Wives and the Stupid Shit They Say/Do

[deter 314]

What happens if two people win the mega lottery?

They split the pot.

Well, I want to buy 10 tickets with the same numbers.

What????

Well, if I have to share I want to share with myself.

[tbone_ 14157]

Outstanding

[NotActuallyALonghorn 4977]

I mean, if she bought 10 tickets, and there was one other winner, wouldn't she get about 91% of the pot? She's a whole lot less likely to win in the first place, but it's not like the odds were high to begin with.

[Brisketexan 105319]

Just this weekend, while we were driving somewhere, my wife did the "long rambling story wandering off into 20 different people, relationships, and things that happened, all to tell you about one simple thing" bit.  Started with "there's this new restaurant a friend was telling me about".....then 7 minutes of a wandering tale of her friend's husband being a surgeon, he's really busy, he has an estranged relationship with his daughter from his first marriage, so that's stressful, so they need good date nights, blah blah blah it ends with "so they ate at X restaurant, and said that it was really good, we should try it sometime."

When she gets there, I just smiled, and said "7 minutes."  Wife says "what about 7 minutes?"  I said "you started the story with 'there's this new restaurant,' and then you spent 7 minutes telling me all kinds of things about people I don't know, have never met, and never will meet, before you even get to the point you started the story on."  She grinned, and shrugged her shoulders with a "you get what you get with me" message implied in that shrug.

My hope was that by flagging her to such an event in real-time, maybe she'll be more conscious of it in the future.

But who am I fooling?  It won't make a shit.

[Brisketexan 105319]

And a corollary that has happened in several instances recently, with my wife and with women I work with -- the sudden statement/question out of nowhere with zero context.

Just sitting there working, and my office manager sticks her head in my office - "do you want to meet with Bob?"  WTF?  Who? Meet? About what?  Which is pretty much what I said to her with a puzzled look on my face.  She says "oh, Bob, our realty consultant [refreshes my recollection as to who she's talking about a last name in the first instance would have helped].  He stopped by the office today to visit with me about something, and I thought maybe you'd want to talk with him about issue X that we'd discussed last week."  Yeah, sure, let's meet.  OR, she could have started with "hey Brisket, Bob Smith, our realty consultant, stopped by the office -- do you want to visit with him about issue X while he's here?"  You know, give me the relevant information when you ask the question.

My wife does this all the time.  Some version of that question, with no predicate or context, so I have no idea who she's talking about, why they came up, or what she's even asking about.  It takes 2 seconds to formulate the question in a way that gives me SOME context, but nope, not gonna do that.

[tigol 2399]

Just this weekend, while we were driving somewhere, my wife did the "long rambling story wandering off into 20 different people, relationships, and things that happened, all to tell you about one simple thing" bit.  Started with "there's this new restaurant a friend was telling me about".....then 7 minutes of a wandering tale of her friend's husband being a surgeon, he's really busy, he has an estranged relationship with his daughter from his first marriage, so that's stressful, so they need good date nights, blah blah blah it ends with "so they ate at X restaurant, and said that it was really good, we should try it sometime."
When she gets there, I just smiled, and said "7 minutes."  Wife says "what about 7 minutes?"  I said "you started the story with 'there's this new restaurant,' and then you spent 7 minutes telling me all kinds of things about people I don't know, have never met, and never will meet, before you even get to the point you started the story on."  She grinned, and shrugged her shoulders with a "you get what you get with me" message implied in that shrug.
My hope was that by flagging her to such an event in real-time, maybe she'll be more conscious of it in the future.
But who am I fooling?  It won't make a shit.

I find it hard to believe that you are not at least as equally long winded.

[nnm 36599]

29 minutes ago, tigol said:

I find it hard to believe that you are not at least as equally long winded.

[Brisketexan 105319]

39 minutes ago, tigol said:

I find it hard to believe that you are not at least as equally long winded.

Naaah.  I don't know that many people.  And the people I do know, I don't give enough of a shit about to tell their life stories when I want to mention a restaurant.

I might get long-winded when describing the restaurant menu, though.  Because that's important.

[Biff Tannen 45728]

7 hours ago, deter said:

What happens if two people win the mega lottery?

They split the pot.

Well, I want to buy 10 tickets with the same numbers.

What????

Well, if I have to share I want to share with myself.

This is high in the running for this entire thread.  Wow.

[Anwar Namtut 344]

1 hour ago, tigol said:

I find it hard to believe that you are not at least as equally long winded.

We all know that is YGIFS.

[Modessit 5603]

My wife will be talking about one subject then suddenly mention something about a completely different subject without telling me she's switching subjects but sounds like it is part of the original subject. Does it all the time.

Her: So I was talking to your mom yesterday and she said she wasn't feeling well last week.

Me: Is she better now?

Her: Yeah. And they're waiting for the biopsy results.

Me: A biopsy? Do they think she has cancer?

Her: What?

Me: You said my mom had a biopsy done.

Her: Oh! No, I meant on that show I'm watching. They think (main character) might have cancer.

Me:

[Cheeseweasel 26438]

45 minutes ago, Modessit said:

My wife will be talking about one subject then suddenly mention something about a completely different subject without telling me she's switching subjects but sounds like it is part of the original subject. Does it all the time.

Mine starts a subject in the middle assuming I know all the background.

[Jerry Callo 8725]

27 minutes ago, Cheeseweasel said:

Mine starts a subject in the middle assuming I know all the background.

[Dennis Taylor 18863]

4 hours ago, Cheeseweasel said:

Mine starts a subject in the middle assuming I know all the background.

By starting in the middle, does that get her to the end any faster?

[Cheeseweasel 26438]

12 hours ago, Dennis Taylor said:

By starting in the middle, does that get her to the end any faster?

Of course not.

[nnm 36599]

About 10 years ago I worked with a woman named Mary Lou. She got the word that she had breast cancer. She told me one morning and I relayed that information to Mrs. NNM, who was appropriately saddened that Mary Lou had breast cancer. 
 

That night Mrs. NNM was helping at a fundraising table for the daughters’ dance team. The adult daughter of our next door neighbor (call her “Trixie”) came by the table.
Mrs. NNM: “I’m so sorry about your mom!”

Trixie: “what?”

Mrs. NNM: “NNM told me she has cancer. I’m so sorry!”

Trixie: “My mom has cancer?!? <sobbing>. Excuse me, I gotta go!”

Mrs. NNM: “I’m so sorry!”

_______

Mrs. NNM then calls me.  
Mrs NNM:  “Are you sure Mary Lou has cancer?”  
Me:  “Yes, we talked about it this morning. The company and I are going to be very supportive. We have good insurance.”

Mrs. NNM: “Oh. It’s the Mary Lou you work with, not Mary Lou our neighbor?”

Me: “Yes.”

Mrs. NNM: “Oops. I just told Trixie her mom has cancer!”
___

In the interim, Trixie had called several other members of her family with the bad news, before finally connecting with her mom, who did not, in fact, have breast cancer. Trixie then returned to the fundraising table:

Trixie: “Does NNM know another Mary Lou?”

Mrs. NNM: “Yes.  It’s a woman he works with. I’m so sorry.”

Edited August 9, 2023 by nnm

[Cheeseweasel 26438]

[Native Horn 3515]

50 minutes ago, nnm said:

About 10 years ago I worked with a woman named Mary Lou. She got the word that she had breast cancer. She told me one morning and I relayed that information to Mrs. NNM, who was appropriately saddened that Mary Lou had breast cancer. 
 

That night Mrs. NNM was helping at a fundraising table for the daughters’ dance team. The adult daughter of our next door neighbor (call her “Trixie”) came by the table.
Mrs. NNM: “I’m so sorry about your mom!”

Trixie: “what?”

Mrs. NNM: “NNM told me she has cancer. I’m so sorry!”

Trixie: “My mom has cancer?!? <sobbing>. Excuse me, I gotta go!”

Mrs. NNM: “I’m so sorry!”

_______

Mrs. NNM then calls me.  
Mrs NNM:  “Are you sure Mary Lou has cancer?”  
Me:  “Yes, we talked about it this morning. The company and I are going to be very supportive. We have good insurance.”

Mrs. NNM: “Oh. It’s the Mary Lou you work with, not Mary Lou our neighbor?”

Me: “Yes.”

Mrs. NNM: “Oops. I just told Trixie her mom has cancer!”
___

In the interim, Trixie had called several other members of her family with the bad news, before finally connecting with her mom, who did not, in fact, have breast cancer. Trixie then returned to the fundraising table:

Trixie: “Does NNM know another Mary Lou?”

Mrs. NNM: “Yes.  It’s a woman he works with. I’m so sorry.”

Leader in the clubhouse?  

[Cheeseweasel 26438]

11 minutes ago, Native Horn said:

Leader in the clubhouse?  

Until @Mitch Cumsteen's wife goes on her next purchasing binge.

[Pig Bellmont 8737]

On 8/8/2023 at 7:19 AM, deter said:

What happens if two people win the mega lottery?

They split the pot.

Well, I want to buy 10 tickets with the same numbers.

What????

Well, if I have to share I want to share with myself.

Wow. 

[Biff Tannen 45728]

2 hours ago, Cheeseweasel said:

Until @Mitch Cumsteen's wife goes on her next purchasing binge.

Man I miss that thread.

[ztejas 43533]

2 hours ago, nnm said:

About 10 years ago I worked with a woman named Mary Lou. She got the word that she had breast cancer. She told me one morning and I relayed that information to Mrs. NNM, who was appropriately saddened that Mary Lou had breast cancer. 
 

That night Mrs. NNM was helping at a fundraising table for the daughters’ dance team. The adult daughter of our next door neighbor (call her “Trixie”) came by the table.
Mrs. NNM: “I’m so sorry about your mom!”

Trixie: “what?”

Mrs. NNM: “NNM told me she has cancer. I’m so sorry!”

Trixie: “My mom has cancer?!? <sobbing>. Excuse me, I gotta go!”

Mrs. NNM: “I’m so sorry!”

_______

Mrs. NNM then calls me.  
Mrs NNM:  “Are you sure Mary Lou has cancer?”  
Me:  “Yes, we talked about it this morning. The company and I are going to be very supportive. We have good insurance.”

Mrs. NNM: “Oh. It’s the Mary Lou you work with, not Mary Lou our neighbor?”

Me: “Yes.”

Mrs. NNM: “Oops. I just told Trixie her mom has cancer!”
___

In the interim, Trixie had called several other members of her family with the bad news, before finally connecting with her mom, who did not, in fact, have breast cancer. Trixie then returned to the fundraising table:

Trixie: “Does NNM know another Mary Lou?”

Mrs. NNM: “Yes.  It’s a woman he works with. I’m so sorry.”

Larry David would be impressed. 

[Dennis Taylor 18863]

4 hours ago, nnm said:

About 10 years ago I worked with a woman named Mary Lou. She got the word that she had breast cancer. She told me one morning and I relayed that information to Mrs. NNM, who was appropriately saddened that Mary Lou had breast cancer. 
 

That night Mrs. NNM was helping at a fundraising table for the daughters’ dance team. The adult daughter of our next door neighbor (call her “Trixie”) came by the table.
Mrs. NNM: “I’m so sorry about your mom!”

Trixie: “what?”

Mrs. NNM: “NNM told me she has cancer. I’m so sorry!”

Trixie: “My mom has cancer?!? <sobbing>. Excuse me, I gotta go!”

Mrs. NNM: “I’m so sorry!”

_______

Mrs. NNM then calls me.  
Mrs NNM:  “Are you sure Mary Lou has cancer?”  
Me:  “Yes, we talked about it this morning. The company and I are going to be very supportive. We have good insurance.”

Mrs. NNM: “Oh. It’s the Mary Lou you work with, not Mary Lou our neighbor?”

Me: “Yes.”

Mrs. NNM: “Oops. I just told Trixie her mom has cancer!”
___

In the interim, Trixie had called several other members of her family with the bad news, before finally connecting with her mom, who did not, in fact, have breast cancer. Trixie then returned to the fundraising table:

Trixie: “Does NNM know another Mary Lou?”

Mrs. NNM: “Yes.  It’s a woman he works with. I’m so sorry.”

Holy shit that's amazing 

[BearSchlong 8112]

My wife and my stepmom spent a few hours on the phone tonight, and it looks like I’m buying my late father’s house as stepmom wants to downsize.

I’m totally cool with it, dad was a builder and built it custom for himself. I love the house and it’s on the best piece of real estate in town. On a private gated road, at the edge of city limits next to city owned wetland so there is no chance of development.

Even the wooden lookouts supporting the front porch are cut in the shape of redfish, and it comes with an air conditioned shop and tackle room.

But now my wife and her best friend (a professional) are in full decorator mode so here we go.

But I’m looking forward to this.

[Hook1997 5400]

On 8/8/2023 at 6:19 AM, deter said:

What happens if two people win the mega lottery?

They split the pot.

Well, I want to buy 10 tickets with the same numbers.

What????

Well, if I have to share I want to share with myself.

In my mind your wife looks like 1995 Pamela Anderson, she has to be smoking hot.  Or hopefully is for your sake.  

[txhorns 2413]

The lottery wife isn’t actually wrong though.  If she bought 10 tickets and won but shared with 1 other ticket she would get 10/11 of the prize money.  If she only bought 1 ticket and had to share then they get an equal 50/50.  

[Dnaguy 12057]

On 8/8/2023 at 6:19 AM, deter said:

What happens if two people win the mega lottery?

They split the pot.

Well, I want to buy 10 tickets with the same numbers.

What????

Well, if I have to share I want to share with myself.

 

 

29 minutes ago, Hook1997 said:

In my mind your wife looks like 1995 Pamela Anderson, she has to be smoking hot.  Or hopefully is for your sake.  

 

My thoughts exactly. Or.....

 

Edited August 10, 2023 by Dnaguy

[WhatTheBuck 28798]

1 hour ago, BearSchlong said:

My wife and my stepmom spent a few hours on the phone tonight, and it looks like I’m buying my late father’s house as stepmom wants to downsize.

I’m totally cool with it, dad was a builder and built it custom for himself. I love the house and it’s on the best piece of real estate in town. On a private gated road, at the edge of city limits next to city owned wetland so there is no chance of development.

Even the wooden lookouts supporting the front porch are cut in the shape of redfish, and it comes with an air conditioned shop and tackle room.

But now my wife and her best friend (a professional) are in full decorator mode so here we go.

But I’m looking forward to this.

Wrong thread. 

[Hook1997 5400]

2 hours ago, BearSchlong said:

My wife and my stepmom spent a few hours on the phone tonight, and it looks like I’m buying my late father’s house as stepmom wants to downsize.

I’m totally cool with it, dad was a builder and built it custom for himself. I love the house and it’s on the best piece of real estate in town. On a private gated road, at the edge of city limits next to city owned wetland so there is no chance of development.

Even the wooden lookouts supporting the front porch are cut in the shape of redfish, and it comes with an air conditioned shop and tackle room.

But now my wife and her best friend (a professional) are in full decorator mode so here we go.

But I’m looking forward to this.

My dad has a property that fits this description exactly and runs along a river that he inherited from my grandfather.   Difference is the house he built and the wooded area is going to his wife after he passes then to her kids…..    They married when I was in high school already and my siblings were already out of the house, her kids were pretty much grown too.  

Edited August 10, 2023 by Hook1997

[Cheeseweasel 26438]

10 hours ago, BearSchlong said:

But now my wife and her best friend (a professional) are in full decorator mode so here we go.

@Mitch Cumsteen might have some advice.

[Hate 20144]

My wife will be talking about one subject then suddenly mention something about a completely different subject without telling me she's switching subjects but sounds like it is part of the original subject. Does it all the time.

Her: So I was talking to your mom yesterday and she said she wasn't feeling well last week.

Me: Is she better now?

Her: Yeah. And they're waiting for the biopsy results.

Me: A biopsy? Do they think she has cancer?

Her: What?

Me: You said my mom had a biopsy done.

Her: Oh! No, I meant on that show I'm watching. They think (main character) might have cancer.

Me:

My wife starts a story but then adds in 3 or 4 side stories that could have been omitted before finally coming back to the main story.

[Budkudzu 280]

I just don't want the house to look good.  

[Sandman 3412]

The other day, we booked a trip using my wife's credit card, to get the points. After the charge hit, I told my wife to transfer money to the checking account and pay the bill. She did so the next day.

Last night, she was looking at the bank account and exclaimed "$3000 was taken from our bank account!". I said well, you transferred the money over, right? She said "Yeah but this was taken directly from our account, after I did the transfer!!". I looked at her and said you paid the bill...right? 

"Oh yeah"

 

[Biff Tannen 45728]

17 hours ago, txhorns said:

The lottery wife isn’t actually wrong though.  If she bought 10 tickets and won but shared with 1 other ticket she would get 10/11 of the prize money.  If she only bought 1 ticket and had to share then they get an equal 50/50.  

I actually started thinking about this more and I think you are right.  

[ztejas 43533]

16 hours ago, txhorns said:

The lottery wife isn’t actually wrong though.  If she bought 10 tickets and won but shared with 1 other ticket she would get 10/11 of the prize money.  If she only bought 1 ticket and had to share then they get an equal 50/50.  

True. But she'd be better served buying 10 tickets with their own combinations. 

[Kennythetiger 9456]

55 minutes ago, Biff Tannen said:

I actually started thinking about this more and I think you are right.  

We don’t care about txhorns- did OP tell his wife that she was right…??  

[BHMCruiser 1816]

On 8/8/2023 at 10:26 AM, Brisketexan said:

Just this weekend, while we were driving somewhere, my wife did the "long rambling story wandering off into 20 different people, relationships, and things that happened, all to tell you about one simple thing" bit.  Started with "there's this new restaurant a friend was telling me about".....then 7 minutes of a wandering tale of her friend's husband being a surgeon, he's really busy, he has an estranged relationship with his daughter from his first marriage, so that's stressful, so they need good date nights, blah blah blah it ends with "so they ate at X restaurant, and said that it was really good, we should try it sometime."

When she gets there, I just smiled, and said "7 minutes."  Wife says "what about 7 minutes?"  I said "you started the story with 'there's this new restaurant,' and then you spent 7 minutes telling me all kinds of things about people I don't know, have never met, and never will meet, before you even get to the point you started the story on."  She grinned, and shrugged her shoulders with a "you get what you get with me" message implied in that shrug.

My hope was that by flagging her to such an event in real-time, maybe she'll be more conscious of it in the future.

But who am I fooling?  It won't make a shit.

That's way nicer than my most recent "why are you telling me this bullshit?" comment. It probably went over better, too. 

[Modessit 5603]

My wife starts a story but then adds in 3 or 4 side stories that could have been omitted before finally coming back to the main story.

That's every woman ever.

[Not that Bob 739]

On 8/8/2023 at 10:40 AM, Brisketexan said:

And a corollary that has happened in several instances recently, with my wife and with women I work with -- the sudden statement/question out of nowhere with zero context.

Just sitting there working, and my office manager sticks her head in my office - "do you want to meet with Bob?"  WTF?  Who? Meet? About what?  Which is pretty much what I said to her with a puzzled look on my face.  She says "oh, Bob, our realty consultant [refreshes my recollection as to who she's talking about a last name in the first instance would have helped].  He stopped by the office today to visit with me about something, and I thought maybe you'd want to talk with him about issue X that we'd discussed last week."  Yeah, sure, let's meet.  OR, she could have started with "hey Brisket, Bob Smith, our realty consultant, stopped by the office -- do you want to visit with him about issue X while he's here?"  You know, give me the relevant information when you ask the question.

My wife does this all the time.  Some version of that question, with no predicate or context, so I have no idea who she's talking about, why they came up, or what she's even asking about.  It takes 2 seconds to formulate the question in a way that gives me SOME context, but nope, not gonna do that.

Sometimes I say, "You do know I can't hear that voice in your head, right?" I only say that sometimes because the tone stare sort of ruins the day for me. 

[Knoxtnhorn 6066]

So my wife is obsessed with estate sales, Disney, and Legos.  She has a Whatnot store in which she does make a decent profit considering it's more of a hobby than a necessary income stream.  Problem is, she continues to buy far more things than she sells.  Our study is full of this crap; so is the bedroom.  Lately, it's becoming tad effing ridiculous.

After telling her she needs to sell at least half this shit before buying anything else, she reassured me with the following:

"Since the money I used to buy this stuff is no longer in the account, I've decided that anything I sell is just profit at this point."

I told he I sucked at AP economics, but after spending a couple of years in McCombs, I am pretty sure that's not how this works. 

[Grade of D as in David 13253]

I'm intrigued by the upcoming Hoarders episode sponsored by LEGO.

[TrashMaster G 17594]

7 minutes ago, Knoxtnhorn said:

So my wife is obsessed with estate sales, Disney, and Legos.  She has a Whatnot store in which she does make a decent profit considering it's more of a hobby than a necessary income stream.  Problem is, she continues to buy far more things than she sells.  Our study is full of this crap; so is the bedroom.  Lately, it's becoming tad effing ridiculous.

After telling her she needs to sell at least half this shit before buying anything else, she reassured me with the following:

"Since the money I used to buy this stuff is no longer in the account, I've decided that anything I sell is just profit at this point."

I told he I sucked at AP economics, but after spending a couple of years in McCombs, I am pretty sure that's not how this works. 

1 - Buy $10,000 worth of crap

2 - Write-off the $10k

3 - Sell anything - PROFIT!

Yeah, that's not how it works.

[ztejas 43533]

10 minutes ago, Knoxtnhorn said:

So my wife is obsessed with estate sales, Disney, and Legos.  She has a Whatnot store in which she does make a decent profit considering it's more of a hobby than a necessary income stream.  Problem is, she continues to buy far more things than she sells.  Our study is full of this crap; so is the bedroom.  Lately, it's becoming tad effing ridiculous.

After telling her she needs to sell at least half this shit before buying anything else, she reassured me with the following:

"Since the money I used to buy this stuff is no longer in the account, I've decided that anything I sell is just profit at this point."

I told he I sucked at AP economics, but after spending a couple of years in McCombs, I am pretty sure that's not how this works. 

[deadshank 24653]

deadshank:  So, how was your trip?  Glad to be back?  The dogs missed you.

Mrs. deadshank: Well......blah blah blah, wah wah wah ad finitium x infinity for 30 straight minutes

(noticing a small pocket of unused oxgen) deadshank: Oh, really! Wow.

Mrs. deadshank: Why are you interrupting me?

deadshank: Oh, sorry.

 

Next day with my phone ringing; I answer.

deadshank:  What's up?

Mrs. deadshank: We need to catch up on the work going on at our house.  blah blah blah, wah wah wah ad finitium x infinity for 30 straight minutes.

(deadshank performing social / relational experiment while keeping strict radio silence and not uttering a word)

Mrs. deadshank continuing: blah, blah, blah, blah, blah..........uh, hello?  Are you there? Hello?

deadshank: I'm here.

Mrs. deadshank: Why don't you say anything in response? Don't you have anything to say?

deadshank (muttering to himself):  Should I put it up to my temple, under my chin or in my mouth?

 

[CycleTex87 2981]

Yes I’ve fallen victim to this particular conundrum also. 

[Dennis Taylor 18863]

3 hours ago, Knoxtnhorn said:

So my wife is obsessed with estate sales, Disney, and Legos.  She has a Whatnot store in which she does make a decent profit considering it's more of a hobby than a necessary income stream.  Problem is, she continues to buy far more things than she sells.  Our study is full of this crap; so is the bedroom.  Lately, it's becoming tad effing ridiculous.

After telling her she needs to sell at least half this shit before buying anything else, she reassured me with the following:

"Since the money I used to buy this stuff is no longer in the account, I've decided that anything I sell is just profit at this point."

I told he I sucked at AP economics, but after spending a couple of years in McCombs, I am pretty sure that's not how this works. 

Does she like throw pillows?

Seasonal not-to-be -touched decorative towels that hang on the oven handle? 

Little basket type things to keep dog treat boxes in, that need to be replaced every year or so for absolutely no reason? 

Containers for laundry pods that look exactly like the container the pods originally came in, except they are clear? 

I know where you can get tons of this useless shit

[Crapinon 2268]

4 hours ago, deadshank said:

deadshank:  So, how was your trip?  Glad to be back?  The dogs missed you.

Mrs. deadshank: Well......blah blah blah, wah wah wah ad finitium x infinity for 30 straight minutes

(noticing a small pocket of unused oxgen) deadshank: Oh, really! Wow.

Mrs. deadshank: Why are you interrupting me?

deadshank: Oh, sorry.

 

Next day with my phone ringing; I answer.

deadshank:  What's up?

Mrs. deadshank: We need to catch up on the work going on at our house.  blah blah blah, wah wah wah ad finitium x infinity for 30 straight minutes.

(deadshank performing social / relational experiment while keeping strict radio silence and not uttering a word)

Mrs. deadshank continuing: blah, blah, blah, blah, blah..........uh, hello?  Are you there? Hello?

deadshank: I'm here.

Mrs. deadshank: Why don't you say anything in response? Don't you have anything to say?

deadshank (muttering to himself):  Should I put it up to my temple, under my chin or in my mouth?

 

I will quit complaining about my wife being on Facebook for 3 hours a night and appreciate the silence.

[MNLonghornFUKM 8817]

So my wife is obsessed with estate sales, Disney, and Legos.  She has a Whatnot store in which she does make a decent profit considering it's more of a hobby than a necessary income stream.  Problem is, she continues to buy far more things than she sells.  Our study is full of this crap; so is the bedroom.  Lately, it's becoming tad effing ridiculous.
After telling her she needs to sell at least half this shit before buying anything else, she reassured me with the following:
"Since the money I used to buy this stuff is no longer in the account, I've decided that anything I sell is just profit at this point."
I told he I sucked at AP economics, but after spending a couple of years in McCombs, I am pretty sure that's not how this works. 

You’ve been holding back on this info for years? Pic of study?

[Cheeseweasel 26438]

12 hours ago, Dennis Taylor said:

I know where you can get tons of this useless shit

Trying to get my hands on a 3 foot bathroom crab...

[NorthLoop 14242]

18 hours ago, deadshank said:

deadshank:  So, how was your trip?  Glad to be back?  The dogs missed you.

Mrs. deadshank: Well......blah blah blah, wah wah wah ad finitium x infinity for 30 straight minutes

(noticing a small pocket of unused oxgen) deadshank: Oh, really! Wow.

Mrs. deadshank: Why are you interrupting me?

deadshank: Oh, sorry.

 

Next day with my phone ringing; I answer.

deadshank:  What's up?

Mrs. deadshank: We need to catch up on the work going on at our house.  blah blah blah, wah wah wah ad finitium x infinity for 30 straight minutes.

(deadshank performing social / relational experiment while keeping strict radio silence and not uttering a word)

Mrs. deadshank continuing: blah, blah, blah, blah, blah..........uh, hello?  Are you there? Hello?

deadshank: I'm here.

Mrs. deadshank: Why don't you say anything in response? Don't you have anything to say?

deadshank (muttering to himself):  Should I put it up to my temple, under my chin or in my mouth?

 

God this one hits home so hard. 

 

My wife will be telling a story, then stop/pause, almost like she wants me to say something. Then I'll ask a question related to her story. Then she'll just get this shitty look on her face and stop talking. 

Me: "Are you gonna finish the story?" 

Her: "No because you interrupted me. You know how I hate that." 

 

Fast forward

Her: "So I went with my sister and took the kids to Jungle Jam today...." 

Me: .. nods head..

Her: "So you're just ignoring me today?"