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Wives and the Stupid Shit They Say/Do

Spur08

By Spur08
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McCroskey
McCroskey

Buddy sent a text today...said his wife decided to shop vac their fireplace and clean up all the ash. When she finished, she turned around and didn’t realize the shop vac lid wasn’t really seated, so

BearCountry11
BearCountry11

From earlier this evening...   My father in law lost his cell phone on the golf course this afternoon.  It was raining so we didn’t have much hope it would still be working but he shares the

RamjetFDO
RamjetFDO

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MaybeACoordinator

MaybeACoordinator 8,349

Posted
Posted

So Mrs MaC was all excited all day to go see the Cruz-Beto debate. She works for a very high-powered attorney and all day long she was telling her co-workers "I'm gonna go see Beto tonight!" And they were like whatever, cool. She calls her GF and says "Since the debate starts at 6, we better get there really early. It's gonna be packed!" So they roll up to the venue at 4:30 and get a seat near the stage. Then they start to wonder where everybody is, and why there is no security at the venue.

That's because we live in Houston, and she thought that Cruz and Beto were going to debate live in a beer garden in Third Ward. Yep, this was just a watch party. 

(To her immense credit, she can laugh at herself about shit like this, and these moments are very rare for her.)

 

 

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G650

G650 14,244

Posted
Posted
4 minutes ago, crimsonlonghorn said:

Also a grid?

I mean, you guys are proving his point. There's roads at random angles because of topography which is exactly what he said. A totally separate system at 45 degree to the other system. Then zoom out and there's all sorts of meandering. But carry on.

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WhatTheBuck

WhatTheBuck 28,775

Posted
Posted
2 hours ago, Anwar Namtut said:
On September 14, 2018 at 3:22 PM, Anwar Namtut said:
My wife colors her hair all the time to the point where most of the time I don't even notice that it is a different color. I noticed today when she came to have lunch with me - it was purple. "The box lied."

Now it is bright blue. Will try to get a picture when she returns from Costco.

Where does she dance?

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HornOnTheBayou

HornOnTheBayou 8,918

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Posted

I know this one is on me for not checking the directions before we left the house, but wtf.

"You know Sue my coworker? She said there was a new Mexican place in the same shopping center as HEB. Wanna go?"
"Sure"
"OK, it's right next to Juiceland."
"Now wait. Juiceland is across the street from HEB. Which side of the road is it on?"
"Well, it's not right next to Juiceland. It's at the same intersection."
"OK, but the restaurant is next to HEB, right?"
"Yes"

10 minutes later after I've driven the entire length of the shopping center adjacent to HEB.

"I thought you said it was next to HEB."
"No, I said it was next to Juiceland."
"If you knew it was on the other side of the road, why did you let me drive up and down this parking lot?"
"I thought you knew a shortcut to get over there."

picardfacepalm.gif

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BamaSucks

BamaSucks 12

Posted
Posted
On 9/18/2018 at 11:21 AM, T’Boo Ted Marshall said:

This is my pile. There are many like it around the house, but this one is mine.

My piles are my best friends. They house cards that are years old, expired coupons, receipts for returns that will never be returned, unopened mail and much more.

This pile is special because if he Christmas plate it sits on that never goes away after Christmas.
476992d9c5698f6e1fa063e6dc147fca.jpg
2aa32caa656d7b38c9079dc21b11edc8.jpg

We have the identical countertop, minus the Christmas pile + halloween shit out already. "It's the BEST holiday!"

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Fudge Nuggets

Fudge Nuggets 19,189

Posted
Posted
On 9/20/2018 at 9:42 PM, mulletpelini said:

Well maybe I assumed something that doesn't exist everywhere else?  If I'm in downtown Wichita, Douglas and Main to be exact, I am at the starting point of every fucking address for the surrounding diameter of (total guess here) 20 miles.  As you move away from the Douglas and Main in any fucking direction, your address gets larger.   I live between 103rd and 119th, and my address is 113xx.  If you're on the North or East side of a road, you're an even number.  South or West you're odd.

My point was that if you asked a woman 35 or under, hell could be 45 for that matter, that she would assume the number was randomly created by the address fairy, when in fact, at least where I live, it's a very logical process that is determined by the exact place you are standing to the intersection of Douglas and Main in downtown Wichita.

Wichita and the surrounding metro area (the 20 mile diameter guess) holds about 500k people.

Now I do know for a fact that St. Louis does not follow these same addressing procedures the same way.  But St. Louis is a huge shithole so who gives a shit.

If I made an assumption that doesn't apply to your area of the world, then by all means, my sincerest apologies for you having to go fuck yourslef.

You’re weird.

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Pokoloco

Pokoloco 1,279

Posted
Posted
On ‎9‎/‎20‎/‎2018 at 11:48 AM, PhillyD said:

Nope, it's just not correctable.  My wife speaks fluent Trixie.  You just get to have fun with it and suffer occasional embarrassment when you're out with friends.

Does she say shit like: " I saw a dress I liked at Banana Republican" ?

 

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PhillyD

PhillyD 1,257

Posted
Posted
25 minutes ago, Pokoloco said:

Does she say shit like: " I saw a dress I liked at Banana Republican" ?

 

Last year she mentioned a student who is from the Dominican Republican in front of a group of friends.  I just looked down in a combination of laughter and shame.  Until last year a non hearing person was "death" instead of "deaf."  Her occasional heartburn is called intergression and she sometimes ends sentences with explamation points.

Unfortunately, it seems to be genetic and has passed to my daughter who is taking French.  Apparently the French greeting she has learned is pronounced, "Bon George."

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Js1

Js1 85,286

Posted
Posted
45 minutes ago, PhillyD said:

Last year she mentioned a student who is from the Dominican Republican in front of a group of friends.  I just looked down in a combination of laughter and shame.  Until last year a non hearing person was "death" instead of "deaf."  Her occasional heartburn is called intergression and she sometimes ends sentences with explamation points.

Unfortunately, it seems to be genetic and has passed to my daughter who is taking French.  Apparently the French greeting she has learned is pronounced, "Bon George."

Ap8L.gif

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Pokoloco

Pokoloco 1,279

Posted
Posted
59 minutes ago, PhillyD said:

Last year she mentioned a student who is from the Dominican Republican in front of a group of friends.  I just looked down in a combination of laughter and shame.  Until last year a non hearing person was "death" instead of "deaf."  Her occasional heartburn is called intergression and she sometimes ends sentences with explamation points.

Unfortunately, it seems to be genetic and has passed to my daughter who is taking French.  Apparently the French greeting she has learned is pronounced, "Bon George."

This is what is sounds like when doves cry.

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lateshow

lateshow 1,304

Posted
Posted
21 hours ago, PhillyD said:

Last year she mentioned a student who is from the Dominican Republican in front of a group of friends.  I just looked down in a combination of laughter and shame.  Until last year a non hearing person was "death" instead of "deaf."  Her occasional heartburn is called intergression and she sometimes ends sentences with explamation points.

Unfortunately, it seems to be genetic and has passed to my daughter who is taking French.  Apparently the French greeting she has learned is pronounced, "Bon George."

You're married to Dirt Bike?

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Pig Bellmont

Pig Bellmont 8,712

Posted
Posted
On 9/24/2018 at 2:48 PM, PhillyD said:

Last year she mentioned a student who is from the Dominican Republican in front of a group of friends.  I just looked down in a combination of laughter and shame.  Until last year a non hearing person was "death" instead of "deaf."  Her occasional heartburn is called intergression and she sometimes ends sentences with explamation points.

Unfortunately, it seems to be genetic and has passed to my daughter who is taking French.  Apparently the French greeting she has learned is pronounced, "Bon George."

I hope she’s pretty 

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crimsonlonghorn

crimsonlonghorn 2,306

Posted
Posted (edited)

Mrs CL has no concept of humidity with regards to personal comfort, only temperature. Nor does she seem to grasp that the air conditioner works not just to lower the temperature of the air, but also to dry it out. 

This morning a weak cold front came through Houston and knocked the outside temperature down into the lower 70's, but it didn't really clear out the air or anything. It just dropped the temperature a little bit. Yes, it's pleasant compared to those muggy mornings with temperatures in the 80's, but that's not a high standard to beat. 

Never mind for her that it has rained all week and everything outside is wet and damp so the only air coming in is humid as hell, she still opened every window in the house and turned off the air conditioner.

So now the air inside the house might be 72 degrees, but it's also sticky. Great. 

 

Edited by crimsonlonghorn
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Texaus

Texaus 377

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Posted

Had a single buddy visiting for a few days from out of state. It was general knowledge that he was on the hunt for older ladies while down here. Last night before he left, wife and I were sitting around talking and she asks him how the puma hunting went. Took both of us a second before we looked at each other and started snickering.

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Modessit

Modessit 5,598

Posted
Posted
Had a single buddy visiting for a few days from out of state. It was general knowledge that he was on the hunt for older ladies while down here. Last night before he left, wife and I were sitting around talking and she asks him how the puma hunting went. Took both of us a second before we looked at each other and started snickering.

https://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=Puma Hunter 

 

 

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