Wives and the Stupid Shit They Say/Do

[wackawacka 180]

We are fairly low key on weekends. Wife has been sick all week so been trying to keep our distance from each other so I don't get sick.

I go downstairs in the AM, run errands, work-out, etc.

Around 11, she comes downstairs and follows me around the house all day. I move rooms to read, clean, whatever and shortly afterwards she follows me. Even when I take the dog outside, she follows.

just now - she asks me, "Can I get some alone time?"

me, !@$!@$!@, you are the one following me around the house!

[Kwix 2,199]

15 minutes ago, wackawacka said:

"Can I get some alone time?"

Yes is the only correct response here. 

[ulukinatme 1,765]

@Mitch Cumsteen Future purchase for the Mrs? 3rd time's the charm!

 

[CHIEF 5,095]

Mrs. CHIEF, CHIEF Jr., his gf, and I are sitting around the living room the other night bullshitting, and Mrs. CHIEF gives me the "you need to quit interrupting me, its rude" line. The only time I interrupt is to tell her to "please, get to the point." Which may be a time or two in an hour long socializing conversation . CHIEF Jr. proceeds to rattle off about a dozen, "MOM, let dad finish what he was saying, you're being rude!" in a little less than five minutes. After the last one, he turned and gave me a wink. I don't think I have been more satisfied in my life. It was like the end of round three in the sack, when we were newlyweds.

CHIEF

 

[GoPokes83 2,240]

This fire is about 4 miles from my house. The smoke is moving directly over our house. My wife is pissed because I haven't taken her to dinner 

Throw some chicken in the back yard, looks like it’ll be done in about 3 hours.

[tbone_ 14,154]

Mrs. CHIEF, CHIEF Jr., his gf, and I are sitting around the living room the other night bullshitting, and Mrs. CHIEF gives me the "you need to quit interrupting me, its rude" line. The only time I interrupt is to tell her to "please, get to the point." Which may be a time or two in an hour long socializing conversation . CHIEF Jr. proceeds to rattle off about a dozen, "MOM, let dad finish what he was saying, you're being rude!" in a little less than five minutes. After the last one, he turned and gave me a wink. I don't think I have been more satisfied in my life. It was like the end of round three in the sack, when we were newlyweds.
CHIEF
 

I’m quite sure she learned her lesson

[CHIEF 5,095]

1 hour ago, tbone_ said:

I’m quite sure she learned her lesson

One of the main reasons she has hardly ever made an appearance on this page, is she owns up to her shit. She actually apologized and said she never realized she was worse about it than I am.  She will even admit when I'm right, and she is wrong, a true unicorn.

CHIEF

[huge 3,795]

31 minutes ago, CHIEF said:

One of the main reasons she has hardly ever made an appearance on this page, is she owns up to her shit. She actually apologized and said she never realized she was worse about it than I am.  She will even admit when I'm right, and she is wrong, a true unicorn.

CHIEF

Get that shit right up on out of here, if you please...

[irishtexan 11,522]

9 hours ago, CHIEF said:

Mrs. CHIEF, CHIEF Jr., his gf, and I are sitting around the living room the other night bullshitting, and Mrs. CHIEF gives me the "you need to quit interrupting me, its rude" line. The only time I interrupt is to tell her to "please, get to the point." Which may be a time or two in an hour long socializing conversation . CHIEF Jr. proceeds to rattle off about a dozen, "MOM, let dad finish what he was saying, you're being rude!" in a little less than five minutes. After the last one, he turned and gave me a wink. I don't think I have been more satisfied in my life. It was like the end of round three in the sack, when we were newlyweds.

CHIEF

 

My wife does this. Instead of saying "please, get to the point" try "short story long....". Your wife will appreciate it. 

[PvilleStang 2,919]

16 hours ago, irishtexan said:

My wife does this. Instead of saying "please, get to the point" try "short story long....". Your wife will appreciate it. 

Also, if she's mad, tell her to, "calm down."  Works like a charm.

[Dennis Taylor 18,861]

1 hour ago, PvilleStang said:

Also, if she's mad, tell her to, "calm down."  Works like a charm.

I use " Relax" 

[Crapinon 2,268]

30 minutes ago, Dennis Taylor said:

I use " Relax" 

I use "You need to stop. You sound like your mother."

[Cheeseweasel 26,438]

"That's exactly what your sister warned me about you"

[Armybrat 40,892]

4 minutes ago, Crapinon said:

I use "You need to stop. You sound like your mother."

No wonder your avatar is armed.

[Incredulity 11,683]

Calm your titties usually leads to a night or two on the couch.

[Incredulity 11,683]

3 minutes ago, Incredulity said:

Calm your titties usually leads to a night or two on the couch.

Joke is then I have to do the Happy Gilmore apology

 

Then we have make up sex. 

Seems like a win in retrospect.

[Cheeseweasel 26,438]

39 minutes ago, Incredulity said:

Then we have make up sex. 

[BearSchlong 8,110]

I use "You need to stop. You sound like your mother."

I use “I swear, when You act like this I wish I could time travel to 1977 and kick your dad in the balls and tell him to be a better parent”

(I’m gray, like most women she doesn’t compute nuance)

[BearSchlong 8,110]

Calm your titties usually leads to a night or two on the couch.

Stealing this

[Incredulity 11,683]

34 minutes ago, BearSchlong said:

Stealing this

[Pig Bellmont 8,736]

2 hours ago, Crapinon said:

I use "You need to stop. You sound like your mother."

[NorthLoop 14,239]

My MIL can be a real bitch sometimes to my FIL for no reason whatsoever. And he's just a real chill laid back nice guy. No reason for anyone to ever get mad at him for anything, yet she does. 

My wife sometimes: "My mom is such a bitch to my dad for no reason. I don't get it." 

Me: *just stares back at her*

Her: "fuck you" 

[tbone_ 14,154]

About midway through the second sentence just interrupt with … “is this going to be a LONG story?”…

Works wonders.

[Longboard Horn 40,499]

17 hours ago, Cheeseweasel said:

[BearSchlong 8,110]

Calm your titties just earned me a strange glance. My wife is a genuine hero whose daily routine deals with heinous shit that you and I cant imagine. (She was up at 2:30 this morning waiting on a dad flying in from out of state to pick up two toddlers that were kidnapped, to top off a day that started with an ER doc reporting vaginal lacerations on a little kid then went straight to a few hours in court testifying about a mom leaving her 2 year old at home alone while she turned tricks and bought drugs. The speaker of the house’s wife was ad litem on that one, she’s a good egg)

Still, this:

[Cheeseweasel 26,438]

Damn, @BearSchlong

I think your wife might be one of the few who gets a pass. I can't imagine the emotional toll that takes on her.

[BearSchlong 8,110]

17 years. Sometimes I wish she would quit and get a cushy corporate gig, but I knew what I was signing up for. She gets to retire early. She is good at compartmentalizing the job.

The best part about yesterday was when she FaceTimed the dad and let him talk to his daughters.

[nnm 36,599]

39 minutes ago, BearSchlong said:

Calm your titties just earned me a strange glance. My wife is a genuine hero whose daily routine deals with heinous shit that you and I cant imagine. (She was up at 2:30 this morning waiting on a dad flying in from out of state to pick up two toddlers that were kidnapped, to top off a day that started with an ER doc reporting vaginal lacerations on a little kid then went straight to a few hours in court testifying about a mom leaving her 2 year old at home alone while she turned tricks and bought drugs. The speaker of the house’s wife was ad litem on that one, she’s a good egg)

Still, this:

We have a friend that’s a forensic interviewer for CPS. Daily stories of the worst of the worst. Can’t imagine. 
My sister and her husband did defense work for their entire careers. Those folks, the prosecutors, the police, they all see the worst side of humanity daily. It almost invariably leads to cynicism and hardness, using dark humor to cope, which is the least harmful coping mechanism. 
Sounds like you and your wife are doing well with it. Good for you. It’s a brutal career and I’m glad someone does it. I couldn’t. 

[Dennis Taylor 18,861]

1 hour ago, BearSchlong said:

Calm your titties just earned me a strange glance. My wife is a genuine hero whose daily routine deals with heinous shit that you and I cant imagine. (She was up at 2:30 this morning waiting on a dad flying in from out of state to pick up two toddlers that were kidnapped, to top off a day that started with an ER doc reporting vaginal lacerations on a little kid then went straight to a few hours in court testifying about a mom leaving her 2 year old at home alone while she turned tricks and bought drugs. The speaker of the house’s wife was ad litem on that one, she’s a good egg)

Still, this:

You took a bath?

[Cheeseweasel 26,438]

10 minutes ago, Dennis Taylor said:

You took a bath?

Only in the divorce. 

[BearSchlong 8,110]

You took a bath?

You don’t?

She keeps the AC at 65 at night, I use the hot bath to get warm and pop my spine, then rinse off in the shower. Not every day but I had a 6 am flight and woke up shivering.

[Dennis Taylor 18,861]

10 minutes ago, BearSchlong said:

You don’t?

She keeps the AC at 65 at night, I use the hot bath to get warm and pop my spine, then rinse off in the shower. Not every day but I had a 6 am flight and woke up shivering.

.No, not since about 2nd or 3rd grade I'd guess. A hot shower in the morning would have fixed the shivering 

[SilasCoade 2,622]

baths are gross

[BearSchlong 8,110]

We have a friend that’s a forensic interviewer for CPS. Daily stories of the worst of the worst. Can’t imagine. 
My sister and her husband did defense work for their entire careers. Those folks, the prosecutors, the police, they all see the worst side of humanity daily. It almost invariably leads to cynicism and hardness, using dark humor to cope, which is the least harmful coping mechanism. 
Sounds like you and your wife are doing well with it. Good for you. It’s a brutal career and I’m glad someone does it. I couldn’t. 

She’s the invest supervisor. Maxing out the 3 year wage scale for pension.

She grew up around LEO, her dad was the only fed who could stomach being present at James Byrd’s autopsy.

I’m the analytical one, so after a tough day I start counting up the resources the state spends to stick a finger in the leaky dam of criminal/shitty parenting and I’m “hmm, so cops, overhead, CPS, overhead, lawyers, overhead, by my count that addict just cost society $40k minimum.

Did y’all know that kids in the foster care system get a full ride to state universities?

[BearSchlong 8,110]

.No, not since about 2nd or 3rd grade I'd guess. A hot shower in the morning would have fixed the shivering 

Were you raised by wolves?

Not even for a romantic getaway hotel sex bathtub blowjob?

#selfcare

[nnm 36,599]

11 minutes ago, BearSchlong said:

Were you raised by wolves?

Not even for a romantic getaway hotel sex bathtub blowjob?

#selfcare

Hotel bathtub?!? Human Petrie dish. 

[WhatTheBuck 28,797]

2 hours ago, BearSchlong said:

Calm your titties just earned me a strange glance. My wife is a genuine hero whose daily routine deals with heinous shit that you and I cant imagine. (She was up at 2:30 this morning waiting on a dad flying in from out of state to pick up two toddlers that were kidnapped, to top off a day that started with an ER doc reporting vaginal lacerations on a little kid then went straight to a few hours in court testifying about a mom leaving her 2 year old at home alone while she turned tricks and bought drugs. The speaker of the house’s wife was ad litem on that one, she’s a good egg)

Still, this:

Jesus, just how much did she drop? I drop some every morning but have never had to get any of it out. 

[nnm 36,599]

Just now, WhatTheBuck said:

Jesus, just how much did she drop? I drop some every morning but have never had to get any of it out. 

That’s what the poop knife is for. 

[NeverMarryAStripper 21,920]

35 minutes ago, BearSchlong said:

Did y’all know that kids in the foster care system get a full ride to state universities?

They get tuition only from any state supported school.  My son is currently taking advantage of this, but only at Lone Star. He’s doing well there, but we will see if that translates to being able to get a degree from a four year University after he gets his Associates.  Unfortunately, my daughter will never be able to take advantage of that.  She is currently in a special ed transition program for post high school and it’s not cheap.

[Biff Tannen 45,724]

1 hour ago, SilasCoade said:

baths are gross

It's disgusting. I'm sitting there in a tepid pool of my own filth. All kinds of microscopic parasites and organisms having sex all around me.

[nnm 36,599]

6 minutes ago, Biff Tannen said:

It's disgusting. I'm sitting there in a tepid pool of my own filth. All kinds of microscopic parasites and organisms having sex all around me.

That’s some people’s fetish, to be sure. 

[txhorns 2,413]

I take a shower before taking a bath.  

[Anwar Namtut 344]

3 hours ago, nnm said:

Hotel bathtub?!? Human Petrie dish. 

Not if you don't take a blacklight.

[BearSchlong 8,110]

Jesus, just how much did she drop? I drop some every morning but have never had to get any of it out. 

I’m sure it got autocorrected, probably a makeup container or something.

[T’Boo Ted Marshall 2,740]

I take a shower before taking a bath.  

This is the way.

[luke duke 6,414]

[Dennis Taylor 18,861]

14 minutes ago, luke duke said:

Must be another hottie

[BearSchlong 8,110]

Unicorn country right there

[Biff Tannen 45,724]

Last couple of pages have been strong to quite strong.

[Pig Bellmont 8,736]

On 8/26/2023 at 6:27 PM, luke duke said:

Is that legit? Seems too good to be true