers access to online banking and debit card. She sent them even an account generated QR code so they could set up my bank app on their phone.
 
Luckily she used a local checking account I use to pay small bills and that never has more than about 1k sitting in it. But as of now I am trying to get back 300 bucks and also undoing a “minute loan” for about $7K and it’s a giant time suck. I am super fucking pissed. 
 
The best gotdam part— gmail WARNED her that these emails were fraud and not to click. But she said “the profile on FB was so nice! She was into crochet.”

Dad?
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luke duke

luke duke 6,414

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I don't if it's necessarily stupid, but my wife is afraid of spiders, and every time she sees one she erupts into an outburst that's almost on par with when she realized our first dog was dead.
Usually she finds them in the basement while doing laundry or something, and the noise that comes from it always makes me think that she found some kind of intruder holed up in the storage room with a knife and a ball gag.  And then I come running only to find that it's a fucking spider.

Why are you fucking my wife?
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huge

huge 3,795

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21 hours ago, nnm said:

When Mrs NNM wants me or someone else to do something, the way she asks is “do you want to ….,” e.g.: “do you want to go get the holiday decorations from the attic?”  This particularly rankles our SIL.

I’ve explained many times that invariably, the honest answer to such a question is no. The person doesn’t really WANT to do the task, but will be happy to if asked nicely.

A better way to phrase the question is “Would you please go get the holiday decorations from the attic?”  

The preferred method of stating the question is never used  

 

Spider-Man: No Way Home's Spider-Mans recreate the pointing ...

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Armybrat

Armybrat 40,896

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12 hours ago, Superhero said:

Had someone in my b-school class who also also finished his sentences with "who you know what I'm saying?". In one of the classes, the professors finally got sick of it and said "No, I don't know what you're saying, please explain what you mean", and then proceeded to stare him down. That guy, at least in the class, never said it again.

Maybe you should do the same when she's on the rag. She's gonna be pissed for a few days, but hey she's on the rag, you're not gonna get any anyway.

My son has the habit of saying “Know what I mean?” after he’s had a few drinks. It is supremely annoying, so maybe I’ll try that tactic.

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hullabelew

hullabelew 3,724

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16 hours ago, msucolt45 said:

I’ve been married for 31 years, but roughly the last two decades, my wife started saying “you know what I’m saying” for every F’ng thing! I really don’t know where she picked that up, but “You know what I’m saying?”

Hook’em!!!

In about the past 10 years, my wife started saying, "My question is......blah, blah, blah"   Drives me fucking NUTS. 

I tried interrupting her by saying, "What is your question?" but it wasn't as funny to her as it was to me.  

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ztejas

ztejas 43,533

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On 7/10/2023 at 2:49 AM, Superhero said:

My friend’s wife called him from San Diego saying her tire pressure light came on. The pressure on one particular tire was 28 psi while the others were at 30. She didn’t “feel comfortable” driving it and wanted him to drive 50 miles to help her.

 When he got there, she was at a gas station next to the air pump.

 No leak, tire pressure probably just dropped because the temperature had dropped.

 Needless to say he was livid, but I have him shit anyway for not putting his foot down and tell her to drive home. 

I have a plugged tire that leaks that I don't feel like replacing. It has to get below 20 before I really give a shit. 

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CHIEF

CHIEF 5,095

Posted
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4 hours ago, Modessit said:

My wife hasn't done it in a while, but she used to give long unnecessarily detailed explanations or stories and then end with "so..."

I used to make fun of her for it but now realize it's was just a woman tactic so if you try to correct her or call her out on something she can claim "I wasn’t finished yet!"

Mrs. CHIEF used to do that. "Derek and Angela, just got back from Cabo, and Derek caught a huge....." (stops mid-sentence to slice a tomato razor thin). I just told her, "well, you know what they say....." and walked out of the room.

CHIEF

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Sandman

Sandman 3,412

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15 hours ago, Superhero said:

Had someone in my b-school class who also also finished his sentences with "who you know what I'm saying?". In one of the classes, the professors finally got sick of it and said "No, I don't know what you're saying, please explain what you mean", and then proceeded to stare him down. That guy, at least in the class, never said it again.

Maybe you should do the same when she's on the rag. She's gonna be pissed for a few days, but hey she's on the rag, you're not gonna get any anyway.

My wife is a serial "like" abuser. She'll use the word 14 times a sentence. I tease her about it from time to time but it is pretty annoying.

She told me one of her high school teachers just blew up on her one day, unleashed a "OH REALLY? LIKE, LIKE, LIKE, LIKE, LIKE!!!" and embarrassed her. I said "But you never let her stop you. Good for you!". She was unamused. 

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tigol

tigol 2,399

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My wife is a serial "like" abuser. She'll use the word 14 times a sentence. I tease her about it from time to time but it is pretty annoying.
She told me one of her high school teachers just blew up on her one day, unleashed a "OH REALLY? LIKE, LIKE, LIKE, LIKE, LIKE!!!" and embarrassed her. I said "But you never let her stop you. Good for you!". She was unamused. 

She needs to stop that shit. Like now.
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Al_4_ISU

Al_4_ISU 12,483

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16 hours ago, Sandman said:

My wife is a serial "like" abuser. She'll use the word 14 times a sentence. I tease her about it from time to time but it is pretty annoying.

She told me one of her high school teachers just blew up on her one day, unleashed a "OH REALLY? LIKE, LIKE, LIKE, LIKE, LIKE!!!" and embarrassed her. I said "But you never let her stop you. Good for you!". She was unamused. 

Mine caught the "literally" bug.  Maybe 1 out of 10 times she uses the word correctly.  Maybe.

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Lidig8r

Lidig8r 1,874

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17 hours ago, nnm said:

 

Dear Penthouse, I never thought this would happen to me, but I attend a small state university in the south. I am in a frat and love the Greek life. We throw frequent parties in which we float a number of kegs and try to loosen the morals (and legs) of as many coeds as possible. But recently, a local 35 year old MILF has begun to attend our parties. She is fun, is really hot as in 5'6", about 125 lbs, blondish hair falling to just below her shoulders and her measurements are 36D, 26, 36. So, you might be wondering how I know her exact measurements ... and that is where this story REALLY begins ...

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Al_4_ISU

Al_4_ISU 12,483

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19 minutes ago, Dennis Taylor said:

Lol I know a guy that says "literally " at least once in every conversation and he pronounces it "lit-trally"

Yikes.  She at least pronounces it right.  But she does this thing, where she says it twice for emphasis that nearly drives me to a homicidal rage.

Example (bitching about a coworker):  "Oh my God!  I want to literally - literally - shoot her in the face.  ARRGHHHHH"

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